Chapter 6

SIX

Tara

Everything hurts. I always thought horses looked comfortable to ride... I was wrong. I've been on this horse all day, and my thighs are burning. My hands are cramping. Even my ass hurts.

I'm not built for this.

Maybe I am the princess the wolves have made me out to be.

I shake the thoughts from my mind and look toward the horizon. My eyes have been glued to it like a magnet as the sun dips lower hour by hour. It's almost evening, which means it's almost time to rest. Thank the gods! I didn't want to be the first to ask if we could stop again, and now I won't have to be.

"Do you want a snack?" Garrick asks at my side.

"I'm fine," I lie. I'll eat when it's time to rest. When my focus isn't on my aching ass.

"You look uncomfortable. Are you an experienced rider?"

Garrick has been trying pretty damn hard to connect with me again after he'd hurt my feelings. Rinan and Arlys have too, in their own way, while Drogo has been… well, Drogo. Their attempts should be making me feel better. They are, a little, but not completely. It's hard to explain why what they're saying isn't making me feel completely better. It's like they broke something that needs time to fix.

"I'm not very experienced," I confess carefully.

"No?" He's studying me.

"It feels like my ass has been pounded all day."

He's silent.

Rinan clears his throat loudly.

Finally, Garrick says, "Yes, I imagine that could make a person… sore."

Arlys glances back at me with an amused look I don't understand. Did I say something wrong?

"I'm going to have to rub all these knots out when I get to camp. Otherwise, I'll never sleep."

Garrick flashes me a grin. "I'd be grateful to help you with any knots you need… rubbed out."

Drogo snorts.

Rinan gives me a funny look. "I could also be of service."

Arlys shoots him a look, but Rinan just smiles right back. These men are weird.

As we round a turn of the road, Garrick pulls his horse to a stop and surveys a clearing just off the road, near the flowing river. "We'll stop here and make camp for the night." Then he climbs down from his horse and leads his horse off to the clearing.

Rest! At last!

Everyone follows suit except Drogo. He stays on his horse, circling the area we intend to camp at. "This is too close to bear territory. We should go back further."

Go back? Hell no. I'm not going to be tortured by this horse any longer than I have to be.

I laugh, looking up at him. "Uh, aren't we heading to bear territory… with the bear prince in our group? Of course we're going to be near bear territory."

Drogo isn't the type to joke around, but he has to be joking now.

His expression hardens. "Going to their territory versus camping in their territory is totally different, Princess . You probably remember our hesitation to rest in witch lands, and we had a large party with us then. So maybe think a little before you speak next time." His words come out measured, but tinged with annoyance.

Garrick steps toward Drogo's horse. "That's no way to talk to your wife. It's a valid question to your illogical problem. We're as safe here as we will be on this whole trip. Only, we were in your lands before, and now we're in my lands. This trip requires trust from all of us alike."

Drogo slides down from the saddle in seconds and gets in Garrick's face. "I don't trust bears. We're only here because you left us no other choice but to ride with you into these cursed lands instead of sneaking onto them in a safer way."

"You had a choice. You chose this," Garrick tells him, seeming to choose each word with care.

"The hell we did," Drogo growls.

To my surprise, Garrick just smirks. "You're such a hotheaded pup. Why don't you lay out your pallet and take a nap? Let the adults handle business."

"With how stupid bears are, I can't let you be the one to make any decisions." Drogo shoves Garrick in the chest, but the bear doesn't move an inch.

This is bad. Another fight. I glance at Arlys and Rinan, hoping they'll step in, but the other wolves are just watching calmly, choosing to let these two fight it out if it comes to it.

I'm not letting that happen. All this fighting is getting old.

"Enough." I start struggling to get off the horse when Garrick's big hands are suddenly pulling me down with ease.

"I can help her," Drogo says, shoving Garrick again, even though I'm already on the ground.

Pushing my way between them, I eye Drogo. "Just stop. This is getting fucking old. We have a mission. We're supposed to be a team."

Drogo huffs, his dark eyes blazing. "We're no team."

It's weird. I understand that we've now got a bunch of enemies all thrown together, but we're married. We've sworn to love and be there for each other forever. Yes, I realize that my marriage also hinges on finding a cure to the illness, but we're on the path to do just that. Everyone needs to start thinking about how we're going to spend the next one hundred plus years of our lives together.

Maybe they just need to be reminded of that.

A stray thought whispers in the back of my mind that I haven't told them about my mother's message yet, but I push the thought aside. I'm not lying to them. I will tell them. I just need more time.

We have a lot to deal with right now. It's no time to add fuel to the fire.

I plant my hands on my hips, determined to make them see that this hatred isn't helping any of us. "You have to think beyond just this mission. If we're all joined together through marriage, then we'll need to learn to get along one way or another."

Drogo snaps, "It's not like we were sure how this marriage would go… given the fucking curse is from your own people!"

