Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

Fletcher

A rtemis left, and it was like the wind was knocked out of me. Only it wasn’t coming back with the next breath I took. I forced myself to move, to hug Gideon tightly, then to continue cleaning up the milking chair, but it felt like I couldn’t breathe at all.

He was moving farther and farther away. The feeling made me vaguely uneasy at first, as he walked downstairs and out to his car, but when he started to drive away, I felt nauseated. It was almost like someone was pulling my intestines out of my body, but intestines weren’t that long.

“Are you okay, Fletcher?” Gideon asked after heading back into the bedroom to grab the gross pile of sheets and damp towels. “You look a little pale.”

“I’m fine,” I lied, trying to send my husband a reassuring smile as I scrubbed remnants of Artemis’s sweat and cum from the chair. I breathed in his lingering scent like I needed it to live while I was at it. “It’s just the end of heat, you know?”

“I definitely know,” Gideon said with an airy laugh.

He bent to gather up more towels, took one step, then paused. His expression turned troubled and he bit his lip.

“Fletcher,” he said curiously, like he was beginning a deeper thought.

“Yeah, sweetheart?” I asked straightening and nudging the legs of the chair back together with my knee. I tried not to look at him directly for too long. I had the itchy feeling that he’d be able to tell I’d bonded with someone else, with Artemis.

Gideon’s troubled look grew, which made me pause my cleaning to study him with concern of my own. He wasn’t looking at me, though. He was swimming in whatever thoughts he was having.

Finally, he shook his head and focused on me for a second. “Nothing,” he said, his face heating. “I’ll just pop these in the washer.”

He hurried out of the room before I could ask more questions.

I immediately came up with a list of things that he might be worried about but unable to tell me. He must have liked his breeding orgasm but didn’t want me to feel bad because I could never give him one. I know he liked Artemis. Maybe he just wanted to tell me that.

Maybe having Artemis fuck him for that heat wave had cured him of his fear of alphas. Maybe he would leave me to find a real alpha, someone who could give him more of what Artemis had. What would I do without him? Gideon was my heart and soul. He was my reason for everything I’d done in the last few years, the reason I’d worked so hard to build a life of my own instead of crawling back to my horrible family.

But wouldn’t it be a good thing if he’d gotten over his fear and wanted an alpha now? I was bonded to Artemis. Gideon could go find an alpha that would bond with him. We could stay best friends. Maybe our alphas would let us sleep with each other now and then.

I growled and threw the wet towel I’d been cleaning the milking chair with onto the seat. I hated that idea. Hated all of it. I didn’t want Gideon with another alpha. I didn’t want him with anyone except me. And maybe Artemis.

That thought sent the air huffing out of my lungs like a fist in the gut as I gathered the basket of food items I’d brought up yesterday and carried it out of the room. What if Gideon had been about to tell me that he was falling in love with Artemis and wanted to pursue a future with him? How could I crush him twice by telling him Artemis had already bonded with me and that the bond would inevitably tear the two of us apart?

I felt really sick by the time I reached the kitchen. Gideon was humming happily in the laundry room off to one side. I couldn’t have felt more different than that if I’d tried.

Gideon evidently heard me puttering and clanking around the kitchen. “Do you think Artemis will be back in time for supper?” he asked from the other room. “If he is, I might make spaghetti. I could really use a bunch of carbs right now.”

“Spaghetti sounds nice,” I called back, my stomach rebelling at the idea. I’d eat it if Gideon made it, though.

The washer slammed shut, the dial cranked, and the sound of water running into the unit started. Gideon walked into the kitchen with a dreamy smile and asked, “ Are you hungry now? I could eat a horse. How about sandwiches? Do we have stuff to make sandwiches? Do you think it’s still good after three days? We should go grocery shopping.”

I smiled despite the horrible feeling in my insides. Gideon chattered like a parakeet when he was happy. I loved the sound of it, his voice and the happiness in it. His words didn’t matter.

“I’ll do whatever you want or need, baby,” I said, closing the dishwasher door, then stepping over to kiss Gid’s cheek as he opened the fridge door.

Gideon giggled, then abandoned the fridge to throw his arms around my shoulders and kiss me back.

