Chapter Twenty-Two

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

NOW PLAYING: CAN You Feel My Heart- Bring Me the Horizon

“I’m sorry I didn’t call you yesterday,” I apologize to Shelby. Bea had texted her yesterday evening to let her know what was going on but I’d been too exhausted to stay awake for the phone call.

“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart, we both know those mini-heats can really wipe you out afterward. You’ve experienced them enough in the past five years to know how best to care for yourself afterward.”

Shelby’s voice is light but I can still pick up the thread of worry in her tone. Knowing I’m the cause of her concern has guilt slowly bubbling in my mind. I shouldn’t feel like I’m burdening her, but I do. My birth parents certainly would have seen it that way.

“So another one, huh? Is it just the two now or have there been others?”

“Just the two,” I tell her. I’m grateful she’s moving on so quickly. Focusing on the facts will help my feelings of inadequacy fade.

“Hmmm, and you’re still taking your birth control regularly? Haven’t missed a dose in the chaos of the tour?” I tell her I haven’t and hear her shuffling paperwork on her desk. I can picture her sitting in her office. The white wooden desk she uses is usually cluttered with notes and files. She somehow always knows where the thing she’s looking for is, which is truly a feat since no one else would ever be able to find it without reorganizing the entire room.

“The blood work we did before the tour didn’t show anything unusual so I was going to assume it was stress-induced, but if they are recurring then there may be something more going on.”

“Like what?” I ask curiously. Aside from a birth control malfunction, I’m not sure what else causes mini-heats.

“The most obvious answer would be your body developing a tolerance to your birth control. Pregnancy is also one of the top causes, but unlikely in your case since you’ve been taking preventative measures for so long.” Shelby pauses. I can hear her clicking a pen, something she does when she is lost in thought. “The lesser known causes are autoimmune diseases or damage to your scent glands.”

“The last two would have shown up in the blood work, right?” I’m certainly not a doctor but I’ve learned enough from helping Shelby and Foster over the years to understand the way my body works in relation to things like blood work and medications.

“Correct, We’ll do another round of tests when you get back to Starburgh next week, just to be safe.”

I agreed and we set up a time for me to stop by the local DAU clinic the day after we get back. We chat about how the dads are doing–Forrest is driving her crazy with his other mates busy at their jobs for the next few days, but I can hear the love in her voice as she talks about all the little events he’s managed to talk her into attending with him.

Longing for the type of bond they share briefly fills me, but I try not to linger on the feeling.

“Oh, I remembered one other thing! It isn’t something scientifically confirmed, more of an old wive’s tale, but it’s believed close proximity to one of your Fate matched mates can also cause hormone fluctuations. Almost like your body is trying to convince you to solidify the connection. Again, it’s a rumor, but at least it’s a fun one, right?”

I laugh along halfheartedly with Shelby before quickly, but subtly, ending the call. My mind is already whirling. Since the moment I saw Titan’s Fated connection appear in the tunnel I’ve suspected his pack were the soulmates at the other end of mine. Between Shelby’s ‘fun’ rumor and the pull between us, there is little doubt who they are to me.

Still, I need to know for sure and there’s only one way to find out. Tonight, while they are getting ready for their show in Little Rock, I’m going to send my mates a message.

Leaning against the bar at the back of the venue, I watch Primordial Covenant finish their sound check. The guys have been so sweet tonight, even Titan stopped to check in with me after Nexus told them about my mini-heat yesterday. My guilt builds with each and every interaction I have with their pack. The inside of my cheek is nearly raw from my teeth digging into it to stop myself from blurting out my truths to ease the weight of my sins.

Brady walks out onto the stage, stealing Pack Graves' attention. Their backs are turned toward me and I know this is my chance. I shift my hand slowly to my pocket, being careful to not draw Lex’s attention, and pull out a gel pen.

Pressing the tip to my palm I focus on Callisto. His light cedar and wildflower scent. The way he smiled as we danced beside his fire a few nights ago.

I freeze realizing I never worked out what I was going to say. I don’t want to risk giving myself away, not yet. The sound of Bea’s voice travels from the side of the stage where she is grilling her band’s drummer about how he plans to utilize the advice Titan gave him.

A small smile stretches across my lips as I focus back on Pack Graves, letting my intent flow into the ink as I doodle a little bumblebee on my palm. I quickly recap the pen and shove it in my pocket in time to see all four of them glance down at their hands.

Nexus’ face lights up, his deep brown eyes snapping over to where I’m standing. That light fades a little bit when he sees me going through pictures on my camera, no pen in sight.

The taste of copper fills my mouth as I bite my inner cheek even harder, breaking the skin in my attempt to rein in the despair slowly pouring through my veins. Pack Graves are my Fate matched mates. I’ve witnessed proof of our connection with my own eyes. I should be elated. I should rush the stage and throw myself in their arms to share this joyous news.

Instead, I stand frozen at the sidelines, unable to move past my fear.

I’ve always known Fate could be a fickle bitch, but to hand me my dream career with my soulmates as my coworkers knowing I can’t claim them? I’m starting to think the universe hates me as much as I do.

As an omega, your instincts can often alert you to when someone nearby is feeling an intense emotion. Usually anger or sadness, but occasionally joy or frustration too. When you meet your Fate matched mates, your empathetic sense is greatly enhanced. You become so in tune with their changes in mood you don’t even have to be in the same room to know something is wrong.

Which is why I’ve been pacing my bus all evening. After our show in Little Rock last night and tonight in Memphis, the guys have been closed off. Morose even. I don’t think anyone else on the tour staff has noticed, or maybe they already know the cause, but I don’t know and my omega instincts have certainly noticed. My skin is crawling with the need to go to their bus, beat down their door, and crawl into their laps to soothe them.

