Chapter Nineteen

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Now Playing: Pray- Johnny Craig & Old Flame

Pain skitters up my legs as I force myself to climb out of bed and leave the guest room. Contact with the guys seems to help, but only when we are still pressed against each other. After revealing the partial bondmark and Doctor Russell’s diagnosis last night, I had spent the evening locked in the guest room and moping.

It’s nearly noon now, and my stomach is protesting my decision to skip both dinner last night and breakfast this morning.

I’ve barely made it to the door when the warm scent of smoked vanilla and tobacco fills the hallway. Glancing up my eyes lock onto Nebula where he stands frozen outside of the doorway.

“Hey, little omega.”

“Hi,” I stammer, turning my head down so my hair falls over my face. Nebula is the member of Primordial Covenant who scares me the most. I don’t have any idea what is going on in his mind. My brother is the alpha who rejected his sister and led to her death. Does he still blame me for Ben’s actions? For not stopping my brother from following in my father’s footsteps and living a life of anti-designation brainwashing?

His hatred of my family worries me. The thought he could reject me again resurfaces each and every time some part of my family is mentioned. Is it the same for him? Does every reminder of who I am cut deep into his heart and make him hate me a little more?

“We have a surprise for you if you’d like to come out to the back deck with me.” His voice is rough and filled with what sounds like regret, but I’m sure I’m imagining things. He made his choice the moment he knew my birth name. The guilt he feels over the abuse I’ve suffered is the only tie keeping him here with me.

I follow behind him, taking slow, measured steps to try to hide how weak I’m feeling. When he stops, his fists clenching and unclenching at his side, I realize I must not have been successful.

“I’m sorry–”

“Can I–”

We both speak at the same time. My mouth snaps shut, my eyes on the floor as another tense silence fills the air.

Strong fingers tilt my chin up and I’m forced to stare into his ocean blue eyes, so dark they seem to fade to black the closer they get to his pupil. “You never owe me another apology, Omen. You did nothing to require an apology to begin with. I’m the one who will spend an eternity on my knees begging for your forgiveness.”

Those piercing eyes flicker between my own before darting down to my lips. I can’t move, can’t breathe. Part of me wants him to slam his lips to mine and steal my pain, but a small piece of my mind continues to whisper promises of abandonment and rejection.

He must see the uncertainty in my eyes as he drops my chin and takes a step back. “I’m going to carry you the rest of the way,” he tells me before he scoops me into his arms. I squeak in surprise, clinging to his neck as my heart races inside my chest.

Feeling him this close, his arms pressed against my back, I’m thrown back to the night on the beach. When he held me against him, our bodies rocking as we raced toward a blissful moment of shared ecstasy.

A burst of perfume leaks into the air causing heat to rapidly spread up my chest and onto my cheeks. I shouldn’t be lusting after the man who has the power to destroy me.

Nebula stumbles, but thankfully doesn’t say anything. I cling to him tighter when we reach the back door, one of his arms leaving my body so he can slide it open.

I’m distracted by the sounds of splashing and playful giggles. When I glance toward the pool and see Hannah sitting at the edge while my niece plays inside with Foster, I nearly launch myself from Nebula’s arms to reach them.

His grip tightens and he chuckles, quietly scolding me for trying to jump when I could barely stand upright in the hallway.

“You invited them to visit me?”

“I know what it feels like to miss someone you were so close with. You can still see your sister, so I want you to do so any chance you get. They are welcome here anytime you wish to see them. Hell, we will buy the piece of land next to us and build them their own house if that’s what you want.” He sets me on my feet a few steps behind Hannah.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. Just go enjoy this time with your sister.” He wanders over to the far end of the pool where Shepherd is leaning against their outdoor kitchen beside Titan and Callisto.

Searching, I find Nexus in the water playing with Foster and Kaitlin. A little of his exuberance comes back as he entertains the small girl with big splashes and animal impressions.

“You are not okay,” Hannah grumbles when I sink down beside her. Worry fills her warm brown eyes as she watches me. “You should have called me. I would have come sooner!”

“I know, but you have enough on your plate. I’ve been trying to figure things out for myself.”

“Okay, but doing this alone doesn’t seem to be working for you.”

