Chapter 14

Gerhard

Liselotte, please be okay. Please be okay. My thoughts circulate the same mantra as I crawl from the second-floor conference rooms to the first-floor lobby. Emo Elf’s ringing shoes, and louder complaints about my behavior, lead me right to her…

So, this is Santa Claus.

I peer through the too-wide pipe outlet under a minibar sink until Santa taps the wall. With unerring accuracy, he follows my movements as I scurry within the pipe’s enclosure. I can’t hide from someone in tune with all the thoughts of the human race. My brain would have to switch off to elude him. The enclosure is hollow—or I couldn’t crawl through it—so the tapping is to scare me, not find me. The thought is more chilling than his incessant humming.

By the time, he adds the words for Liselotte’s benefit, my fate is sealed.

Instead of pulling away from the hand pulling me through the wall. I lean my shoulder into the momentum and use my arms to protect my face. The sugar wall crumbles, spraying me with the innards of millions of pixie sticks. When I open my eyes, Liselotte stands between a flower-child elf and Emo Elf, watching in horror as Santa Claus dangles me from his meaty fist.

“Gerhard, sneaking and spying are two ways to get kicked off the nice list. I may not track Krampuses with my mind, but I can locate any elf or human in any realm.”

My scalp burns as each silver strand gives up attaching to my head. A man my age treasures every follicle! Does he know how long it will take me to regrow the clumps on the floor? My hair is a silver crown of experience, and I won’t let some elven bully in a red velvet pimp suit ruin it. With the power of my vanity fortifying my abs, I jack my legs backward and swing forward with both feet extended. My toes hit my target with a satisfying squish, followed by Santa’s scream. The Big Man goes down like a pile of bricks. I roll away at the last possible second before he smashes me into the floor.

Santa howls like a dog as he rolls on the floor, holding his groin.

“Come on, Dalia, hold the human down while Santa recovers!”

“I think not,” Liselotte scolds the elves as she swirls the air at her feet. The group in the lobby stops in their tracks to watch the mele unfold without becoming cannon fodder for Liselotte or Santa. I don’t know which they fear more, but I’m grateful it keeps the mob outside the pulled-sugar-glass doors.

“A portal! She’s drawing a portal without a Christmas miracle,” murmurs Santa.

“No! No! I won’t let you sacrifice yourself!” I scream at Liselotte to stop, but it’s too late.

A green, swirling mass of twinkling clouds covers the floor. She jumps in with an elf dragged by each hand. Their squeaky screams bring my hands to my ears to shield them. Santa army crawls to the edge. Can he follow her through the portal? I wrap my arms around his knees. As he kicks and squirms, I tuck my body around his shins. I’ll be bruised from hip to ribs with my guts turned to mush before I let him have Liselotte.

“As long as I have you, she will be drawn to me. Then I will have portals whenever I want! Earth will have Christmas every day with endless joy…whether they like it or not!”

Santa’s warning sends chills down my spine. I’m a liability to Liselotte. As long as Santa exists, he will use me to lure her to eternal servitude. My resolve falters, my heart breaks, and my hold on Santa’s legs loosens enough for him to break free. He kicks me in the forehead before standing over me, but it hardly registers behind the anguish I feel for falling in love with a Krampus. Who did I think I was—traveling to a magical realm to claim the heart of one of the three most magical Krampuses?

“If you want your elves back, you will give me my human!” Liselotte announces as she portals back into the room. My vision swims with dizziness as I rise onto my hands and knees. Blood drips from my mouth. Unless there’s a magical cure for internal bleeding, I’m in trouble.

“Oh, you are a prize, a two-for-one deal. I get a Krampus who can make portals out of thin air to take her where she demands. Won’t it be a boost to own a Krampus who commands time and space?”

“You will never own me,” she sneers.

“That’s where my human toy comes into play. If you don’t submit to me, I’ll hurt him. You don’t want to hurt a man who thinks you’re his one true love, do you?” Santa’s words root Liselotte to the floor as if she’s become a possessed Christmas tree.

“Don’t let him manipulate you,” I say from between my knees. I may be standing, but the stabbing in my gut won’t let me straighten up. My arms hug my middle in a vain attempt to hold myself together.

“You are—” Santa’s hand is inches from Liselotte when Eugene explodes from my hole in the wall.

“Not while I’m alive!” Eugene roars as he charges Santa.

