21 What Is “My Type” Anyway?

21

what is “my type” anyway?

Alexander

I really like Kate…as an employee…as a front desk clerk. I’m looking at her right now as she’s talking to a patient. She’s smiling, speaking slowly and calmly to the elderly woman. I’m bummed I don’t have a permanent position to offer her, but I will be happy to have Jenna back.

Jenna had her baby. She took the regular six-week maternity leave and then I offered her another six weeks paid. She was surprised I was staying afloat, but Kate has been pulling her weight and more. I really wish I could offer her a job.

I approach her to hand her a file. “Thanks for organizing that. I can actually read the writing. It’s above and beyond. Kate, I really appreciate it.”

“Oh, you’re welcome. I wanted to talk to you. Do you have a minute around noon? I just need to wrap up a few things.” I glance at the clock. It’s 11:45.

“Yeah, sure. You know my schedule,” I say with a laugh. “I’ll be in my office. ”

Kate comes in right at twelve on the dot. Very professional. Kate is pretty, with brown hair that’s always in a neat ponytail, greenish eyes. Actually, I’m not sure what color they are. She’s usually dressed in a monochromatic, business casual outfit, but today she’s wearing jeans for a change and a floral blouse. I wonder if this is how she dresses when she’s not at work. It’s Friday after all…and her last day. Kate is young, but she’s mature. She was a great fit and I’m dreading this conversation. I hope she’s not expecting me to offer her a job.

She knocks on the open door.

“Come on in, Kate,” I say as I gesture for her to sit in the chair across from me.

I wouldn’t describe Kate as a bold person, not like Dani. I would say she’s more on the timid side. Less communicative. Idon’t know that much about her. I’ve never asked and she’s never offered.

“Hi,” she says.

“Hi.” We stare at each other, blinking. I clap my hands together. “So…your last day.”

“Yep.” She nods.

I have no idea what she wants. “You’ve done a great job, Kate.We just threw you in and you really knocked it out of the park.”

“Oh, thank you so much.”

More silence.

“I really wish I could offer you a job—”

“Oh no, I didn’t expect that at all. I always knew it was temporary. I actually have a job lined up that works out better for me.”

She doesn’t want a job? Have I been underpaying her?

“Well, I’d like to give you a little parting bonus—”

“That’s not necessary,” she says .

“No, I insist,” I say as I scour the drawer for the clinic checkbook. “So, what job do you have lined up?”

“Oh, it’s a case manager position at a clinic right next to my kid’s preschool.”

I look up, eyes wide. She has a kid? “Wow, you’re a mom? I had no idea. Why didn’t you tell me?” I glance down at her hand. No ring.

“I don’t know, I—”

“How old? Is the kid? Are you married? I don’t think I even know how old you are. I definitely didn’t expect you to have a kid.” I’m speed-talking nervously for some reason.

She laughs. “Well, I was pretty young when I had him.”

“Oh, you have a son?” I’m even more surprised now, since my kids have been in and out of the clinic multiple times. You’d think she would have brought up parenting boys.

“Yeah, it’s crazy, it was my last year in college. If it wasn’t for my parents, I would have never finished. He’s six now. I’m not married…actually…” She looks around and fidgets with her hands in her lap. “Actually, Tristan doesn’t even know his dad. He was just a…a mistake—I mean the guy, not Tristan of course!”

“I knew what you meant.”

“I chose to have Tristan. He’s my whole world,” she says.

“I get it. Well, I guess I’m happy you found a better spot to work. It should make things a little easier on you.” I’m scribbling my signature on the check. I don’t even know how much to give her. I write it for a thousand dollars. Seems like a good amount. “Here you go.”

She takes it timidly and looks down. “Oh my gosh, this is too much.”

“No, Kate, seriously, that’s fair. You did a great job. You’re a single mom and you never asked for time off or to leave early…” I pause. “Actually, why don’t you take the rest of the day off? Go be with your son.”