Something I am very tempted to do, but fear prevents me from taking that step. Fear of my birth family and of their rejection when they learn my birth identity. No matter how hard I try to convince myself, I can’t seem to believe they will still want to be with me once they learn the truth.

“If you don’t sit down I’m going to call Nexus and make him take you to their bus for the night,” Bea groans from the coach where she’s been binging the last few episodes of the reality talent show she’s obsessed with. I’ve kept my pacing out of her view, but apparently, I’m still bothering her anyway.

Lex studies me from where he sits beside her, before nodding. “Put some athletic clothes on, we’re going for a run.”

I look at him in horror, my mouth opening and closing as I try to comprehend what he suggests. “You want me to do what?!”

Bea is belly laughing beside him, her red face half buried in one of her pillows. “Omen is an omega. We don’t run.”

Lex rolls his eyes at my best friend, a softness reflected there that makes my heart ache before he turns a raised brow in my direction. “Your instincts are riding you hard enough you are bursting with anxious energy and can’t sit still. So, you have two choices. One–we go for a run to wear you out. Two–I throw you over my shoulder and drop you on Pack Grave’s couch. The choice is yours, but you’d better decide quickly, Omen.”

“You can’t seriously–”

“Tick-tock,” Lex says, cutting me off. He stands and starts stretching his arms behind his head. I study his face and realize he’s actually serious.

“Lex,” I try to bargain. I slowly back toward the bunks hoping I can outrun him and lock myself in my nest.

“Times up,” he grins. It’s absolutely terrifying watching his lips tilt up. He barely even smiles and now he’s grinning? He closes the distance between us before I can fully turn to face the back of our bus. His shoulder digs into my stomach and I’m tossed against his back as he stands back to his full height.

“Put me down you barbarian!” I shriek in protest, but my bodyguard ignores me as he stomps down the steps of our bus and out the door. Each step bounces me against him and I’m left with no choice but to hold on to prevent myself from getting way too intimate with his ass.

“I don’t think bodyguards are supposed to manhandle their clients,” I grumble as he stops outside of Primordial Covenant’s bus.

“Probably not,” he chuckles as he beats on their door, “but you’re too stubborn to let me help you otherwise.”

The door opens and the sound of their TV playing in the background filters out around us. “Lex?” Callisto questions. “Omen? Are you okay?” Lex doesn’t bother to answer the beta. He just grunts as he shoves past him and bounces us onto their bus.

“Lex, I swear to god, if you don’t stop bouncing me around I’m going to give you a big enough wedgie you’ll lose at least one ball from poor circulation in the process!” My protest turns into a squeal as I’m immediately thrown off his shoulder. I barely process the growls vibrating through the air when I land against a hard chest. Strong arms wrap around me, preventing me from bouncing to the floor.

“What the fuck, Ferguson?” Nebula snarls from across the room.

“She’s not to leave this bus without me, but until her instincts calm down, she’s your problem. Call me when she’s less frantic.” The door slams behind Lex as he leaves me behind, red-faced and wishing a hole in the floor would open up and swallow me. I’m going to strangle him in his sleep if I survive tonight.

Pink pepper and leather fill my senses as Titan helps me upright. I glance at his face before awkwardly letting my gaze fall away. We all sit in awkward silence and my heart breaks a little. I know I’m the one who has been pushing them away, that this silence is my fault. I don’t know how to fix it. Or if I can even overcome my fears long enough to attempt to.

“You okay little omega?” Nebula asks. He sits down on the couch beside us and I shrug, picking at imaginary lint on my shirt. Strong fingers grip my chin forcing me to look up at him. “Lex said something about your instincts?”

I sigh knowing they won’t drop it until I admit what’s wrong. I try to push to my feet to escape Titan’s hold, knowing he’s still upset with how our date ended in Louisville, but his arms wrap tighter around me. I peek back up at him through my lashes only to find his expression stern as he stares down at me.

“It’s natural for an omega to sometimes develop an affinity to people they spend a lot of time around or have a deeper connection to. So it’s easy for us to feel the stronger emotions of someone we have an affinity with. The four of you have emitted… sour vibes for the past two nights and I’ve been able to feel your discontent.”

“So, you are restless because you can feel something is off but you don’t know what the reason is?” Nebula clarifies.

“And you didn’t feel comfortable asking us,” Callisto adds with a sad half-smile.

“Basically,” I admit with a shrug trying not to meet any of their eyes. My issues aren’t their problem any more than theirs are mine. I need to leave and find a way to deal with my haywire instincts on my own, but Titan hasn’t made a move to release me from his arms yet.

“We are all from Nashville. Well, I guess it’s more accurate to say we attended the Alpha Academy there but grew up in the greater Nashville area.” Nexus plays with a piece of my hair as he starts to explain. “The state of Tennessee as a whole has an outdated traditionalist view, so most of us don’t have many good memories here.”

“That also means,” Nebula grunts, squeezing onto the couch with us, “the protests outside of the show will be the most volatile there too.”

My breath catches as I consider what he’s told me. Michigan is still the roughest of the protests we have faced, so knowing our next stop may be worse makes me a little nervous. I did anticipate Nashville to be somewhere I wouldn’t feel safe working from anywhere but the stage, given the closest anti-designation group’s headquarters is a little over an hour away.

They make it seem as though they are more worried about the anti-pack protestors who live locally. My teeth dig into my lip as I try to fight the urge to voice the questions flying through my mind. They don’t owe me answers, especially after the hot and cold treatment I’ve given them throughout the past few weeks of their tour.

Swallowing my questions is hard. My frazzled instincts only make the task all the more difficult.