39. Boston

CHAPTER 39

BOSTON

There was already someone new at my desk when I got into the office. She couldn't have been older than nineteen, with experience to match, I imagined. She looked overwhelmed and out of her element, eyes going wide when I walked through the door. I didn't have a chance to introduce myself because Kale was already coming out of his office, his mouth tugged down into what I guessed to be a permanent frown.

"I'll be back in an hour, Sarah," he said, tapping the edge of her desk. "You're doing great."

Kale ushered me out of the office, and I waited until we were well beyond her earshot to speak. "She looks like she has no idea what she's doing."

"She doesn't," he said, stabbing the down button on the elevator. "She's everything Ford won't want."

I bristled, stepping into the elevator as it arrived and opened. "I honestly don't know why you're so obsessed with his sex life."

Kale followed me into the elevator and the doors closed. He folded his arms in front of his chest, tension rolling off of him in waves until we reached the lobby.

"If you want an apology, you're not going to get one from either of us."

The top of Kale's lip twitched, and he stormed out of the elevator, stalking through the lobby. I walked behind him, not in a rush to catch up. He was the one who had reached out and wanted to talk. I knew he had to work through whatever feelings he had about Ford and me being together, but I had sincerely hoped he'd at least done most of it before he decided he wanted to talk to me.

Kale waited for me outside on the sidewalk, and when I came beside him, he started walking. He headed toward Central Park, which was surprising, but with every step, his shoulders relaxed so I didn't say anything about the destination. Even when we came up in front of my favorite gyro cart, I didn't say a word. He ordered two wraps and waters, then we found a bench and sat down.

"I didn't think you liked gyros," I said, unwrapping the foil from mine.

Kale still frowned, taking a bite and chewing slowly.

"I don't like Ford right now either," he said after he swallowed.

"None of this went how you think it did."

"And how do I think it went, Boston?" Kale took another bite, wiping sauce from the corner of his mouth with his knuckle.

"You think Ford set his sights on me after you hired me. You think he seduced me against my will."

Kale scoffed .

"You think I'm incapable of making my own decisions," I went on. "You think I'm a child and not the same age as you."

"You're my little brother."

"Four minutes, Kale. Come on."

"You're not like him." Kale's voice went up an octave. He cleared his throat and stared down at his lunch. "You're not like me. You're better."

"I'm not better. I'm just different."

It pained me to think that my brother felt himself to be less than me. Even though we were the same age, I'd always looked up to Kale. He'd always been surer of the things he wanted. He trusted himself and all of his decisions. He made the right choices, the best moves. I admired my brother beyond words.

"He was the man, wasn't he?" Kale asked. "The one in the office you told me about."

"Yes."

"So, this has been going on awhile?"

"Not terribly long," I answered. "But it's serious, Kale. I love him."

My brother's jaw ticked and I watched his cheek hollow as he sank his teeth into it.

I wanted to tell him Ford loved me too. Wanted to tell him about all the ways Ford had helped me find myself and explore things I'd never even been aware of before him. I wanted to tell him Ford had bought me a farm to keep me close. But even as I watched Kale struggle through the basics of the conversation, I knew he wasn't ready for the full weight of it.

That made me hurt for Ford, who knew from the start his relationship with one of his best friends was going to be on the line for pursuing me. I didn't want to break up their group, and I didn't want to be responsible for ruining their friendship. I hoped one day Kale would understand that Ford hadn't gone into things with me lightly. We'd always understood what was at risk, and if anything, it should show my brother how real Ford's feelings for me were.

"I don't think Ford has ever had a serious relationship, Boston."

It sounded like a warning.

"And I've never been with a man," I interrupted. "We're both learning new ways to be."

Kale licked his lips, then took another bite of his wrap, chewing slowly and swallowing it down. He stared ahead of us at the slew of people who'd come around and gotten in line for lunch, a mixture of locals and tourists, bundled up against the cold breeze.

"How was California?" he asked, changing the subject entirely.

"It was nice," I said, finishing the last bite of my wrap. "Weird to be back home."

"You've always preferred it there."

"I thought so too," I said softly.

Kale groaned, balling up the last bit of his wrap and throwing it into the trash can to his right. "But not now."

"No."

