29. Sam

Chapter 29

Sam

“ W hat the hell are you doing driving that truck?”

I twist my neck since my body doesn’t move so fast, especially when I’m on crutches.

Brixton grins and it’s so disarming that one of the crutches slips out from under me. I grab for it but it crashes to the ground before I can get to it.

“Don’t even try it,” Brixton calls out as he jogs over. He bends to pick it up and hands it to me. “Why didn’t you get Jack to take you?”

I want to tell him the truth, that Jack is smothering the shit out of me and that he won’t leave my damn side unless I lock myself in the bathroom.

But I know I’m lucky. He’s a great guy. He wants a future with me. He gets me.

Yeah, I’m lucky.

Seems like I’ve been saying that to myself a lot lately.

“He had hockey practice and I just needed to get out of my apartment. Feeling like the walls are closing in on me, you know? ”

He nods, a chill licking the back of my neck when his ice blue eyes sweep over the length of my body.

“It’s good to see you. Been a minute.”

I nod. “Yeah. Long week. Sofia calls me every day to check in, says all the kids miss having me around. I figured I’d stop by and say hi.” I nod at him. “How about you? Been busy?”

Brixton spins his keys around his finger. “Can’t complain. The label isn’t gonna fire me. And I think I can do damage control with the band to make sure they don’t kick my ass out.”

“Couldn’t blame them if they did.” I wink at him. “You’re kind of a pain in the ass.”

“Damn. That’s the best you can do?” Brixton chuckles. “I’m disappointed. I figured you’d have a lot more colorful shit to say about me.”

We laugh and then a weird silence falls over us.

“So, um,” I say. “Are you coming or going?”

“Going,” he says, pointing to a black truck parked a few up from mine. “Headed to my sister-in-law Allie’s house to see her and my niece, Julianna.”

“Oh.” I feel my shoulders slump because I don’t want him to go. He’s one of the main reasons why I’m here. I needed to see him, needed to torture myself a little bit even though I know there’s no future for us. No other guy has ever affected me the way Brixton has, and much as I hate to even think it, I’m addicted to the way he makes me feel.

It’s a dangerous addiction, and one I desperately need to break.

Because all it takes is one little taste to fall right down the rabbit hole again.

And I know that every time I tumble into that hole, it might be the last time and I won’t make it out.

“You wanna come with me?”

He snaps his fingers when I don’t answer. “ Hello?”

It’s then that I snap to attention. He just asked me a question and I missed it because I was so focused on his gorgeously stubbled face.

“Uh, yeah, sure.”

Where are we going?

“Come on, I’ll drive.” He looks at me on the crutches. “You need any help?”

“Nah, I’ve got it.”

He shakes his head at me. “Isn’t that, like, illegal? Driving like that? If you hit someone, they could sue the fuck outta you.”

“How do you know so much about legal shit?” I laugh and hoist myself up on the padded tops of the crutches.

Brixton clicks the alarm on the truck and then runs over to the passenger side to open my door. He takes the crutches and sets them in the backseat. I grab onto the top of the truck and swing myself into the passenger seat. My body screams for Brixton’s hands to help guide me into the truck but my brain says no fucking way. I’m not helpless, and I want his hands on me for other, much more carnal reasons.

“Davis was a lawyer,” he says. “And he loved to talk about his job. I listened.” Brixton shrugs, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips.

The door closes and my eyes follow him as he walks around the front of the truck.

God, he’s so fucking hot.

I clench my fingers tight.

Dammit. Why can’t I feel the same fluttery sensation in my belly when I look at Jack?

Why does it have to be reserved for Brixton?

After allowing a quick glance at his profile, I make a mental list of the reasons why we’d crash and burn.

The biggest one is that he’s an emotional train wreck. Yeah, he’s all in now to make himself better and create some stability in his life, but I don’t even know what put him over the top in the first place.

Was it just the death of his brother or something more? Something deeper?

And does he even know what it is?

Every day I’d wonder when he might snap again and go off the rails.

Because that’s what happens when you don’t fix the root cause of your problems.

Brixton is doing all the right things from an outsider’s point of view. But what’s going on in his head? In his heart?

I just can’t open myself up to that kind of risk, no matter how much I like him.

Like him.

Maybe more than like him.

I suck in a breath and tear my eyes away, focusing on the buildings buzzing by as Brixton drives.

There’s so much I want to say, so many questions I want to ask. But for as open as he is sometimes, other times, most times really, he is completely shut off to the world. Like he doesn’t want anyone to see his deepest pain and his darkest secret.

Not even me.

