Chapter Twenty-One

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Now Playing: Slow Dancing In The Dark- Joji

My chest aches as we head downstairs to the recording studio. Between Bea’s reaction to my uncertainty and remembering the gutting sense of abandonment I feel each time I’m alone, my insides feel as though they’ve been scorched by hellfire. Even breathing hurts.

Warm arms circle my torso as a body presses against my back. Amber and oud slowly filter in with each ragged breath I take. My entire body trembles with exhaustion.

I can tell the guys want to leave. To tell their producer to fuck off for the evening and take me home. But their career is important to them. It’s important to me. We would never have connected on such a deep level if they weren’t so devoted to their music. I won’t let my health derail them from the path Fate has guided them down. Especially not when I know their lyrics may save someone else’s life.

The door slides open and I force my spine to straighten. I can do this. Measured, deep breaths slowly ease the burn in my lungs as I let them lead me down the light gray hallway. In between doors, old band posters hang in frames on the wall. Every new image we pass helps distract my fraying mind from the pain radiating up my spine with each step.

How many legends have passed down this same hall? Made chart-topping hits in these rooms?

The guys stop at one of the open doors, tapping their knuckles against the frame before they walk inside. Sitting in a very comfy-looking spinning chair is a beta. He looks a little older than us, maybe in his thirties, with cool chestnut skin and dark, coiffed brown hair. Light stubble coats his jawline and upper lip. “You must be Omen! We’ve certainly heard a lot about you. It’s nice to put a face to the name.”

A boyish grin spreads over his face as he stands to shake my hand. I feel oddly settled with him in the room, his overly sweet but still subtle apple pie scent reminds me of sneaking treats with Hannah when I was little.

“Gorgeous, meet our producer Manny,” Nexus says as he wraps his arm around my shoulders. The move is possessive enough it surprises me.

Manny just rolls his eyes–which are freaking curious as hell. They’re a light blue from afar, but as soon as he stepped closer I could see the almost violet ring around the outer edge. I’ve never met anyone with purple eyes before.

“It’s nice to meet you,” I mumble quietly.

The guys fall into conversation with him, talking about things I can’t quite grasp. It’s peaceful though, their chatter. Nexus walks me over to the small couch against the back wall. “Hang tight, sweet girl, we’re about to blow your mind.”

Manny rolls his eyes at the guys as they shuffle into the live room where their instruments are set up. “You like their music?” he asks, looking at me over his shoulder.

“I do. They’re incredibly creative.”

“Remember this is a process,” he laughs as the guys settle in. “We might be here for a while. There is water in the mini fridge, and we’ll order food if we stay late enough.” Our conversation draws to an end as he gets to work.

I pull my legs up and relax against the back of the leather material. It isn’t abrasive, but the cold, inflexible material certainly is not suited for omegas. I burrow deeper into the hoodie I borrowed from Titan. His pink pepper and leather scent clings to the soft fabric, helping to settle my tumultuous emotions.

Soft notes drift through the speakers as Primordial Covenant starts to play. My eyes slip closed as I listen, waiting to see what message Callisto has imbued into this tune. The sorrow-filled pulse of his guitar is joined by an eerie rhythm on Titan’s drums. Nexus’ voice fills the air in a tone that makes it sound like he’s speaking the words instead of singing, and I tumble down into a wonderland of pain and regret.

My name ripped from your lips

The agony tells me you’re about to break

Pain crashes in, trapping you beneath the waves

Will darkness become your enemy before I can save you?

(won’t you let me save you)

I choke back a sob when Callisto’s softer voice sings in the background. Why did I think coming here was ever a good idea? Their music has always struck deep, finding a home in my heart and slowly pulling me to them. Of course their new songs would somehow manage to bring me to new heights. Each verse pierces my rapidly beating heart, the thread of a needle attempting to stitch the wounds they’ve created.

You carry the weight of our mistakes

Behind a porcelain smile

You’re fracturing into pieces

Hiding permanent scars on your soul

Fading into oblivion right before my eyes

(black out our skies)

The beat drops back to the slow, sorrowful rhythm from the beginning of the song, but with the added layer of Nebula’s bass producing deep, pulsing notes that come faster and faster. It’s exhilarating. Goosebumps rise across my arms, every nerve in my body feels like a live wire as I wait to hear what happens next.

I slide to the seat of the couch, stretching my legs out across the material and letting my eyes slip closed. It’s easy to picture the four of them on stage, the silver of their masks sparkling beneath the stage lights. A low pulse of arousal spreads through my body, but it is muted. I’m grateful for the fatigue the rejection causes, otherwise poor Manny would be stuck sitting in a cloud of my perfume.

On my knees

I’m begging you, baby

(please)

Don’t walk away

Just stay here with me

(stay with me)

We can pretend for a little longer

While I figure out

How to make everything okay

(let me make it okay)

Please say you’ll stay

Just stay

Nexus bellows into the mic. One of the high, vibrating chest screams that Primordial Covenant is popular for in the rock and metal scenes.

