Chapter 51

"Deyanira?" His voice from the top of the stairs was like a balm. And a blade. Comfort and betrayal all at once.

I spun, staring at my entire world filling a door frame as the castle fell to ruin around us. His eyes had turned black. Every vein, the same. Whatever madness, whatever darkness, it had consumed him entirely. Despite the destruction, despite the castle trembling, he walked down those steps, moving before me and lifting my hand to his chest.

Still, I pulled away. "What did you do?"

With eyes like coal staring into mine, he brushed his lips across my knuckles. "I loved you. That was all."

"No, Orin. What did you do?"

"Nothing less than what it took to free you." He grazed his fingers over the bleeding wound in my arm, never once looking down at the king behind me or Andros and his mother. His victims. "I killed them all. Every person standing between you and me has fallen."

The sheer amount of death in the air revolting against every moral code I've ever known caused churning in my stomach. It was as if I could feel each petal withering away on my back. As if those deaths were somehow less than because of Orin's massacre for my freedom.

I needed to decide quickly. To leave with the man I was bonded to or run away from him. In the midst of my anger and heartbreak, I couldn't deny the truth that gnawed at me. Some part of me loved him, too, despite his deceit. It was a maddening contradiction, a fierce and passionate thing that had grown in the darkest corners of my heart. I knew I shouldn't feel this way, that I should turn away from him and never look back.

"I will do whatever it takes, Dey. Whatever apology you need, I will deliver it. Whatever my punishment need be, whatever the lesson, I will learn it. I'm sorry for deceiving you."

I wanted to berate him, to unleash the anger that had been burning inside me, but there was no time, and he seemed so… fragile. But I couldn't process any of that as the castle walls continued to fall.

"We don't have time for this. We have to get out of here, and then we'll talk." I took a hesitant step toward him, losing my footing as another rumble shook the remains of the castle.

And then we ran.

Stones rained down from the ceiling, and the walls shuddered. The sound of crashing masonry echoed, and we had to duck and dodge to avoid being struck by the debris.

The stairs were treacherous, slick with moisture, and crumbling underfoot. I stumbled but refused to fall. I couldn't let the castle become our tomb. We burst into the torch-lit hallways, gasping for breath as I surveyed the shocking death and destruction around me. The castle seemed to weep, the tapestries smoldered in the flickering light, and the paintings of the past monarchs trembled on their hooks, falling one by one to the ground.

Dashing through the building as fast as we could, the distance between us grew. I was faster and more agile, and I hadn't thought to look back. To check on him.

He screamed my name from the back end of a hallway, and I turned just in time for a wall beside me to groan. I backed away, unsure of where to go. But it was too late. Another tremble and the whole thing collapsed right on top of me, turning the outside world dark.

Orin's voice was muted shouts in the distance. I could hear his agony above my own for only moments before everything turned silent, and the whole world slipped away.

I wasn'tsure how much time had passed. I peeled my eyes open, seeing only wreckage as strong arms carried me without pause through Silbath. He hadn't just taken down the castle. Orin's unchecked power had cleaved the world, destroying over half the city. Eventually, I closed my eyes, unable to see any more of the damage, the shattered brick streets, the crumbled buildings, the smoke and horror of it all. He'd promised to break the world to get to me, and he'd kept it.

I'd been placed in my bed, my boots had been removed, and when the blanket was pulled to my chin, I finally let go and allowed myself to fall asleep. I braced myself for Death's court. But instead, I dreamed of nothing at all. Only a deep pit of darkness swirling with the light that must have been buried inside of me. Because though it wasn't confirmed, somehow, I'd been born of life and death.

I woke to a tiny cool hand on my cheek and big blue eyes staring into my soul.

"Are you really awake this time or pretend awake like last time?"

I managed a smile, though my head throbbed. "I'm awake."

"Oh, good. Elowen said Boo can't come in here until you're really awake because he was making circles on your bed. Can I let him in?"

"Sure," I whispered, feeling like I'd swallowed a thousand needles.

The little girl hopped down, handing me a glass of water from the nightstand before cracking the door open. The small dog had been there, curled up and snoozing just outside.