Liselotte runs the perimeter of the room to the doors, but the heat from her portal has melted them shut. She tugs and hangs from the handles, but the sugar panes won’t budge.

Santa and Eugene fall to the ground in a pile of fur, claws, and punches. Eugene’s fangs sink into Santa’s shoulder, missing the killing bite by inches. Santa’s thumbs find Eugene’s eye sockets. He forces his elbows straight to drive the Krampus’s eyes deeper into his skull. Their legs tangle and shake themselves free as their bodies wiggle, roll, and skid on the sugar marble floor.

How much longer can Eugene hold on?

I have to do something.

That’s it! Spikes of sugar joists stand where the softer sugar wall was ripped open. I stumble to the hole, falling to my knees. Curling my body into the ball of a child’s pose from yoga, I support my failing organs. I shake, yank, and twist the sugar shard. The offset point grazes the top of my head when the beam releases my prize. It’s wicked sharp…if the blood trickling into my ear is any measure. The piece is a dagger the length of my forearm.

The journey back to the wrestling males seems to take hours. I’m lightheaded, with bursts of pain shooting off like fireworks in my brain. Bile scorches my throat. I don’t have the balance to stand, so I crawl in clumsy spurts like a newborn fawn. My hands slip in puddles of my own blood.

Eugene lifts his head in a spray of blood to make eye contact. I’m a heartbeat from giving up. My eyelids are so heavy. If I can just rest, I’ll have the strength to save him. My eyes close for half a second, then— bump . Eugene must have rolled the fight to me when I blacked out!

I lift the sugar dagger over my head with both hands and stab the peach flesh above the fluffy collar of Santa’s suit.

He’s dead instantly.

Eugene flops onto his back, arms stretched wide. His chest billows as he gulps for air.

My girl smiles my way. She releases the door to run to my side but stops a foot away. I hold my arms out to collect her, but electricity circulates around my fingertips. A magical force lifts me from the ground. The room turns into swirls of twinkling lights. I’m suspended in midair! Children sing a Christmas carol in the background. Magic knits my insides back together. The blood disappears. A red suit forms around my body.

Hey, my hair is thick again!

“What’s happening to me? Why am I glowing? Liselotte?” Questions fly through my lips as the smoke around me clears. The glass doors and windows to the outside are empty frames. They must have smashed in the release of magic.

“You killed him,” says Eugene in a tone of awe. His injuries heal themselves before my eyes. “That makes you—”

“All hail Gerhard, the new Santa of Christmas Island,” Liselotte says as she kneels. The Krampuses and what’s left of the elves kneel with her. “All hail, Gerhard! Santa of Christmas Island!” They shout in unison.

“No, this isn’t right! I’m to be a Krampus with you. Can we still do the conversion?”

“I’m afraid not,” says a wizened old Krampus at the doorway. He’s got an army of Krampuses at his back carrying shovels, axes, brooms, and other everyday items turned weapons. “Gerhard rules our realm and can make elves of humans to build an empire across the Sea of Faith if he pleases.”

He wraps a fatherly arm around Liselotte and offers a hand to Eugene before turning to face Gerhard. “I’m Chancellor Krampus. Nice to make your acquaintance, Santa.”

“Santa?”

“Or he can unite us like in ancient times,” Sally says from his side. “He did save Krampus Industries and the three portal creators.”

“Seems to me our human visitor worked his way to the top faster than his fiancée,” quips Eugene.

“I guess you will want this back,” Liselotte whispers as she yanks at her marriage finger to remove my ring. How did this go so wrong?

“I don’t want to be a ruler. Relocating to Krampus Village to make Liselotte’s dreams come true is why I’m here. If I can’t marry her, I might as well take my misery back to Earth.”

“I’m sorry, dear boy,” says The Chancellor. “But if you return to Earth, who will deliver toys to the good children? There will be no balance for the Krampuses. We shall all cease to exist on Earth.”

“So, I’m stuck as Santa.” I rub the back of my neck in frustration. “Alone in a palace while Liselotte has her family in Krampus Village? I didn’t leave my life to become Santa.”

“Liselotte will be your assistant on this side in a few decades. I’ve offered her an apprenticeship leading to the position of Chancellor Krampus.”

“Actually, Chancellor Krampus, I’d like to speak about that appointment. You see, it was part of the package deal with a conversion of Gerhard to a Krampus and a home in Krampus Village.”

