Chapter 45

Iwould have waited for Death to come. I would have bargained and gave him whatever he asked for in exchange for that soul's return. The soul of a kind old man in a world full of grit and grime and festered hatred. The Maestro had said Death liked to bargain, and I was desperate. But solid arms lifted me from Hollis's still body and carried me away.

Profound sadness matched absolute fury in a battle. But I could only cry. Only hold on to the man that I'd just taken from again as Orin carried me into the Syndicate tunnel and didn't let go, but rather fell to his knees and wept with me as he shook with sobs and mourned Hollis Bennett with all he had.

The door gave no sound as Paesha and Althaea joined us on the floor. Their sobs and sniffles were each a slice of pain and guilt upon me in that dimly lit hall. How could we mourn him? How could we ever grieve enough to feel anything beyond shattered?

"It's not your fault," Orin whispered into my ear, his voice hoarse, weak. "It's not your fault."

"Of course, it is," I cried, trying to push away from him. "I made that fucking deal. I did this."

"No, Dey. Hollis made a choice."

I shifted in Orin's arms to look into the somber face of the Huntress. "What?"

She swiped at her tears. "Drexel called us all to his office and told us what would happen. He made us choose who would be the one."

"It should have been me," Orin growled.

Thea laid her head on his shoulder, her red hair nearly glowing in the lamp light, voice raw as she whispered. "Hollis volunteered before any of us could answer, but we all tried to take his place."

I pushed out of Orin's arms, standing. "And Quill? She's fine?"

Paesha drew back, "Didn't you see her?"

"Quill wasn't in the cage when I went out."

They exchanged wary glances before everyone was on their feet.

"Quill was never mentioned in the boss's orders," Thea said.

Paesha burrowed into her power without prompting. The sweet taste of her magic filled the space, as her lashes fell to damp cheeks.

Orin paced, broad shoulders stealing the width of the hall while so many emotions must have been flooding through him. "She was there when I performed. She kept her eyes covered the whole time."

"Something happened when the lights went out, before my… before…" I couldn't say his name. It sat like embers on my tongue, as if I had no right.

"We've gotta get out of this tunnel," Paesha snarled. "It's too hard to see above ground."

"Should I go find Boo? Meet you guys back at the apartment?" Thea asked.

"Just be careful. Stay the hell away from Drexel. If he touches you, cut his fucking arm off, got it? Exchange no words. Not one. Swear it."

"I swear."

The darkness I'd been so used to rushed to the surface as Orin burrowed into his own anger. I would not begrudge him those feelings, though, nor would I step into his path as he shoved past us and took off running toward Ezra's apartment building.

"Keep trying," he roared at Paesha as we ran.

"What the hell do you think I'm doing?" she snapped back.

We soared through the tunnel. Paesha, still in a corset and lace skirts, didn't miss a step or slow at all. The moment we were out of the tunnel and racing up the stairs, the door to the apartment flew open to Elowen standing there, apron on, twisting a rag in her hand with worry. Her eyes flashed to Orin's wrist before she could likely comprehend our panic.

"What happened?" she asked, stepping to the side so we could slip in.

"Paesha?" Orin's low-timbral voice was laced with an unhinged danger even Elowen didn't balk at. Paesha coiled into her power once more.

"Please," Orin's mother whispered after several moments. "Just tell me what happened."

Several of the other Syndicate members gathered around her, and I shifted until I was all the way to the back of the room. But Orin could not answer beyond his own panic, and Paesha was concentrating on searching for Quill. That left only me to speak the words that would slice her heart. Only me.

"We won and lost in the same moment," I managed. "He made me…"

I couldn't do it.

"Orin?" Elowen whispered, staring into her son's dark eyes.

He moved to stand before his mother, softening, if only just a fraction, as he took her hands and brought them to his mouth. "You should sit down."

She shook her head, trembling as she searched his eyes. "Hollis?"

He nodded, catching her before she hit the floor. Her wail broke the last string of composure I'd held on to. I'd done this. Not just to them, but to every person I'd killed. I didn't think I could hate a single person more than I hated Death, but I was wrong. I hated myself so much more.

Stumbling down the hallway, I tried so hard to keep the tears I didn't deserve from burning my eyes. I crashed into a picture but caught it before it hit the floor. These were Paesha's precious memories. The last she had of a lover I'd taken, as well. Gritting my teeth, I rehung the frame, just to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror hanging beside it. I looked like hell. I felt like hell. I wanted to plant a fist into the godsdamned glass as punishment to myself.

When the reflection rippled, I swallowed past the lump in my throat, shaking my head. "Not now, Ro."

But again, the glass rippled.

"If you get to pick the times, so do I."

I walked the rest of the way down the narrow hall, careful to avoid the paintings as I stepped into the room I'd had the night before. I needed to be alone. Not just in this moment, but forever. I needed to get away from everyone. They were free now. I'd done what I could.