Well, that hurts. I understand if I don't find the cure these wolves will be rid of me, but has Drogo even stopped to think about what will happen if I do find the cure? He's going to have spent all his time with his wife being cruel to her.

"Drogo, I'm going to find the cure, and then we'll have a real marriage. Have you considered that?" There's hurt in my voice that I don't bother trying to hide.

"No." His chest is rising and falling rapidly. His expression tells me he barely has control over his emotions. "That's never going to happen."

Garrick has a strange expression on his face as he looks at each of the wolves one at a time. "Wait. Is that why you haven't consummated the marriage? You plan to annul it and throw Tara away once you don't need her anymore?"

My stomach drops, and the world shifts under my feet. No, no, they wouldn't have planned something like that. They planned to make our marriage real as long as I solved the curse. The only reason we haven't been together is because… because…

"Is that true?" I ask, my heartbeat filling my ears.

When I glance at each of the wolves, my stomach turns and my eyes burn. Garrick was right. That's exactly what they were planning. From the very beginning. That's why they've kept me at arm's length. No matter what I did, we wouldn't have stayed married.

My feet are moving before I realize it, and I'm running, needing to be as far away from everyone as possible.

"Tara, wait!" Rinan calls out, and I glance back at him, but all I feel is pain. "We may have had a plan before, but things changed."

Garrick starts after me, looking upset. "Tara. I was never a part of their plan."

Looking away from them, I just keep going, ignoring them as they argue over who can go after me. I weave through the trees, the foliage slapping me as I run, stumbling several times, but managing to keep myself upright. Air burns in my lungs. My legs beg for release, and I slow, spotting a nearby log.

My body hurts even more, and my breath comes in quick pants. But the pain in my body is nothing compared to the pain in my heart. Nothing I did was ever going to win them over. They didn't want me, no matter what. I sit down, blinking away the tears that threaten to spill down my cheeks.

I don't want to cry. Not over them. Not over men who don't give a damn about me.

"Tara sad."

The soft voice makes my head jerk up and I see Wisp floating near me, her bright golden glow even brighter in the evening light. My heart leaps at the sight of someone familiar and kind. An ally in a world where I'm feeling more alone by the day.

"I'm so sad," I admit, wrapping my arms around my knees as I feel a tear track down my cheek. "Everyone just wants something out of me. They want to use me as a tool to help their people and then be rid of me. My mother wants to use me to restart this horrible war with the shifters. They don't care about me at all." I sniff, looking through a veil of tears. "Maybe I don't deserve better, but I want more than that."

"Deserve better," she says, emphasizing each word.

"Yes, I want someone to care about me, to think the world of me, to love me." I sigh, hating my foolish heart.

How can I want something I've never known? The only ones who ever loved me were my father, Baldemar, and Wisp. Why should I expect anything more? Even my own mother doesn't love me. How can anyone else bring themselves to love me?

"To love me." Wisp dims her light, showing her sadness.

I look at Wisp and nod, more tears flowing down my cheeks. "Exactly. But it's becoming clear for the first time that there's no happy ending with these shifters. No chance at love, romance, and a family. Once my husbands are done with me, I'll be on my own. I need to figure out where I'm going after this." My brain starts working. "My mom offered to rescue me, but I can't go back there. Not after being here and seeing what life can be like when you aren't hated by everyone around you. Not after getting to know the people here. The princes might be idiots, but I could never hurt the shifter people."

"Not here."

Her words resonate within me. "You're right, I won't find the life I want here either."

So, what do I do? I get an image of me escaping with my horse in the night, but where would I go? I'd gone over this already in my mind. Not the vampire lands or monster lands, and I don't know if I could survive a trip to the fae lands.

And if I go… what will happen to the shifters? They'll just, what, sicken and die until my mother can sweep in and kill what's left of them? No, I can't be okay with that.

"Tara." Garrick's low voice rolls along my spine, but I try not to react other than rubbing the tears from my face. I don't want him to see the way they can hurt me.

Wisp is gone. She always is when other people come around, and I desperately miss her company. Especially when she's been replaced with a bear shifter I kind of hate right now.

Garrick sits down beside me on the log, his big body shifting the whole thing. "Let's talk."

"I don't really want to talk to anyone right now," I tell him honestly, wiping my tears on my palms.

"I don't blame you." He sighs, and the sound is sad. "It figures. I'm normally good with women, but my own wife I can't seem to stop screwing up with. I should have thought more before spouting off the wolves' plan. I should have thought about how much knowing the truth would hurt you."

His words ease something inside of me. Maybe because they sound so honest. "You're not all that bad. You're just someone who was forced into a marriage he didn't want because of an alliance."

He abruptly turns to face me, and his tone shifts from sad to serious. "You're mixing me up with the wolves. We're not the same."

Maybe I am. All this hurt is hard to separate.

His gaze holds mine. "But I'm going to clear everything up for you, real quickly."

I shrug. "I'm not stopping you." Technically.

