Kynedi Prologue-A Month Prior

Another week of cutting it close. What would it be like never to worry about your child’s various needs being met? Besides making sure he had a roof over his head, enough food in his belly, and clothes on his back, there was even more to worry about with Cassius. His needs far exceeded those of an ordinary child. Some parents had no idea how lucky they were not to constantly worry about their children’s emotional, health, and educational needs, on top of the other things. Sure, to a degree, all parents did, or at least those who gave a damn did. Sperm and egg donors didn’t. In their cases, they couldn’t care less about their children. That wasn’t me.

Sighing and putting down the latest stack of bills, wearily, I got up and tiptoed across the floor to my son’s bedroom door. I cracked it open and peeked inside. His dark hair was barely visible over the top edge of his blanket. He was rolled up like a burrito, fast asleep. He’d been doing this since he was a baby. The softness of his blanket gave him comfort and a sense of security, something he desperately required. I listened to his relaxed breathing.

My heart ached. I loved him more than anything in the world, even my life. I constantly worried that I wasn’t enough. That no matter how hard I worked and fought, he wasn’t getting enough and everything he needed. There were days when all I wanted to do was bawl my eyes out and hide. To let someone else take over the heavy stuff and let me relax for a day. However, that wasn’t my reality, and it never would be. If I had to work every day for the rest of my life to ensure he was as safe, healthy, and as happy as humanly possible, then that was what I’d do.

Easing his door shut, I returned to the kitchen table, sat down, and continued trying to make the dollars and cents stretch a smidge further. It looked like this next week would be one with even less sleep, but I’d do what I had to do. I was an expert at treading water and dodging disaster. In fact, in my case, I was able to teach a class on it. Enough wishing for things that would never be. Time to get to work.