Chapter 14

Chapter

Fourteen

SAGE

T he day's been a struggle.

It's later in the night, and nothing I do helps me sleep. I've been tossing and turning in bed for hours. Since spending half the day in the pond room, then grabbing food from the dining restaurant, mainly consisting of berries, I've been hiding in my room.

Killian hasn't barged in, and I hoped alone time would help me calm down, along with getting another good night's sleep.

Except it hasn't.

My stomach's growling for food beyond berries while my head's been replaying the events of the ritual.

Not only is Killian my true mate…

But I'm half-monster.

Since coming to my room, a burning heat has been roaring inside my body. No shower will cool me down, and I have that strong feeling wash over me that it's Killian's touch I crave.

The sensation pushes through me.

Flames.

Guilt.

Fear of how quickly I'm losing control. How back in Nightingale Village, I kept my distance from the villagers who bullied and pushed me around. Remaining hidden from them gave me the temporary salvation I sought.

But evidently, there's no running from the inferno consuming me.

I close my eyes, and I swallow the thickness in my throat, squeezing my thighs together from the building sensation, the tingling that refuses to leave me. Rolling onto my back in bed, I exhale loudly. The growing sensations are rattling me.

Killian touched me in a way no one ever has, not even me. His mouth… I whimper at the buzz curling between my thighs. That tongue on my pussy… I had no idea what a real orgasm felt like, but his mouth was electric.

Rolling around, teasing myself, isn't helping, so when my stomach growls once more for food, I climb out of bed and decide I'm not getting anywhere.

Dressed in a pair of leggings I found in the wardrobe drawer, along with a loose shirt, I decide there must be food being served somewhere on this ship. With no clock, I have zero idea what the time is.

With one glance outside the balcony doors, staring at the two moons hanging high, I assume it's around midnight, so I slip into my shoes and head out into the hallway.

Eerie silence.

Shadows stretch across the wall from the dim lighting, and only the sound of my footsteps echoes around me.

At the top of the spiral metal staircase, I pause. Voices float up from below, faint but unmistakable. Maybe there's a kitchen down there or a different dining hall where I can find something normal to eat. Just as I start to descend, a dark, wolflike creature is coming in my direction from a few floors below, and fear has me freezing up.

The sight of it makes my stomach churn with terror. The spiral staircase stretches endlessly downward, making me dizzy just to look at it, and I quickly recoil, backing away.

I find myself rushing right past the elevator doors, where I pause as the doors slide open for me. With a shaky breath, I step inside, and the doors close silently behind me.

For a moment, I'm enveloped by a faint light.

"Where would you like to go?" Howler's voice fills the small space, and I flinch at the loudness of his question.

"I'm hungry," I admit. "Is there anywhere that serves late-night food? But nothing too… wild, please."

"Of course," Howler replies smoothly. The elevator starts moving, but I don't feel it. Instead, I see the floors flashing by rapidly on the display through the glass doors. I have no idea how far we're descending, but my stomach's churning with where I'll end up. There are no buttons to press.

Finally, we stop, and the doors open. I stumble out into a hallway where the walls and floor are all made of wooden paneling. Glittery stars dot the walls, casting the area in a gentle light.

Instantly, a comforting scent of freshly baked bread finds me, and I swear my mouth's watering. My stomach growls in anticipation, with desperation.

"If you go into the kitchen straight down the hallway," Howler explains. "We have a baker working into the night that might appeal to you."

"Thank you."

I approach the doorway, my nerves building, but the enticing smell of baked bread gives me the courage to knock. Before my knuckles touch the door, it swings open to reveal a brightly lit industrial kitchen. It's a large room with counters running the length of two walls, and at the rear wall stands an oversized, oval-shaped wood-fire oven. The wave of heavenly baked smells draws me inside.

"Hello," I say to the woman who's just pulling out a tray of something from the oven with her bare hands. She's stocky, with four arms, purple horns, and a pixie-like, cute face. Her smile instantly eases my discomfort.

"Sorry to interrupt," I add. "But Howler suggested I might find something to eat in your kitchen."

She sets the tray on the counter and turns to me, her completely white eyes blinking. "You're a hungry girl, and you've come to the right place." Her voice is soft, slightly high-pitched.

