Chapter Eighteen

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

NOW PLAYING: I Think I’m OKAY- mgk ft. YUNGBLUD & Travis Barker

Staring out the window as we drive back through Louisville, my thoughts whip in the winds my hurricane of emotions is causing. This morning was wonderful. So full of fun, adventure, and flirting I was barely able to feel the fear usually plaguing my thoughts around Pack Graves.

And our kiss–my first real kiss. Not one of those childhood pecks. I swear I can still feel my lips tingling from the utter perfection of the moment!

Then I panicked and ruined it.

When we were catching our breath and Titan looked at his arm, I followed his gaze. Seeing a message from one of his mates appear on his arm using their Fated connection made all of those fears come crashing back in. Like the waves of a tsunami, they wiped all of my joy away and left only destruction in their wake.

I couldn’t breathe, let alone think straight. I needed to be as far away from Pack Graves as possible while I got myself under control, but when I was going to ask Titan for space, he’d…

Well, I don’t really know what happened, I just know it hurt. He’d gone from kissing me senseless to ripping my heart to pieces. But I could see the hurt in his dark eyes, too. My hesitation had cut him as deeply as his words had wounded me.

I don’t know how to make it better when I can barely manage to keep the fear at bay. Having a written messages Fated connection doesn’t guarantee Pack Graves are my Fate mates. It is statistically possible we happen to share the same type of connection. This could be some crazy cosmic coincidence.

In my heart, I don’t believe that’s the case. The way my instincts constantly scream ‘mine’ every time I am near one of the men of Pack Graves… I’m pretty sure Primordial Covenant are my Fate matched mates.

Am I excited or am I terrified? I’ve already started to grow attached to their pack, even before actually meeting them. Them being meant to be mine would be a good thing, wouldn’t it?

I can’t see past my scattered thoughts to make sense of how I’m feeling. I need a nap in my nest and time to get my shit together.

Thankfully, Titan stalks off as soon as we park by our buses, leaving a disgruntled Lex following behind me. “You want to tell me what that was about?” he asks. I shrug one shoulder, too exhausted from this morning to make it seem like I’m not falling apart at the seams. “You shut down after the date and you want me to accept a shrug as an explanation?”

Whirling around, I put one hand on my hip and level a glare at my alpha bodyguard, irritated by his prodding. “Do you want to explain what’s been going on between you and Bea?” His face goes blank, his jaw a hard line as he clenches his mouth shut. “This isn’t something you can fix for me, Lex. Not any more than I can help you with my best friend. Sometimes we have to figure things out ourselves, and this is me doing just that.”

“Fine,” he spits out before ushering me up the bus steps. “But you are at least going to eat something. You didn’t eat before we left this morning and we’re going to be getting to Indianapolis right in time for sound check. No arguments either. You have work to do tonight and you need energy to do it.”

I groan in protest but relent. He won’t stop pestering me until I eat, and if I wait too long, he will send Bea in.

“Girl, where were you this morning?” My bestie asks when I walk into the living area of our bus. She’s taken over the coffee table with paperwork and notes from her band’s shows. Despite the various complaints about Orbital Somatic, she really is invested in their career. I hope the band, and label, see how much effort she’s putting in for them.

“Titan invited me to go to an underground zipline place with him.”

“You went on a date?!” Bea squeals. My throat clogs with emotion at her question. I swallow thickly trying not to let anyone see how much those words are affecting me.

“Not a date. Just hanging out.”

“Psh, yeah, okay.” Bea rolls her eyes.

I focus on the leftovers I pulled from the microwave and turn the conversation to work. I hate keeping secrets from my best friend. She’s one of the only people who I’ve been able to be truly honest with over the years, but I can’t tell her it felt like a date. That Titan gave me my first kiss. A kiss that rewrote my very soul.

I can’t tell her anything I learned this morning because she won’t understand my fear. She doesn’t have a family of anti-designation advocates haunting her past and endangering her future. She’ll want me to tell them about the connection and I don’t know if I can admit it.

Not right now. Maybe not ever.

Listening to her talk as she goes over paperwork, my thoughts drift to the day I discovered my Fated connection, wondering if maybe there is a clue there to tell me if Pack Graves is at the other end.

I lean against the bathroom door transfixed as I watch Bea flat iron her curls. The transition to silky straight strands is so different from her usual style. It makes it clear how important tonight is.

Hanging from the bathroom door is her light pink Candy Courage band tee and a hot pink suspender skirt decorated with a white lip print pattern. So bright and cheery. The opposite of my gray-on-black ensemble.

Bea finishes her hair and motions me over to attempt to tame my messy waves. I let her fawn over me, pulling the dark strands into a high pony to keep it off my neck during the show. As she starts working on applying a strong winged eyeliner, I feel the same vibration along my arm where the conversation with my mate is. I hold my breath as I blink my eyes open and look down.

I barely glimpse the words before more start to appear below them. The writing is different and my instincts confirm this is a different person joining the conversation. Another mate.

‘Fate doesn’t have an expiration date, and neither do we. -C’

‘Whenever you’re ready, Omega, let us know. -W’

“How did they know I was an Omega?” I scowl, starting to turn my face up to Bea’s, but more writing scrawls across my arm. A third mate. A pack. My pack. Panic threatens to consume me once more, but I force myself to focus on the messages.

‘We are always a message away if you need us. -R’

This time I notice the difference. The subtle shift in the way I feel with each of the messages. If I focus as they reply, I might be able to pinpoint each of their energy signatures. The idea excites me but I can’t allow myself to dwell on this. To obsess over a pack I may never be a part of will only make staying away from them all the more difficult.

