Chapter 54

Look at the door.

I squeezed my eyes shut, swallowing the voice that would eventually consume me until it was my own for the rest of my days. They were gone when I opened them again. The door sealed tight beyond whatever Thea had done to the door.

I willed my broken heart to calm, falling to the floor, head bowed as I prayed to whichever god might listen to hear my heart and free me from the magic coiling inside.

Pull.

The only thing I wanted was sleep, but each time I closed my eyes, I saw his face. A comfort and a deep level of torture as hours ticked by. Until they became days, the roots of the flourishing willow creeping along the walls, the marker of time passed.

My mind was a tempest, a chaotic storm of conflicting thoughts and emotions, of my strong will versus Death's power. The magic within writhed like a serpent, taunting me with whispers of murder. It promised release from my chains, from the torment of my own mind, if only I would let it in.

"One, Anika Sariah Hark."

My raspy words were sandpaper in my throat.

Orin Faber.

"Two. Garrit Faden."

Orin Faber.

"Three. Marian Achlen."

There is nothing more beautiful than a blade piercing smooth skin.

"Four," I cried, trying to cover an ear with my shoulder as the chain weighed me down. "Leander Galen."

Drip. Drip. See his blood fall upon this floor. Red. Beautiful. Scarlet.

"Five… Ave… Ave…"

Orin Faber.

"Orin Faber."

Breathe.

Take a breath. His.

Focus. Spiral. Pull. The floor.

The cool stone floor. Slack waning. Lie down.

Stand up.

"Five. Aveline Elara."

Orin Faber.

Strong jaw, hair as dark as night. Nightmare. Golden eyes, pouty lips.

"Pouty lips."

Yes.

"Sleep."

No.

"Sleep."

The chains bit into my flesh, my struggles in vain as they held. My nails clawed at the cold stone, leaving trails of desperation behind. I could feel the magic's tendrils probing, seeking the chinks in my weakening resolve. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I wrestled with the darkness within.

"I won't let you," I hissed through gritted teeth, my eyes wide and wild, reflecting the torment of my fractured soul. "I won't break." The words were a promise to myself more than anything. To him. The man I believed was struggling just as much as I was, however far away he might be.

The temple seemed to respond to my internal turmoil, its timeworn walls creaking and groaning as if they, too, felt the weight of my inner battle. Shadows danced in grotesque patterns around me, mocking my helplessness. And I needed them. Every one. My only company as time dragged on.

There were moments when I wondered if Death would come and break Thea's chains. If he would capture Orin and deliver him just to watch the severing blow. But I continued to fight against every second. Until I wished away his face in my mind, until I refused to look at the name on my palm. Until I forgot what it felt like when he'd caressed my skin and tasted me.

"Deyanira."

Orin's voice ripped through the temple like an axe. Reality from my heart's greatest desire was becoming so hard to discern. But the deep growl in that voice woke the dormant magic, stirring it to life with vigor.

He comes.

"No. He can't."

The visions began again. Orin stood before me, so much pain and anguish on his face. Hands free from chains and trembling, I ripped the blade across his throat, feeling only satisfaction as he fell to the ground.

My heart stumbled over itself as I forced measured breaths.

"No."

Yes.

I couldn't squeeze my eyes shut and not see his face. I couldn't look upon reality and see nothing but eternity without him. The walls moved in. Everything shifted. Turning threatening as my nails began to dig into flesh on my palms. Until my blood dripped to the floor and Thea's magic pulsed. A warning in the chains. Should I continue, they would hold me to the ground rather than let me stand.

But I needed to stand. I needed to fight.

Yes.

"No. Stop."

Each breath became labored as his phantom voice snapped through the room again. "Deyanira Sariah Faber."

It was beautifully timbral and held so much emotion. I couldn't escape the way it crept over my skin like a balm, taking me to a place that was only ours. In darkness and in madness. In all the safe havens we'd built together, the way his voice carried me to peace was a power not of this world. Not of Death or abandoned gods. Of love. And desperation.

