Chapter 39

ChapterThirty-Nine

Alistair couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe.

All he could see was that Marren had trapped Thea against the wall, and that horrible monster of a man planned to do whatever he wanted. And then to hear him try to convince her to go to his home rather than the Orbweaver manor? What woman would be so mad as to go with that man?

A little voice in his head whispered that maybe that would be easier for her, though. Maybe, after all the terrifying shadows and the fae creature chained up in the basement, she’d prefer the pale man’s home. Sure, it wouldn’t be as lavish. But she’d be safer. Happier.

She was better off without Alistair.

And that mere thought in his head made him want to break things. He’d never been a violent man. He knew that answering frustration with his fists was the most foolish thing to do, especially since he’d seen his family do just that for years.

He should talk about this. Talk with her. Nor should he have forced Marren out of his house as though he were kicking a child out onto the streets, and yet... Breath still sawed from his lungs. He still saw the danger she was in and how little he could do to save her from it.

“Alistair?” she asked. “Are you all right?”

It was the worst thing she could have said to him.

He whirled upon her, anger making his face and chest feel hot while his hands were ice cold with fear. “No, I’m not all right. You were supposed to stay in your room so none of those vultures saw you. And yet, where were you?”

Thea blinked up at him. “I helped where I was needed.”

“No, you—“ He caught himself before he said something stupid. Pressing his lips into a thin line, he pointed at her and snarled through his teeth, “You took a risk.”

“A risk that needed to be taken. Nora couldn’t have done it on her own and you certainly weren’t going to serve them. I fail to see what the argument is here, Alistair. You’re angry at me for what?”

“For not listening!” he blustered. The shout echoed down the hall, startling even Alistair with its ferocity. Quieting his voice, he hissed, “You have caught the attention of the most dangerous man at that school. Make no mistakes. Marren will hunt you down if he desires to do so. He’s the only family in Wildecliff that is even close to a similar power to mine.”

“And that should scare me, why?”

He had to make a point. She needed to understand why this made him want to vomit and why she couldn’t do whatever she wanted in a place like this. Wildecliff wasn’t safe like Waterdown. She couldn’t just... just...

The worry and fear in his chest changed into an anger he couldn’t control. It blew through his entire body until he couldn’t stop himself from moving.

He cornered her against the same wall, pressing her back against it as she stared up at him with wide eyes.

“He had you pinned,” he growled. “There was nowhere for you to go or to escape. If he wanted to, he could have spat any manner of venom on you. That poison would sink beneath your skin and cause you unimaginable pain. Or perhaps he could have forced you to do his bidding, even when you didn’t want to. He could make you a puppet or a plaything for himself or his friends. And don’t think for a second that he wouldn’t. Marren is no fool. He may play the part well, but he’d been trying to harm my family for years.”

“Because your father tortured him?”

“Because my father killed his. They tried to poison Balthazar at his own table and, as such, they were punished.”

She drew her hands up and pressed them against his chest. “You don’t have to walk that path any longer. Look at what you did for the domovoy. You could do the same for his family.”

Oh, she was so innocent. It broke his heart.

Some of the anger floated away as he lifted his hand and slid his fingers behind her neck. “Don’t think me that far from my father, Thea. If he had harmed a single hair on your head, I would have ripped his chest open and served you his bleeding heart on a platter.”

“I don’t have any use for his heart.” Her fingers curled in the fabric of his shirt, drawing him closer. “I’m going to put myself in danger sometimes, Alistair. Wildecliff is not the safest place to live, but I won’t stop living simply because I am here.”

“How am I meant to endure this worry, then?” He didn’t know the answer to that question. “My heart will stop, and then where will you be?”

“Oh, I don’t think it’ll stop.” She smiled up at him, and he felt like the rays of the sun played across his face. “Are you going to keep talking or are you going to kiss me?”

Kiss her?