“That’s impossible now! Santa can’t be a Krampus!”

“Then I can’t be a Chancellor,” she says with a sob before she recovers her decorum. “The Krampuses deserve a Chancellor who will mediate their squabbles, listen to them, and take their issues to heart. I’ve always lived an arm’s length from all other Krampuses. They need someone who isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty and jump into the thick of the action. I recommend Sally be the next Chancellor in my place.”

“Sally?”

“Yes, as I climbed the ladder by working on Earth, Sally worked shoulder-to-shoulder with regular Krampuses. She didn’t shy away from their problems. Even today, while I primped for my wedding to a human, she was at the offering fountain, helping Krampuses who never step foot into this building find their way. She was in your office because she knew the fountain broke and wanted the regular Krampuses to have the same opportunity to make an offering as the elite.”

“What will you do, Liselotte, if not study to be a Chancellor?”

Our eyes meet as a tear drips down her cheek. She holds her engagement ring in her outstretched hand. “Can a bad girl be reformed into the best girl of all—a Mrs. Claus?”

“Santa’s main job is to decide who’s naughty or nice—” The Chancellor’s stuffy explanation has everyone giggling or at least wearing a sly smile.

“ Kleine dame , you will be greatly punished for your wicked deeds,” I say with a smirk. She blushes, and the Krampuses laugh at the implied meaning. “I told you to take care of yourself as rule number one. You must choose what will make you happy. Will you give up your dreams of living in Krampus Village to live in Santa’s palace with me? Will you be my Mrs. Claus?” I drop to one knee and reach for her.

“Yes, yes, a thousand times yes,” she shouts as she runs into my arms. Her shouts turn to screams as electricity arcs from my body to hers. “You’re an elf now! I can’t touch you!”

“A Krampus can’t be with an elf. The two halves of the list can’t overlap. Half of Earth is naughty, and half is nice—like half of Christmas Island is Krampus, and half is elf,” she sobs. She reaches for my cheek but pulls away at the last minute.

My heart breaks. Being so close to starting over with Liselotte had my hopes soaring with the birds. Now, I’ll fly with them on an enchanted reindeer sleigh…alone. How will I navigate this new role where I’m a grand overlord? I don’t judge people in black and white. How will I decide who goes on what list? Who will help me? My… allies…employees…advisors…are the elves who set out to torture me until I gave up Liselotte because they wanted to enslave her. How can I judge their loyalty? Have I condemned myself to a life of sleeping with one eye open and nightmares of killer, sadist elves?

“Santa, if I may be of assistance here,” Sally says as she approaches us. “There is one more component to your position that may help my friend, Liselotte.”

“Yes, please, anything.”

“According to legend, Santa also grants Christmas miracles. Now, I know it’s not Christmas, but the Christmas spirit lives in three magical Krampuses—Percival, Liselotte, and me. Perhaps a miracle bestowed onto one of them would help you unite the two halves of Christmas Island?”

“She’s correct. Only Santa can perform a Christmas miracle with the magic of the Christmas spirit…” The Chancellor trails off, stroking his tall horn as he considers Sally’s plan.

“How do I grant a miracle?” I ask, but my fingers glow before I finish the question.

I lift my hands to show Liselotte, and green and red swirled light shoots at her. She’s enveloped in the swirling light as if stuck in a Christmas tree. I push haunted visions of the possessed trees from my arrival to the farthest recesses of my mind to concentrate on the gift I want to give my future wife.

The lights brighten to gold. The movement slows. Shimmering flakes fall in a halo around her before settling on the snow.

She examines her fingers, twisting her wrists to check her palms and knuckles. Her gestures accelerate as she swishes her skirt to the side to reveal her hooves and furry legs. She steps one to the side as if to verify she controls them and that someone else’s hooves are not under her skirt. With glassy eyes and a tear-streaked face, she questions me with no words. She grabs fistfuls of hair as she pulls her horns—heartbroken they’re still attached to her head.

“Didn’t it work? I don’t understand,” she whispers.

I pull her into my arms and press her cheek against my heart. She releases her fears in loud, ugly sobs as I kiss her hair. My kisses on her hair and the soothing back rub slowly bring her back to the present.

“Oh, my kleine dame , I didn’t mean to frighten you,” I whisper against her hair. “My miracle is to be able to touch you—not change you. I love you just the way you are.”