The madness conquered my own horrors, though. As the great door swung open and Orin stood within the frame, eyes pinned to me, I lurched for him, desperate for my blades.

You don't need them. You need only his blood. His pain. His body. His life.

The snap of my bones as I dislocated both shoulders fighting the chains did nothing to stop the way I lunged for him. Iron digging into skin, drawing my blood did not deter me. Thea's magic failed as I ripped the chains from the floor and ran for him. For a moment, there was relief on his beautiful face. Until he realized I had become the thing of nightmares. I was his enemy.

No matter the way I fought the power, still, I ran. Still, I watched those chains as they swung through the air, ensnaring him. Still, I watched them rip him to pieces until everything in my world shattered as what was left of Orin Faber turned to shadow.

Trembling, I pushed away the magic, searching beyond the darkness inside of me until I could see past it. Until the door was shut once more, and Orin was nowhere to be seen. Until my heart ached for him as much as it found relief that those images were not real. Only the madness rotting my mind.

But again, I heard my name.

"Deyanira."

"No," I cried.

That word didn't dance on phantom power. It was real. And so was he, banging on the door of the temple. He repeatedly beat on the door. I'd always known he would find me, just as he had the day he broke the world. And though I loved him more for his devotion, I hated how cruel fate could be to a man who could love so passionately.

He screamed my name until his voice grew hoarse. Each syllable paired with a tear on my cheek. Because I wanted him just as fiercely as he wanted me. And somehow, as if the temple bent to the will of Death, the giant willow shuddered, and the door came down in a thud.

He didn't stand there by magic or illusion. He was real.

"Why?" he demanded, storming into the room, nearly swallowed by his own darkness. The veins on his body had crept up his neck, kissing his jawline. His eyes were wholly black, and each breath was a tidal wave of fury. "You left me. You just fucking left me lying in our bed."

"I'm sorry," I whispered before another vision of his death flashed before my eyes. Just a throat slice this time, silencing him.

You. Not Death. Not madness. You want him. You need him. You fight.

The poisonous thoughts were mine. My thoughts. Mine. Every choice. Every gasp. Every death. Every drop of blood. I wanted this. I craved this. I needed death. His end. Him. The satisfaction. The pleasure. The pride. The weapon. The blood. The blood.

The blood.

"Stay away."

At my words, he dashed forward. "Fight it, Deyanira."

"I can't," I whispered, feeling the tic in my neck as I yanked on the chains. "You have to leave."

Kill.

"Now, Orin."

"I need you. Every second of my life, I need you. Not because of the power. Because I love you. My world doesn't exist without you in it."

The blood.

"Stop it," I commanded the voices, trying to cradle my own head, though I couldn't reach beyond the chains. "It's too loud."

"Dey." He took a step toward me. "I won't let this happen." Another step. "I know what this feels like." Again, a step.

"Orin, please. Don't make me your murderer."

"I am not afraid to wait for you in eternity, love."

"Stay away from me."

"If there's a single part of your heart that convinces you that I'd sit back and let you suffer for the rest of your life just to spare me the passing of mine, you don't know the depth of my love for you." He moved before me, so close I could feel him and every bit of the tiny inch that remained between us.

"I need you to be an illusion. Please don't do this."

He reached for the chains attached to my feet first. That deep bevy of power rumbled through the temple, until the tree shriveled, the pulse of whatever remained within it cowering at Orin's magic.

My heart did not beat. Seconds did not pass. Everything stood still as that beautiful man fell to his knees before me and lifted Chaos like an offering, his head bowed. "My life was yours the second I met you, Deyanira. Take it and free yourself."

A terror like none I'd ever known overcame me. I could feel the madness within me, the malevolent power, clawing at the edges of my consciousness, trying to take control. My body convulsed, the edges of my vision turning an ominous shade of black.

I gasped for breath, feeling the struggle within me intensify.

The blade. The blood. The gasp. Ours. Mine. His.