"She's awake!" she screamed, with nothing held back whatsoever before nudging her dog. "Come on, you big lug." Quill tugged once on Boo's collar, and after peeking his head up, he leaped from his spot and dashed into the room, though he did not immediately get on the bed. Instead, he placed his paws at the edge and sniffed my face, as if making sure I was okay before jumping.

"Told you," she said, the second the dog found a comfortable place to make his circles before plopping down. "We're the same now, right? You were stolen, and I was stolen?"

"Yeah, kid. We're the same."

She crawled back into the bed and placed her hand on my cheek again. "Paesha says you're really mad, and you might leave, and if you do, then we can be sad, but we can't ask you to stay. Promise you won't tell her I said that?"

"Promise."

"But are you going to go away?"

I cleared my throat, buying time. I really wasn't sure what was going to happen. I knew this had become home, but how could I stay if I couldn't trust any of them? What kind of a fool would that make me? Still, I couldn't tell Quill that. She'd never understand it. So instead, I sighed, reaching down to bury my fingers into Boo's soft coat. "I need to think about it. Is that okay?"

She twisted her lips, clearly considering my answer. "That's not a no?"

"No. It's not."

"But it's also not a yes, so I guess that's okay."

Three soft knocks sounded on the door before it swung open, revealing Paesha in a beautiful golden gown, the long side of her warm chestnut hair curled back flawlessly, showcasing her tanned skin. "The most I've ever gotten from a lover is flowers. And here you've got mass destruction."

I couldn't even force the smile.

She pinned Quill with a look. "Time to get changed, Quilly."

The child giggled and slid from the bed. Boo followed his kid, loyal as ever as she bound down the stairs.

Paesha stepped inside the room, and I forced myself to sit up, noting I was mostly stiff, but otherwise, not in too rough of shape. Thea followed close behind, her red hair pinned up in a beautiful golden broach that matched Paesha's dress, though Thea wore a loose white gown. I stared beyond them both, into the eyes of Orin's mother, the concern on her face more prevalent than anything.

"Okay?" she asked, inching inside to stand at the foot of the bed.

I nodded, though a lump grew in my throat. I really wanted to throw the blankets over my head and cry, from shame and embarrassment and maybe even from anger. But I knew why they'd come. And I knew I needed to be the first to speak here.

"When I was young, the first lesson my father taught me was never to trust a soul. He said the world would sooner chew me up and spit me out than show me kindness. And he was right for my whole life. Every twist and turn that led me, guided me, were those words."

"Dey," Thea whispered, but I held up a hand.

"I thought—" I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I thought I could come here and learn your secrets and figure out Orin's secret. I'd seen him kill, and that's the only reason I came back that day Thea freed me. I'm assuming you've gathered by this point that he has power?"

They nodded.

"I'd thought I was so smart, and you all were so na?ve. I started this friendship on a lie. I tied Boo up down at the river and convinced Quill we could save him, just so I could ask her questions about you."

"This isn't necessary," Elowen said.

"And you?" I laughed, though a tear betrayed my feelings. "I slipped you a sleeping tonic so I could search the house. That's how I knew about Thea's armory. I'm apologizing for those things because honesty is the only way forward. So, I'm sorry. For being the worst of us. And I know you knew him longer. You'd loved him harder. Your loyalty to him trumped the friendships we'd grown. I get it. I wish I'd known, though. I wish one of you would have told me I was only here because of my touch."

"No one told you that because it isn't true." Paesha stepped closer, lifting her skirt to sit on the edge of the bed. "We didn't tell you because we wanted to keep you here with us. We knew you'd be pissed, and we knew you'd run."

Another tear fell. "I would have. I did."

Thea smoothed a hand over a wrinkle in the blanket at the foot of the bed. "He'd gotten so dark and so mean. And by the time we were all on the same page about telling you, he'd become so attached, we knew neither of you would forgive us. So, we had to sit back and wait and hope that when it was time, we could find a way to salvage this family."

"We are a family, Deyanira, the six of us. As a mother, I needed you to help my son. I won't deny that. But I also needed you here. We all did. We still do." Elowen shuffled closer. "You can consider this tough love, but I'm not going to allow you to run off without the apology you deserve. You can take it or leave it, but just know that after all this time, none of us were pretending to want you here. We love you."

