19. Boston

CHAPTER 19

BOSTON

I hung up with Ford and got into the shower, my mind racing a hundred miles a minute while I turned on the water and climbed under the hot spray. Curling my fist around my cock, I jerked myself once, twice, and then had to stop. The conversation was too fresh in my head for me to get another stroke in without being able to hold off the orgasm Ford told me I wasn't allowed to have.

The past week had been too much and not enough at the same time. What had started as an interest in seeing if my attraction to men was something worth looking into had turned into me in an actual relationship with one, and not just that, but a secret relationship. And not just that , but a kinky one too.

My brother didn't think I knew about those kinds of things, but we were the same age and even though we weren't identical, we were cut from the same cloth. Just because I hadn't done things in the past didn't mean I wasn't aware of them, didn't mean I hadn't spanked Colette for fun on our anniversary once or twice. The thing with Ford, though…it wa s drastically different. There was no arguing or trying to convince myself otherwise.

All the changes should have scared me, but every decision, every step, only convinced me I was going in the right direction. I believed Ford when he said it was all new for him too. He had his reputation, and I definitely had leaned into that when I asked him to teach me some things in the first place, but I could see it in the tense spread of his shoulders or the wrinkles around his eyes when he started to feel out of his element with me. It was his uncertainty that made it safe for me to feel my own, and I was grateful for it.

So, in the shower when I only got five more strokes before my balls shifted and raised between my legs, I slapped my hand against the tile and groaned over the misery of it all. I didn't need to touch myself to remember the heat of his dick in my mouth—or how hard having him there made me. Since our very first kiss, I'd been perpetually hard. It was difficult to concentrate on work, near impossible to look at my brother with a straight face, and I knew I needed to get my act together. I hoped lunch with Shawn would help calm my nerves a little, and the upcoming trip home would hopefully give some much needed room to breathe.

I made quick enough work of washing up, then grabbed a towel out of the warmer and padded barefoot into my bedroom. Standing in front of the closet, I texted Ford to let him know I remained full of cum, which earned me a devil emoji in reply, then I turned my attention to my closet. We were just going to grab sandwiches at a little coffee shop across the street from Shawn's apartment on my lunch break, but I needed to get to work first. The city was blustery and cold, so I opted for a pull over sweater and slacks, a scarf, and my black pea coat, hoping it would be enough to get me through the day.

The morning at work went by fast enough. Thankfully, Kale had started coming in later and later because he struggled to tear himself away from Christian in the morning. Honestly, I couldn't blame him. Leaving Ford's bed was torture, but we all had appearances to keep up. I slogged through work and told my brother I was going to take a long lunch since Shawn was off and home in Brooklyn.

It took me about an hour to get from the office across town to the coffee shop, and I met Shawn on the sidewalk out front. His coat wasn't as thick as mine, and he cupped his hands around his mouth to blow into them while he waited. When he saw me, his hands fell away and he smiled, opening up his arms for a hug once I got close enough. Shawn smelled like soup and industrial cleanser, and it was a familiar scent in its own way.

"How have you been?" he asked, holding the door to the cafe open.

We both stepped inside and I shook off the cold, unraveling the scarf from my neck before pulling it off the rest of the way.

"I've been good," I said. "Really good, actually."

"Your face looks like there's a story there," he said.

"Just that friend of my brother's." I stepped toward the menu. "Did you want to order? My treat."

"Well, if you're paying…" He waggled his eyebrows and shouldered me out of the way to get to the front counter.

We both ordered sandwiches and drinks, and Shawn carried our plastic table number to a spot in the corner by the front windows. I shrugged out of my coat and hung it on the back of my chair before I turned to him.

"Tell me about the friend," he said.

"I want to, but…" I didn't know how to bring up what I wanted to say first, but it didn't feel fair for me to have the conversation we were about to have without addressing what I felt to be the elephant in the room. "Can I ask you something first?"

"Always, Boston."

"When you asked me to get a drink with you when I saw you last…" I trailed off, watching a flush rise in Shawn's cheeks that gave me as much of an answer as I needed. "Did you mean you wanted to get drinks with me as more than friends?"

Shawn looked down, tapping his thumbs against the edge of the butcher block table before letting his hands fall onto his lap.

"It's against the rules to date benefactors of the kitchen," he muttered.

"I hardly believe my produce drops make me a benefactor."

"It's the whole fraternization thing," he said.

"We're fraternizing right now," I countered.

Shawn looked up, brows knit tight together and mouth twisted into a miserable-looking frown.

"I don't want to tell you anything that's going to hurt your feelings," I said.

"I hurt my own feelings, Boston." He gave me a tight smile and the girl who'd taken our orders came over with our sandwiches and drinks. She took the number and left us once again in the awkward and stilted quiet of our conversation .

"I didn't even realize I was attracted to men until Ford," I tried to explain.

"Being attracted to one man doesn't mean you have to be attracted to all men. You don't owe me an explanation or a reason for not being interested in me."

"But you had hoped?" I pulled one of the plastic-topped toothpicks out of the middle of my sandwich and tossed it onto the table.