But Quill was missing, and I couldn't slip away until I knew she had been found.

The room, once a stranger's sanctuary, had become a prison for my guilt and grief. The candlelight cast dancing shadows on the walls, eerie figures that seemed to mirror the torment within my soul. I'd been so lost in my own misery, when the bed sank beside me, I jumped. Orin's large hand closed over mine, but I pulled it away.

"If I could spare you the burden of our bonded marriage, I would, but I can't stay here." A shuddered breath rattled through me. "I'm never going to look at you and not see his face. I'm never going to be able to sleep in that house and not hear his laughter. He was the first person that didn't judge me, even when he had the most reason to. I can't imagine what it will be like for you. To even sit beside me must…"

"Ask me what I want before you run, Deyanira."

I managed a glance at his pained face before I couldn't hold the stare.

"I'm sorry about Hollis. I'm sorry about who I am."

"I know it hurts, but our hearts will heal. And what we choose to do from this day forward will always be because of those moments on the stage. I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry your life is full of suffering. But it doesn't have to be."

We sat in silence for so long I thought we might never speak again. My throbbing heart had slowed. My anger numbed as I considered what my future would really look like. How things had changed in an instant. Not just for me, but for everyone I cared about.

"I thought you had a choice, Dey," Orin said, finally. "I thought Death delivered the name, and the deed was done by will alone. And I was so angry. I blamed you for Ezra. And for the others. I thought if we could keep you in, then none of us would live in fear of your power. I was trying to save the world from you when really, I should have been saving you from me."

"Thea's here." Elowen's soft tone was full of sorrow as her gentle knock on the door broke the desperate spell over us.

Orin helped me stand, holding my hand and never letting it go as he pulled me toward the hall. I glanced up at the mirror as we passed, and it shimmered again. Faltering for a second was all the hesitation he needed to jerk around, just to make sure I wasn't doubting the promises he'd just made.

"I have an idea," I said. "But I'll have to do it alone."

"No."

"Orin…"

"No is a complete sentence, and that's my answer."

I tugged him back toward me, pushing him against the wall. "You do not get to say such lovely things one moment and command me the next."

His fingers trailed up my skin, grazing my jawline before he leaned in, whispering, "Remember you said that."

I gripped the collar of his shirt. "It's Ro. I'm sure of it."

His eyes turned dark as he considered my words. "Ro wouldn't have taken Quill, Deyanira. She's not on their side."

"No. I don't think she is. But I think that's why Paesha can't find her. Ro's hiding her."

A line formed between his brows. "How's Ro going to hide Quill in Perth?"

He clearly didn't know about her mirrors. And I wasn't sure what to do with that. I didn't want to lie, but her truth was not mine to tell.

"How many hidden tunnels are there under these cities?" I asked.

"None that she would know about." He eyed me carefully, and I wondered how far he'd possibly let me get without following. Based on the grip he hadn't loosened, I'd bet my death it wasn't far at all.

"Dead end, I guess," I said, lifting an easy shoulder. "Maybe Thea found something."

His careful gaze lingered for only a second before walking the rest of the way down the hall. The gentle flick of Boo's tail upon the worn couch cushion was a stark contrast to the restlessness that seemed to permeate the room. Paesha, with her intense glare, paced back and forth. Her usually composed demeanor, anxious. Elowen was nowhere to be seen, having likely vanished into the kitchen. Several other members of the clandestine Syndicate lingered around, their hushed conversations creating an undertone of tension in the air.

"Anything?" Orin asked Paesha.

"This is not happening. It can't be," she answered, with a shake of her head.

"Take a break," he ordered, pulling a chair out for her. "You're only going to exhaust yourself."

Paesha relented, though the worry never left her beautiful face. As she sank into the seat, I inched closer to her, making eye contact until she felt my stare. While Thea kept Orin's attention, I glanced toward the hall and back to the Huntress several times before she took the hint and stood once more.

"I need a drink," she said, grabbing my arm and hauling me toward the hallway. "Help me find enough glasses."

Out of view of the others, I wasted no time. "I think I know where she might be, but I'm going to have to go alone. Orin isn't going to let me, so you need to keep him distracted while I get out of here."

"You're lucky I trust you, Maiden."

"Can you keep him distracted or not?"

"Well, yeah. For about five seconds, before he's going to ask me to find you using my magic."

"But you're so, so tired," I reminded her. "You need a break."

She glared. "I can buy you five minutes."

I was halfway down the hall, headed toward the bedroom when I whispered, "Better make it six."

She never saw me snag the mirror from the wall. Still, I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer to the old gods before I set it on the floor, waited for another rippling in the silver surface, and jumped, effectively falling sideways into Ro's eerie hall of mirrors.