He gives a little nod. "Yes, I came to speak to the wolves because I wanted to be part of the alliance, and I wanted to be part of the mission that would help find the cure to the illness for my people."

I look at him, surprised. "Your people are getting sick too?"

He frowns. "Yes. I didn't want to tell the wolves so they wouldn't have more leverage over me, but we're getting sicker than the wolves. Things in bear lands are dire."

"I'm sorry," I say, surprised.

"It's okay. We're on a mission to help them." He takes a deep breath before continuing. "So I wanted to be part of the alliance to help my people, but the second I set eyes on you, I fell for you, and the feelings I have for you have only intensified from that moment. And I mean the second I set eyes on you, which is probably earlier than you think. You're fucking gorgeous, funny, and interesting. I didn't marry you because I was forced to, or because I needed something from you. I married you because I wanted to." He stares into my eyes as he speaks, and as much as I hate myself for it, I'm hanging on his every word.

"Really?" I ask, the word coming out small.

"Really." He looks intense. "I have absolutely no plans to end this marriage when all is said and done. As I told you last night, this is forever for me."

My mind starts working. "And when exactly did you first fall for me?"

I'm thinking about that moment in the courtyard, the one where our eyes met, but he surprises me. "In the woods, when you were upset. Remember that bear?"

I stare at him in shock. "That was you?"

He nods, a little smile playing on his lips. "That was me. And that was the moment I fell for you."

He sounds sincere, but he hurt me last night. Can I trust him?

I cock a brow and decide just to lay it all out. "I'm going to help cure the illness no matter what you say, so you don't have to tell me what I want to hear."

He's offended, I can tell, but the look on his face eases. "I'm not telling you what you want to hear. If the wolves try to take you from me, I'll fight them with every inch of my being. You're mine, and I'll consummate this marriage any time you want to prove it."

It's weird… I think I believe him, even if I probably shouldn't. "So, it's just the wolves who don't want me?"

"They're idiots," he says, followed by a snort.

"They are," I say, feeling a little happy that someone else agrees.

His shoulders straighten. "But now that we know their plan, we can come up with our own."

"What do you mean?" I ask, confused.

He takes my hand in his much larger one. "We can disappear together in bear territory and leave the wolves to themselves."

"What?" I feel like I'm not understanding what he's saying.

He leans in closer. "Rather than waiting to see what the wolves have in store for you, we can simply separate from them on the journey and go our own way."

Just go our own way? Never see Rinan, Arlys, and Drogo again? For some reason, the idea makes my stomach turn. As little as they seem to care about me, I care about them, and the realization is painful.

His hand squeezes mine. "You and your heart will be safe with me. I promise. I will give my life before I let anyone hurt you."

He's serious. The look in his eyes and the tone of his voice tells me that he means every word. Yet, I'd be a fool to trust him too quickly. Right?

A picture begins to form in my mind. A new one. Instead of escaping with a horse and riding off in hopes of surviving a trip to fae territory, I could return home with Garrick. I could create a family and a home with his people. The image is tempting, but something about it still feels wrong.

"I–I don't know," I whisper, unsure.

He gives me a warm smile and brushes a tear from my cheek with his free hand. "Just think about it."

We hear the wolves before they emerge from the woods. Arlys' gaze instantly snaps to where Garrick is holding my hand. I feel like I should pull away from the other man, but I don't. These wolves have made their stance about me clear, so I don't owe them anything.

"Tara," Arlys begins. He looks uncomfortable, like he's searching for the right words. "This illness–"

"I get it. You need my help with it. And I'm going to help, because it's the right thing to do."

All three of the men look surprised, but I don't know why they should be. I'm not the one who has been using them, plotting against them, and treating them like less than. I've been honest from the beginning.

"I… I mean we…" He sighs and looks away from me like he's trying to find the right words. "Thank you for being willing to help us."

Rinan takes a step closer to me, running a hand awkwardly through his short blond hair. "We never wanted to hurt you. We just wanted to do what was best for our people."

"I understand. Protecting your people is worth any price to you." My words are cold and clipped, but I can't help it. If they'd just told me from the beginning that nothing I did could ever make them love me, things would have been so much easier. I could have done a better job protecting my heart.

Rinan looks like I punched him. "Not any price. We just… It was a hard decision."

I bet it was. Pretending to find someone as unattractive as me attractive must have been really hard. And that's probably nothing compared to having to spend time with me. It must have been brutal for them.

"Well, at least we're all on the same page now," I say, standing and pulling my hand from Garrick's. "We should get back to camp and start setting up."

I move to pass them, but Drogo catches my arm. His words are soft. "We never said we didn't care about you at all."

"Good to know," I say, then I pull my arm from his.

Some part of me feels lighter, now that I finally understand why my husbands have treated me this way since we met. Part of me feels a cold acceptance in knowing that no matter what I did, or didn't do, they don't want me. It's truly like this is nothing but a business transaction… No matter how much that also feels like a dagger twisting in my heart.