She laughs lightly. There is something I can’t figure out, some disconnect. “Um, Alex…I, um…Actually, Tristan is staying at his grandparents’ tonight. I didn’t come in here to ask for a job, or a bonus…or to leave early.” She laughs nervously again.

It hits me. She’s flirting…kind of. I’m squinting and continually nodding my head. I don’t know if I’m still her boss and I don’t know what to do. “Kate…”

“You’ve been so great, Alex. I wanted to see…I know this might seem a little inappropriate or presumptuous, but…” She’s biting her bottom lip. “Do you want to have dinner with me, Alex? No expectations, just dinner. I know you’re at your apartment on Fridays and I’m gonna be alone tonight and it’s my last day and…”

“Yes. Let’s have dinner.” Oh god. It just comes out. Why do I feel sick to my stomach saying that? It’s been many months now since the divorce was final.

“Great.” She stands up and heads for the door. It’s the first time I have looked at her ass—she has a nice one. I can’t help it, I’m human.

“Okay, Kate, I’ll call you?”

“Sure, yeah. I’m not very good at this, Alex.” She blushes.

What is wrong with me? I don’t know what to say or do. “I’m not either, obviously. Text me your address and I’ll pick you up? Like maybe around seven?”

“That sounds good.”

“Do you like Cuban food?” I ask.

“I’ve never had it, but I eat pretty much everything. I’d love to try it.”

It’s weird to me that she’s never had Cuban food, but then I do the math in my head based on how old her son is and realize I’m almost twenty years older than her. Am I a cliché? I don’t even know any people in their twenties, except maybe our neighbors.

I stand and smile. “Okay, then. You can go ahead and take off. I’ll see you tonight.” I wave like a moron.

She laughs and I’m relieved.

As soon as she’s out the door, I sit back down in my chair and dial Brian. I need to talk to somebody. I have questions. Is the age difference okay? I know what Brian is going to say. He’s gonna say just have fun with her, but I still have that sinking guilty feeling. I call Mark instead.

“Yo,” he says.

“Hey, do you have a minute?” My voice is shaky.

“Yeah, what’s up? You sound like you’re being tortured.”

“I am. Listen, you can’t tell Alicia this, please, please, please . I know she will immediately tell Dani everything.”

“I won’t tell her anything. What’s going on?”

“The temp…”

“The cute one?”

“Yeah, I’m going to dinner with her tonight.”

“Awesome, I won’t tell Dani. Anyway, do you remember that divorce you guys got?”

“I know, I just feel like it’s really soon and Kate is young. I don’t want Dani…”

“Dude, Dani’s been dating her old college boyfriend.”

I instantly feel woozy. “Jacob?”

“Yeah,” Mark says in a flat tone.

I’d always hated the way Dani talked about Jacob. He was definitely her one that got away, even though she’d never admit it. She talked about him like she’d never had more fun with anyone in the world. I’m irritated, but I don’t want to show it .

“Well, good for her, I guess. That basically erased any unnecessary, lingering guilt I had.”

I should have slept with the hot doctor.

“You shouldn’t feel guilty anyway. You guys did everything in order.”

“What do you mean?” I say.

“Well, it’s not like you guys ever cheated on each other.”

“Well…Lars…”

“Did you really think they…”

“I don’t know…I…Listen, um, will you still not say anything? I just feel like an idiot for talking about it.”

“No problem. Enjoy yourself, man.”

We hang up.

For the rest of the day, I try to distract myself with work.

It’s late by the time I get to the apartment. I only have ten minutes to get ready. I shower quickly and am out the door. I can’t stop thinking about Kate’s age.

As I drive to her apartment in Pasadena, I’m reminding myself that this is just a date. The parking situation is horrendous near the old part of Pasadena where she lives, but finally, I find a spot. I’m fifteen minutes late, which is very unlike me.

I scan the tenant list for Littlefield, Kate’s last name, find it, and press the button.