Tears slip down my cheeks, hidden by the hood of Titan’s sweatshirt and my messy hair. The agony in Nexus’ voice is devastating. The words reach into my chest and rip out my still-beating heart. They have me in a chokehold, clinging to every hint of emotion rolling from the live room.

Hearing their visceral fear reimagined into a gloomy, heavy song makes every inch of my body ache with longing. The urge to break through the door and comfort them is nearly impossible to ignore.

They drop into a killer four-on-the-floor breakdown, and it’s fucking ev-er-y-thing. This song is going to be a chart-topper for sure.

Tee rocks into a badass drum solo and the rapid beat of his sticks sends me skyrocketing into the stratosphere. I’m fucking flying, high on the euphoria their music pulls from my brain.

This is what I need. Not the breath in my lungs or the bond with my Fate matched mates, Just music that reaches into my soul and takes control of every fiber of my being until I don’t know where I end and the beat begins.

The music finally peters out after they return to the chorus, and tension fills the air. It’s quickly broken when Manny addresses them, discussing the song from a technical standpoint. I tune him out, determined to stay in this wondrous place where my heart is singing and loneliness doesn’t seem as crushing.

Exhaustion drags me under at a leisurely pace, my muscles relaxing in small bursts as their music surrounds me. Those dark notes start up again as they repeat the same song, but I’m too relaxed to force myself to stay awake to listen to them any longer.

My body sways, the sense of the floor falling out from beneath me startling me awake. Titan’s spicy scent fills my nose as I blink my eyes open. “Shh, go back to sleep firefly.” His obsidian eyes swirl into view a few inches away. I’m in his arms being carried as they head downstairs to the parking garage. “Manny declared us finished for the day, so we’re going to head back to the house. We’ve got you. Rest.”

I let my head roll against his shoulder as we step out of the elevator, still content from being absorbed in their music. My eyes flutter closed but the loud rumbling of my stomach has them flying back open. Heat floods my cheeks as all four men turn to look at me.

“Good call, gorgeous,” Nexus grins. “Food does sound heavenly after working for so long.”

Nebula stops next to the car, the corded muscles on the backs of his hands flexing as he opens the back door. “It’s a little late for me to cook, so let’s order takeout. Anything in particular sound good?” Midnight ocean blue eyes hover on me as he waits for my answer.

“Um, Italian?” I suggest as Titan scoots me into the middle.

“Italian it is,” he confirms before he rounds the car to climb behind the wheel. Callisto and Nexus settle in on either side of me, leaving Titan to stretch out in the passenger seat. They place an order for food from their favorite place and we grab it before we head home.

The delicious scent of red sauce, garlic, and cheese fills the air. My mouth waters and I’m grateful for the short drive. I feel like I could smash an endless pasta bar right now.

My brows scrunch as I watch Nebula pass their driveway. He continues down the road for a quarter of a mile before he takes a turn down a barely visible dirt road. If you didn’t know the path was here it would be easy to pass it up.

My shoulder brushes against Callisto’s as I lean closer to the window, watching the low-hanging branches push against the windows as we crawl through the dark trees. Breath catches in my lungs when we emerge at the edge of the lake behind the house. A kaleidoscope of color reflects off the water’s surface as the sun starts to set beyond the horizon.

Nebula parks the car and turns to look at me. Pink tints his cheeks when he meets my eyes, so uncharacteristic of the usually confident alpha I have to bite back a smile seeing it. “I thought we could eat down here. Liz used to love sitting by the lake, even after the rejection. The beach was the only place she ever seemed at peace.”

Sadness makes my heart ache each time he mentions his sister. She never deserved the way my brother treated her. I nod slowly, glancing toward the shore. A wide grin spreads across his lips and he quickly gathers the takeout bags. They must have planned for this, something I realize when Nexus grabs a bag from the trunk overflowing with blankets.

The soft breeze blowing off the water is soothing but a little chilly. A shiver runs down my spine despite the bulky sweatshirt covering my skin. The guys make quick work of creating a spot for us to sit. As soon as the blanket is laid out, Nexus is guiding me to sit down. My butt has barely touched the ground when a thick blanket lands on my shoulders. The soft, slightly fuzzy material smells like the four of them and it is divine!

“Here y’go, Firefly,” Titan grunts as he sets an open container in front of me. The thick slice of lasagna sitting inside is calling my name, and so is the warm bread stick he passes me next. A moan slips from my lips as the warm, gooey flavors explode across my tastebuds.

We all sit in comfortable silence, watching the lake as we enjoy our dinner. My stomach gurgles happily when I finally set aside my empty plate.

Nexus scoots closer from where he was sitting to my right, letting me lean against his body. The hurt in my heart doesn’t weigh as much out here. Beneath a colorful sky and surrounded by nature, life seems a little less hopeless when you can hear the gentle lap of water against the shore.

“Liz loved to pretend our backyard was a jungle ripe for exploration,” Nebula says suddenly. He must not have shared his daily story about her yet. “It was always fun to get lost with her, except she would sing popular songs the whole time we hiked and she never got the lyrics right.”

