19. Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

Cole

"I was wondering if you were going to show up." Liam greets me with a smug smile that shifts as soon as Carissa steps onto the patio behind me. "Oo, and you brought our new friend!"

"Carissa!" The whole group says her name with the familiarity of old acquaintances, and I am quickly forgotten.

I can't help but roll my eyes as I sit next to Hank, Bonnie's boyfriend. I offer my hand to him. "Welcome home. How was the move?"

He chuckles as Bonnie returns to his other side after greeting Carissa with a hug. "Easier than you'd think. I didn't have much more than books."

"And he only brought half of those with him," Bonnie adds, taking his hand. Her broad smile speaks volumes as she and Hank lock eyes. They've only known each other for a couple of months, but I've never seen Bonnie happier. I'm glad they found each other.

I make the mistake of looking over at Carissa, and heat courses through me when she returns my look with one of her own and darts her eyes toward the happy couple. I clench my jaw and force my eyes to Kasey and Liam, who are sharing the chair next to Carissa. "Any news on the movie?" I ask Kasey.

I'm usually better at keeping up with my friends, but the last couple of weeks have been rough.

"Movie?" Carissa asks, twisting in her chair to face Kasey.

Blushing, Kasey leans into Liam's embrace. I don't know why they always share a chair when there are plenty of seats, but she's almost always in his lap. The two of them need to get married already, but Liam keeps dragging his feet. "A screenplay I wrote recently got acquired by a film studio," she tells Carissa with a shrug. "It's no big deal."

"It's a huge deal," Liam argues. "And the story's about me, so you know it's going to be good."

Carissa laughs so freely that I can't look away. I'm glad she's comfortable with my friends, even if the last time she was here I warned her not to get attached. I was an idiot when I told her to keep her distance. She fits in so well with my friends, and I watch in fascination as she starts asking Kasey questions about the movie and giggling whenever Liam throws in one of his stupid jokes.

"Ahem."

I turn to find Derek settling in the seat next to mine, one eyebrow lifted so slightly that I almost don't notice it. "Hey," I say.

The eyebrow rises higher. "You never called me back."

Ah, right. I forgot how our conversation ended before I turned off the lights in the training room. "I was…busy." I wince at the clear guilt in my tone .

"Uh huh." Derek shifts back and leans one arm on the arm rest between us, dropping his chin into his hand. He's clean-shaven today, making me wonder if he started filming something new.

I shouldn't have to wonder. I used to know. Just how poor of a friend have I become?

"How's your homework coming?" he asks.

Don't look at Carissa. Do not look at Carissa.

"Nothing has changed since last night," I mutter. At least, nothing with the team. It's almost painful to keep my eyes on Derek when they want so badly to jump across the circle to the woman directly across from me. Why'd she have to choose that seat? "We'll see how practice is tomorrow, but I'm not feeling optimistic."

"Any word on Moxie?"

"No."

"It'll be okay, Cole."

"You don't know that." Against my will, my eyes lift to Carissa, and I'm surprised to find her frowning at me. Is that…worry…in her eyes? Something warm and solid settles in my chest at the thought that she might be worried about me, though I'm well aware she could be thinking about something other than me. She might even be thinking about Moxie, if she heard any of my conversation with Derek.

Derek clears his throat again. Chin still in his hand, he gives me a piercing look that makes me feel like I've done something wrong.

I swallow. "What?"

He drops his voice, though his expression doesn't shift an inch. "Curious that you would bring Carissa today. Last time she was here, you were convinced she was dangerous."

"She's still dangerous," I murmur.

"Hmm."

I narrow my eyes. "I don't like this look you're giving me, Riley. What are you insinuating?"

Again, Derek's expression doesn't change except for the slightest smile. I hate how much control he has over himself because it makes it impossible to get under his skin. I never know what he's thinking when he's like this. "I'm just curious," he says, eyes darting over to Carissa. "You've been different this week."

"You've barely seen me this week."

"Exactly."

"Well, I'm sorry I've—"

"It's a good thing, Cole." Derek sits up and smiles. "If someone—" his gaze jumps to Carissa again "—is taking up your time, I'm all for it."

