27. Derek

Derek's eyesfelt raw and inflamed from so many hours on the road, but he was so wired he couldn't unclench his hands from the steering wheel.His wheels spit gravel as he pulled into a turnout on Rattlesnake Loop.It was nearly midnight, and the remote parking area was ablaze with floodlights, a lone reminder of humanity in thousands of miles of wilderness.

Sabbath leaped nimbly after him as he exited the truck, a familiar presence he'd reluctantly admitted he needed in his life just as much as he needed his family and Briar.He guessed Briar had been right all along.Love—he needed love.

The temperature had dipped sharply.His breath formed small clouds of vapor that vanished into the night air.Even summer nights could be unforgiving this far in the mountains.

"What the hell took you so long!" Nate Silva shouted, jogging over to him."Briar"s already been lost for hours!"

He was wearing a thermal cap and a down jacket zipped to his chin.Derek almost snapped back at him, but one look at his pinched, worried face had him rethinking.

"A semi jackknifed coming out of the canyon.I had to detour," Derek said, hanging onto his patience.

He scanned the array of familiar faces.Their grim expressions only fed the yawning pit in his own stomach.They all knew the statistics.Whole families had died after getting stranded up the wrong road.Hypothermia could set in at temperatures as warm as sixty-five degrees Fahrenheit if wet clothes were in the mix.

"Any word?" he asked hoarsely.

Nate shook his head, his breath puffing white in front of his face."All my calls went straight to voicemail.We already checked the route he was supposed to follow, but there's no sign of him."

"We'll find him." Tucker Grace spoke confidently, coming up behind Nate and wrapping an arm around his shoulders.Nate clutched his hand and sank gratefully back against him.

Derek unwillingly zeroed in on their clasped hands.A lump swelled in his throat.So many times, he'd wanted to reach out and touch Briar in public.So many times, he'd resisted.It hadn't seemed important, at the time, to risk stirring up gossip and upsetting his mother for something so trivial.He'd banked on having more chances.Endless opportunities. But what if he didn't?What if this was it—as close as he was ever going to get to true happiness.

Briar was out there, alone, frightened…and thinking he wasn't even important enough for Derek to hold in public.The more Derek thought about it, the tighter his chest grew and the harder it became to breathe.

West"s sudden voice broke his downward spiral."We'll find him." He stepped up beside Derek and dropped a reassuring squeeze on the back of his neck."Ain't no question about that.We're gonna find him, brother."

"What are you doing here?" Derek growled.

"I volunteered the ranch's ATVs," West said, gesturing toward a pack of vehicles and waiting cowboys."I consider Briar a friend."

Derek scoffed. "You think everyone is your friend," he said disdainfully.

"And you're my brother," West finished, ignoring his interruption.He faced Derek, calmly meeting his eyes, and added, "You're my brother, Derek, and you need me.Where else would I be?"

"I don't—you don't need to—" Derek tried to force the words out, but he couldn't finish the sentence.He couldn't bring himself to lie and pretend he didn't need help, not with Briar's safety at risk, but he couldn't allow himself to ask for it either.

Sympathy, and maybe something like pity, filled his brother's eyes.West opened his mouth, but whatever he'd been about to say was cut off by the rumble of a familiar engine.

"You weren't seriously going to leave me behind?" James demanded, hopping out of his truck with an air of outrage.

"It's none of your business," Derek retorted."Go home to Jennie and the kids."

James shot him a scathing look."You kidding? Jennie's on her way here with Susan and Ian.They just had to drop the kids off with the folks first."

Derek felt a jolt of instant denial.He shook his head. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. He'd never accepted help; he'd never allowed himself to be vulnerable enough.He was the superman his family relied on in a crisis, not the other way around.But he didn't have a choice. Seconds were ticking away.He needed to find Briar. He needed Briar, needed him so much he couldn't breathe, and he needed every bit of help he could get to find him.