And I can’t risk my heart on maybes and sometimes.

I need certainty and always.

Brixton doesn’t know the meanings of those words.

“So, Chase told me all about your idea for the kids at the hospital,” I say, trying to force a mental detour with my thoughts. “I think it’s amazing.”

I turn to look at him. His smile practically reaches his ears and my heart jumps.

“I told the guys at the label about it,” he says. “And suggested that we do kind of an impromptu secret acoustic concert for the kids. Have some other bands join in the fun when they’re in town.”

My jaw drops. “That’s fucking brilliant.”

“Yeah, I thought so.” He laughs. “It’s for a great cause. I don’t give a damn about promo or image, though. I told them I was gonna do it whether or not they wanted to join in.”

Brixton brakes at a light and turns to look at me. “This is to make the kids happy. To do a good thing for people who need it. It’s not for money or publicity or any of that crap. I’m going over to the hospital tomorrow to talk to the administrators about it. Chase sent me a text after he set up the meeting.”

“That’s really great. I’m happy for you.”

It’s really hard to believe that the guy who was beating the shit out of that biker douchebag is the one sitting next to me now. I want so badly to believe that this guy is here to stay.

I just can’t.

Fucking rabbit hole.

“I needed this,” he murmurs. “It just feels right, you know?”

“I get it.” My eyes drop to where his hand rests on the floor shift. A tingling sensation attacks my fingers and they itch to lace with his again. I swallow hard. “Giving back is really rewarding. And the kids will love you.”

“You think?”

I nod, a lump lodging in my throat. “I know.”

Because I do…

The thought explodes in my brain before I can extinguish it.

I shift in the seat, wincing when my right leg twists.

“Are you okay?” Brixton asks. “You want me to pull over?”

I shake my head. “No,” I rasp. “It’s fine. Really.”

“We’ll put some ice on it when we get to Allie’s.”

The rest of the ride passes quickly. My mouth runs at about a mile a minute, saying whatever I can to keep my mind focused on anything other than the way my body hums at Brixton’s nearness and the way his cologne makes my head dizzy with lust.

I let out a relieved breath once we pull up to the curb outside a light blue house with bright white shutters. There are baskets of yellow flowers on either side of the stairs and I can’t help but smile at the sweetness the house exudes.

Brixton helps me out of the truck and I take the crutches from him. “I’ve got it.” I nod my head at the bags in the backseat. “Better start loading up your arms with those toys, Santa. Looks like you have a whole workshop back there.”

I hobble to the front of the house and make my way up the few steps. I have to hop because my knee is taped up and when I reach the top, I heave a deep breath.

“Sorry I’m kind of useless right now.” I smile at him buried under mountains of bags.

“Never,” he says lightly, jogging up the steps and leaning on the bell with his shoulder.

The door swings open.

“Unca Bee!”

“Jujubee!”

I look down at the adorable little girl jumping up and down next to the woman I take to be Allie. Her eyes shine as she looks from Brixton to me and back again.

Allie lifts her daughter into her arms. “My goodness Jules, what did Uncle B bring you this time?”

Julianna blows us kisses and points at the bags. “Toys!”

“You gonna let us in?” Brixton grunts at Allie. “I don’t know how much longer I can carry this stuff before my arms break off.”

The door opens and Brixton nods at me to go in first.

“Wow,” Allie says once we’re both inside and the toys cover the foyer. “I didn’t realize you were bringing…company.”

“He begged me to take him. Said he had to meet this gorgeous girl,” Brixton says, lifting Julianna into the air and blowing raspberries on her pudgy belly.

I stick my hand out to Allie. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise. Although, truth be told, I didn’t think this day would ever happen.” Her eyes glitter with excitement and my heart hammers.

Does she think we’re together?

Is that what he told her?

The same excitement in Allie’s gaze suddenly makes my belly tingle.

Something tugs on my jeans. I look down at Julianna. She is holding up a tiny cup.

“Tea,” she says then points to a little table in the front room.

“Tea. I love tea.” I grin at her and pink spots creep into her cheeks. “Although I don’t know if I’ll fit at that table.”

“Come on, I’ll help you. You can’t turn away an invitation from my niece.”

“I’d never dream of it. Best invitation I’ve had in a long time.”

Brixton helps me settle onto the couch nearest the tea table and Jules doesn’t seem to mind that I’m not squeezed into one of the little chairs. She hands me a plastic scone and my eyes widen.

“This is my favorite flavor. How did you know?”

She giggles, her long pigtails bobbing on her shoulders.

