13. Boston

CHAPTER 13

BOSTON

Except for a coffee date with Shawn on Sunday afternoon, I spent an embarrassing amount of my weekend in front of the full-length mirror in my closet, pinching, pulling, and tugging at my skin. I felt different inside, in ways I wasn't sure how to explain, and I was desperate to see if that had shown up outwardly at all.

Closing my eyes, I slumped back against the rack of hanging slacks, falling into them until my shoulders hit the wall with matching soft thumps. I stretched my legs out in front of me, batting the clothes out of the way so I could continue my pointless appraisal. There wasn't anything different about my body, save for the lightest pink rash on the underside of my jaw from where Ford had spent an inordinate amount of time rubbing his face against me on Saturday morning. If I touched the abraded skin and closed my eyes, I could smell him in my nose, feel the heat of his body pressing into my side, the hard swell of his cock against my hip. Just thinking about it was enough to make my own cock hard again, which wasn't shocking. I'd pretty much had a permanent erection since the first time he kissed me.

In the other room, my phone pinged an alarm at me, an annoying reminder that I had five minutes until I was supposed to leave for work. Begrudgingly, I rolled onto my hands and knees and then up to my feet. I didn't pay attention to the slacks I picked—they were blue—or the shirt—it was gray. I picked a pair of gray and pink polka-dotted socks, then shuffled into the bedroom to turn off my alarm.

I spent the walk to Kale's office mentally trying to convince myself it was time to accept the truth of the change that had happened to me. It was all internal, all tangled and messy in the center of my chest, and it was all made up of feelings I'd never had before. Even back when Colette and I were together, I'd never felt for her the things I felt for Ford. Colette was nice and she was pretty and she was fine, but with Ford, the need for him boiled in my marrow. Having him was a matter of life and death and that was frightening and exhilarating in equal measure.

At first, I was scared because he was a man, but I couldn't think of a better man to be my first. No matter what Ford said about himself, he had integrity and he was an honest man. He'd never lied to me about who he was or what he wanted, and even on Friday night…he'd been truthful. He wanted more from me, and I didn't think it was possible to tell him no. Not like I wanted to. I found myself starved for all of the things he talked about, the things he promised.

But more than anything else, parts from our first kiss kept coming back to me and burying themselves deep into my brain. When I called him Sir. When I liked it. He wanted to shield me from that life, but I had spent almost thirty years hiding from myself; I didn't have it in me to continue. I knew Ford was into kink, knew my brother was as well. It wasn't something I'd ever thought about for myself. I didn't jerk off thinking about being on my knees for someone, or at least I hadn't until recently. Everything in my life was changing, and I knew myself well enough to know how fast that could get out of control. I needed a way to ground myself, or I would get swept up in the feelings and the newness of the whole thing and who knew how that would end.

When I got to the office, everything was dark. Checking my watch, I confirmed Kale wasn't due for another hour at least. I got myself some coffee and settled in, checking his calendar for the day to make sure there wasn't anything pressing in the morning, and then I started my research. Googling kink and men and New York produced an overwhelming amount of results, most of which felt a lot like prostitution at best and grooming at worst. There were encyclopedia websites where I taught myself some more robust definitions of words I'd heard before, and then I found some videos…

I texted myself that link so I could come back to it when I wasn't at work.

I wasn't supposed to have erections at work.

Kale blew into the office later than expected, just before eleven, with a hickey on his neck so fresh I could still see Christian's spit shining against his skin.

"Did I miss anything?" he asked, tearing his scarf off and tossing it onto the coat rack behind the door.

"You don't have any meetings until one today," I said.

He hung his coat then turned toward me. I pressed my fingers against my neck, raising an eyebrow. Kale cursed under his breath, slapping his hand over the fresh bruise.

"Your meeting can be moved to a call," I offered.

"Please and thank you."

Kale rubbed his neck like the hickey was a marker and he'd be able to get it off if he tried hard enough, and I imagined that was one of my brother's best qualities. He hated being told no, and he would rarely take it as a final answer. He'd practically stormed a castle to kidnap Christian, and there was something painfully romantic about that.

Ford didn't strike me as the romantic type.

"What's wrong?" Kale asked, narrowing his eyes at me.

"What do you mean?"

"Your entire mood just changed." He gestured vaguely at my face, and I adjusted my glasses.

"I just didn't have breakfast," I told him.

"Do you want to order us lunch from the cafe?" he asked. "I feel like it's been a while since we've hung out and I also feel like you're hiding something."

My pulse spiked and I prayed my face hadn't flushed. "I'm not hiding anything. I'll get sandwiches, though."

"I'll get settled in." That was as much of a goodbye as he was going to give in business mode, which was fine.

I hated the implication the changes I'd been struggling with over the weekend were somehow physical. Not that I was ashamed of it or the things Ford and I did, but I hadn't even thought about how to tell my brother about it, let alone strangers. Did I even have to come out? What was I coming out as in the first place? Thinking about it gave me a headache, and I tried to wash it down with a burning swallow of coffee.

I pulled up the website for the lobby cafe and ordered sandwiches, chips, and drinks for me and Kale, interrupted by my cell phone flashing and vibrating along the desk with a call.

"Hey, Mom," I answered, sliding an earbud in and leaning back in my chair.

"You're up early, Boston," she said.

"It's almost lunch here. I've been up for hours."

"So have I." She chuckled. "How are things?"

"Fine." My back went straight, like someone had stabbed a sword down the center of it. "Why?"

"Just making conversation, dear. But, also, a mother knows."

"A mother knows what?" I asked.

"Mothers intuition, I don't know. You know how you and your brother have always known each other's secrets? It's kind of like that, but not as strong."