I nod. "Very much."

When her smile widens, revealing fangs that slip out past her bottom lip, I don't back away. There's something warming about her presence, something that reassures me I'm safe here. She wipes the flour from her hands on the apron she wears over a mauve dress, her feet actual hooves. I try not to stare.

"Come, take a seat, and I'll bring you a selection." She waves for me to follow her through the kitchen, and I hurry past the random baskets lining the middle of the floor. Each holds different ingredients—rainbow-colored flours that could be made out of anything, really. One is filled with what appears like apples; that's until I notice one is bruised and leaking with blood.

I cringe on the inside, worrying about what I'll be served. In one basket, there are wriggling worms, but thicker and longer than the ones I've seen back home. My stomach turns at the sight. When I see a few of them diced up on the counter, I start questioning my decision.

"It's not often I get anyone coming for a midnight meal anymore, not since Night Rush opened a few floors down," she explains begrudgingly. "Seeing as they serve heavily fried food and drinks, most go there now."

"I prefer the idea of something quieter," I reply as she leads me into a long room with arched seating areas. Midnight blue walls glow under lantern-style lights hanging everywhere. Red tablecloths cover the two rows of tables with a narrow path down the middle. Right at the end is an oversized semicircle booth and table, but I take a seat at the closest table.

"I won't be long," she explains, crossing the room to the kitchen.

"Thank you," I call out after her. "Nothing fancy, please. Like, I'm not into worms."

She laughs, and I'm left alone in this gorgeous room. Before long, she emerges with a large wooden tray she holds with all four hands and places it down in front of me.

My eyes widen at the selection of various bread rolls, all different colors, along with a bowl filled with a blue kind of paste and a cup of something steaming.

She sits across from me, and I smile.

"This looks and smells divine. Thank you."

"Enjoy. Everything here I've made. The tea is from a special herb that we grow on board, and each bread has a different center. Nothing with worms, I promise." Grinning, she reaches for one of the buns, rips it in half, tips part of it into the blue paste, then takes a bite.

I salivate, watching her, and select a purple bun. Tearing it, I take a small nibble only to find it's sweet, and there's a honeyed middle that has the consistency of mashed beans.

"Oh, this is heavenly." I take a large bite, unable to get enough.

"Try the butter. It comes from a special butterfly larva that, when cooked and whipped, turns out creamy."

I swallow the mouthful, staring at the larva butter, and I feel compelled to at least taste it.

I lightly scrape the corner of my bread into the butter that's soft on my tongue, instantly reminding me of the flavor of popcorn.

"Wow!"

I might have just found my favorite new food. Look at me, eating lizards and insect larvae.

Finishing the first roll in no time, I reach for a yellow one.

"I might be coming here to eat from now on."

She claps all her hands. "I welcome it."

As I eat, she watches me, especially as I moan about how fruity the yellow bun tastes. I wash it down with the tea that is slightly bitter and deep green, but it's drinkable.

"My name's Kiri," she says softly, and I realize how rude I've been.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm Sage. I was so hungry I didn't even introduce myself."

"It's been a long time since someone has shown so much passion for my food," she responds, still smiling as she watches me eat. "I have a few loyal customers who come after hours, so I welcome you as well."

I laugh. "I might even take some of the buns with me to my room. Back home, my mother used to make these delicious milk bread rolls. You could eat them with every meal or even plain. They were so good." Just talking about her makes me miss her deeply, and as much as I tell myself barely any time has passed back home compared to here, it doesn't lessen the sting.

Kiri's expression softens, her lips pulling into a smile. "I learned all my cooking from my mother, who died in the Great Desolation along with so many others. If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to try your milk bread recipe. We have some milk suppliers on the ship."

Something about the way she says that leaves me feeling slightly nauseous, imagining terrifying monsters, maybe spider creatures being used. I shudder on the inside, but I just nod to Kiri, saying, "Of course."

Then she breaks into telling me about her daughter, Rina, who's already learning to bake. We talk for what feels like hours, and it's the first time I've felt semi-normal on the vessel. I also eat every last roll on the table.

I finish my second cup of tea, the warmth of the drink soothing me. Just as I'm about to savor the last sip, the door opens from the kitchen.

