1 Are You Listening?

1

are you listening?

2002

Alexander

“I love you,” I whisper to Dani. We’re lying in bed…her back is to me. I can tell by the rhythm of her breath that she’s sleeping. It’s early twilight. The room is bathed in just enough light for me to see the curve of her bare hip. I run my finger down her side. She shivers so I pull her to my chest. She relaxes into me and makes a small, satisfied “mmm,” sound, but I’m sure she’s asleep.

Chet Baker is crooning quietly from Dani’s record player in the corner, something about “it’s always you.” This was the first time I said “I love you” to her and I was too much of a coward to say it while she was awake. I think I’m just testing the words on my lips. I already know it’s true.

It was a long day, but a beautiful one. After weeks of uncharacteristic rain, we woke up this morning to blaring sunshine. The outdoors were calling. We hiked up to a waterfall at Eaton Canyon near Dani’s apartment. It was maybe an hour or so into the hike when we had to climb down a steep, muddy hill. I got to the bottom first, then looked back up at her to lend a hand if she needed one. She was up to her calves in mud and struggling a tiny bit to navigate the terrain, but still…she shot me the biggest smile. I thought instantly, Oh my god, I love her.

We came back to her apartment and have been lounging around the last few hours, mostly naked, talking about everything from our childhoods to our futures. There was a hint in her tone that I might be in her vision for the future. Nothing specific, I just wasn’t excluded. We’ve been dating for a while…I know I need to tell her.

She stirs then relaxes again. I begin to doze off.

—

It’s morning now and Dani is up already. She’s dressed and sitting at her desk with a cup of coffee, writing something on the Chet Baker album sleeve.

“Good morning.”

She looks back at me where I’m still lying in her bed. “We slept for like four hundred hours,” she says, smiling.

I chuckle at the exaggeration. “What are you writing?”

“It’s personal.” She winks. “Maybe someday I’ll let you read this.”

I love everything about her: the way she sees the world, the language she uses to describe things and feelings, her kindness, her quirkiness, her energy, her exaggerations…everything! I want to marry her and I need to tell her I love her.