“Hello.” It’s Kate’s timid voice.

“Hi, it’s me, Alex.”

She doesn’t respond, just buzzes me in. The apartment complex is not a dump, but it’s not nice either. It reminds me of a place a twenty-five-year-old would live. I realize I still don’t know exactly how old Kate is. I’m assuming if she has a six-year-old she gave birth to her senior year in college, that would make her twenty-seven .

I see Kate up ahead, standing at the bottom of a stairway. What is she doing just standing there?

Boom! I freeze. All of the sudden the age difference hits me. It’s never going to work. She was a school-aged child the year Dani and I got married. She could have been our flower girl. I hesitate on the path. Oh. My. God! The image of Kate as a little kid is playing over and over in my head. I want to run. I just stand there staring back at her. My mind is racing with exit strategies.

“I have some bad news,” she says. I’m a distance from her but begin walking toward her slowly.

Yes! She’s canceling. I’m saved.

“Oh?” I say.

“So my mom brought Tristan back here because she had to take my dad to the hospital.”

“Oh no. Is he okay?” I say as I get closer to her. The sun is going down and the light is perfect right now. She looks ready for a date, but not overdone.

“He’s fine. He had a bout of diverticulitis.”

“Eek,” I say.

“Well, he’s not supposed to eat popcorn, but it’s his favorite thing in the world.” She rolls her eyes.

“I’m glad it’s nothing major,” I say.

“I’m sorry I didn’t text you. I was scrambling and thought I could get one of the two sitters I use in this complex, but they’re both busy. I was really looking forward to having a little freedom,” she says with a light laugh.

She looks beautiful right now, in a natural, girl-next-door, Jennifer Anniston circa Friends kind of way.

“It’s not a big deal, Kate. We can reschedule.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I see a little boy peeking his head through the banister at the top of the stairs .

“Hi.” He waves.

“I think someone escaped,” I say with a smirk.

“Tristan, go back inside,” Kate says in an authoritative voice I’ve never heard. She turns to me. “I’m sorry—”

“Mom, I’m hungry. Is the man taking us to dinner?”

I arch my eyebrows. I want to ask her if lots of strange men take them to dinner. “Tristan, no! Go back inside!” She turns back toward me. “I’m so embarrassed. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you embarrassed? That’s how kids are. Remember, I have two?”

“Yeah, I know. I just…I’m…”

“Mom, I want to go to Applebee’s.” Tristan starts coming down the stairs. He’s a cute kid. He’s not really being obnoxious…yet. He’s just curious.

“Hi, I’m Alex, you must be Tristan? I’ve heard a lot about you,” I say and then shoot Kate a teasing look, since I literally just learned of his existence this morning.

“Yeah, I’m Tristan. Are we going to Applebee’s?”

Kate is mortified. Her face is beet red. I smile at the kid and look up. “This begs the question, Kate…”

“What?”

“Do lots of men take you and Tristan to Applebee’s?” As soon as I say it, I realize it’s none of my business. Even though I’m teasing, I’m still being rude.

She laughs, thank god. “No, never.” Tristan comes all the way down and stands next to her. I realize he’s actually looking out for her in his own six-year-old way. He’s a little too old to not be following directions, but it’s clear that he wants to know why I’m talking to Kate.

“So, did your mom tell you she and I work together?”

“Yeah,” he says. He’s not smiling.

Kate looks at Tristan. “Listen to me, go upstairs before you’re in major trouble. Grams will take you to Applebee’s next time, okay? I’m just gonna talk to this man I work with for five more minutes and then I’ll be inside.” He follows her orders but doesn’t seem happy about it. She waits for him to go back up the stairs and inside before she says, “Sorry about that. The story goes more like this, I have never been on a date before. At least not since I’ve had Tristan. Apparently, my mother decided without my permission to tell Tristan that ‘Mom might start going on dates now and kissing boyfriends.’?” She rolls her eyes dramatically. “I’m pretty irritated with the situation.”