Something tall and blue enters, and at first, I flinch. It takes me seconds to realize that it's Killian in his monster form. An excitement flutters through me at his presence. White hair falls halfway down his muscular chest. The top half is pulled back from his face, some loose strands tumbling over his eyes.

Skin a faint blue hue, he stands about two feet taller than his usual height, broader and more imposing. Darker blue markings snake across his exposed torso, arms, and neck. Some are healed scars, while others form intricate patterns I don't recognize—tribal flames and diamond shapes of thorns and blades.

Two leather bands circle around his biceps, seeming to strain under the pressure of his bulging muscles. Hands are tipped with sharp claws, like nails that glint under the light.

Regardless of what they mean, they ignite an inferno inside of me, a raw, animalistic attraction I have no chance of ignoring.

I'm practically drooling as I stare at him.

My gaze trails over all those muscles, at him wearing loose black pants, the elastic band sitting low on his hips, and no shoes. At least he's wearing clothes, considering others don't seem to bother.

Then again, the obvious bulge in his pants, seeming to move, dancing down against one thigh, has me gasping with shock.

I straighten in my seat, attempting to appear unfazed by his arrival, even if my insides are doing somersaults. His face is still his, those piercing deep blue eyes boring into me, yet everything else about him screams warrior.

His blue gaze finds me, and there's a glint behind them as he strides over. The room seems a lot smaller with him in it.

Is it wrong that I'm becoming badly infatuated with a monster?

His powerful presence heats up the air, wrapping around me.

Kiri's instantly on her feet. "My Lord, it's so good to see you tonight. Seems you're no longer the only lone midnight snacker. I'll bring you the usual?"

Killian nods, thanking her, then strolls over to me. My stomach is full, yet part of me feels empty just looking at him. There's something about his presence that always leaves me wanting more, yet he's brooding tonight, with darkness behind his gaze. He stops in front of me, scanning my face as if searching for an answer.

"Sage, I'll join you," he states in that deep, smooth voice that sends shivers down my spine.

"Okay," I answer, trying to keep my response steady, but I can hear the slight tremor in it, feel the quiver deep inside me—the one that has been keeping me up all night, remembering the things he did to me in the ritual. The seduction of his lips on me, his face buried between my thighs—just the thought has a delicious quiver fluttering deep in my stomach.

He pulls out a chair and sits across from me. He seems barely comfortable on it and might fit better on two seats, but he stays there.

"Couldn't sleep either?" he asks.

"Something like that," I admit, unable to stop staring at him in his monster form. At the intricate tattoos on his body, at how his muscles flex with each movement he makes. "I needed some normal food, and Howler suggested this place."

"Kiri's bakery is my go-to," he admits. "I struggle to sleep most nights and end up here."

She soon returns, placing a plate of assorted pastries, double the size of mine, and another cup of tea in front of Killian. "Enjoy, my Lord," she says with a smile before leaving us alone.

Suddenly, it's just him and me again, and my breaths come too quickly.

He's looking at me, seeming to forget about his meal. His deep blue gaze lingers on my stronger violet hair, then focuses on my matching eyes… and I curl a lock around my finger.

"I'm guessing these changes are somehow related to the ritual?" I taunt, well aware that the ritual changed me.

"It's your Shadowfen emerging," he admits. "Being here in Blight, having the magic of the ritual in your body, your true self is finally showing itself." He pauses for a moment as though waiting for my response, but I'm slightly panicking on the inside, my heart going too fast. Then he continues, "It's beautiful. And I know it's a lot to take in, but?—"

"Yeah, it is," I interrupt, shifting in my chair uncomfortably. "And I'm changing. I feel it inside me, too, and it's scaring me. You should have told me this would happen."

"Would it have made a difference?" he asks nonchalantly, which annoys me.

I blink at him, my heart pounding. "Well, yes."

He leans forward, his presence overwhelming and intense. "You don't want to understand who you really are?"

I hate the way he says that. It's too much, and maybe I'm not ready.

"I grew up my whole life being different, being ridiculed for it, bullied. Maybe I just want to stop being different."

Killian leans closer, the table groaning under the weight of his elbow resting on it, his stare dark and intense.