Titan snorts, leaning back on his palms and smiling out at the water. “I remember that. Her Taylor Swift rendition about tacos.” His dark eyes turn to me, the orbs glowing with nostalgia and loss. “I grew up in the same area as Nebula’s family lived. We went to the same elementary and middle school, at least until my parents decided to enroll me in private school instead. I’d always sneak over to the Graves’ house to go swimming in the lake with Neb and Elizabeth.”

“Liz liked him the best of all my friends,” Nebula adds. “He was the only one who seemed cool with her hanging around and didn’t say shit about her having cooties or being gross just because she was a girl.”

“She also always bribed me with candy,” Titan laughs. I can’t help but chuckle along with them, enjoying this insight into the early stages of their friendship.

We fall quiet for several minutes, enjoying the soft breeze and the sinking sun. “Your turn.” My eyes widen when I find Nebula’s attention riveted to me, an expectancy written across his face.

“My turn?”

“Tell us a happy story from your childhood.”

He wants me to talk about my family? Nausea makes the food we’d just eaten settle uncomfortably, and fear has my pulse racing. The color drains from my face with his sudden question. All three of his packmates glare at him, silently urging him to shut up, but he doesn’t relent.

“Babygirl, I’m going to keep asking about your life growing up. I want to show you I’m not going to avoid discussing your connection to them, and I want to learn more about how you became the person you are today. We’ll all share stories about our pasts too, but I think I can speak for all of us when I say we aren’t shying away from the fact your father is Grant Montgomery.”

Silence envelopes us for several long heartbeats before Titan sighs loudly. “Nebula’s right, firefly. We want to know you, and that means hearing things about your life growing up too. Even if it's tough for us to hear, we want to know everything about you.”

I peek over at him, my lips twisted tightly together. “I–are you sure? I don’t have to talk about them. We can pretend they don’t exist. Except for Hannah.”

“I can sense your fear every time we interact, Omen. You’re probably wondering when I’ll remember you were born Sarah Montgomery and leave you again, right?” My hands shake as I admit Nebula is right. It’s a paranoid thought I can’t seem to shake.

Nebula crawls across the blanket to kneel in the sand by my feet, and he slowly reaches out and takes my hands in his. “I’ve apologized already, and I’ll probably do so another thousand times, but I meant what I said Omen. I know who you are now–our incredible, passionate, kind-hearted omega–and that is what matters. The person you were forced to be growing up isn’t who you are now, and I’m so fucking disgusted with myself for not seeing so sooner.”

My hands twitch in his, and I turn them to wrap around his, squeezing gently. “Okay. I’ll try to share. It’s difficult to talk about because I’d rather not relive most of the moments from back then. The only memories I cherish from before I turned eighteen are of me and Hannah. Everything else is… not happy.”

“We’ll listen to anything you want to tell us, starlight. Good or bad.”

“I’m not sure if my mother knew how to cook, but my father would never have been caught dead in the kitchen. He’s very old-fashioned when it comes to traditional family roles.” I start slowly, trying not to hold my breath as I wait to see their expressions shift to revulsion. “Hannah would sometimes sneak into the kitchen and ask our chef to teach her things. When I was old enough, I’d go with her and sit at the counter watching them work. I tried to help a few times, but Chef quickly banned me from assisting. My cooking abilities are abysmal.”

“Were the treats Hannah would sneak you ones she baked?” Nebula asks, recalling the story I mentioned during their spa night after the show in Michigan a few months ago.

“Sometimes, yeah. She loved to make small batches of surprise cookies. They were like chocolate chip but she would throw in random ingredients instead. Some of them were amazing, others not so much.” I grin, finally looking up at the four of them while I talk.

“What was the worst ingredient she added?” Nexus has a mischievous spark in his eyes that makes me wary. As far as the others have shared, this sweet alpha is not built for cooking or baking. He might try to make me hot sauce cookies or something equally as awful.

Thinking back on all of Hannah’s creations, a laugh slips through my lips when I remember the one I hated the most. “Starfruit! It might have turned out good, but she didn’t know how to tell if they were ripe. The one she picked wasn’t, so it was bitter and baked into a weirdly crisp but mushy texture inside the dough.”

They laugh as I share a few more of my sister’s creations. This is wonderful. Sitting on the beach with my Fate matched mates and talking freely about my childhood. With all of the chaos following my identity being leaked to the media in July, I don’t think it has sunk in yet that I no longer have to hide myself from the world. I’m free to be whoever I choose.

Or I will be as soon as the FCDA tracks down my brother and his wife.

“Thank you for sharing,” Nebula tells me as he slides me into the back seat of the car. His lips press against my temple, lingering there for several heartbeats before he steps away. My heart pounds in my chest from the small moment of contact, and I can feel the walls I’ve built starting to crumble.

I may not be ready to forgive them tonight, but one day I will. Then we can start the happily ever after Fate crafted for us.