For some reason, Derek's approval feels like all the permission I need to ignore the rules Carissa and I put into place and give a relationship a shot. Which is bad. We both individually need the team on our side, and that will never happen if we become a couple. And even if that wasn't the case, if things went wrong and Carissa decided she was better off without me, the guys would ostracize me more than they already have. I can't leave this team. I don't have high enough rugby stats for another SoCal team to want to take me, and I have no plans to leave California.

What would I do if I didn't play? Being an athlete is all I've ever known, and I don't know what it's like to have a normal job. A twenty-eight-year-old with no real work experience is a gamble not many would take, so who would hire me?

"Will you stop overthinking and start trusting yourself?" Derek says loudly, getting to his feet and clapping a hand on my shoulder. "I swear, you would think yourself into oblivion if you didn't have us to talk you out of things." He heads to the mini fridge sitting against the house and grabs a Coke like he isn't calling me out on my issues in front of everyone.

"What's your problem this time?" Liam asks.

You . I bite my tongue before the retort makes an escape. Liam would take the joke in stride and dish it right back, but I worry Carissa would think our bickering is real. It's not. Liam can get annoying, and his blissful relationship with Kasey has always felt like a slap to the face with everything that went down with Sage. But Liam is one of my best friends, and if I'm going to make a friendship with Carissa work, I need to show her that I can be a good friend.

So instead of poking at Liam, I opt for the truth. "Moxie got injured, and Coach put me in as captain to replace him even though the rest of the team doesn't like me."

Liam whistles low. "That'll be fun."

"They just don't know you," Bonnie says. "They'll warm up to you."

"It's been two years," Derek says. "I don't think the team is the problem."

I frown. He's saying I'm the problem. It's true, but I don't like that he's calling it out. "Thanks for that, Derek."

"I would offer to coach you on how to make friends," Liam says, "but I'm leaving on tour in less than a week." He pulls Kasey tighter against his body, both their expressions falling. I'm going to assume neither wants to be apart from the other.

Seriously, I know Liam has a ring. He just has to ask the question. It wouldn't solve the problem of being separated while he's on tour, but at least he would have a fiancée waiting for him when he got back.

"I could help," Bonnie says with a warm smile.

"You have reshoots this week," Hank tells her and kisses her hand.

While I appreciate her offer, Bonnie is similar to Carissa in that she is beautiful and kind. Essentially a magnet for men. The guys would be nice to me only when she was around or to get an in with her, despite the fact that she's in a surprisingly committed relationship for how short it's been.

"If only you knew someone friendly who could help you," Derek says with such a thick layer of sarcasm that I'm surprised he's not physically dripping with it .

I narrow my eyes at him. He glares right back in a clear challenge. "Do you have something to say, Riley?" I know he does, or he wouldn't have pulled the others into this conversation. Is this why he didn't give me a solution last night?

He leans against the mini fridge and shrugs. "If you knew someone with access to the Thunder who could help you connect with your teammates, maybe you would have more success."

I curse under my breath.

"Maybe I could help." Carissa sounds wary, but her expression carries more than a hint of excitement. And while a thrill rushes through me at the excuse to spend more time with her, she knows as well as I do that we shouldn't be finding excuses to be together when it's going to be hard enough to keep a friendly distance between us.

But the idea does have merit. Of course Carissa could help me connect with my teammates. They already love her. But if I spend time with her, it's going to get increasingly difficult to keep my hands to myself, and that would undo any progress I might make with her help.

"That's a great idea, Carissa," Derek says. "Though I warn you, Cole is stubborn and can be a difficult man to work with." With the way Derek is smirking at me, I know it won't do me any good to explain why I wouldn't want a reason to spend time with Carissa. Derek probably figured out within seconds of our arrival that I'm into her, and now he's trying to push us together because he thinks that's what I need.

I certainly don't need any help in that regard.

Carissa blushes a deep crimson as she smiles at Derek, sparking to life a nauseating jealousy in my gut that shouldn't be there because I know Derek would never put himself between me and someone I like. At the expense of his own happiness, he has a habit of looking out for everyone but himself.

