Chapter Thirty-Five

Emma was inordinately nervous, something Elias picked up on immediately upon entering the sitting room where she waited for the rest of the family to be ready for Lord and Lady Bartlett's ball. He had been spending all his time with Catherine, so he and Emma hadn't spoken much since his arrival in Town, but that didn't stop him from sitting beside her now and taking the book out of her hand.

She hadn't really been reading it anyway, so she didn't mind.

"You seem different," he said simply.

Emma laughed once, but she was grateful for an easy way to turn the subject away from herself. " I'm different? This morning I saw you laugh so hard that you cried. It's as if you're a different person entirely."

He smiled, the gesture subtler than on most people but far more pronounced than what he usually showed. "I know my affection for Catherine must have surprised you. It surprised me as well, but when Forester said—"

"What?" Emma's jaw dropped, and she grabbed Elias's arm. "What did he say?"

"I haven't decided whether he meant it for my benefit or his own, but back in Tutbury he mentioned how quiet I am and how Catherine needed someone like me, someone content to listen. It got me thinking, and the more I interacted with her, the more I liked her... vivacity. It wasn't long before my affections grew beyond curiosity."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why didn't you ask?"

Emma couldn't help but smile. "True. I suppose I am always so focused on myself."

"That isn't what I meant."

"But it is true, nonetheless. Otherwise, I might have realized before I did that Catherine had already given her heart to someone new. I think I've been a terrible friend to her."

Elias took her hand, shaking his head. "You've been the only friend to her. She has a good deal of enthusiasm, I know, and most people dismiss her. But what she really needs is someone to listen, just as Forester suggested. To stay by her side. I wanted so badly to write to you and thank you for being that for her, but..."

Laughing, Emma squeezed his hand. "But you were too busy with your clandestine courtship through letters."

"How else was I supposed to continue when you stole her away from me?"

"You've surprised me, Elias, falling in love with someone in only a few weeks."

He scoffed. "Hypocrisy if ever I've heard it. You've known Forester for just as long as I've known Catherine."

Emma spluttered. "Mr. Forester? What does he have to do with anything?" She didn't need her cousin to respond, however, and she let out a deep sigh as she pulled the most recent letter from her reticule and handed it to him.

Though he scowled at the sight of it, Elias read quickly, his eyes going wide. "You've planned a secret meeting with Forester tonight?"

"Yes. No. I mean, I think it's him, but I'm not certain who I'll be meeting."

"Emma!"

She explained the situation as quickly and succinctly as she could, in case they were interrupted by one of the others. Elias listened in silence, back to being fully stoic, something she both appreciated and hated. It felt good to confide in someone, but she had no idea what he thought of the mess she'd gotten into.

"And the way he looked at me last night, I could have sworn he felt..." She was too afraid to put a word to it.

Finally Elias spoke, pulling his eyebrows low. "Of course he feels for you, Emma! Anyone can see the way he looks at you, and I have half a mind to call him out for playing this ridiculous game with your heart."

As much as she hoped he was right, Emma couldn't help but laugh as she imagined her quiet cousin challenging the likes of Nick Forester. "You do know they say he is the best shot in England, don't you? I think a duel between the two of you would result in a heartbroken Catherine."

Elias narrowed his eyes. "Then, I'll challenge him to the sword."

"I guarantee that is a bad idea."

Harrumphing, he pushed to his feet and paced a few times. "I still don't like the idea of you meeting a potential stranger in secret."

"It won't be entirely secret. He chose a spot within sight of the ballroom." Another reason to think it might be Nick behind the letter. They had spent enough time together in public that no one would question the two of them speaking. Meeting an actual stranger would require more discretion should things not go well.

Elias glanced at the letter again. "And how will you know it is him?" He must not have read the entirety of the letter.

"He will have a blue ribbon in his buttonhole."

"How quaint."

Emma scowled at him, not sure she liked this emotive version of her cousin. His disdain was clear in his voice, but if he had been here in London the whole time, he would understand why he didn't need to worry. This was Nick, the man who continually came to her rescue and put her before himself.

Standing, she met Elias toe-to-toe and leveled him with her best glare. "I hardly think you have any room to judge me when you secretly wrote love letters to an unmarried woman, Elias Drake."

He clenched his jaw. "I accept your censure, but it wasn't a month ago that you were disparaging the idea of marriage altogether, and you were determined to hate everything about Mr. Forester. Are you choosing him because you have no other options? I know you want your grandfather's estate, but at what cost?"

Emma narrowed her eyes. "My admirers have not been in short supply, and while I was fully determined to hate Mr. Forester, that was only until I came to know him. I love him, Elias."

Admitting those words out loud should have frightened her, but it didn't. She felt rather peaceful about the idea, which told her all she needed to know about the depth of her feelings. There was so much still to learn about Nick Forester, but she knew they could make a happy life together, assuming that was something he wanted as well. She wouldn't know until she asked, which she planned to do tonight regardless of who would be waiting for her on that balcony.

She needed to know whether Nick could ever be an option.

Taking a deep breath, Elias considered her words before offering his arm. There were voices out in the corridor, which meant most of the family had gathered. "And what if this mysterious suitor is not Nick Forester?" he asked. "You don't have time to gamble on this."

Emma didn't have an answer to that question. As much as she liked to believe she could come to love someone else, her heart beat so strongly for Nick that she genuinely feared that outcome. For everyone's sake, she had to hope her suspicions were correct.

Besides, she knew there was more to this than the inheritance. "He's dying, isn't he?"

Elias dropped his gaze. Though he said nothing, the sadness in his eyes was clear. He was almost as close to Grandfather as Emma was, and she suspected Elias knew far more about his health than he let on. If she could do this one thing for Grandfather—show him that she would be happy and no longer alone—perhaps his passing would be easier to bear.

Tabitha, Alvaro, and Catherine were all waiting in the entryway, and Emma fixed on a smile before anyone else picked up on her nerves and sadness. But that smile lasted only long enough for her to realize that Nick was not here.

"Is Mr. Forester not joining us?" she asked, though it was not as if Nick couldn't find his own way to the ball.

As Catherine latched on to Elias's arm, Tabitha and Alvaro shared a glance.

"I believe he will meet us at the Bartletts'," Tabitha said, brushing her skirts. "He just left an hour ago."

Emma's heart skipped a beat. "He was here?"

Though Alvaro chuckled, Emma hardly saw any humor in her realization. Why would Nick not at the very least say hello? She had thought he would be far from Harstone House today, or she would have sought him out herself.

"He and I were discussing business," Alvaro said brightly. "I am lending him money to rebuild his estate, and I fear I overwhelmed him with talk of everything he will need to do to bring it back to being profitable. The poor man was rather in a state of anxiety and needed a moment to refresh before he joins us."

Emma could hardly breathe as she processed this. Nick was going to rebuild his estate? But what did that mean for her letter writer? If Nick was the one writing to her and intending to marry her, he wouldn't need his lands. He would share the inheritance with her. Did this mean he had given up because she was soon to be engaged to someone else?

"Oh," she said weakly, wondering if she would have the strength to carry on tonight.

Did she have a choice?

"Come along, dear," Tabitha said, reaching out for Emma's hand. "We don't want you to be late."

Though she likely meant late for the ball, Emma half wondered if Tabitha knew about the clandestine meeting. How, Emma didn't know, but she prayed she was doing the right thing as she followed her family into the night.