Chapter 9

NINE

Tara

Drogo still hasn't woken up. Not the whole trip back to camp. Everyone's battered and broken in one way or another. Somehow, Garrick managed to carry Drogo back here, even with his own terrible injuries. And he's not alone in that. All my men are in rough shape. Looking around the camp at everyone makes me want to run away.

I can't believe this happened.

Guilt chews at my belly. This is wrong. All of this.

I force myself to look at Drogo's bloodied body in front of me. This is my fault. If my magic wasn't so shitty, I'd have acted faster. I would have realized I could defeat that monster as soon as it appeared. Instead, all my husbands are laying around this fire with cuts and bites and gashes. All of them are hurting because of me. I will never forgive myself.

My thoughts freeze for a moment, replaying how I'd used Battle Magic. Me . The least likely witch in the world used some of the most powerful magic witches can harness. I'm angry at myself for not using it sooner, but I'm also shocked it worked in the first place.

How did it work?

Guilt, regret, and fear war within me, but I try to push the feelings aside. Feelings are useless right now. I need to act. Somehow, my powers have to work again the way they're supposed to. I was never a healer, never good at much of anything, but I was able to heal Rinan before. I need to be able to do it again now.

I take Drogo's cold hand in both of mine. It's limp and covered in blood. I fight back the urge to cry, and I whisper, "Heal," pushing power into the word.

Magic unleases within me, responding to my call in a way that's still unbelievable. I feel the warmth rush from my hands and flow into Drogo. But even so, I watch him, praying my magic will do what it's supposed to.

Before my eyes, the cuts and gashes on his body close. The scratches disappear and his skin warms. The sickly pale color of his skin changes and a healthy glow returns.

I know healing isn't this easy, that he won't be one hundred percent, but at least he's not dying. At least it worked. I think. Hopefully. Maybe.

"Drogo?" I whisper, stroking his hand.

But he doesn't move. Doesn't respond. He just lies there, his chest rising and falling slowly.

"Is he…?" Arlys asks, concern in his voice as he kneels down beside me, a hiss of pain slipping from his lips as he does so.

I'm about to answer, to say something – I'm not sure what – when Drogo's eyes blink and slowly open. His gaze is unfocused for a moment before it locks on me. Then, he looks relieved.

He's okay, I think.

My heart races, and my hands tremble. He glances down at himself, then back at me. We stare at each other, with mirrored expressions of shock. Like he's as surprised that I healed him as I am that my magic actually worked.

"You're going to be okay," I whisper.

When his hand reaches out and touches my cheek, my face flushes with warmth. When he brings his lips to mine for a kiss, that warmth spreads throughout my body. His lips are even softer than I remember, and his kiss is gentle. It's a vast contrast to the aggression he usually shows me.

I moan as his tongue slides inside my mouth. And just as I'm about to put my hand on his face he pulls away, leaving me feeling empty at the loss of closeness to him. He brings his hand to his lip and looks away from me. Probably regretting kissing the woman he was forced to marry.

"What happened?" he asks, his voice gruff.

Garrick puffs up. "Tara killed the monster with her magic. She said one word, and it melted into the ground." Garrick looks at me with a bright smile on his face and a gleam in his eyes.

He's proud. Proud of me . Has anyone ever been proud of me before? I don't think so.

Drogo's gaze returns to me, and he frowns. "When we met you, you said that you couldn't do Battle Magic."

I don't know what to say. "That's because I didn't… I couldn't…"

He pulls away from me, like I'm his enemy and not the person who saved his life. Which I don't deserve. My heart aches as he shoots me an angry look. Then, grumbling about me being a liar, he limps out of camp, a scowl on his face.

He's going right back out into the dangerous night. The place we were just attacked. What if there are more monsters in these woods? Magic is amazing, but he's still hurt. Hurt. Not dying. He still needs to be careful.

"Drogo!" I call after him, my muscles tense, ready to chase after him. Then I cast Arlys a nervous look. "Is it safe for him to be alone out there? Are there other monsters?" I ask, worried that Drogo will get himself hurt again, maybe even worse by himself.

Arlys looks troubled, but not afraid. "Monsters are more common on shifter lands than on witch lands. We aren't protected by the mountains like your people are, but Drogo will be fine." He moves, wincing and holding his left hand at an odd angle.

"Fine how?" I ask, confused.

Rinan explains. "It's still rare to see a monster here. The chance of seeing two is nearly impossible."

Okay, deep breath.

I go to Arlys, gently taking his left hand in mine. It's broken – bent awkwardly – and he winces again as I touch it. "Heal."

Again, there's this feeling of accessing my power. I'd heard the other witches talk about it, my tutors describe it, but it was something I'd struggled to experience my whole life. Now it seems to come so easily to me, for reasons I don't understand. His hand straightens, the bones moving under my hand, and there's relief on his face as the tension in his body dissolves.

"Thanks," he says, moving his hand gingerly. Then, before I can respond, he continues, "Have you always been able to Battle Magic? Did you lie to us about it?"

My heart contracts, physical and emotional pain coursing through me. I'm not a liar. I don't like being called one, even less so from someone I care so much about.

Someone who has made it clear they don't care about me back.