She takes a breath in and out and then smiles. She’s charming and sweet and I feel for her.

“Do you normally get along with your mom?” I can’t stop thinking about Irene.

Kate squints. “Yes, my mother is an angel, truly! She meant well. I shouldn’t be mad at her. Tristan kept asking her where I was going and she didn’t want to lie, so…I get it.” She laughs, looks up at the apartment door and then back at me. “I just didn’t expect to have to answer his questions before there was even the possibility of a kiss…you know?” She chuckles.

I lean in, brace the back of her neck, and kiss her. It just feels like the right thing to do, and I must be right, because she’s basically melting in my arms.

When we pull apart, it takes her a second to fully open her eyes. “Oh, wow,” she says, breathy.

I’m smiling, and it’s not forced. “That’s an encouraging response,” I say.

“I didn’t mean I expected to kiss you—”

“I knew what you meant. You were simply telling me about what happened today.” Something comes over me. I decide I don’t want to overthink everything anymore. I like her. “I know it’s probably a little strange, but…Applebee’s? ”

She starts laughing giddily. “Are you serious? You do not have to do this.”

“I want to. Unless you think it’d be confusing for him.”

“No, I’m just going to tell him you were my boss and you want to take us out?”

“Great! But first, why Applebee’s?”

“It’s his favorite restaurant,” she says.

My eyes widen. “ Applebee’s is his favorite restaurant? I mean, there’s a million amazing restaurants in this area.”

“He’s six…” she says as her smile fades. “And it’s just me. We don’t have a lot of money.”

“Shit, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” Oh my god, I feel like such an elitist asshole.

“It’s okay. We can go anywhere, he’ll be fine. I’ll go grab him and our stuff. Do you want to wait here?”

I nod.

She goes up the stairs quickly. I’m thinking about how spoiled my kids are. Thank god, they’re still somehow well-rounded. I hope…

For some reason, I feel compelled to expand this kid’s palate, but I know it’s not my place.

Kate comes down carrying a booster seat and a small backpack. Tristan is trailing her with a smile.

“He’s still in one of those, huh?”

“Yep, age eight or eighty pounds. You’re gettin’ rusty.”

Oh man, what am I getting myself into?

I get in the driver’s side of my small Audi SUV. I don’t care that much about cars. I don’t drive a lot. Dani actually picked this car out. I would have never gotten black on black leather seats. It’s always hot in this thing. I’m sweating already.

“This is a really nice car.” Kate is looking at all the glossy finished surfaces and silver buttons .

“It’s a lease,” I insist on qualifying to her.

I’m about to tell her that I have an old Jeep Wagoneer, but I don’t, Dani does. When we first met, I gave her crap about that car because it always broke down. She insisted on keeping it. Years ago she had argued, “It will matter later, I promise, Alex. No one has the old Brady Bunch station wagon anymore.” She smacked the hood and said, “We’re gonna fill this baby up with lots of memories, and always have them here for safekeeping.” We took every road trip in that thing, most of our vacations, beach trips, driving up the coast with all the windows down. Of course I didn’t fight her for it in the divorce. It was hers.

“Well, it’s nice anyway,” Kate says.

“Huh?” I’m out of it.

Inside Applebee’s, I’m opening what can only be described asa multi-panel, trifold, presentation board menu, which once opened literally blocks 280 degrees of my view. Tristan is busy coloring the kids’ menu. I lower my exhibition display. “Whattya gonna get?”

She’s smiling. “Do you think the Four Cheese Mac & Cheese with Honey Pepper Chicken Tenders will be too ambitious? It says here it’s 1,350 calories.” She bursts out laughing and I follow suit.

“I mean, whatever you don’t finish, I’ll funnel down after I eat my Classic Whiskey Bacon Cheddar Clubhouse Prime-Rib Cheeseburger. What is this place?”

We’re smiling at each other. The server comes over. She starts to give a spiel about the menu and Kate politely stops her. “That’s okay. Tell her what you want, Tristan.”

