CHAPTER 33

Kalli was not pregnant. It was the result he wanted. Right? Why wasn’t he breathing a sigh of relief then? Why was it hard to breathe at all?

Disappointment. Crushing, overwhelming disappointment. That’s what he was feeling. It was stupid. But no matter how many times he told himself what a lucky escape he had just had, the feeling persisted. Dragging him down. Robbing him of words.

“Well? Are you satisfied now? I told you there was nothing to worry about.”

Was she unaffected by the news then? He looked into her eyes. Ah, no. She was putting up a brave front. But underneath, she was as disappointed as him. Perhaps even more. She had once confessed to wanting a baby.

“I’m sorry, Kalli.” Why was he apologizing? He wasn’t sure, but it felt as if he had failed her somehow.

Her chin rose proudly, and she smiled. “Are you? If you are saying you are sorry for me, don’t be. I don’t need your pity. This is for the best, anyway. I will have children someday. But with a man who wants them as well.”

A vivid image of her with some nameless, faceless man came unbidden to his mind. They were both laughing at the antics of an auburn-haired toddler. Their child. But not his. Because he had failed in that regard. He had not given her a child. That auburn-haired child was not his. A punch to the gut. He couldn’t stand any more of this. It was ridiculous, anyway.

He didn’t want children or a human relationship. They all went in the same predictable downhill fashion. The only reason he was sad now was because his relationship with Kalli had just started. They were soaring high in the honeymoon phase, where everything was rosy, and emotions peaked.

And still, look at how many issues they had faced already. But all these feelings would subside. It was a scientific fact that these levels of emotion were unsustainable. He had been perfectly happy with his life before, with none of the tribulations, worries, anger, or disappointments.

This was good. A clean cut. The mission was over. There appeared to be no consequences. Now they could both return to their normal lives. It was difficult now, but over the next few days, his brain chemistry would re-balance. He would return to pre-mission levels. He smiled at Kalli.

“I’m glad you think so. We’ve had a hell of a ride together. I understand we had different perspectives at times, but I genuinely wish for all your dreams to be fulfilled.”

“Thank you, Dariux. I wish you the same.”

She offered her hand again. He just stared at it. The urge to yank her into his arms and hug her was almost unbearable. A handshake? That was all? His arm stretched without conscious thought, and then he was taking her hand in his. Such a simple contact. And yet it seared him.

“I wish to go home now,” she said when he didn’t immediately release her hand.

“Of course.”

What was wrong with him? It was as if his body and his brain were not in unison. He was behaving like an idiot. He released her hand and turned to open the car door. As soon as he got out, the door closed, and the car took off with a soft whoosh.

Just like that, it was over.

Tearing his eyes from the retreating vehicle, he searched in his backpack for his remote device. It was the work of a moment to call his car to pick him up. He hadn’t used modern conveniences in over a month. It was long enough to make him appreciate them all the more when, a few minutes later, his own car appeared, stocked with his favorite beverages, already playing his favorite music.

He hopped inside and directed it home, availing himself of all the comforts technology provided. Trying to fill a void that remained stubbornly empty.

***

NO SOONER HAD DARIUXexited the car than Kalli collapsed sideways on the seat. The car sped through the streets, bringing her ever closer to home. The buildings zoomed past the windows, their shapes distorted by her tears. She wasn’t ready to go home. Where was home, anyway? The sterile flat she shared with her parbot?

Oh, God. Martin. What was she going to do about him? She couldn’t face him now. Not because she felt any sense of guilt or thought she had betrayed him. He was a robot, for goodness’ sake. He had no feelings. That’s what made it hard to face him. She was going to arrive home to a poor caricature of the relationship she craved.

He would receive her with a smile and kind words. Provide intelligent conversation if she wanted it, or silence if she preferred it that way. Martin was programmed to please her in all things, and by now he knew her well. He would give her a hug and a kiss. More if she desired it. Her stomach turned at the thought.

Too soon, the car stopped in front of her building. She stared up at the facade, experiencing a moment of disorientation. From outside, the neat row of townhouses looked as if it could belong in the nineteenth century. But inside, she knew that little remained of the original architecture. The interiors had been redone to modern standards.

Was that what she was? What Dariux and most people nowadays were? Just like the buildings, on the outside, they resembled the people from centuries past, but inside they had been remodeled into something new. Something that, unlike the buildings, perhaps was not better.

She couldn’t do it. Couldn’t go inside and face her old life, her fake relationship with a robot. Her lack of human contact. She desperately needed a hug. A human hug.

And she knew only one place where she was sure to find it. Her mind made up, she gave the car the new address and settled for another trip.