22. Smitty

Bryson was gone and from what I could tell, the whole town was worried about him. Not Jake…Bryson. I overheard conversations at Rise and Grind and Henderson's Bakery. Even Dale asked me if I'd heard from our neighbor.

"Nice man, that Bryson. Good soul. I know he's worried about Jake, but I hope he's doing all right."

Yeah, me too.

But I didn't text him. I wanted to give him space to be with his kid, and maybe I needed the time apart to think too. He'd brought up some fair points. Coming out didn't seem like a big deal to me, but coming out and going public about my relationship with a man was…well, that also didn't seem like a big deal. So what? Who cared?

Hockey fans might. Again…I didn't care. He was right to think it might make the news and be attached directly to Jake, though. That part was between them. But I was all in. No doubts. I wanted to come out.

Don't get me wrong…of course, it freaked me the fuck out. But I didn't want to hide and I didn't want to lose the best thing that had come into my life in years.

I wasn't doing this for Bryson, though. I was doing it for me. This was my new start and it was time to make my own moves.

What beganas an informal check-in for Riley when he needed help staying on top of affairs between the rink and the high school had evolved into a semi-organized coaches' meeting. In attendance today were Vinnie, Riley, Court, Quinn, and me. Our new coach for the women's team usually joined us but couldn't make it today. Ronnie wasn't here either. But that was okay. We'd covered upcoming games, rosters changes, and brainstormed playoff strategies before they began gossiping about Jake's chances of getting called up next season.

According to Vinnie, whose old agent represented Jake, something really big might be in the works.

"McD is fielding calls from the Kings and the Krakens. Or so he says," Vinnie reported from our corner booth at the diner. "One third of what comes out of his mouth is pure bullshit, but that other two-thirds…I don't know. Elmwood might have a new NHL player soon. Hear that, Mr. Johnson? You're gonna owe me a cup of coffee!"

I glanced over at the old man shamelessly eavesdropping from the booth next to ours, rubbing his hands like a kid in a candy store.

"Best news I've heard all day," Mr. Johnson replied, sliding to his feet. He left a few dollars on the table and patted Vinnie's shoulder. "When the ink is dry, I'll buy the whole town a cup of coffee."

"Buy it from Rise and Grind, though," Court interjected. "Our coffee is better."

Vinnie nudged Court's elbow and scoffed without heat 'cause it was true, and we all knew it. The rest of us chuckled and returned to our breakfasts and our weekly conversation regarding the state of hockey in Elmwood.

These sessions were good for me. They made me feel more connected to a community that operated on handshakes and goodwill passed down from generation to generation. I was an outsider here. If I wanted to stay and make a mark, I had to learn about these people. And I had to let them know me. After months of skirting around my big truth, I was ready to be completely honest.

So, in the least diplomatic, ungraceful way possible, I shoveled a forkful of hash brown into my mouth and blurted, "I'm bisexual. In case anyone cares."

Silence.

Quinn coughed and sputtered, "Congratulations? Is that what you're supposed to say?"

I shrugged. "Dunno. Just wanted to get it out there."

Riley, Court, and Vinnie exchanged a look I couldn't read to save my life.

Vinnie snorted. "Your voice carries. You know that, right? You told the whole damn town."

I twisted in my seat, and sure enough…all eyes were on our table.

Okay, then. I was out.

And you know what? I felt really fucking good about it.

Riley smiled as he leaned across the table. "Welcome to the club."

I swungby Bryson's office after breakfast, hoping he was in. It was Monday, and I assumed he'd be back from Syracuse. Tracy said he was expected in the office tomorrow.

Fuck. I should have thought of making sure he was in town and then blabbed. I wanted him to hear it from me.

Well, the cat was out of the bag, and I didn't want to lose my momentum. I left a message for Jimmy and called my mother too. Jimmy would return my call later and my mom…well, I'd send more money after work.

I had meetings at the high school before hockey. The principal wanted me to teach a health and nutrition class next year, which meant I'd need to get a certification.

To teach. Me.

Damn, that was wild, but I liked the idea. I even forgot my own "news" for a while, too busy working out titles for myself. Professor Smitty. Prof Paluchek. The professor. The maestro, Sir Smitty.

I remembered at practice, though.

"It's nobody's business, but I'm going to tell you anyway, 'cause I hate gossip and it's better to hear the truth from the horse's mouth." I chuckled at their collective confusion and worried glances. "Christ, I'm not dying, idiots. I'm bisexual. That's it. Anyone got anything to say?"

Silence.

The weird, awkward kind. Oh, shit.

I wondered if I'd overstepped a coach-player rule. Maybe I should have run my confession by the principal or?—

"My sister's bi," Niall said. "She has a girlfriend in college."

"My cousin's queer," Micah added. "Not sure what label they like. I don't think it matters. They're just family, ya know?"

Denny stood and tapped his stick on the ground. "You're family, Coach. You're our family."

They tapped their sticks and chanted my name, "Coach, Coach, Coach…"

Great. And now my eyes were leaking. I cleared my throat and raised my hands over my head.

"Thank you. You guys are the best. Now get your butts on the ice. We've got a game to win next weekend. You're not gonna win it if you skate like my great uncle Chuck. Let's do this!"

That was it.

I was giddy with relief and…hope. I felt like I'd shed layers of clothing on a hot day in summer. I could breathe easier, and the future suddenly seemed brighter. I was borderline euphoric.

But I got nervous when Jimmy's name lit my screen later that afternoon.

"Yo, I was gonna call you this week. It's time to talk about summer camp. Got another year in you, buddy?"

I muted the sound on my flat-screen and rested my feet on my new coffee table. "Sorry, man. I can't. I'm staying here. In Elmwood. They need me for the Juniors' camp, and I'm taking a class to learn how to teach and stuff."

