Chapter Thirteen

In all honesty, forcing Miss Mackenzie to attend Almack's would do nothing to benefit Nick, and he knew it. He would do better to ensure she never occupied the same space as him and therefore eliminate the possibility of her sabotaging his attempts at finding himself a wife. Deep down, he knew this. And yet that didn't stop him from climbing the steps to Harstone's lavish town house on Tuesday evening to see if Miss Mackenzie's brother-in-law had managed to secure her an invitation. It wasn't as if Nick had more social power than the ton 's most friendly viscount, so if Harstone had not obtained a voucher for the woman, there was going to be a rather disappointed Sir Thomas Morland at Almack's.

Nick chuckled as the Harstone butler opened the door for him, letting him into the entryway before directing him to the study. Sir Thomas wasn't a talkative man, by any means, but his interest in Miss Mackenzie had been written all over his face. And Miss Mackenzie couldn't have appeared more un interested if she had tried. Despite Nick's best attempts to push them together, he knew Sir Thomas was hardly the right sort of man to tempt her into matrimony.

That wouldn't stop him from trying. He had yet to figure out what sort of man would tempt her, and if nothing else, Sir Thomas would keep her occupied for the space of a dance and leave Nick free to find his own partner.

"Ah, Forester, I was not expecting you so late in the evening." Harstone bounded into the study, a man of endless energy. "I would have thought you would be deep in one of London's many social events. That is why we are all here, no?" He gestured for Nick to take a seat in one of the plush armchairs he kept in the comfortable room. "You, in particular, have always been at the heart of entertainment."

Nick forced a smile. Once upon a time, he had enjoyed being the center of attention, attending as many parties and balls as he could. Yes, to find a wife, but also because he had delighted in the company of friends new and old. But that had been before all the rumors and lies. Before Lady Lavinia had forced him to turn into something he wasn't when she made it clear their engagement had meant little to her.

Helping himself to a drink from Harstone's stock, Nick remained on his feet rather than sitting, feeling the need to be able to run from the conversation should it not go his way. "I may have overstepped the other day," he said and then swallowed a healthy portion of brandy to ease the sting of admitting his mistake.

Harstone's expression didn't change, still light and happy, as always. "Is that so? What have you done this time?"

"I convinced half of London that your sister-in-law would be at Almack's tomorrow."

"Only half?" Again, Harstone's smile remained intact, though that was hardly surprising. For being a man far from his home country, he had settled in to his new home with ease and never questioned his decision to remain. He could have easily accepted his title and returned to Spain, leaving a steward to look over his lands, but he had never given any indication of missing his Spanish countrymen. He was clearly content with his life in England, no matter how much it shifted and changed.

Nick had always admired his resilience.

"You seem able to convince London of a good many things," Harstone said with a chuckle. "What I do not understand is why you are telling me this. Do you want me to warn her of the expectation?"

Nick threw back another swallow of brandy before throwing himself into a chair beside his friend. "I want you to do whatever you can to ensure she is able to attend. I have injured her too many times to find any comfort in her being the subject of gossip should she not attend as I promised."

"How uncharacteristic of you."

That assessment stung more than it should, and Nick rubbed his chest as if he could rub the ache out of his heart. "I hope you think better of me than that," he muttered. He had already spent the summer withering under Lord Simon Calloway's censuring gaze, and he did not need the judgment from Harstone as well. He knew his lies were unbecoming, but there was only so much he could do to change his life now, much as he wanted to.

Steepling his fingertips together, Harstone seemed to study Nick for a long moment as the dying fire crackled in the hearth on the other side of the room. His energy had shifted, less buoyant and directed straight at Nick. "You are a good man, Nick Forester," he said after a long moment. Had it really taken so long to come to that conclusion? "But you do seem lost."

Nick let out the breath he had been holding. "‘Lost,'" he repeated. As much as he agreed, he hated to admit such a thing. It would strip him of any sense of control over his life. "No one navigates London Society better than I do. Except perhaps you, who have the entire world at your fingertips because everyone desires your friendship."

Chuckling, Harstone shrugged and settled more comfortably in his chair. "There is nothing wrong with being friendly, and it is far better than manipulating my fellows."

Nick scowled. "I think I liked you better when you hardly spoke English."

"I can just as easily speak the truth in Spanish, my friend. And I have always spoken English."

"Yes, but your accent used to be stronger, so your words were above my level of intelligence."

"Why do you run from the truth, Nick?"

Groaning, Nick rose back to his feet and began a circuit around the room. His friends only ever called him by his preferred name when they were bothered by something, and those moments usually did not end in his favor. "I did not come to discuss my unfortunate life," he complained. "I came to ensure Miss Mackenzie would be able to attend Almack's."

"I procured her a voucher yesterday when she requested one."

"Oh." Nick paused his pacing. So he had come here for nothing? He should have known Harstone would have no issue obtaining a voucher for his sister-in-law—deep down, Nick had known. But he had come anyway, and his stomach churned as he considered the reason. It was far too late for a social call, even if Harstone had welcomed him without hesitation.

Apparently there were a lot of truths Nick was ignoring, and he didn't like the thought that even he was beginning to fixate on the lies. Had he really fallen so far?

Sighing deeply, he sank into his chair again and ran his hands through his hair. "You think I'm lost," he said again, letting those words sink in. "How long have you known me, Harstone?"

"Long enough that you used to call me Rowland."

Before Harstone had taken up his title as viscount. Before Calloway had become a baron to replace his late father. Before Nick's life had been altered so thoroughly by a decision made by a woman who likely hadn't given him a single thought in the three years since. Lavinia was happily married now to a man who wasn't Nick, so of course she wouldn't have thought about him over the years, though he'd certainly thought about her. Every rumor that circulated about him, whether he'd started it himself or not, was because of her.

"I've practically forgotten who I am," Nick muttered more to himself than to Harstone. "And I don't know how to get back to the man I was."

Was it even possible? After three years of perpetuating every rumor that surfaced and speaking more lies than truths, Nick wasn't convinced a normal life was even possible at this point. It was hardly any wonder he hadn't found himself a wife yet when he knew in his heart that any woman who caught his fancy would be caught in the same net of lies. No woman deserved that horrid life, and he couldn't fathom anyone choosing to face that battle with him.

Chuckling, Harstone rose and put his hand on Nick's shoulder. "You are an intelligent man. I am sure you will find a way back. Just remember that a journey is always better with a companion. It is late, and I should be returning to mine."

"Yes, of course." Nick followed him out into the corridor, already dreading returning to the silence of his rented room. He could probably find somewhere to go, some social gathering full of ladies to welcome him with open arms, but his heart wasn't in it. At least he could rest easy knowing Miss Mackenzie would not be ridiculed tomorrow.

But then again, Nick would be at Almack's as well to attempt to find her a different match, and the odds of him remaining civil with the headstrong woman were not in his favor. Not when that place held nothing but bitter memories. Perhaps, if he kept his focus on Miss Mackenzie and procured her a good number of suitors, he would not be forced to remember the day his life had fallen apart.