We all make a big show of eating our plastic pastries. I let out a groan and rub my belly once I’ve finished the scone, a doughnut, and then a muffin.

“That was the best tea party I’ve ever been to,” I say with a big smile.

Jules claps her hands together, and Allie beams at me.

“You’re really great with kids,” she says.

I shrug. “She’s adorable. I’m already in love with her.”

Julianna lays her hand gently on my taped-up knee. She looks at me. “You have a boo boo?”

I nod. “Yeah. But it doesn’t hurt as much when you’re next to me.”

She grazes the top of my knee and I seriously wanna eat this kid up, she’s so stinking cute.

I sneak a look at Brixton. He’s watching me like a hawk, like he wants to devour me whole. My cock twitches, pulse buzzing hard because that’s exactly what I want him to do.

“B, why don’t you get us some cold water?” Allie says. “Sam looks pretty thirsty.”

I clear my throat. Shit, are we being that obvious, eye fucking each other right in front of Allie?

Brixton gives my shoulder a squeeze as he passes me to get to the kitchen.

Allie looks at me, still smiling like she knows something.

Good for her.

I, on the other hand, don’t know shit right now, other than the fact that I want to climb Brixton like a tree.

“So after I spoke to Brixton the other day, I thought you guys were over.”

I cough. “Well, um, you know, we weren’t ever really… together. ”

“Yeah, I know about the arrangement. And I think it was really great of you.”

I toy with the hem of my t-shirt. “I wanted to help him, especially after…you know.”

“Is that all, Sam? You just wanted to help him?” Allie narrows her eyes. “Because I saw the YouTube video of you after that press conference. It didn’t seem like you were defending him out of obligation.”

My jaw drops. “You’re pretty direct.”

Allie cocks her head to the side and tucks her light brown hair behind one ear. “I’m also pretty observant. It’s an occupational hazard since I’m a psychologist.”

“Oh…”

“So let me ask you again. Did you really get involved only to help Brixton? Or is there some other reason why you’re here right now? Because for as gorgeous as my little pumpkin here is, let’s face it. You wouldn’t be here just for air tea and plastic food. Am I right?”

My breath hitches, the words catching in my throat, tangled like a thick knot. And before I can even squeeze out a syllable, there’s a knock at the front door.

Allie furrows her brow and gets up from the floor. She walks over to the door and pulls it open. I can’t see who’s there from my spot on the couch but Allie sounds flustered.

“Martin, what are you doing here? I thought you were coming tomorrow to see Jules.”

“Grampa,” Jules cries out, scrambling to her feet and running to the door.

A tall man who looks like an older, more worn version of Brixton follows Allie into the family room. He stops in the doorway, his blue eyes focused on me.

“You,” he says in a gruff voice. “Aren’t you thinking about your career? You think hanging out with my son is going to do you good? Any association to him will rot everything in your life. If you’re smart, you’ll get out now.”

“Martin,” Allie gasps.

Did he seriously just say that to me? About his own son?

I struggle to get off the couch and grab the crutches. Blood rushes between my ears, my vision flooded with a thick red haze. Anger colors the shock. “Brixton is one of the best people I know. It’s a real shame that as his father, you obviously don’t even see that.”

“He’s a walking wrecking ball. Anything that comes close gets crushed. Hasn’t everything that’s happened in the past couple of weeks shown you that?”

I hop forward on my crutches, my jaw clenched so tight, it might actually crack. “What I’ve seen is a guy who made mistakes and has tried hard to fix them. I’d think that as a parent, you’d recognize his effort.” My lips twist. “Maybe even give him some encouragement. He’s trying to change.”

Martin scoffs. “He’ll never change. He’ll always be the same selfish, self-centered person he always was. Always focused on himself, his music, his life. He’s the reason why his brother’s not here anymore. It’s always about Brixton.”

“Martin, stop,” Allie yells. “That’s a horrible thing to say and you know it’s not true!”

My heart hammers so hard, it might actually bust out of my chest. “You know, I feel really bad for you, Martin. You’re a miserable person who’s clearly miserable with his life and feels the need to take it out on the one person he’s supposed to love unconditionally.” With a shaking voice, I step closer to him.

Then something catches the corner of my eye and I look to my right.

Ice replaces the fire in my veins when Brixton appears in the kitchen doorway, a stricken look on his face. I want to pull him close, to erase the caustic words his father just spoke, to take away the pain that haunts his expression.

The vein in my neck throbs as rage courses through my insides. I hold Brixton’s tormented gaze as I spit out my next words at Martin. “He’s an amazing man, and if you can’t see that, then you don’t deserve him as a son.”