"Shut up."

I chuckled. "Professor Paluchek has a nice ring, eh?"

"Professors teach in college, not high school, genius. But they'll definitely have to call you mister. Oh, and you gotta wear a suit."

"Fuck that."

We snickered like idiots, playfully razzing each other, then switching topics to sports, his kids, Christina, and my sanity.

"Be honest with me, Smitty, are you doing okay? You sound great, but I keep thinking you'll be home soon."

"This is home now," I replied, unthinking.

"Oh. What a second…you met someone! Christina called it." Jimmy yelled something to his wife in the background that made me laugh, but I was also aware that this might be where the conversation dissolved. "Well, who is she?"

"His name is Bryson. And no, I'm not fucking with you. I'm bi and I'm with a guy. It's been about six months, and I'm happy. There're things to figure out, but…yeah. I wanted you to know."

"Six months," he repeated. "You've been with a man for six months?"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner? You didn't think I'd care, did you? I kinda knew you were bi. You had that thing with that trainer before you met Rachel. You never said anything, but I could tell you liked him and—shit, I'm babbling. Sorry. I'm happy for you, man. I know you, and I don't think you'd say anything unless you were serious about him."

"I am."

Jimmy hummed thoughtfully. "I'm comin' to Elmwood. That's it. Summer vacation at Uncle Smitty's house."

"Good. I hope you and Christina and the kids visit. I'd love to show you around."

"I want to meet your guy."

I swallowed hard. "I want that too."

So…that went well.

For all intents and purposes, I was out. But as I said, I was a greedy asshole. I wanted it all. I wanted Bryson to be my guy.

The way I saw it,I had a few options. I could knock on his door and tell him what I'd done and how I felt. I'd keep it short and sweet, and he'd agree that we should be together. Done deal.

It sounded like a lot of words I could potentially get very wrong. That scared me. I needed something bigger. Not pricey or flashy, but a gesture he'd appreciate. I came up blank. But his car was in his driveway for the first time in a week, and this was my shot.

I didn't have time to go into town, and everything was closed anyway.

Plus, it was winter. There were no flowers in the garden, and we weren't really guys who did flowers, so…what?

I had nothing, but I shrugged on my coat, pausing on the sidewalk in front of my place to shove a beanie on my head when I noticed it was snowing. I glanced over at Dale's walkway next door and spotted the shovel I used to keep the path clear for him and—boom! It hit me. An idea, not the shovel.

I immediately got to work, double-checking my efforts as I crossed the street.

Good. Very good.

With that, I marched to Bryson's house and rang the bell. And knocked.

He opened the door, a hesitant but warm expression fixed on his handsome mug. My pulse sputtered to a stop, then soared at the sight of him, looking sophisticated and casually elegant in his usual khakis and button-down shirt. And damn it, I'd never seen a face that looked more like home.

I swallowed hard, willing my heart to stay in my chest.

"You're here," I stated like a moron. "Jake's good, yeah?"

My delivery needed some refining, but Bryson didn't seem to mind.

"Yes, he was cleared and has been playing amazing hockey. I'm still worried, but I think that's just me." He flashed a self-deprecating half smile and motioned for me to come inside.

"No, thanks. I mean…yes, I want to, but I made you something." I pointed at my rental and pulled at his sleeve. "Come see."

Bryson cocked his head curiously, stepped onto the porch, and followed me across the street. He wrapped his arms around his body to ward off the evening chill and read the message I'd carved out of snow. "I love you, Bry. ?Smitty."

He swiveled to face me, his mouth wide open. "You…"

"Yeah, I do. I love you."

I shrugged my coat off when he shivered and draped it over his shoulders, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

"I love you too," he whispered. "Everyone in Elmwood is going to know by morning."

"Good. I'm out, Bry. I spent the whole day coming out to the people who matter to me. My friends, my team, my mom. It's something I wanted to do for a while. I was nervous, but I want to be honest. If this"—I motioned between us—"is something you want to stay on the DL, that's okay. It can be ours…and Jimmy's, but don't worry, he won't say anything. I'll erase this before any busybodies start talking or?—"

"No." Bryson tugged at my T-shirt and shook his head, grinning. "There's no need. I don't want to hide either. I told Jake and Piper and…they knew, which is funny. I guess I'm a terrible actor. I love you. I do. So much."

I kissed his nose. "Me too, babe."

"But I want you to be sure you're okay with all this. Me, my son, this town, the hockey world. There's a lot of baggage here, Smitty. You have to be sure about me."

I glanced up at the sky, blinking snowflakes from my eyelashes, then met his gaze again.

"I'm positive. This isn't a fling, and you know it as well as I do. We both have baggage. Christ, I might be working through mine for the rest of my life. It feels lighter with you somehow. I came here broken and tired—and my head was filled with shit I couldn't fix. I don't feel that way anymore…because of you. I'm not in pain all the time and I'm—fuck, I'm happy. I love my life. I love my job and the new friends I've met. I love that every day feels like a new start. But most of all, I love you. And I feel like someone up there must be looking out for me, because how the fuck did someone like me meet someone like you? How do you love me?" I set my hand over his mouth and smiled. "Don't tell me. I don't need to know. It can be a mystery. Just let me love you back, Bry. Let me be yours."

Bryson launched himself into my arms. "Mine. All mine."

I held on tight and crashed my mouth over his.

Life was about taking chances, but this one was a no-brainer. Some wild twist of fate had brought us together at exactly the right time. We didn't have a list of things we needed to check off to be happy. I knew how to navigate thin ice and rough patches. I'd done it on my own for years. But we had each other now, and that was more than enough.