"I…" He swallowed, but the lump in his throat remained.He"d never felt so helpless. It took a couple tries before he admitted hoarsely, "I can't go back to what my life was without him."

His brothers exchanged glances in a language he didn't understand, and then James rolled his eyes and snatched him up in a fierce bear hug. Even with all his strength, Derek couldn't escape. Maybe he didn't want to. Maybe he secretly wanted the comfort.

"About damn time you admitted it." James's voice was choked with pride.

Derek pulled away at the sound of footsteps. Eli Jackson was approaching, his expression grim.

"We're setting up a grid search." The sheriff handed each of them a paper map. "We can cover a lot of ground on the ATVs, but terrain up here is rough.There's plenty of gullies and hidden drops to account for, especially if he went off road, so we'll also need search teams on foot."

"Then we shouldn't waste any more time," Derek said, grabbing a flashlight and radio from the pile on the trunk of the nearest cruiser.

The volunteers split into groups, and Derek plunged into the densest part of the forest.James and West stayed on his heels the whole way.Derek led from the front, calling back to his brothers whenever hidden roots or rocks jumped out at them.The undergrowth was thick with brambles and the trees grew so close together they couldn't see the sky.Apart from the distant beam of flashlights from the other search parties, there were no signs of humanity.

"Watch your step!" he warned, catching a stumbling James in the beam of his flashlight.

"Derek—Jesus, man—I know you're worried about Briar, but we need to slow down," West cautioned, his voice strained as he struggled to keep up."It won't do him any good if we end up snapping our ankles."

Derek cracked his neck, easing the knots between his shoulder blades, and tried to project a calm he didn't feel.The desperation he'd been ruthlessly suppressing had begun to creep up and strangle him.

"He's out here alone, West." Derek's voice was hoarse from shouting Briar's name."If you two can't keep up, Sabbath and I will go on alone."

"Like hell." James righted himself and strode ahead, clapping Derek on the back as he passed."We're glued to your ass until we find him."

The air grew colder as the clock ticked past midnight.They scoured one grid after another, muscles burning as they struggled over the rugged terrain.They didn"t speak, eyes and ears attuned to every shadow and rustle of vegetation.

Hours passed.

The sky was beginning to lighten to a pre-dawn gray before Derek was finally convinced to take a break.

He stood at the command tent, clutching a thermos of hot coffee so hard that his knuckles creaked, every inch of his body straining toward the mountains.Sabbath lay at his feet, napping deeply to restore her strength.Volunteers buzzed all around him, but he barely heard them.He was scouring the battered map in his hand, analyzing each sector and extrapolating the most likely places Briar might have gone off road.Each unchecked grid left a heavy weight in his stomach.

He was so absorbed in his calculations, he didn't even notice Susan's presence at his side—until she wrapped her arms around him and held on tight.She didn't speak, and he was thankful for that, but she didn't release him either.Derek remained stiff in her embrace for the longest time, but she wouldn't let go.She just…hugged him. She hugged him, and he allowed it.He stared dry-eyed at the uncaring wilderness, absorbing his sister's silent comfort, and prayed for the first time since he was a young boy.

Help me find him,his soul begged. Please, just let him be safe.

But they didn't find him that morning, or even that afternoon.Hour after hour, they searched, filling the mountains with shouts and whistles and the rumble of ATV engines.Exhausted volunteers were replaced by townsfolk with fresh legs.Clayton Ford offered his drone for aerial footage, and Mabel Stockton sent up pastries and carafes of hot coffee from the diner.Even Wade Guthrie, sober for once, joined in the search.He only met Derek's eyes briefly.Derek gave him a small nod, and he looked away.They avoided each other after that.

Small town grudges were one thing, Derek thought, but nobody was willing to stay home when one of their own was in danger.Briar had become one of them, and they hadn"t even realized it.

The sun beat down on them even through the shelter of a thick evergreen canopy.The moist earth dried and cracked beneath their boots, and Derek's fear for Briar shifted from hypothermia to near-constant concern of dehydration.

