Kyrie 462

Kyrie

Numb and empty. That’s the only way I can describe myself as I weave through the crowded hallways. I didn’t sleep a wink. How could I? First, what I witnessed. I swear my heart almost beat out of my chest when I heard his footsteps coming toward my room. After burying myself under my comforter to hide, I froze when Owen came in. In fear? No, I’ve never been afraid of him, and he’d never hurt me. What I saw, though? My reaction to it? That I am afraid of. I didn’t mean to flinch when he touched me. It was an agonizing mixture of that fear and anticipation coursing through me while he touched me with such dirty hands. It set off fireworks on my nerves.

My mind was in a fog the rest of the night. Rather than stay in bed and pretend everything was fine like I should have, I followed him. Too far to hear anything, I watched him and Uncle Sahib move the woman’s body out to the garage. What they did with her after, I have no idea. Part of me is disappointed in that, for reasons I’m unsure of. The other part doesn’t want to know. My mind is already whirling with confusing thoughts. It was obvious Uncle Sahib was not surprised to find a dead woman on our couch.

How many bodies have they cleaned up?

How many were because of Owen ?

It made me realize I don’t know nearly as much about the man who raised me as I thought. Does he even work for Uncle Sahib as security? Is anything in my life real? The endless loop constricts my lungs, making it hard to breathe. Meandering down the hall, I spot Nate waiting by my locker and pick up the pace, eager to see a friendly face.

His face breaks out into a smile at seeing me, and he lets out an “Oof” when I slam into him and wrap my arms around his middle. He carefully returns my death hug and nuzzles the top of my head. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Wrong? Everything is wrong. My seanathair brought a woman home and killed her while he fucked her. I witnessed it. Then while I lay in bed trying to sort through the chaos constricting my chest, I made myself come again as the scene replayed in my mind. I thought about how hard I got off on the entire taboo scene. Watching him eat her pussy like a savage, fucking her while his hands were wrapped around her neck. I remembered the hot anger that coursed through me at the sight of him touching her. Arousal thick in my veins with the sick satisfaction I felt that he used her like a toy, then disposed of her like the trash she was. Then I imagined how his beard might feel between my thighs if he ate me so savagely, controlled me so completely while he fucked me. That’s what’s wrong .

I can’t tell Nate that, though. All I can do is draw comfort from his familiar presence. Except that’s all he is. He’s becoming a constant for me, one of a few places I can turn to for friendship but not solace. I frown when it hits me that he’s not actually helping me relax. He doesn’t make me feel safe. Only one person makes me feel safe . I sigh and extract myself from his arms as I breathe out my response, “Nothing.”

“It doesn’t seem like ‘nothing.’” He grabs my shoulders and rubs them. Instead of relaxing me, it causes me to cringe.

Shrugging him off, I straighten my shoulders and will myself to seem grateful for his efforts rather than annoyed. I sought him out, I should feel grateful. Scrubbing my hand over my face and breathing out a sigh of exhaustion, I meet his gaze with my tired one. “I just… I didn’t sleep well. Bad dreams.”

His features soften as he steps forward. “Do you want to talk—”

“No.” He raises his eyebrows. “I don’t even really remember them. I really don’t want to talk about it.”

He sets his features in a grim face. His brow pulls down and his lips thin into a hard line as he nods slowly. His shoulders set in a tense frame. “Well, let me know if you do. ”

We stare at each other for a long moment, neither of us sure what to do. In the end, I make the decision to get the hell out of dodge like I want to. Giving him the best smile I can muster, I tell him I’ll see him later, then head to class. I spend the day in a quiet bubble on my own, trying to work through these complicated feelings. Everything goes by in a blur, and much to my horrified delight, I don’t see Nate the rest of the afternoon.

I walk into the house right on time, the space empty and quiet. Enjoying the peace, I move into the kitchen, then make myself half a turkey and cheese sandwich to snack on. After sitting down at the island with my plate and a drink, I work on my homework, praying to whoever is listening that I can make it through this afternoon.