“I’ll have the kid’s quesadilla, French fries, and a Coke!”

“Sprite,” Kate corrects.

“I can’t have a Coke, Mom?”

“No,” Kate says. “I want you to go to sleep sometime this year.” She looks back up to the server. “Also, can you bring him a little side salad so he can eat something green today? We’ll take two Coronas and, um, a cheeseburger and a salad to split.” The server starts to run down options and Kate interrupts again. “It’s okay. You choose,” she says. “We trust you. We’ve had a really long day.”

Wow, Kate just took charge.

“Okay, no problem,” the server says as she collects our giant menus.

Once she walks away, I say, “Well, okay, then.”

Kate is overwhelmed. I remember those days with Dani and the boys. Parenting is exhausting, but Kate’s in the homestretch. My kids are at the age now where I’d actually prefer to be at dinner with them over just about anyone else.

“Alex,” Kate says, “I know you’ve eaten at amazing restaurants, and I know you’re well traveled and well read, but I also know you’re not picky. I’ve been ordering your lunch for the last three months, remember?” She leans in and whispers, “And to be honest, I’m not planning on camping out here, the lighting is already giving me a headache.”

“Hey, I’m not complaining. I’m just along for the ride,” I say.

“I know. I like that about you, Alex. You don’t seem to really…care.”

Time stops.

Whoa! For a moment it feels like I just put my hands on a hot stove. I’m tempted to argue with her that I do care. I remind myself that I wasn’t going to overthink things.

“Thanks, Kate.” I turn my attention to Tristan. “Hey, kid, sometime I’ll make you a quesadilla that will knock your socks off, no restaurants required.”

What the hell did I just offer?

They both laugh lightly and I’m relieved, but still surprised I blurted out something like that without thinking. Kate notices that I’ve gone completely quiet.

“Well, yes, sometime we’ll come by the clinic and pick up one of your famous quesadillas.”

We wrap up dinner and the lame conversation about chain restaurants. Tristan was a good kid, just happy to be at Applebee’s. He’s tired now and as we drive back to their apartment complex, I glance in the rearview mirror and notice that he’s fallen asleep.

“He’s out,” I say.

“He always does that. He’s a really easy kid, actually.”

“To your credit, being a single mom can’t be a walk in the park all the time.”

We’re talking quietly. “I’m used to it now. My parents help out when they can.” Parking hasn’t gotten any better around her apartment in the last two hours. “You can just drop us at the front, Alex.”

“I’m not going to drop you off on the street with a sleeping six-year-old, a car seat, and a bag of stale French fries, Kate. I’ll help you get him in.”

It’s quiet for a moment. I look over to gauge her expression. She’s smiling serenely. “Are you sure?” she says.

“Of course.”

“I just don’t want you to feel weird—”

“I don’t feel weird about it at all. It really is just a logistical thing,” I say, and it’s the truth.

“It’s a kind thing to do, Alex. A gentlemanly thing to do.”

I wonder what Kate is used to. I know she hasn’t been dating, but does she hang out with people who drop her and her sleeping kid off on the side of the road at nine o’clock at night?

Once I finally find a spot, we get out quietly. When she reaches in for him, I whisper, “No, I’ll get him. I’m used to carrying two like this.”

Tristan stirs a little but then rests his head on my shoulder and falls back to sleep. We get into the apartment without saying a word. Kate gestures for me to follow her to the bedroom on one side of the apartment. It’s Tristan’s room. I wait while she quietly pulls his comforter back. I lay him down, he stirs again, then he’s asleep. I’m watching Kate remove his shoes and socks and tuck him in. We are lit only by a blue fish-shaped night-light lamp in the corner.

She looks up at me and breathes out with relief. Then she pantomimes tiptoeing out of the room like a burglar. I have to hold back from laughing. I’m having déjà vu. These days are familiar. Exhausting, but the sweetest.