I reached for that fucking blade, having no control over my movements. Not an ounce. I didn't want to feel the cool metal. I didn't want to remember the way the grooves dug into my hands.

"Please run," I whispered, limbs shaking as I fell to the floor before him, knees touching.

But he met my eyes fearlessly, every bit of fight I'd known him to harbor gone. "I will not. You fight it, Deyanira. Fight it or let it take me because I refuse to be the reason you suffer."

"How can you not see putting your death in my hands is no different?" I tried to swallow, but the lump in my throat had grown sharp, the few breaths I could manage, a chore.

I bowed my head, the only movement that was my own as my arm crossed my body. A single slice. One strike and he'd be gone from me for the rest of this lifetime. I fought to summon the dormant Life Maiden magic, praying it would not be a repeat of that poor peony. My desperate need to save Orin circumvented any doubt that might have settled in my mind. But the darkness clawed back, relentless.

The agony of my mental battle was overwhelming, and I could hear Orin's voice, a distant, smoky sound that resonated through my entire body. Seeking the power was not enough. I let it grow, let it rip that pinprick source open until it became a wildfire within me, sending Death's power to the furthest recesses of my consciousness. Darkness could only thrive where light failed to cast its radiant touch, but in my soul, I forged a blazing sun, banishing the shadows into oblivion with every breath of my unwavering spirit.

The sharp edge of madness faded away until the inside of that temple held no trace of torment. Chaos slipped from my hand. With a wail, I reached for him, throwing my arms around his neck, kissing him until my lips had gone numb. Living in a place of freedom I didn't know could exist.

"How?" he asked as we stood from the ground.

"I found the Life Maiden, Orin."

His gaze shifted between my eyes, waiting for me to say the words I wasn't sure how to voice. Without a doubt, the feeling that resonated within me, thrumming just below my skin in the most radiant, rejuvenating wave of euphoria was not only the relief of my escape from Death's thrall, but power that started right here within this godless temple.

He brushed the tip of his thumb over the outside corners of my lashes. "I think I found her, too. Only you could harbor life and death and somehow still be undeniably your own person. More than a vessel, more than a conduit. So human, yet so much more than any person walking this realm."

"Isn't she spectacular?"

Death's voice ricocheted through the chasm of every fear I'd ever harbored. His footsteps were silent as he paused to pluck a familiar flower from the magical willow tree that turned to ash at his touch. "The backdrop of your betrayal is uncanny, my beauty."

He practically floated toward us, and though I'd wanted to step between him and Orin, my husband took my hand and shifted in front of me instead.

Orin's low growl was nearly feral in his chest as he managed to stare down at Death, though they stood eye to eye. Something in that moment stole my breath. Fear of the one I'd believed to be the true villain of the world, or fear for the man that was my world, I wasn't sure. But it was more than that. A realization before the words were spoken. An absolute truth that stole the very breath from my lungs.

Death stared at Orin, his eyes widening for a fraction before a stunning smile crept along his full lips. Lips that now brought about a shock jolting through me. I"d seen his devastating beauty before and knew that none could match him ... except, the man facing him. Orin, whose lips were so similar to Death"s, though marred in a frown.

"I should have known," Death said, placing a hand on Orin's shoulder. "Only my blood would be powerful enough to defy the gods. Let's go home, son."

Son.

The world turned to icy dread and confusion.

Orin's grip slackened. I grasped for him, yanking on his hand for him to spin. To face me. But there was only darkness in his eyes. Death. His father.

"Orin?"

He didn't answer. All of his features, each one I'd cherished, hardened. He was lost in an instant as hatred filled the eyes that stared down at me. Before I could reach for that Life Maiden power, before I could save him, they both vanished into a pool of shadows, leaving me feeling like the ground had crumbled beneath my feet, my heart heavy with the weight of a truth I had never expected and an absolute severance of my soul.

"I will come for you," I whispered into the abyss, hoping he'd heard me before the shadows dissipated.

What lies had Elowen told? And what truths had Ro kept, having known how to appease his power?