"You're not different, Sage. You're extraordinary. And extraordinary people face extraordinary challenges. You are coming into your strengths and abilities. It's exciting."

"Is it?" I exclaim sarcastically. His words hit me hard, making my heart beat faster.

His large hand reaches over, covering mine completely on the table, and the room seems to tilt. That single touch has butterflies twisting in my stomach, my gaze falling to his mouth, to his lips, that tongue that devoured me.

I might be swooning.

"And it's not fair to praise me when I'm mad at you," I admit, my insides tangled, my breaths speeding up the longer I stare into his dark, dangerous eyes. His gaze consumes me, the stroke of his fingers on the back of my hand teasing me.

A curl on the corner of his mouth has me hypnotized.

Breaths tear from my lungs, savage and fast.

"Maybe you should stop staring at me that way," I say, repeating something he said to me when I first arrived.

He breaks into a loud chuckle, the sound addictive. "We're way past that point, my pretty little monster. We're true mates, and that means the craving for each other becomes insatiable if left ignored."

I gasp. "How long will the craving last?"

He shrugs, a predatory gleam in his gaze. "Varies on how much you're longing for me."

I burst out laughing.

He reaches over and cups the side of my face with a hand, his finger on my mouth, pushing his thumb past my lips and into my mouth. Something comes over me, something so primal that I draw him deeper into my mouth, sucking on him, my tongue running over him.

The lingering heat bursts through me, and I flush with shame at how much I enjoyed having him in my mouth.

"Tell me that you feel nothing right now," he teases with a low growl.

My body reacts before my mind can catch up, my lips closing tighter around his finger, my breath hitching. The taste of him, the feel of his skin against mine, sends tingles along my pussy.

I can't lie to him. I don't want to.

But admitting it, giving in to this savage hunger I feel for him, scares me more than anything else. Because once I do, there's no turning back.

I pull away slightly, his thumb slipping out. "I… I can't."

His eyes darken, something almost possessive taking over his expression. "You can't deny what we are, Sage. And you can't deny that you want this as much as I do."

He gets up swiftly, towering over me. Before I can react, he lifts the whole table away from between us as if it weighs nothing. My heart thunders, and I scramble to my feet, suddenly nervous. One stride, and he's stolen the distance between us, the hunger on his face mirroring the arousal that's driven me crazy all day. Before I can take a breath, he has me in his arms, off my feet, his lips crashing down on mine.

The kiss is fierce, possessive, my body wavering against his, my hands clasping the back of his powerful neck. He holds me effortlessly, walking us to the rear of the room, where I remember the circular booth is, while never breaking our kiss. The room spins around me as he sets me on the table, not releasing me, his hands gripping my waist firmly.

I'm scared, trembling, but there's a thrill in it, a dark excitement that courses through me.

He breaks our kiss, but he's glued to me, his breath hot against my skin.

"You're mine, Sage," he growls. His voice is a low rumble that coaxes a purr from my chest, a sound I've never made before in my life.

What is going on with me?

"You've always been mine, and I'm never letting you go."

I swallow hard, my hands clutching his neck, trying to ground myself. The room feels too small, too hot, and all I can focus on is him, the lust in his gaze, the raw power in his touch.

"Maybe we're going too fast," I murmur.

He leans in, his lips brushing against my ear. "It's not fast enough," he teases, his large hands roaming up my sides, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. "I've waited too long for this, for you. For years, I haven't lain with a woman, and now I know it's because I've been waiting for you."

I'm unsure what to say. I've never been with any man, but to hear that he's not slept with any other for so long draws me to him even more.

I know where this is going, yet I can't bring myself to stop it. The attraction between us is all-consuming.

He pulls back slightly, his gaze locking on to mine.

"I want everything from you." His tone is possessive and commanding. "I want it all, Sage."

"And what if I say no?" I challenge.

He grins, a dangerous, predatory smile. "You won't," he says confidently. "Because you feel it, too. This pull, this need."

I bite my lower lip, my heart slamming against my rib cage, hating that he's right.

He leans in again, his lips just inches from mine.

"And soon, you won't have any doubts."

His mouth claims mine again, his kiss like fire.

I'm lost in the passion… in him.

I know I'm falling into the abyss, just like in my nightmares, but I never thought it might be something I would enjoy so much.