Once we’re in the hallway, she closes the door and motions toward the living room and adjacent kitchen.

“Phew. We did it! Thank you so much,” she says. “He’s tough to get down sometimes, he really pushes it. The car usually works, but I can’t really carry him up the stairs anymore. I appreciate it so much.”

“It’s really no big deal,” I say.

“Well, it’s rare for me to get the opportunity to relax before I have to go to sleep.”

I look down the length of her extremely good-looking body. I’m thinking about helping her relax. I shake the thought out of my head.

“Well, that phase will be over soon for him.” She’s staring at me, blinking, maybe mulling something over. I arch my eyebrows. “Well—”

“Would you like a glass of wine? It’ll probably be gross to you though. ”

“Wow, you’re really selling it, Kate.” I smile.

“No, I mean it’s two-buck chuck,” she says with a shy laugh.

“I don’t care what it is. I’d love to have a glass of wine with you,” I tell her.

“Okay, have a seat.” She gestures toward the couch.

Her apartment is what you’d expect. IKEA mostly, and a lot of photos of just her and Tristan. It’s clean and tidy but void of personality. Dani is one of those people who likes eclectic but organized chaos throughout the house. She’s a neat person, but she’s also the type who will randomly stuff things in cabinets and then chime, “Outta sight, outta mind!”

I should stop comparing.

Kate returns with the wine, hands me my glass, and takes a seat next to me. “Your place is nice,” I tell her.

“Thank you. It feels a little college-dorm-roomy for a thirty-year-old, but it works for us.”

“You’re thirty?”

“Twenty-nine, I’ll be thirty next month.”

“But I thought you had Tristan—”

“Yeah, I had him my senior year, but I was already on the six-year plan because I changed my major three times.” She laughs at herself. “And when I had Tristan, it added another year. Then I decided to go back to school for what I’m doing now, so I guess I’m one of those people…”

“One of which people?” I say earnestly.

She shrugs. “I don’t know, like fickle or something.”

“You’re only thirty. You have the schooling and you’re raising a kid. Don’t be so hard on yourself, I wouldn’t call you fickle at all.”

I glance around, looking for a possible music source.

“How ’bout some music?” I say.

“Music?”

“Yeah, like a Bluetooth speaker or something I can link to my phone.” I’m not trying to be slimy by setting the mood, it’s just unbearably quiet and Kate isn’t a gabby person. There are a lot of lulls in the conversation. And, well, after so many years with Dani, I guess I’m just used to having music playing.

“Oh. I do have a speaker. It’s in my room. Come on.” She stands and holds out her hand. I hesitate for just a moment and then stand and follow her to her bedroom.

Inside her minimalist room, she hands me a small Bluetooth speaker. I sit on the edge of her bed, attempting to link my phone to it. She sits next to me, waiting for me to figure it out.

In an attempt to break the awkward silence, I gesture my head toward the TV. “What do you like to watch?”

“Everything. I’m kind of a TV junkie, but I also like to watch the great artistic films.”

I nod and smile. Something about her doesn’t make sense. It seems forced. “Did you ever watch Litigators ?”

“For sure, I loved that show!”

“Dani wrote for that show for years.”

“Who’s Dani?”

“Danielle, my wife…ex-wife.”

“Oh, yeah, of course. Maybe I did know that.”

“She won three Emmys for it.” People who were into TV knew who Dani was. Maybe this is Kate’s way of subtly insulting Dani. I guess it’s understandable. It’s probably intimidating knowing I was married to her.

“Oh, right. I was wondering why her last name is different. Is it Brolin?”

Aha. She knows exactly who Dani is. “Yeah, she kept her last name because she was already established as a writer when we met…and also Danielle Atkinson-Lloyd is kind of a mouthful. Danielle Brolin just sounds better. The boys have my last name, though. ”

“Really? You’d think she’d want it. It actually sounds more writerly to me. She might have had more success with your last name.”

