The Kitchen Table

Carys

“ A re you sure you don’t want to go to bed?” Kofi reaches across the table, placing his hand on mine. His long fingers curl, completely covering my hand.

“I’m okay,” I say for the hundredth time this morning. “I feel really good.” I inhale his deep lavender scent, letting it soothe me. I wish Swanley was here to snuggle me, but he had to go to work. For some reason that makes me want to cry, but I force the emotion deep down, concentrating on my two packmates who are still here.

“Your mark does look surprisingly good.” Isaac sets a freshly baked piece of banana bread in front of me. A perfectly square pad of butter sits in the center, glistening as it melts.

Judson .

I wonder what he’s doing.

“I’m ashamed to admit I didn’t think about my still healing mark before Swan bit you.” Kofi gets up, moving to the chair next to me. He places one hand on top of my head and holds my chin. He tilts my head so he can see my marks better. “The bruise will continue to deepen over the next few days, but the skin isn't as damaged as you might expect.” He speaks as if talking to another doctor, but it’s only me and Isaac, and I’m pretty sure neither one of us were expecting anything.

“Can you feel Swanley’s bond yet?” Isaac sits down on my other side, sipping his cup of steaming hot tea. He looks so comfy in his green plaid pajama pants. “Or is he still fuzzy?”

“Still fuzzy.” I take a big bite of my breakfast. It’s warm and buttery, with a very sweet banana flavor. “This is so good,” I mumble around my mouth full of food.

“I’m going to make a few calls.” Kofi continues to examine my neck. “I have something that can speed up the healing process, but I want to make sure it doesn't interfere with your current medication.”

I take another bite, humming at the wonderful flavor. “You’re going to have to give me the recipe for this,” I say to my beta, but he doesn't answer. He's too busy staring at where Kofi just disappeared. He looks tense. “Are you okay?” I ask, setting down my fork.

“Carys,” Isaac turns to me, his energy shifting. He’s more intense, almost frantic looking. “I have a secret.”

My eyes go wide as a thousand possibilities swirl around in my head. I lean in and whisper, “What?”

“I…” He cuts a quick look at the kitchen doorway, before reaching into his pocket. “I kept this.” He places a black piece of paper right next to my cup of tea. I pick it up, examining the crumbled object.

Judson Lancaster

Security and Disposal

I flip it over and my heart flips at the handwritten phone number right beneath the email address. He was planning on giving me his number the whole time.

“I don’t want to encourage you to do something dishonest,” Isaac says, “but you should at least be allowed to say goodbye to your friend.” He pushes his hand back into his pocket. I’m sure he’s reaching for his phone, but I stop him.

“It’s okay.” I set the card back down. “You don’t have to do that.”

“You don’t want to text him?”

“I want to,” I push the card back across the table, “but I won’t.” A small part of my heart breaks at saying that out loud. I feel something for Judson. Something deep and intense. Something that goes beyond our shared past.

“Really?” Isaac places his hand on my knee. “I know that Swanley doesn’t care for him, but I’m sure Kofi would be okay with you saying goodbye. We can ask before we send a message.”

I shake my head. “It would still be mean to Swanley. As much as I cherish Judson and everything he’s done for me, he’s not my alpha or my pack.” I let out a heavy breath, trying to keep my emotions in check. “Thank you so much for asking though. It means a lot to me that you saved this.” I place my hand over my heart, hoping my beta can feel my sincerity. “But I can’t upset Swanley like that.”

Isaac's eyes pull in the corners as he picks the card up, but he doesn’t tear it up or throw it away. Instead, he places it gently back in his pocket. “Can I ask about Judson?” He circles his hands around his teacup, tracing the floral print. “How did you meet him?”

I hesitate, not wanting Isaac to judge or hate Judson. But it would be so lovely to be able to talk to someone about this.

“He was my guard,” I finally say. “My old mate…” My teeth gnash, not wanting to say Preston’s name out loud. It feels dirty to soil my new pack with his awful, hateful name.

“We don’t have to talk about this.” Isaac wraps his hands around mine, holding them gently. “You never have to say his name or think about what he did to you ever again.” His deep hazel eyes are filled with so much love and understanding.

But I know I’m being silly.