Leaning my head against her shoulder, I shrug. “It isn’t, but Doctor Russell was here so I at least have an idea of what to expect now.”

“And what’s that?”

Hannah’s fingers glide through my hair, petting me the same way she used to when I was a child. It’s comforting, and paired with her familiar cherry and almond scent I find myself relaxing.

My lips purse as I watch Nexus try to jump out of the water like a dolphin, his terribly performed whistle makes my niece shriek in delight but it is his splash soaking them both that has her giggling like crazy.

“I have to bond with my Alpha.”

Hannah is quiet for several minutes. As lost watching her daughter as I am watching my future mate. “Are you sure this is what you want?” she finally asks.

Turning my head so I can look up at her, I can see her eyes trained on Shepherd where he stands at the far end of the pool. “Honestly, I don’t know. I do want to be bonded to them, but I want to go back to before everything fell apart and bond as the version of us we were back then. The fear they will leave me again is too real to walk blindly into a bond with them now. Especially him.”

“Because you thought he chose you, but he still walked away to be with them.”

I nod in agreement. Nebula may terrify me because he holds the power to use my connection to my birth family against me, but Nexus? He’s already shown me I’m not a priority for him once. I doubt I’ll ever be able to shake the fear he will make the same choice again in the future.

“If I bond with him, they will hold an even greater capability to break me. A rejected bond would destroy me in ways this chemical rejection never could.”

“So make sure they mean it. This isn’t like my marriage to Colin. Once you take their bites and give them yours, there is no turning back. They need to understand how serious your situation is, little gremlin. Let them choose you with all the facts in hand.” Her hand pats my shoulder several times as she talks. “No more secrets, even if they will hurt for those boys to hear.”

“I told them more yesterday,” I admit. Rolling up the bottom of my sweatpants I dip my feet into the cool water, allowing the easy act of swirling my ankles to calm my hectic emotions.

“Your fear of bonding with them?” Hannah raises a knowing brow, giving me one of her mom looks when I purse my lips and look away. “If you don’t tell them everything, how can you expect them to ease your fears?”

When I don’t answer she pats my head, pressing a kiss to the top of my hair. “You deserve an adoring pack, Omen. They may have royally messed up before, but even I can see they would scorch the earth to make you happy.” She starts to push to her feet, groaning in discomfort the entire way. Shepherd suddenly appears at her side with a scowl on his face as he grips her arms to help her. “And if they decide to act like imbeciles again, Shep here will kick their butts, right Alpha?”

“Damn straight. They’re lucky I haven’t already given them the ass-kicking they deserve for the way they hurt you.” He narrows his eyes at each of the guys and I can’t help but laugh. Shepherd Wilson is one scary, grumpy asshole, and I’m so happy to have a friend like him in my corner.

“Auntie Omen swim?”

I turn back to the pool to find Nexus holding Kaitlin where she floats in the water. He’s only waist deep leaving his well-defined chest and just a hint of the matching Adonis belt on display. It’s unfair for him to be so fucking handsome and half-naked when I feel like I’m falling apart over here.

“I could float in the shallow end with you,” I compromise with her. “I don’t think it would be safe for Auntie Omen to try to swim in the deep end right now.”

“‘Cause you is sick?” she asks.

“Yeah, because I’m sick. But I’m going to get better soon, then we can swim in whichever end you want! Maybe we’ll even have my mates build you a slide into the water!” She claps her hands and cheers, chanting the word ‘slide’ while they follow me to the shallow end.

I’m not wearing a swimsuit, just a t-shirt and sweats, but they will dry eventually. The water is cool against my heated skin, but the sun keeps me from getting chilled. It feels so nice to sit and splash, listening to my niece talk animatedly about all of the new toys her friends Foster and Shepherd have bought her.

Surrounded by my Fate matched mates, and half of my family, the depression clogging my mind doesn’t feel as thick. I want to enjoy more of these moments, even if it means doing something terrifying and asking Nexus to bond me.

Sitting at the island, I watch as Titan moves around the kitchen. When he saw I was awake he demanded I eat something, so we’ve been in here ever since while he attempts to make me breakfast. I can’t say he is a bad cook, he just doesn’t seem used to working in their new space.

The tablet they use for ordering groceries and monitoring their external security beeps loudly. I watch as the screen switches from the usual homepage to a feed from the front door. A delivery person is rolling a large stack of boxes up the walkway.