I’m stupefied right now. “She’s an award-winning writer. And none of it has anything to do with her last name. Let’s change the subject, shall we? I don’t think we want to sit here talking about my ex-wife, right?”

I can’t decide if I should just stop talking altogether. I lift my wine to set it on the vanity for a moment.

“Oh no, I don’t put drinks there. You can put it here.” She points to a coaster on her nightstand. It’s a wineglass, for god’s sake. I stand up anyway and put it on the nightstand, and then reach for the Bluetooth speaker again. I’m finally able to link my phone and turn on the Miles Davis Spotify station. The sound is terrible on this speaker, but it’s better than nothing.

“Oh, I like this, who is it?”

It’s the song “So What ” with John Coltrane. Possibly one of the most recognizable songs in existence. I know she’s heard this song at least two hundred times, in at least two hundred lobbies or department stores.

“It’s Miles Davis,” I say.

“That’s right.”

There’s not enough time tonight to teach her about jazz. I lean down and kiss her lightly on the lips. She pulls me down onto the bed.

We have sex the way people do in their early twenties. It wasn’t unpleasant or awkward, it was…nice. It was sort of like Kraft Mac & Cheese. You know exactly what it tastes like, you know the texture and how you’ll feel afterward, and you know on some level that you really like it. At the same time, you know there are countless variations of mac-and-cheese. There’s gourmet, deconstructed, truffle oil, skillet fried, mac-and-cheese made from the finest aged Gruyére from a tiny, misty, green village nestled next to the Alps in Switzerland, where the cows are, in fact, happy…

I can’t believe I’m comparing sex to mac-and-cheese. I’m getting dumber by the minute. It’s not Kate. She’s beautiful, sexy, smells good, moves well, and she definitely turns me on. It’s just that I felt like if I closed my eyes, it could have been anyone. I guess despite what Dani thinks of me, I want more than something that feels so…predictable. I’m not being snobby about it. Sometimes I prefer Kraft over the fancy shit! I’m just saying, it wasn’t memorable.

Kate is being sweet. Kissing my face. She’s lying naked on top of me. “That was amazing, like mind-blowing,” she says near my ear.

“Wow, thank you,” I say.

“It was my pleasure,” she replies.

Wait a minute. Was she saying she was amazing? It doesn’t matter. It’s been a very long time since I’ve felt this good, and I’m relieved it wasn’t awkward. I’m going to enjoy this moment.

“Do you mind if I lie here for a bit?” I say.

“No, not at all. You can stay as long as you want. You can stay all night, if you want,” she says flatly.

No, I don’t want! I don’t want that kid wondering what the hell is going on.

“Thank you, Kate, but I am going to go home tonight.”

“That’s okay. Did you know your phone has been blowing up for like half an hour? Are you gonna answer it?”

I can’t hear that well and didn’t turn the ringer on, which I usually do when I take it out of my pocket. “Yeah.” I reach over and grab it.

Five missed calls from Dani and one text from a second ago…my heart is already pounding out of my chest .

Dani: The boys are alive and in good health, but this is an emergency so fucking answer your phone, you shitbag.

“I have to call my wife. Ex-wife.” I get up out of the bed and wrap a throw blanket around myself while simultaneously dialing Dani.

“Are you serious?!” She screams when she answers. She’s raging mad. “You have two children and you don’t answer your phone at eleven o’clock at night? I’ve called you thirty times!”

I feel like I’m having a heart attack. “What’s going on, Dani?”

“I just pulled your son outta the back of a freakin’ cop car. I’m bringing him to the apartment! Be ready for him,” she yells and then hangs up.

“Oh no,” I say to myself.

“What is it?” Kate says.

“I have to go. My son got in trouble. I have to go, I’m sorry.”

My good ear is ringing, which is making me ten times more anxious than I already am. Right before I lost my hearing in my left ear, there was a loud ringing noise just like this. I’m going to go completely deaf at the exact worst time in my life.