Preston has no power here. I’m safe with my pack, and that horrible alpha can never hurt me again.

“Preston used to keep me locked up in our apartment all day,” I say, somehow able to strip most of the emotion from my voice. “I was all alone, unable to talk to anyone. It wouldn't have been so bad if I had been allowed to read, watch TV, or listen to the radio. But those things were forbidden.” I close my eyes, cursing my old self for thinking any of that was normal. “I just cleaned the whole apartment, floor to ceiling, every single day. And I wasn’t allowed a stitch of clothing while I did it.”

Isaac’s cheeks flush red, but I can’t tell if it’s from sadness or anger.

“Judson kept watch over the apartment door.” My voice lightens, happy to be talking about him. “I wasn’t supposed to speak to him, and I’m pretty sure he was forbidden from speaking to me, but we did anyway.” A laugh jumps from my throat at just how reckless I was. Isaac smiles at my reaction, squeezing my hands in his. “I would talk to Judson about the little things. He’d tell me about the wonderful things he did around town, like seeing movies or going for a walk through the park. And I’d tell him about what I was cleaning or what I had planned for dinner.” Warmths spreads through me as I remember the way he would smile when we spoke. “He always acted like the things I said were the most interesting things in the world.”

The darkness in Isaac’s eyes lifts, his happiness for me so warm and inviting. “He sounds like a really good alpha.”

I nod. “He was the only good alpha in my life at that time. I was constantly filled with so much fear, but Judson somehow made it all okay.” My eyes drift over the table as I fall into those old memories. “I would dread the sound of Preston’s footsteps,” I say, compelled to talk about it. “Entering the apartment, coming down the hall, and through the bedroom. He was so scary and controlling. And I never put a single toe out of line, except for when it came to Judson. I risked so much to talk to him,” I say, finding this surprisingly easy to talk about. It’s almost as if I’m narrating a story that happened to someone else. “I knew if I were caught, I’d be beat. But I did it anyway.”

Isaac’s chin quivers, but he holds it together, letting me talk. And I’m so thankful because I can’t stop myself.

“ That day,” I say, making it clear that I mean when I was attacked. “Right before it all happened,” I suck in a deep breath, and my voice drops to a whisper, “Judson asked me to leave with him.” It's almost painful admitting that I could have avoided all that pain and misery. But then I wouldn't have met Kofi, and I wouldn’t have my perfect pack.

“Why didn’t you leave?” Isaac asks, but he’s not judgmental or angry. It’s a quiet curiosity, simply wondering what stopped me.

“Honestly? I was too scared to leave.” My cheeks burn from admitting something so stupid, and tears begin to gather in my eyes. “I guess I should have been more scared to stay.” I snort, trying to make light of it.

“You survived, Carys,” Isaac says forcefully as he squeezes my hand hard. “You made it through a horrible situation that so many wouldn’t have. You are so strong and impressive.”

“I only made it because of Judson,” I say, my voice a little firmer. “He kept me going.” My urge to cry slips as if pulled away from me and it’s replaced by sweet, lifting love. My bond with Kofi thrums with the beautiful emotion, making me feel so much better. Shame instantly grips me and I hang my head. I was reminiscing about feelings I have for another alpha, and my mate knows it.

“Omega?” Kofi’s soft voice drifts from the other room. “I didn’t mean to listen in.” He steps into the kitchen. I’m too ashamed to look at him, but I can feel his intensity as he sits down next to me. “It’s okay, little one.”

I pull my hands away from Isaac, curling my shoulders inward. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, covering my mouth with my hands.

“Carys,” Kofi says softly, as he pulls my hands away from my face. “What do you want, omega?” His question confuses me.

I tilt my head to one side. “What do you mean?”

“What do you want?” he repeats. “Do you want to be friends with Judson?”

My head nods without me even meaning to, and I brace myself for the alpha to rage at me. But Kofi stays perfectly calm. No anger or violence. Just an adoring look in his stunning honey-colored eyes.

“Okay,” he says simply.

“Okay?” I push my fists under my chin, trying to control my bubbling excitement. “But what about Swanley? He hates Judson.”

Kofi cups my cheek. “Let me handle Swanley.”