Wide-eyed, I glance at Titan. Unfazed, he just shrugs. What exactly did these men order that requires such a large delivery?

He pushes a plate of scrambled eggs and toast my way, his dark eyes not leaving my face until I’ve taken a full bite of both. I nearly roll my eyes at his concern, but I know it isn’t unfounded. Especially with the weight I’ve lost over the past six weeks.

“I’ll be right back,” he tells me after stacking the dirty pans in the sink. I wave him off, focusing on eating while he heads downstairs. Presumably to bring in all of their packages.

My plate is empty and my belly full when I see Nebula stalking toward the stairs. When he rushes down them, his shoulders strained, my omega senses kick in telling me something is going on. I drop my plate in the sink and head after him.

Downstairs I find Titan and Nebula both in the library. The front door is shut, a massive pile of boxes towering to the side. The scent of the guys anger distracts me from any snooping I could do.

“I’ll call Donovan,” Nebula growls, digging his phone from his pocket and dialing before I can interrupt him.

“What’s wrong?”

Titan’s face flies up, locking onto me where I hesitate in the doorway. His eyes flicker down to the table behind him before returning to me. Before I can ask again, he’s crossing the room and scooping me into his arms. I know I’m unsteady on my feet most of the time, but the way these men are constantly carrying me instead of letting me walk grates on my nerves.

Despite my protests, I slip my arms around his neck and subtly press my nose against his throat. My breath puffs against his skin as I breathe him in. The spicy notes of his scent make my mouth water. Damn, now I’m turned on, which isn’t going to help my body's demand for a heat to lure my mates into bonding me.

His steps are slow and measured, almost like he’s trying to make this short walk last a lifetime. Noise behind us lets me know Nexus and Callisto have joined us too.

The closer we get to Nebula, the stronger his aggressive pheromones become. A whine slips from my lips from the overpowering scent. His eyes snap to mine when he hears the sound, his jaw clenching when he spies fear in my eyes. The last time I felt his anger in the air was after their show in Philadelphia when I’d learned of his hatred for my family.

“No, little omega, I’m not angry with you.” He extends his arms, silently begging me to let him hold me. I can sense he’s on edge, and I don’t want to risk him slipping into a protective rut, so I let him pull me onto his lap. The dull vibration of his voice helps to calm my panic, as does his scent where he has my face pressed against his scent gland.

When I hear him end the call, I lift my head and meet his dark blue eyes. “I’m sorry for scaring you, babygirl. I promise my anger was never directed at you.”

“What happened?”

“There was another package at the door,” Titan grunts. He’s standing between us and the coffee table, blocking whatever upset them from my view. “Unmarked and leaning against the door frame, separate from the ones we just watched get delivered.”

Callisto sucks in a sharp breath as he moves past Titan. I nod slowly and the giant alpha steps aside revealing the array of pictures pouring from a tan envelope.

“What the fuck!” Nexus growls as he looks through the pictures. Cal glares soundlessly beside him, though his eyes are glued to where Nebula clings to me.

Remembering whose arms I’m sitting in, I scramble from his lap. Feigning a need to look closer, my eyes fly over the photos. Shaky fingers reach out, mapping each one without actually touching them. They follow a timeline, one that is familiar enough to tell me who sent them. “They’re from Jacquelyn,” I tell the guys with a tired exhale.

“Detectives from the FCDA are on the way to collect them. I assumed they were from someone with a connection to the church.” Nebula tells me gently.

“Wait, where did it come from?” Nexus asks with a concerned look on his face.

“The front door,” Titan informs them.

Worry pulses in time with the beats of my heart. If their security system didn’t alert them to movement at the front door, how easy would it be for my brother or one of his men to slip into the house?

“We’re going to get a security company to come out and go over our system again. I’ll ask our team at the label for recommendations for someone who could take on property management short term too.” Nebula’s voice is full of promise. The strong, stern tone eases the fear from this package’s appearance.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper the words so softly I don’t think they hear them. Of course, my birth family was able to track me here. Once again I’ve put them in danger.

They were right to push me away when they learned of my connection to the Montgomerys and the church. My presence here is a threat to their pack, to their lives. I never should have allowed Donovan to bring me here.