He held out his hand and I dropped my trash into it. Kale tossed it, then leaned back against the bench, stretching out his legs and fiddling with the knot on his scarf. I didn't have my scarf, and I shivered as a particularly sharp burst of air whipped past us. Kale loosened the knot and yanked it off his neck, wrapping it haphazardly around mine, so much like the way our mom used to when we were kids. His fingers shook as he tied a loose knot at the base of my throat, then he immediately twisted the top off his water and took a huge drink.

"I'll get over it eventually, Boston," he said, standing up and rolling his neck to crack it.

"I know."

"Today isn't the day, though."

I worried my lips together between my teeth. "I know."

"Okay," he said.

"You should talk to Ford," I suggested.

Kale scrunched his nose like I'd suggested he go swimming in the sewer. "Another time."

"Okay."

"I need to get back to the office," he said.

"Did you want me to walk with you?"

He sniffed a sharp breath through his nose and rubbed the corner of his eye before shoving his hands into the pockets of his pea coat. "You don't have to."

I recognized a dismissal when I heard one. The simple statement burned, but I tried to put myself in my brother's shoes. He knew Ford well, but he didn't know Ford the way I did. And while I appreciated Kale's concern over my involvement with him, there was no way of convincing him it was unfounded. Only time would tell him that, and maybe a few drinks with Ford would help ease the way. But Kale was so much like our father, stubborn and proud. Just like Dad had left to forge a life with Mom in California, Kale had done the same in New York for us.

The only reason I had Ford—had my life—was because Kale had been brave enough to want more and to not be scared of what that looked like. I would have stayed on the farm forever if not for him, and it was that exact taste for more he'd instilled in me that had given me the strength and the courage to pursue Ford in the first place. I didn't think Kale would want to hear that it was because of him, though, so I kept that to myself. Maybe there would come a day or time down the road for that revelation, but today wasn't the day.

"I didn't mean for you to find out the way you did," I told him. "Neither of us did."

"I don't think you meant for me to find out at all."

"We were going to tell you after the trip. You just got there before we could do it."

Kale cleared his throat, standing tall and proud.

"Does he treat you well?" The question was so softly spoken, the wind almost carried it away.

"Very," I promised him.

Kale gave me a jerky nod. "I'll see you later, Boston."

"I love you, Kale."

"Love you too, brother. But those gyros are still fucking disgusting."

I laughed and settled against the bench, watching my brother walk away from me. I didn't particularly enjoy being left behind, but Kale was a complicated man sometimes and I knew finding out about me and Ford had been enough to send him into a tailspin. The fact he was making an effort instead of locking himself away and getting angry about the whole thing spoke volumes to how well Christian balanced him, and I was grateful for it.

I pulled out my phone and texted Ford to let him know how the meeting had gone, and I also made the suggestion he reach out to clear the air on their side of things. Ford answered with a vomit emoji and then asked if I was going to be at his house when he got home from work. It was an easy yes, though we would need to figure out the future state of our living situations sooner rather than later.

Ford said he had to get back to work, and I found myself left with half a day and nothing to do. After finishing my water, I decided to grab a cab to the soup kitchen to drop in on Shawn. Even though it was barely noon, the cloud cover was thickening and walking didn't feel like an option. I tightened Kale's scarf around my neck and flagged down a taxi outside the park.

After a short drive, I hopped out and jogged up the stairs, the familiar warmth and smells of the place working wonders to soothe the tension that had taken up residence in my bones during lunch with my brother. I found Shawn in the kitchen, chopping up sweet potatoes and throwing them into a huge pot. From the other side of the room, I gave him a wave and Shawn smiled, setting down the knife and wiping his hands off on the half-apron he wore.

"You're out in the daytime," he teased.

"My brother fired me," I said with a laugh, the whole scenario sounding so ridiculous when I thought about it after the fact. "He's mad I'm dating his friend."

"That seems rash."

"He's already coming around, but the job was a bandage anyway. I wasn't going to be there forever."

"No?" he asked.

"Kale gave me the job to keep me in the city, but I've found a better reason to stay."

Shawn rolled his eyes. "That's too sappy, even for me."

I shrugged. "It's true. Do you have time for a break? I want to talk to you about the farm. "

At the mention of the property, his eyes glowed warmly, but a glance at the clock had his expression souring.

"I really need to get the rest of these vegetables chopped up."

"Can you talk and cut?" I asked, unwinding the scarf and shrugging out of my jacket. "I'm happy to help and I've got nothing but time."

Shawn took my things and traded them for an apron.

"Talk away, Boston. I want to know everything."