My gaze locks with his, and I try to push my emotions down. "No, I wasn't ever able to do Battle Magic. I don't know why it worked tonight. I've only ever tried in a classroom before and it never worked. I'm just so sorry it didn't happen quicker tonight. I could have kept all of you from getting hurt if I'd just taken a chance with it."

Arlys grimaces, shaking his head, and I'm honestly not sure if he believes me. Which hurts. Even though it shouldn't. I know what they think of me. His reaction shouldn't be a surprise.

The thing is, I've never been anything but honest with them. I've only kept the note from my mother a secret, and I have my reasons for that. Reasons that involve finding the right moment to tell them. A moment that won't destroy the fragile connection I have with all of these men. But they don't know anything about that. From their perspective, I feel like I should have earned at least a little bit of their trust, but I guess not.

"Arlys…"

"I have to find Drogo," he tells me softly.

He walks off in the same direction as Drogo, leaving me feeling even worse about everything. Should I have not used the Battle Magic and let them all die? I shake my head and look around. Rinan sits against a log, his breathing shallow and raspy.

Rising, I go and kneel at his side. "Can I try to heal you?"

After a second, he nods.

I touch his chest. "Heal." Again, that amazing flow of power washes through me, and I sense it getting to work. It's listening, in a way it never did before.

He closes his eyes and takes a slow, deep breath. He doesn't look at me, and it makes my heart ache. Until this moment, it hadn't really struck me that Rinan was the person I felt closest to. The one I trusted the most. His gentle eyes and soft touch always made me feel like at least he cared for me a little. Yet, it sounds like that was all an act.

"Was your plan really always just to throw me away when I'm not useful to you anymore?"

His eyes flash open and he frowns at me, not saying a word. There's a mixture of feelings on his face: pain, regret, disappointment… or maybe I'm just imagining it all. But I wait, needing an answer. Any answer.

Yet, I'm not given one. He simply murmurs, "Things change."

It's like he doesn't know what to say to me, so he's just decided not to say anything of use. Maybe because I now know their plan, or maybe because he, like Arlys and Drogo, thinks I've been lying all this time about my ability to do Battle Magic. I'm at a loss with how these wolves are responding to me after this attack.

He gets up slowly and looks in the direction Drogo and Arlys went in. "I'm going to check on the others."

"Yeah, okay," I say weakly.

He walks off, leaving me there with Garrick. I push away the deep desire to cry and go to where Garrick is resting on the ground. He hadn't said a word about his injuries, but I know he has them. And it's his turn to feel my powers, if I can get them to work.

"Are you mad at me about the Battle Magic too?" I ask, kneeling down.

"Not a chance. Seriously, fuck them," he declares, looking at me with pride.

I try to smile, but I can't. My heart aches. It aches when I'm with the wolves. It aches when I'm away from them. Nothing seems to make it better, so I try not to focus on the uncomfortable feeling. Instead, I focus on healing Garrick.

"Heal," I whisper, watching as the deep scratches and the huge bite on his arm slowly heal.

It's honestly… unexpected. There aren't even scars. I don't know what to think about it. I've watched the best healers at work, and even they don't heal like this. What's happening to my magic? How did I spend my whole life being useless and now I'm capable of something like this?

When my magic is done, he takes my hand and stares into my eyes. "What you did was impressive. Amazing, honestly."

I don't know if I believe him. The others don't care if it was impressive or not. They're mad I have this power, even if I never knew I did. Surely, he can't feel that differently.

"They should be happy to have such a powerful wife." He squeezes my hand. "I am."

I give him a weak smile, finding it hard to believe anybody is happy to have me around at all. I open my mouth to speak. He's staring at me, waiting. I close my mouth and look away.

The princes wanted me for my powers. My mother wanted me as a tool. What does Garrick want me for?

I look back at him, needing to read the truth in his face. "Would you be with me if I wasn't powerful?"

If my magic stops listening to me again, will Garrick be rid of me? No doubt he'd heard plenty of rumors about my powerful mother and thought I'd be the same, long before he met me, which is part of why he pushed so hard for the bond. Will all his honeyed promises of a life together with the bears happen? Or will he toss me out on my ass?

He stares at me intently, and it's impossible to look away from his brilliant hazel eyes. "Yes. You've stolen my heart. I'm with you because I want to be with you , not because I want your powers. But I know after everything you've been through, you don't believe that, so I'm going to spend our whole lives working to prove it to you." He pulls me into his lap, wrapping his arms around me. "Let's lay down. I want to hold you."

"We should wait for them to return before we sleep," I protest.

I can feel him smile against my hair as he picks me up and lays me down in our blankets. "They're big boys. They can take care of themselves. You worked hard tonight, and you need your rest."

It's strange. He's right. I did a lot today. Used a lot of my powers. Normally, a witch would be exhausted after doing so much. I wonder why I'm not more tired than I am.

Although… I am tired, just not the fall-over-and-collapse-after-using-that-much-magic kind of tired. I also don't want to sleep while the wolves are gone. What if something should happen to them?

They've made it clear that they only care about what I can do for the mission. Not me. I should work on not caring about them either.

Pulling the blankets over us, Garrick holds me close to him, wrapped around me from behind. I lay against his big, comfortable body, but my mind swirls with everything that's happened to me so far.

Oh, Tara, what are you going to do about these damn wolves?