I stare down at their words. Their promise to be there when I am free to pursue a relationship with them. One last message flows through, imbued with a hint of adrenaline that sends shivers down my spine.

‘Stay safe for us, Omega. -B’

Tears well in my eyes threatening to spill down my cheeks. Bea screeches, slapping both hands on my arm to block my view. “As sweet as this whole thing is, you’re going to ruin your makeup and we don’t have enough time to start over!”

Shaking off the lingering longing and regret I still feel, I carefully brush away the tears. Bea snaps a picture of the completed messages. After she has proof of the connection I focus on the words once more. This time to will them to fade away. My heart aches as they slowly fade from my skin and I can only hope I am making the right decision.

Opening my phone, I go into the folder where I saved the pictures Bea had taken of my first interaction with my Fate matched mates. I scroll to the last image, the one with all four of their responses. At the end of each of their messages was a dash before a single letter.

C, R, W, B.

Blowing out a breath, I close out of the pictures. They aren’t as helpful as I hoped. Without knowing the guys’ birth names, I can’t be sure the messages actually came from the four of them. And I can’t risk asking them now, just in case Titan connects the dots and realizes why I want to know.

I’ll figure out a way to find out for sure if we share this connection or not. For now, I need a nap.

Knocking on my door wakes me several hours later. Glancing at my phone, I realize it’s almost time for us to head over to the venue for tonight’s show. My energy is still low, my usual pre-show exhilaration non-existent. Let’s hope I can manage to get some decent shots tonight.

Walking into the venue, my eyes catch on Pack Graves where they stand across the room, their masks covering their handsome faces. Nexus sees me and waves his arms back and forth. I can tell he’s seconds away from walking over here so I turn tail and head in to start working by the stage. Hiding may not be the best option, but I don’t know what else to do. I’m afraid I’ll blurt out all of my suspicions if I talk to them.

If I do share our potential connection and we are Fate matched mates, I’ll have to tell them everything. All of my secrets will be laid bare. I’m not sure I’m ready for them to know who my birth family is.

Standing at the back of the crowded venue floor, I watch the guys perform. My camera is poised and ready as they dance around the stage. Nebula and Callisto are circling each other in the center of the stage, the reddish-purple lights casting them in a darker image than they usually create. Neb points a finger at Cal, beckoning him forward like they’re going to fight.

This song is one whose lyrics call out those who dare to try to suppress someone else’s Fate. People like the anti-pack supporters who try to force omega’s away from their mates when they meet them. I’ve always loved the powerful meaning behind the song, but tonight it feels as if they’re speaking to me. Like they’re calling me out for hiding our connection instead of trusting Fate to lead us to where we’re supposed to be.

Biting my cheek, I capture the moment and move on. I need to focus on my job, not the turmoil inside of my head and heart.

When Nexus takes the mic and says his usual farewell, I rush to gather everything I brought and get out of the venue before the guys can track me down. Lex notices my hurry but doesn’t comment. He just grunts and gives me a knowing look.

Which I ignore. He can judge me all he wants, it’s not like he’s tripping over his feet to get to Bea and talk things out with her.

The back door opens and Bea slides in beside me. Sweaty and exhausted, but beaming. “I’m starving!” I can’t help but laugh at my bestie. She’s never afraid to go after what she wants. One day I want to be as confident in my actions as she always is.

“So aside from food, what’re our plans for the night? Are you ditching me to hang out with Primordial Covenant again?” She fake pouts, her lips twitching into a smile despite her attempts.

“Nope, I think they had other plans so I’ll be on the bus with you.”

“Girls’ night?”

“Sure,” I reply. “Think you could touch up my roots? The brown is really starting to get noticeable.” Bea quickly agrees, pulling out her phone to order food to be delivered when we get back to the campground. She seems excited about the two of us hanging out and I feel a little guilty for not spending more time with her. Friends before dick or however the saying goes.

Music pounds through a speaker, the air filled with the lingering scent of Chinese food and hair dye as Bea dances behind my stool. I’ll be surprised if we don’t find little drops of color on the floor after she’s finished with my roots.

My phone pings several times on the counter and I’m not quite quick enough to flip the screen over to hide the unread texts from Pack Graves.

“I thought you said they were busy tonight?” Bea asks, leaning back to meet my gaze in the mirror. I jerk my eyes away from her, focusing on a spot on the wall instead. “Oms, are you running away from the hot musician dick?”

“No,” I lie, but my bestie sees right through me. Her lips turn down into a frown as she puts the last of the dye on my roots and throws her gloves away.

“It sure seems like you’re running when they’re blowing up your phone and you’re ignoring them in favor of hiding out on our bus with me. Did something happen? Are they being too pushy?”

Closing my eyes, I bite my tongue and count to ten. I don’t want to snap at Bea but I need her to drop the topic. I just want to hang out and have fun with her, not ruminate on the pull I feel to Pack Graves. “No, they’re… fine. Can we not talk about it?”

“I guess, but I’m always here for you, Oms. Even if it’s only to listen.”

“I know, Bea. And I adore you for it. Right now I want to chill and have a girls’ night listening to Candy Courage and doing our hair.”

Bea gives me a tight smile and agrees, but her eyes linger on me a little too long for the rest of the night. I know she doesn’t agree with me avoiding the guys, but it isn’t her decision to make.