Oh, of course. He’d moved without realizing. His hand behind her neck drew her even closer, and somehow he’d placed his other hand on her hip. Thea was locked in place, incapable of movement unless he allowed it. And the only movement he wanted from her was to be closer to him.

A hundred reasons why he shouldn’t kiss her played in his mind. They were not ready for this step. He was rushing her, or perhaps it was only adrenaline that convinced both of them to take this leap. He was a fool if he thought she wanted him and wasn’t just grateful that he’d saved her.

Alistair dashed all those thoughts aside. Because when they were alone, then it was just the two of them. No thoughts. No memories. Just Alistair and Thea.

He drew her closer until he could feel her breath puff against his lips. And suddenly, he was an eighteen-year-old boy again, waiting to kiss the first girl he’d ever cared about. Wanting her to see him for who he was and not as an Orbweaver.

She had then, and she would again.

Sighing into the kiss, he leaned down and devoured her lips with his own. He could taste the forest on her tongue. Wildness burned through her as powerfully as her magic, and he adored every second of it. She tasted like sin and witchcraft, a combination he’d never forget.

Nipping at her lip, he sighed into her mouth again before drawing back. “We can’t,” he whispered. “We can’t after everything that we’ve... That I’ve...”

Her fingers curled tighter in his shirt, and she glared up at him. “Alistair Orbweaver, if I can forgive you for what your family did, then you can forgive yourself for it.”

“I’ve never apologized for it,” he whispered. He brought their foreheads together so he could at least touch her more. So he knew she wouldn’t pull away from him. “You shouldn’t forgive me without that.”

“Then apologize,” she scolded. “Get it over with, Alistair, because I cannot suffer through this any longer. You are the only one in this house that blames yourself for what happened. Even if I did when I was a child, I know better now.”

“I’m sorry.”

She pulled back enough to stare up into his eyes as though she knew he needed her to be present in this moment.

“I’m so sorry for what my family did. For what I did to you. If I had known the plan, or been more involved in their lives, then I would have been able to help you. I ran to the dock that day. The moment I found out, I thought I could make it to Waterdown and warn everyone. I missed the last boat by a few seconds, and then they were gone.” He took a long, deep breath. “If I had been a braver young man, I would have leapt into the river and swam to your side. I would have been there in Waterdown when the spell hit so that I could get you and your family to safety.”

She slid her hands up his chest and framed his face with her palms. “You were a child, Alistair. Just like I was a child. There was nothing we could have done to stop what evil, bitter men did to our families and our lives. Nothing. You do not hold the weight of their sins on your shoulders simply because you are related to them.”

And just like that, as though he’d been waiting for her forgiveness for far too long, the horrible pressing feeling on his shoulders abated. Perhaps it would come back eventually, but for now, he felt as though he could breathe again.

Alistair took another deep breath and felt his ribs expand fully. It was the first time he’d felt... like himself. The first time in a very long time.

When he kissed her again—and how could he not kiss her again—he allowed himself to ease into the kiss. There was no rush, no necessary need to force anything to happen. He could enjoy exploring the taste of her, knowing that she wouldn’t run this time.

Neither of them wanted to avoid what had happened between them. What was happening between them.

He let go of her head and flattened his hand against the wall, focusing entirely on her. How she had pressed herself to his chest so he could feel her from shoulder to knee. How she let out a little gasp of surprise and then a long sigh of pleasure as he squeezed her waist, perhaps a little too tightly.

He wanted her, he realized. More than he’d ever wanted anything.

Not because of her beauty or rarity in Wildecliff. But for the soul that glowed in her chest and made his entire body ache to look at her.

He had missed her. Even while she lived under his roof, he missed her. As though not seeing her every second of the day was detrimental to his well-being. And now that she was here, he couldn’t get enough of her.

If he didn’t stop himself now, he wouldn’t stop. Couldn’t. Alistair knew damned well that this was more than a few years in the making, but he couldn’t woo her like this. She deserved so much more than a passion filled night because he was afraid of what monsters she’d awoken at that dinner. And he intended to give that to her.