"Kale doesn't know my secrets," I protested, looking nervously over my shoulder at his closed office door. "I don't have secrets."

My mom answered that with silence.

I reached back to rub the bottom of my neck, and I imagined grabbing the sword handle and tearing it out so I could relax.

"Have you decided when you want to come for a stay?" she asked, masterfully changing the subject.

My shoulders relaxed and I tossed my glasses onto the desk.

"No, but soon," I said. "Maybe in a couple of weeks."

"That's very soon," she agreed. "Whatever you like, but that feels rushed."

I'd already pulled up the airline website on my computer. " Rushed in what way? We've been talking about this for months."

"Is right now the best time to be away?" she asked.

I swallowed, hating the way she knew there was something going on, knowing there was some reason for me to not up and leave the state.

Behind me, Kale's door cracked open and he stuck his head out. I swiveled around to see what he wanted.

"Brooks is bringing up the sandwiches," he said.

"Mom, hold on," I said to her before answering my brother. "Is he joining us?"

Kale scrunched his nose. "Just you and me. He was just coming by to drop off a contract."

"Okay."

In my ear, my mom was talking again. "Was that your brother?"

"Yes, Mom."

"How is he?"

"Very involved with his boyfriend," I said. "We're having lunch shortly. It's been a while since we've seen each other."

"I thought you worked for him."

"Outside of work," I told her.

"So, a couple weeks?" she asked.

"For what?"

"For your visit."

My mom was absolutely giving me whiplash with this conversation, but I glanced up at the screen on my computer once more. The flights weren't that expensive, and while I wasn't necessarily keen to not have Ford within kissing distance, I also didn't think the space would be a bad thing. Maybe it would give me an opportunity to think through all of the changes and be sure I was making the right decision.

"Delivery." Brooks knocked on the metal door frame and gave the bag of sandwiches a little shake.

I smiled and waved at him, pointing at the earbud.

"Mom, I'll book something and let you know soon," I said.

"Hello, Mrs. Sheffield," Brooks called out, dropping the food onto my desk and leaning down to make sure his voice carried.

"Who's that there?" she asked with a laugh.

"It's Brooks."

"Ah." The pleasure in her voice was palpable. "Astor. How is he?"

"He's as fine as Kale is," I told her.

Brooks smiled, clearly impressed that my mom was asking after him. But that was her way. She was thoughtful and had a mind like a steel trap. She remembered all of my friends' names, all of Kale's friends' names, and I honestly believed she cared about the answers when she asked after them.

"I'm better than Kale," he said with a smug smile.

"I'll talk to you later, Mom. Love you."

"Love you, dear."

I disconnected the call and dropped my earbud onto the desk beside my glasses.

"What brings you up this way?" I asked Brooks.

"Had this contract for your brother." He waved a manila envelope and dropped it on top of the sandwiches.

"Did you want to give it to him? He's just…" I trailed off, gesturing over my shoulder toward his office with my thumb.

"Gotta run," he said, standing up and mimicking the gesture I'd made, but over his shoulder instead. And that was when I realized Ford was standing in the doorway, filling as much of the space as his slender and strong body allowed.

"Boston," he said slowly, stare transfixed on me and the corner of his mouth fighting a smile.

"Ford," I murmured, clearing my throat.

Behind me, Kale's office door opened, but Ford didn't look away from me. His stare danced across my face, dragging slowly up the curve of my jaw, and I wondered if he could still see the burn on my skin from his five o-clock shadow.

"I'm hungry," Kale said.

"So am I." Ford was still looking at me.

I exhaled a trembling breath, then blinked long and hard, hoping it would break the trance between us. I couldn't stand up and take the sandwiches into Kale's office with a half-plump cock hanging between my legs, and the longer Ford studied me, the harder it got.

"Thank you for bringing up the sandwiches," Kale told Brooks, clearly unaware of the sexual tension that existed between me and Ford. "Should we plan for The Black Door on Friday again?"

"That works for me." Brooks fidgeted with the button on his jacket.

"What about you, Ford?"

Ford licked the corner of his mouth and finally looked away, his stare flickering up toward my brother behind me. "Not sure yet," he said softly.

"What?" Brooks and Kale both asked in unison. "Since when are you not down for a night out?"

I rubbed my throat, letting my chin fall toward my chest. It was impossible to keep my head up, to look at him. This wasn't something we'd talked about Friday night when we'd decided dating behind my brother's back was a good idea. How were we going to hide it? How long were we going to hide it for? What was the ruse?

I flicked a look at him, the whole turn of the conversation working wonders at deflating my cock. Standing from my chair, I grabbed the folder from Brooks and the bag with our lunch in it.

"That's not what I said." Ford stood straighter, squaring his shoulders like he'd forgotten himself for a second, but quickly recovered. "It all depends on if Boston is coming or not."

He winked at me, and my heart hitched right up into the back of my throat.

"Stop trying to fuck my brother, asshole," Kale warned, but he rolled his eyes as he said it. He didn't think the threat was real. "He's straight and he's off-limits."

The quirk in Ford's mouth finally won out, his lip curling up into the slightest tease of a knowing smile. My cheeks burned.

"Of course he is." He dragged his tongue across the front of his teeth, then clapped Brooks on the back. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah. Yep." Brooks gave a general wave toward me and Kale. "Enjoy your lunch. Get that contract red-lined before the end of the day."

"See you later, Boston," Ford said, voice low like a promise.

I tried to play it off like I had before, but I wasn't as good of an actor as he was.

"Not if I can help it," Kale said, cutting off my chance to find a reply anyway. "Come on, Boston. I'm starving. Let's eat and you can tell me why you're acting like you've been body-snatched."