I traced the stitching pattern on the quilt folded over me, the tears still falling, though now it was a release more than anything. Letting go of twenty-seven years of emotions I'd never been allowed to feel without being weak.

"You're safe here," Elowen said. "And we'd like you to stay. Not because of Orin. Because your place here is deserved."

A simple throat clearing from the doorway sent a ripple of anticipation through me. The women filed out of the room, revealing the most stunning man I'd ever seen standing in the hall, wearing a black suit, tie, tails, pocket square, and all. He looked just as I'd remembered him. The darkness gone, the light honey of his eyes returned.

"Is it safe for me to enter?" he asked, a playful lift to his brow, an attempt to ease the tension, no doubt.

"Define safe."

"If you have to ask, I'm safer in the hall."

I cast away all attempts at lightheartedness, lowering my chin to glare at him. "People died, Orin. A lot of them. And for what? Me? I wasn't worth a single one of their lives. And if I were bold enough to sit here and say I was, it still doesn't change the fact that you've lied to a degree I can't and won't get over. The night I met you, you played the part of a man, smitten at first glance, willing to sweep away the Death Maiden for the good of the kingdom. And I hated you the next day. I wanted you gone in those moments more than anything. I'd cast you lower than every other person in this realm. But every day that's passed since then, you climbed step after step, redeeming yourself, becoming the man I'd hoped you were all those months ago. I was such a godsdamned fool to have believed you. Again."

"No." His skin paled, confident shoulders sunken in. His breath rattled as he managed to draw it. "I hated myself, too. In so many ways, I thought we were the same. Most know Death delivers the names of his preferred victims, but the details get lost in gossip. So many before you have killed far beyond those demands; no one knew the truth anymore. Not even Hollis, who watched his sister succumb to the madness. But I thought I did. I thought somehow there'd been a mistake, and two were born with Death's power. I could make choices and so could you. But you chose a woman that helped my mother raise me. And then Ezra. My brother. My best friend. And the grief from those losses was all-consuming."

"So, I deserved to be lied to because you made assumptions that were wrong? And even when you learned that, it wasn't enough to speak the truth?"

He closed the distance between us, falling to his knees on the floor beside me to take my hands. "No. I never lied to you. I didn't tell you the whole truth, and I'm sorry for that, but you came to your own conclusion about the Maestro forcing our marriage, and I just couldn't tell you otherwise because I knew you'd run. I needed you far more than you've ever needed me, and I thought if the woman who tried to kill me several times knew that, it would just be another weapon for you to yield against me. But I fell in love with my enemy, and as the truth unraveled, I couldn't bear to lose you for so many other reasons. For the smile you give when you think no one is looking, the way you feed that damn dog so much he doesn't eat his supper anymore, for the way you love my family so fully, for Hollis. Because he loved you more than all of us, I think.

"I was selfish. I just kept holding on to the moments I had with you because I knew the end was near. Every single night, I've prayed to gods I don't know the names of to help me find a way to keep you. You always deserved the truth. I don't care how complicated this gets. I still want you."

He looked so hard into my eyes I could feel every second between my heartbeats, could feel each lingering moment like the ticking of a dying clock.

"I'm sorry, Deyanira. You deserve so much better than this bond between us. I know you never chose it. And I wish I could say this just isn't meant to be, but I can't speak those words. That truly would be a lie. We are meant to be. You're my counterpart. You are the balm to my broken soul, and though you hate it, you know I am the only man you want. When I kiss you, your knees weaken. When we're alone, your eyes linger." He stood, closing the distance between us, leaning over the bed. "Whatever it is you need to forgive me and stay, speak it, and it is yours. There's not a single mountain I won't climb."

"Omitting the truth is exactly the same as lying." I needed to speak the words aloud to convince my heart of the same, because I was weak for him. And I loved him, even in this vat of pain.

"I know it is, love. Please. Let me earn you back."

I placed a trembling hand to his cheek, closing my eyes. "I wouldn't even know where to start forgiving you."

He tucked a finger under my chin, lifting. "At the beginning. This time, you have all the truths and all the choices."

"What do you mean?"

"Marry me again, Deyanira. Choose me. And us."