"Every man in the city hopes, Boston. It's impossible to look at you and not hope." Shawn yanked his toothpick out much less gracefully, then shoved half his sandwich into his mouth. It reminded me of the awkward conversation I'd had with my brother at work, and I was dedicated to not having a do-over.

"I don't want to talk to you about Ford if it's going to make things weird," I said.

"You're not the first man who has said no to drinks and you won't be the last. I assure you I can survive this." He adjusted the bread on his sandwich and gave me a sincere smile. "I think you're a phenomenal guy, and if we're just friends, then we're just friends."

Shawn hadn't lied to be me before, so I didn't really have any option besides to take him at his word.

"Thank you," I said.

"Now tell me about Ford."

"He's unexpected," I said, setting down my sandwich and reaching for my peach tea. I took a long swallow through the straw while I tried to gather my thoughts. "But I like it, I think. The whole thing is unexpected."

"And he's your brother's friend?"

"Since college. "

"Do you think your brother is going to be more upset that you're sleeping with his friend or that you're sleeping with a man?" Shawn asked.

"I told him I wasn't straight and he took it well. But he's not going to be pleased when he finds out what man I'm exploring all of that with."

"Why not?"

"Ford doesn't have the best reputation when it comes to relationships and I don't think Kale wants me to get taken advantage of."

"Is Ford taking advantage?"

I thought about how demanding I'd been through the whole course of things with Ford. It was laughable for anyone to even dare to imply that he'd taken advantage or manipulated me. For as dominant as he was, I'd been driving the getaway car from the start. Thankfully, he didn't seem to mind.

"Not at all."

"Then it doesn't sound like there's a problem," he said. "It sounds like you're trying to make a problem."

"I'm definitely not trying to do that. It's just uncharted territory for the both of us. We're going on our first date tonight. Do you have any tips?"

Shawn let out a low laugh and dropped the crust of his sandwich onto the tray. "Are you seriously asking me for dating advice?"

"I've only dated women!" I pushed my food away and used my fingertips to rub the bridge of my nose, pushing my glasses toward my forehead. "I don't know if it's different."

"I mean it's very different, but it's also not different at all. I think every relationship has its own dynamic and so what works for one won't work for another."

That was an absolute understatement.

With Ford, it was so fucking easy to go onto my knees for him, to call him Sir, to let him order me around the way that got us both hard. But it was equally simple for me to tease him and push back at him, to try and take control of the situation and order him around. They both felt like right choices, even if I leaned more one way than the other.

"Don't overthink it," Shawn said, and I rolled my eyes, bringing myself back to the present. "Where are you going on your date?"

"I don't know. Probably some place expensive. That's his MO."

Shawn scoffed. "And it's not yours?"

"Most of my money is my grandparents'," I said. "Ford's is his own."

I didn't mean to imply that I didn't work hard for what I had, but I'd definitely had a couple million helping hands along the way. I knew I had more than most and my friendship with Shawn reminded me of that, though he never tried to make me feel bad for how I lived.

"Fair enough." He picked at the last bits of his sandwich before leaning back in his chair. "Speaking of family, when can I expect our next vegetable delivery?"

I grinned, rubbing the back of my neck. "I'm actually going to be taking a trip to the farm in the next week or so. I'll see if Mom has anything good to send."

"I appreciate it, Boston. Everyone does."

"It's the least I can do," I said, and it was the absolute truth. "At least until I get that farm upstate, right? "

Shawn laughed and finished off the rest of his lemonade. "One day you'll come around to the idea," he said.

"Never say never."

I'd come around to the idea of being with a man, so I didn't really think anything was off the table for me at that point.

"Oh!" Shawn clapped his hands together, a mischievous smile flashing across his face. "I do have one piece of dating advice for you."

"I'm all ears."

"Bring him flowers."

I cocked my head to the side, not sure I'd heard him right. "What?"

"When was the last time someone bought you flowers?" he asked.

"I don't think anyone ever has."

"And I doubt anyone has ever bought him flowers either." Shawn gave me a smug and proud smile that reminded me so much of Ford it made me smile back at him. "I bet he would be flattered."

"I don't even know what kind of flowers he likes."

"That doesn't matter yet," he said. "This is your first date."

Shawn checked his watch and shoved his chair back. "Get your shit on, come on."

"Where are we going?" I stood and slipped my jacket on and wound my scarf back around my neck. It was so soft and so warm, one of my favorite things my parents had ever sent me. I made a note to see if they had any spare ones they wanted to donate so I could take them to the kitchen next time I brought some vegetables over .

"There's a little local florist a few blocks down. Let's go get your man something nice."

Shawn hooked his arm through mine and dragged me out of the cafe before I could protest. Not that I wanted to argue, because he was right. Getting on my knees wasn't the only way to show Ford how I felt about him, and if we were going to date, I was going to give it everything I had.

"I bet he likes peonies," I said, hiking my scarf up to cover my mouth.

"I'm sure he will, Boston. He'll like them because they're from you."