Chapter 4

Tara

"I've got my lucky dress on, Wisp," I say as I check myself out in the mirror. "So tonight's going to go exactly as it's supposed to." I tug at the waist of my favorite blue dress and put on my black corset. My cozy, red, long-sleeved shirt peeks out on my arms and chest beneath the dress in a style that's entirely mine.

"Lucky dress," Wisp tells me.

"I hope so!"

There are a few other outfits I could have worn tonight, but they make me feel so stuffy and uncomfortable. I don't want to feel on the outside what I'll be feeling on the inside. Sacrificing my comfort to be some beauty on display isn't my thing. If I can't hide my true nature from my people, why not embrace it?

Plus, a lot of the pretty dresses show the scars on my back. The last thing I want on a day of celebration is for people to be talking about just how hard my mom had to discipline me, and just how little I still turned out to be. The focus should be on all the witches, not my whip marks.

"I feel pretty!" I do a little twirl in the mirror and smile as my dress ripples as I turn.

"Pretty."

"Well thank you, Wisp. It's a little manly though." I have my favorite daggers attached to my belt. Witches don't need weapons, but I like how they accent my outfits sometimes.

"Manly. Very manly." Wisps says, dragging the words out.

"Not that manly." I frown and put my hands on my hips and scan myself in the mirror again.

Is my mom going to be mad? A flash of cold fear rolls through me, and it's hard to catch my breath. It's fine. Not too much, and not too little.

Mom's going to be mad about my magic, not the dress.

Sitting on the edge of my bed, I practice taking slow, deep breaths, trying not to think about my mom. My hand goes to my pinky. Once, after embarrassing my mom at an event, she'd pulled the nail out. It'd bled something fierce. Mom usually didn't bring the healers in after her discipline, but I guess she thought people would notice the missing fingernail, so she'd had it healed. Now, it looked the same, but it always felt different. Sometimes it hurt at random times, especially at times when I thought of my mother.

Which is silly. This is all in my head.

With my breathing calm once more, I curl my hands into fists, turn toward the bed, and check out my cache of weapons. I make swords for warriors, but I also make gorgeous pieces for myself too. I have a few smaller swords that told me they wanted to be mine to keep me safe and help me find my voice, etc. Who am I to argue with that?

"I haven't seen Mom yet." I sigh. The Crystal Ceremony is starting soon, and I was hoping to see her beforehand.

I don't usually want to see my mom. I usually don't breathe easily unless she's gone to battle or is working with the other covens. It makes sense in some karmic way that the one time I want her here, she's nowhere to be found.

Even just one minute of reassurance from her would make all the difference. Instead, it'll be a surprise. Probably a bad one. Now, I have to tell myself that no matter what role I'm given in the coven, I can't react to it. I'll have to keep my face frozen, not showing any emotions one way or another.

"Don't want to see mom," Wisp says in a frightened voice, before disappearing from my left shoulder and appearing on my right shoulder.

I'm not frightened. You don't know anything.

"Yes, I do," I argue.

"Want to hide from mom," Wisp whispers, in a tiny voice.

Hide?Just the thought of me hiding and running from this whole thing makes my legs twitch. But, nope, there's no hiding from this.

"Oh hush. I don't want to hide. I want to prove myself. I want her to know I'm good enough and not a fuck-up." I try to sound all confident and sure of myself, but I sound a little like a very brave mouse.

"Prove I'm a fuck-up." Now, she's teasing me. Something I desperately need to lighten the mood.

"Can't you ever just be serious?" I smile at Wisp, grateful for my little friend.

"Serious?" she asks, like the notion is ridiculous.

"It's just that I don't know what role I'm going to play in the coven. I want to be a help, and I want to be used in the best way possible, but my mom doesn't see me. She doesn"t see who I am."

I have some value. Don't I?

"Help mom see."

"Exactly." I smile at Wisp. "That's exactly right. I want my mom to see me."

I'd do anything to just be useful and needed and wanted.

I smooth my dress with my hands and take a deep breath, gathering the courage to make tonight different. Tonight's going to go well. It just has to.

Rising to my feet, I head to the door. I turn the handle, then throw it open and head out.

Someone smacks right into me, slamming her shoulder into mine so hard I'm nearly knocked off my feet. Ouch. How can that hard of a blow be accidental?

The witch walks around me with a smirk, heading in the opposite direction.

"Nice running into you!"

She looks back at me and gives me the finger.

Okay, alright, I can feel the love already tonight, but I'm not going to sweat it.The other witches don't like me. They haven't liked me in twenty years, so they probably never will, and they'll consistently go out of their way to make me miserable, if I let them. Which… I give it my all not to let them.

Screw them, they're not going to make my day worse!

This time, I look around me before taking another step. The halls are bustling with witches of all ages and positions in the coven heading to the ceremony. They're all wearing beautiful dresses that shimmer with magic or glint with gems. It's the event of the season, and everyone wants to look their best.

Even though they avoid my eye contact when they go down the hall.