Just not quite yet.

He withdrew from her and smiled at the soft sound of disappointment she made. She clearly hadn’t wanted this to end either, and that was good. He’d take that as a sign that someday soon, he should continue.

“We can’t,” he whispered, touching a thumb to her swollen bottom lip. “Not right now.”

“Why is that?”

Alistair chuckled. “You are not a woman to fall under my spell because another man almost had you. That will not do for the story we remember for the rest of our lives.”

“As if he could ever sway me,” she muttered, but then her eyes caught upon his lips. She lifted her hand and traced the outline of his mouth, then the soft lines around them. “I haven’t seen you smile like this since I came back.”

“What do you mean?”

She pushed one side of his mouth down a little. “You have a half smile when you aren’t feeling particularly cheerful but still want to smile. It’s not the same as this one. This is a real smile.”

“I guess I’m feeling particularly happy.” He kissed the tips of her fingers as she skated them across his lips. “I told you. You make me happy.”

Her cheeks turned a dusty pink, and he thought that was the prettiest color he’d ever seen. It was the perfect shade to match those lovely berry lips that even now tempted him. Even when he’d said they both had to be good because he had plans.

And oh, those plans would make sure she never wanted to go home. Never wanted to leave him.

As much as they both wished to ignore the world they were in, he always had the thought in his mind that he was trapped here. His father had made certain of that.

The house was Alistair’s, and that meant that he would never leave this place until the day he died. He wasn’t even certain if he could have a vacation or a holiday where they took off for the Sapphire Isles, even for a week or two. Life here would be different for her, and he would forever fear that a life with him had trapped her adventurous spirit.

Thea tapped her fingers against his collarbone, bringing him back to reality. “Don’t go down that path.”

“What path?”

“Whatever path made your face turn like that.” She crossed her eyes and stuck out her tongue. “You get all mopey and that’s not what I want. You are not allowed to be mopey ever again, and if you are, then I will give you a reason to be so.”

“And how are you going to do that?”

He watched, bemused, as she tried her best to think up a way that she would make him unhappy. But the longer she thought, the more he knew she wouldn’t be able to come up with anything. His Thea was rather predictable like that. And he already knew what she was going to say before she ever said it.

“Well, I’m not quite sure. If you’re unhappy, then I’m unhappy. I don’t enjoy the thought of being unhappy, so you must then endeavor to be blissful whenever I am around.”

“That should not be difficult.”

“Good, then it’s settled. You’ll be happier from now on. I will help where I am needed. And the house will make a turn for the better.” And though she clearly wanted to kiss him again, Thea remained where she was. “But perhaps we shouldn’t wait much longer? I’ve heard waiting on such things can make a person’s blood pressure too high.”

“For health reasons, we should not wait,” he agreed.

“Then when?”

A bubble of laughter escaped him. Alistair pressed a small kiss to her nose and then forced himself to take two large steps away from her. Even if it felt a little like trying to rip velcro off of velvet. “Patience, Thea.”

“I’ve never had an abundance of that.”

“Indeed, you have not.” He gave her an awkward little bow. “Until the next time we see each other, then.”

“I’ll see you at dinner. We live in the same house.”

Right, well, that would not be when he made his romantic gesture. But hopefully, she wouldn’t expect him to sweep the table free from food and toss her atop it. Considering the look in her eyes, she might just think that.

Clearing his throat, he took another step back. “I have some work to do in the study.”

“Ah, yes. I have to help Nora clean everything up.”

Why couldn’t he stop looking at her? Turn around, he told himself. But he couldn’t. Pursing his lips, he added, “Have a good evening then.”

“Alistair, if you don’t walk back to your study, then I’m going to assume you’ve changed your mind and take matters into my own hands.”

He grinned at her. A real grin, one last time, before whirling around. He did have some complicated plans to make.