Sabbath led the way, racing nimbly over rocky outcrops with her nose pressed to the ground, almost like she understood who was missing.Her dark coat blended with the shadows, vanishing as she wove between crops of beargrass and Oregon grape.The air was sweet with blooming fireweed.Derek overlooked the pops of vibrant color and focused instead on smaller details: broken twigs, displaced rocks, any signs of passage.

His brothers never left his side, navigating the terrain with silent synchronicity.They never tired. They never complained.James stayed close to Derek, keeping one eye on him and the other on their surroundings.West searched methodically, relaying their coordinates via radio whenever they cleared another grid off the map.For the first time, Derek realized their presence didn't have to be a burden.It could also be support, a flotation device, if only he let them know when he was drowning.

Sabbath suddenly froze, ears perked up and one paw lifted.She chuffed, barking sharply, and took off through a copse of snowbrush.

"It's probably just a rabbit trail," West cautioned, but he followed gamely.

The tree line broke abruptly, opening into a small clearing dominated by a fat stream, swollen from early summer storms.It overflowed its banks, turning a huge swath of grassland into a treacherous bog.On the other side of the clearing was a disused logging road and a path of fresh-looking tire tracks…and at the end of those tracks sat a familiar, mud-spattered Jeep.

Hope and fear squeezed Derek's heart like a vise.His boots slipped as he raced across the soggy clearing.

"Briar!" he yelled, and beside him, James let out a shrill whistle."Briar!"

"Derek?" The tone was filled with disbelief.

Briar crawled out from behind the Jeep, wearing a thermal blanket like a cape.His clothes were caked with mud, and his hair stuck out at crazy angles.A thin growth of pale hair covered his jaw.He looked like a wild man.

Derek had never seen someone so beautiful.

He was at Briar's side in an instant, dropping to his knees in the mud.He clasped Briar's face between his hands, stroking his drawn cheeks and tracing the hollows beneath his eyes.He was rumpled and wrecked, but he was safe.

It was the first prayer to ever come true for Derek.

"Baby." Derek's voice cracked, and Briar's eyes widened in shock.He jerked out of Derek's grip, glancing wildly at James and West who were watching from a distance.

Derek didn't let him get far.He grabbed Briar by his thin shoulders and held him close, burying his face in his crazy thatch of hair to hide his stinging eyes.He couldn"t catch his breath; it kept hitching in his throat.

"Derek?" Briar's hands fluttered uncertainly at his shoulders."I'm sorry, I—"

"I thought I'd lost you," Derek interrupted, his voice muffled against Briar's ear.

Briar looked up at him, eyes weary but bright with love.Derek had never seen anything so precious.For a moment, they simply looked at each other, and the hell of the previous night fell away.

A discreet cough from West broke the spell.He was holding Sabbath by the collar while she whined and twisted to get free.

"Good to see you, man." James was grinning ear to ear."Let's not do that again, huh?"

Briar chuckled, leaning heavily against Derek for support."I'm never leaving home without a paper map again, that's for sure."

"You're never leaving my side again, period," Derek said fiercely.Then he leaned down and kissed him.He didn't care that his brothers were watching.He'd already wasted too much time.He was just a man; he couldn"t be a superman anymore.

James whistled, and West let out a quiet laugh.Briar pulled away first, flushed and beaming.

"Come on," Derek said, gently lifting Briar to his feet, hand firm on hiselbow.Briar swayed, and Derek immediately scooped him into hisarms.

"Whoa!" Briar yelped, scrabbling to hang onto hisneck."Let mego!"

"Never," Derek said simply. "We'll hike down the trail a ways and get an ATV up here foryou.I"ll come back with a tow linelater."

Briar looked flummoxed. He opened his mouth, then closed it, before saying peevishly, "Okay, but I canwalk."

"Of course, you can," Derek saidsimply. "But you don"t have to. Now, let"s get youhome."

Briar's smile was full ofjoy.

"Home…" he said softly. "Home has never sounded sogood."