I'm not surprised. Yes, my poor control of magic makes me a bit of a pariah, but my mom also worked hard to isolate me my entire life. My classes were taught privately, instead of with the others, and one of her favorite punishments was to isolate me for days, or weeks, at a time. And that's when she wasn't laughing with the other girls about me. So, not all these witches are leaving me out just to be cruel. Many of them, best case scenario, genuinely don't know me, whereas they've created close bonds with each other.

But… I want friends too.

I see Edna and some other witches all leaving out of the same door. They're smiling and laughing together, but stop when they spot me. They must have gotten ready together. Tension sings between us as they stare, probably waiting to decide what I'll do. Part of me wants to run and hide from Edna after the whole naked lake thing, but the other half of me knows that I'm going to have to face her, and that I'd rather do it now than wait until we're on stage together during the ceremony.

The hell with it.I scurry to catch up with them, painting on my brightest smile. "Did you all get ready together? Darn, I would've joined you if I knew."

"You weren't invited," Edna sneers before cackling and walking along with her friends.

"Ah, true. Going somewhere you're not invited to is rude anyway." I hurry to keep up with them.

"Like at the lake?" Edna asks, glaring. The other two girls giggle.

My cheeks feel hot. "Precisely. Sorry about that. I didn't realize what was happening until it was too late."

"I'm sure," she says, flipping her hair.

I smile at the three of them. They're really dressed up. Edna's long blonde hair has been brushed until it flows around her shoulders. She's wearing a long red dress with a low neckline and tons of gems on golden chains around her neck. Clio's short blonde hair has been brushed so that it's rolling out from her rounded face, and she's wearing a long pink gown with flowers that makes her short frame look just a little longer. Lilac is wearing a purple off-the-shoulders dress that shimmers and glitters in the light from the torches in the hall. Her long blonde hair with purple streaks in it is almost impossibly straight. It makes her thin, long frame look even longer. All of them had chosen outfits that complemented them, the perfect looks for such a special day.

"You all look so nice," I gush, hoping that I'll look at least okay beside them.

They stop walking and face me. Edna gives me the up and down, then nudges Lilac. Snickers erupt from both of them.

"Nice dress," Edna says, not bothering to hide her sarcasm.

Hey, it's the best compliment I've received from a fellow witch in a long time, so I'm going to take it.

"Thanks! I picked it out myself," I reply, smiling at the three witches and twirling for them.

"No surprise there," Edna says, followed by a snort.

"Well, the blue and red actually looks kind of–" Clio begins.

Lilac elbows her. Hard. "Stupid?"

Clio rubs her arm, wincing. "Yeah, stupid."

I shrug. "I never claimed to be good at fashion."

"You don't claim to have a lot of talents, do you?" Edna asks, her voice dripping with venom.

I shake my head, then a thought occurs to me. "What's your specialty, Edna? I mean, I know you're good at all magic, but what's your specialty? Lilac, I know you're great with nature and plants. I've seen your vegetable garden! Seriously, it's fantastic! But with Clio and Edna, I'm just wondering what you guys think your roles will end up being?" I know these ladies are amazing. I've seen each of them use their magic with an ease I can't even dream of.

Clio pipes us. "Well, Edna's obviously going to be a Crystal Witch, since it's the most powerful, most respected role, and she's the best there is. Lilac does want to be a Green Witch, since she's not only good with nature, but loves it, and I"m hoping to be an Elemental Witch."

Edna elbows Clio and shushes her. "The best Princess Tara can hope for is being a useless Metal Witch." She laughs, and her friends laugh with her.

I mean, she's probably right. That's the only thing I'm good at, and it's completely useless to our people. Witches fight with magic. Swords are given to humans and our husbands to give them some protection in case of monsters and shifters. It's really a role no one wants or respects.

"Right? What do witches need with weapons when we have magic?" I laugh too. "I mean, witches who are good at their magic don't need weapons at all. I need my weapons because my magic is iffy."

Edna just looks at me with a blank look on her face that I don't understand. What's the problem? I'm agreeing with her. We should all be laughing together.

Maybe I'm not making my stance clear enough.

"Our enemies can't even get close enough to us to use their weapons. A little flourish of your hands, and they'll be laid out." I laugh more, imagining a witch fighting with a sword. "Can you picture it? Me running at you guys with a sword? I'd be so dead!" I laugh harder, and glance at them, only to realize I'm the only one laughing.

Edna, Lilac, and Clio stare at me with their mouths wide open. Probably because they're surprised that I seem to be too dumb to realize they're making fun of me. I'm not though. It's just that either you laugh or you cry, so I'm always going to choose to laugh.

I catch my breath and smile brightly. "Anyway, I hope you all get the roles you want in the coven."

"Whatever, freak," Edna mutters.

They swiftly turn away from me and head towards the Crystal Ceremony, starting down the winding staircase that will eventually lead to the caverns. I follow behind them. The glow from our conversation dulls, and my nerves start to jump once more. My mother will be there during the ceremony. All our most important people will be there. Chances are that no matter what happens, I'm going to embarrass myself and my mother. Something there will be consequences for. And then, that'll be it. I'll have that role for the rest of my life.

There will be no escape.

But I have to do this. No matter what. There is no escape. So, I might as well paint a smile on and face it head on.

As they open the doors, I take a deep breath, trying to prepare myself for whatever's about to happen.