31 I’m Here

31

i’m here

Alexander

I roll over and see her sleeping next to me in the apartment bed. It’s been two months that she and I have been sneaking around like teenagers since the night she got arrested. There’s something sexy about meeting her at the apartment. In a way, it forces us to be present. There’s no life chaos swirling around us. We can be still here. There’s nowhere to go.

She opens her eyes and looks at me. “Morning,” she whispers.

I run my hand over her hip, caressing it. “Hi,” I say.

“Coffee?”

I shake my head no and then lean in to kiss her. “We’re not very good at being divorced, Dani.”

“Why didn’t we do this when we were married? Why didn’t we take our time?”

“I don’t know, but I do know we need to tell the boys what’s going on.”

I’m looking at Dani, thinking how beautiful she is. Her dark hair is draped over her bare shoulder .

“Have you told Brian?” she asks.

“He was poking around. I said I was dating someone.”

“Ooh, scandalous. What did he say?”

“He said what all guys say to each other, ‘Is she hot?’?”

“What did you say?”

“I said ‘yes’ of course. Because it’s true.”

“Well, thank you for saying that. We need to tell him what’s going on. I see him on the lot sometimes. Alicia and Mirabel know. I think Lars does too. I’m sure Alicia told Mark.”

“Why do you think Alicia knows?” I ask.

“She said I seemed happy. It reminded her of our earlier years and I guess I reacted a certain way to that comment. She called me out specifically about you, but I ignored her.”

“You’re not very good at hiding your feelings.”

She laughs, then leans over, puts her hands to my cheeks, and kisses me. “Let’s tell the boys at dinner tonight. But can we keep the apartment for a while? I’ll make it my workspace and we can just write it off. I love it here.”

“I think that’s a good idea.” I lean in and kiss her again. “Let’s stay in bed for a little while.”

“Ow!” she yells. “Cramp, cramp.” She’s now bending forward and frantically massaging her calf. I can see her shoulder twitching as she’s rubbing her leg.

“Dani, what is wrong?”

“Nothing. Just a muscle spasm.”

I notice for the first time that I can see her ribs through her back. She’s very skinny. “I’m worried about you. You’re so thin.”

“It’s just stress. It’s gotten better, haven’t you noticed?” She takes a few deep breaths, lies back, and puts her head on my chest. “You feel good.”

Life has changed in the last two months. I never thought I’d hear Dani say nice things to me again. We had created a vacuum, a black hole that we existed in for so long that it seemed impossible to get out of. We were both so closed off. I don’t know how we made it back.

I run my hand over her shoulder and down her arm. I feel what I took for granted. Why didn’t I want to stay in bed like this next to her? We both got into the habit of being complacent and I’ll never let it happen again.

“Dani, I think you should go to a doctor and get checked out.”

“I swear to you, Alex, this is literally work stress.”

Leaning over, I kiss her neck and whisper, “Well, I can relieve your stress, then.”

—

Dani and I are sitting across from Noah and Ethan at Umami Sushi, Dani’s favorite restaurant. They’re staring at us in a way that is making me feel like they’re our parents.

“What’s this all about?” Noah says.

Dani and I both ignore him. She waves a server over and then raps off an order for the whole table. Once the server is out of earshot, Dani shrugs and says, “What’s this all about, you ask? Sushi? Well, it’s fish. Some of it’s raw, some of it’s not. It’s all delicious. Except for eel.”

“You guys are such weirdos,” Ethan says. “We know you’re sneaking around with each other.” He rolls his eyes dramatically.

“How did you know?” I ask.

“G-Ma told us. So you brought us here to tell us this big news we’ve known about for a month? ”

I jerk my head back. “Grandma knows? How does she know?”

Dani smiles. “She’s nosy, and they’re right, we’ve been obvious. Well, I guess that’s that, then. Where’s my edamame?”

“That wasn’t all we wanted to talk to you about,” I say. “We don’t…your mom and I don’t…” I stumble over words.

“We don’t want you guys thinking we’re getting married again, because we’re not. We’re also keeping the apartment,” Dani says.

Noah shrugs. “Cool.”

About halfway through the meal, I look over and see her holding her neck. “Are you choking?”

She shakes her head no. She swallows. “That was a big bite. And my throat’s been bugging me lately—maybe I have strep or something.”

“You really need to go get checked out,” I say.

“I will, I will!”

“What’s wrong, Mom?” Ethan says.

“Just anxiety and stress about the show. It’s nothing.”

“So is, like, the house ours, and you guys get the apartment?” Noah asks.

“So, like, no, not a chance in hell,” Dani replies.

Noah looks at Ethan. “I tried.”