Not that I think he has any interest in Carissa. But I still don't like the way he smiles right back at her .

"I think I have a pretty good idea of the man Cole is," Carissa says. "I can handle him."

Oh, she thinks she can handle me? She's mostly seen me at my weakest. It's a bad idea to give Derek more motivation to push us together, but I can't stop the playful glare I give Carissa as we gaze at each other across the patio.

Her eyes glitter as she returns my glare with her own, her lips twisting up in a smile she seems unable to fight. Dang, she's beautiful. I knew that from the beginning, but everything new I learn about her makes her all the more appealing. Her determined, feisty nature is especially attractive, in part because I know she'll never turn it into a weapon.

"Okay, whoa," Liam says, breaking the moment. He's glancing between us, his eyebrows high. "Are you two like—"

"No," Carissa and I say at the same time.

"We work together," Carissa says. "That's it."

Even I don't believe her.

"‘Work together,'" Liam repeats, resting his chin on Kasey's shoulder. "Is that what the kids are calling it these days?"

Rolling my eyes, I stand and make my way to the mini fridge to give myself an excuse to look away from Carissa and cool down a bit. "Kasey," I say as I go, "will you kindly tell your boyfriend that he is way off the mark?"

"Is he?" Derek murmurs, stepping aside to give me access to the fridge. "Because I've never seen you look at anyone like that. Not even Sage."

I grab a bottle of water and drain it in one go. I'm delaying the inevitable, but I need a second to figure out what to say to Derek that won't give him too much hope but also won't be a lie. "We won't work," I mutter when I've swallowed the water.

Derek frowns. "Why not?"

Too many reasons to list them out. "Trust me. We've agreed it's better for us to be friends, so don't go making any schemes."

He scoffs, the sound overly dramatic. "Me? Make schemes? Never."

I point at him. "One of these days you're going to fall in love with someone who drives you crazy, and don't be surprised when all of us start meddling."

Calm as ever, Derek chuckles and glances back at Carissa, who is doing her best to pretend she's listening to Kasey and Liam rather than our conversation over by the fridge. Her eyes keep darting our way. "You're going to hate the question I'm about to ask."

I groan. "Why do you always do that? Just ask."

"You respond better with a warning, and you know it."

"Ask your question, Riley."

"Are you in love with Carissa?"

He's right. I hate that question. I hate it because I don't have a ready answer in either direction. Because my stomach churns with uncertainty. Because every time I look at Carissa, I feel more alive than I did mere seconds before looking her way.

And I'm terrified.

Derek puts a hand on my shoulder. "Whatever your reasons for pretending you don't feel something for her, I hope you're not letting fear get in your way of happiness, Cole."

My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I glance down to see a text from Freya.

Freya:

Are you doing better than you were when we last talked? You were afraid of something, no matter how much you pretend to be well, and I worry for you.

"How does she do that?" I mumble, shaking my head at her timing. "Does Freya have your house bugged or something?"

Derek glances at the house behind him. "Not that I know of."

"That is not a very confident answer, Riley. "

He shrugs. "That's because I'm not confident. I wouldn't put it past her."

Tempted to ask Freya if one of her bodyguards put up listening devices in all of our houses, I instead reply to her question honestly.

Cole:

I'm better. I promise.

Freya:

Derek told me about Malcolm.

I chuckle, rolling my eyes at the way Freya refuses to use the nicknames of my teammates, but my amusement is short lived. Tomorrow, I'm going to have to face the team as their captain. I'm going to have to face Moxie . And I don't know if I can do that while also fighting my attraction to Carissa.

I'm only so strong.

Cole:

We should find out tomorrow what the diagnosis is, but I don't think he'll be able to play for a while.

Freya:

What does that mean for the team?

Cole:

It means we have to put in one of our greenies as fly-half.

And Coach wants me to be captain.

My phone lights up with a call from the princess, and I let out a heavy sigh. I shouldn't have said anything, but she would have found out at some point. "This is going to be a long conversation," I guess out loud and make my way into the house while Derek laughs. Sometimes I hate how attentive my friends are.