16. Derek
Derek had never been muchof a snuggler, but he couldn't bring himself to let go of Briar.There was something so open and trusting about the way he wrapped his arms around Derek's waist and rested his cheek over his heart.As if what had just happened between them meant as much to him as it did to Derek.But that couldn't be true, because Briar wasn't the one who'd just lost the only virginity that had ever mattered.
Derek lay flat on his back, staring blankly up at the sky, dreading whatever Briar was about to say next.It would kill him if he was flippant…but it would be infinitely worse if he asked him how he was feeling.
Briar surprised him by saying nothing at all.For the first time since they'd met, he seemed content to keep his mouth shut and just enjoy the moment.His fingers trailed aimlessly over Derek's chest, fluttering like the wings of a curious bird.It tickled, so Derek covered his hand with his own and twined their fingers together to stop him.
Charmed, Briar dropped a kiss against the side of his throat.
They stayed together, just like that, for so long that Briar's skin began to prickle with goosebumps.Derek ran his hand up and down his back to soothe them away, but when that didn't work, he reached for the edge of the blanket and flicked it up over his exposed skin.
He instantly regretted it. Briar's body was a masterpiece of pale, slender limbs.His hair, now wildly tousled, gleamed silver in the moonlight, and his lips were flushed and swollen.Every time Derek glanced at them, he felt an almost irresistible compulsion to kiss him.Briar was beautiful in a way Derek had never known men could be: soft and strong and real.Not primped and plastic like the urban men Derek saw online.No fillers, no filters, no veneers.Nothing artificial about him at all, but still delicate and graceful in a way that Derek found enthralling after spending all his life with cowboys and roughnecks.
He was a treasure, and now that Derek had touched him, he didn't know how he'd ever give him up again.
Sighing happily, Briar said, "I never knew there were so many stars."
It wasn't the after-talk Derek had expected."Hm?"
"The stars." Briar held a hand above their heads and waggled his fingers in a gesture that encompassed the night sky."It's even better than what you'd see in a planetarium.Is that Cassiopeia?"
Derek tracked the direction from his fingertip and shook his head."Nah. She's on the other side of the north star."
Briar frowned, scanning the sky aimlessly."Where's the north star?"
There was something so innocent and endearing about his eagerness.He acted like he'd never learned about the natural world.Then again, he"d grown up in a concrete maze, where the only wildlife was the kind that required an exterminator.
Biting back a smile, he cupped Briar's face and turned it north."Follow the line past the big dipper.There's the north star. That bright one, see?Now follow it yonder, off to the right."
"The one that looks like a sideways W?"
"That's the one."
"Huh." Briar squinted. "Doesn't look like much."
"Most of ‘em don't."
Briar suddenly let out a peal of delighted laughter and snuggled back into Derek's arms."You know, I've been looking for that constellation all my life?Ever since this camping trip I went on when I was a kid."
"Camping, huh?" Derek asked, charmed by his lightheartedness.He was enjoying the feel of Briar"s bare skin so much that he'd do anything to keep him talking.After all, he didn't know when he'd get a chance like this again.
"My one and only camping trip," Briar said ironically."One of those troubled youth things, you know?"
"Were you a troubled youth?"
"No." He grinned cheekily. "But I was a foster kid, so I guess they figured I needed all the help I could get.Not sure what they thought learning how to tie a hitch knot was going to do for us, but I always took any excuse to get out of the house."
"Was it bad?" Derek asked.
"Could've been better." There was a load of defensiveness in Briar's cavalier tone, but he just shrugged and added, "Could've been a lot worse, too.I figured out early that complaining wouldn't do any good.It would just make me angry. Anyway, they taught us all the constellations—or tried.I never could see anything. Just random stars.Maybe I don't have a good enough imagination."
Derek stroked the back of his neck, unable to stop touching him, and said, "You just didn't spend enough time under them.If there's two things Sweetwater's got in abundance, it's stars and time."
"You think so?"
"Try being born here." Derek chuckled grimly."You've got all the time in the world and nothing better to do with your life."
Briar propped himself up on one elbow.He looked concerned, but Derek barely noticed, too lost in the soft, luminous gray of his eyes."If you feel that way, why didn't you ever leave?You're intelligent, driven, hard-working…you could thrive anywhere."
"Maybe." Derek sighed and turned his gaze back to the sky, aimlessly brushing his knuckles up and down Briar's naked back."But my family can't. For the longest time, I was the only thing between them and missing meals.If us kids didn't work, our folks would've lost the farm completely."
"But what about now?" Briar asked earnestly.He rested a hand on Derek's chest, and Derek's heart, once a stoic and steady drum, now skipped a beat."It's not too late for you to start over.You'd be a huge hit in the city, you know.There aren"t many men like you."
Derek chuckled. "I'm too set in my ways now.Backwoods is all I know. Besides, they still need me."
"They're adults," Briar protested."Can't they figure it out?"
"You saying adults don't ever need help?" Derek asked, raising one eyebrow."You know that ain't true."
Briar flushed, as if he thought Derek was laughing at him.He tried to scoot away in a huff, but Derek just caught him around the waist and hauled him close again, laughing for real this time.
"I'm just saying it doesn't always have to be you," Briar muttered, stiff in his arms."That's all."
"We've all got our bad habits," Derek said with a shrug that nearly dislodged Briar, forcing him to snuggle up beneath Derek's chin.
"That strong and silent vibe you've got going on probably doesn't help," Briar murmured, closing his eyes and sighing."It invites people to rely on you."
"Like you?"
"Mm."By the sound of it, Briar had relaxed to the edge of sleep.
Derek's gaze shifted, tracing the slender curve of his jaw, his closed eyelids, the gentle whisper of his sleepy breath…and felt his stoicism begin to erode.
He kept telling himself that he needed to let go, get dressed, and start reassembling whatever pieces were left of his walls before it was toolate.It was already nearly impossible to maintain hisdistance.Surprisingly, Derek genuinely enjoyed spending timetogether.Briar was lively and kind-hearted; anyone would want to be around him as much aspossible.But if he kept touching him, kept laughing with him, he was going to start loving him…and that would ruin themboth.
Because Derek hadn't lied when he'd told Briar he refused to begay.
But he couldn't let him go either…and sohedidn't.He just tucked the blanket around him and carried him to the truck, settling him in the safety of the cab before loading up theirgear.
He brought him to his home—to hisbed.
Briar didn't stir even once, and Derek decided to take it as acompliment.He wouldn't sleep so soundly if he didn't feel safe, despite Derek's rough looks andtemper.It provoked a deep need to care forhim.The feeling surprised the hell out ofDerek.He'd spent his entire life looking after people and resenting every minute ofit.Who would have guessed he'd ever feel an urge to do itvoluntarily?
It disturbed his calm. He tried to settle down beside Briar's warm, pliant body, but he was tooagitated.His mind, always calculating, now flipped back and forth between dozens of worst-casescenarios.If he was half as smart as everyone thought, he'd end it now and vow to never touch another managain.But he couldn't—not now. He was already in toodeep.It wasn't going to endwell.
He lay awake, watching Briar sleep, until the gray light of dawn began to creep across thebedroom.
Then he forced himself out of bed and into an ice-coldshower.