It felt so good and so right to close him in my embrace and squeeze him tight. The feel of Gideon’s body against mine was the feeling of home. No bond could change that. I slanted my mouth over his, taking control of our kiss and trying to lose myself in it.

I couldn’t. It was like part of me was outside me now, racing farther and farther away as Artemis drove back to the city. If you’d have given me a map, I could have pointed right to where he was.

It made me miserable.

Gideon pulled back, his smile gone. He studied me with a look of deep concern.

“Honey, you’re not okay,” he said, his hands gripping my arms. “You don’t have to be brave for me. I know that heat took a lot out of you. It was so brutal, so raw.”

He shivered. Shivered with lust. I would have found it funny or hot, if I didn’t feel like it was the end of us.

“No wonder you’re feeling out of it,” he said. “Oh! I shouldn’t be touching you. You’re probably really averse to touch right now. ”

“No, it’s fine,” I said, deliberately hugging him. “It’s you. I always want you to touch me. I will never be averse to you.”

“It’s probably because I’m an omega, too,” Gideon said, hugging me back.

“It’s because you’re you.”

I dropped my head to rest on his shoulder for a moment, praying this bond wouldn’t tear us to shreds. I didn’t love Gideon a drop less than I had before his heat started. If anything, I loved him more. I knew what it would be like to lose him now, and I knew it would kill me.

“Go sit in the living room,” Gideon ordered me. “Rack out on the couch. I’ll make us sandwiches, and we can watch some TV and cuddle until Artemis comes back.”

I made myself smile. “Okay, sweetheart,” I said.

I kissed him quickly on the lips, then let him go and slogged into the living room. My body felt incredibly heavy as I flopped onto the sofa and searched for the remote. I clicked the TV on, but didn’t bother changing it from the random channel it had been on.

I always felt a little washed out after my heats, even though they were mild and short, but this was different. My body was a complete traitor. It ached and grieved because Artemis’s seed hadn’t taken in me. Never mind the fact that I’d never wanted to have a baby before. I felt like I’d failed some essential duty as an omega.

I felt like an omega, and that hurt. It was part of me, for sure, but I’d never really identified as an omega. Not that way. I mean, I knew I was, but I’d always tried to be more. I’d tried to be the strong one, the one in charge. Now, I was desperate for someone to take care of me. My womb felt alive and hungry for the experience of childbirth. My inner omega kept reaching for Artemis, panicking because he felt so far away.

Who was I anymore? Biology had never mattered to me like it seemed to matter now. Did all these awakened, omega feelings make me someone different than I’d been just a few days ago? I didn’t want to be someone different. I liked myself, liked who I was. I liked my life just the way it was. It felt like everything was ruined now.

“Heats have never affected you so much before,” Gideon said with an almost parental frown as he carried a tray with our lunch into the den and set it on the coffee table in front of the sofa. He sat next to me and curled into me, slipping his arms around my shoulders. “Were you just hiding it from me before or was something different about this heat?”

I turned my head to look at him as cheesy commercial music tinkled from the TV. How could I tell him the truth without breaking his heart?

“I really like Artemis,” I said. I told myself I would work up to it, that my revelation wouldn’t be as bad as I feared it’d be.

“So do I,” Gideon said, his eyes dancing with affection. “I never thought I’d ever feel safe with an alpha again, but he makes me feel protected. Kind of like you make me feel protected.”

I smiled, but I knew it didn’t reach my eyes. I wouldn’t be able to protect him from the thing that would hurt him more than he’d ever been hurt. I wouldn’t be able to protect him from me.

“You know I would never do anything to deliberately hurt you,” I said, forcing myself to begin.

“I know,” Gideon jumped in, scooting closer to me and beaming. “Bringing Artemis here was your way of helping me and protecting me from the ravages of heat. I don’t blame you at all for any of it, or for letting him break past my barriers so I could ride him for that last wave.”

I swallowed, the sick feeling returning. He didn’t understand what I was saying or where I was going with things. His smile was so beautiful and his happiness so complete. I didn’t want to crush him. Maybe I could delay talking about the bond, at least until Artemis came back.

Gideon’s smile faltered and his cheeks pinked even before he said, “I hope you don’t hate me for saying this, but watching Artemis fuck you through your heat waves was so hot.”

My eyes popped wide and my mouth dropped open a little. I never would have expected my sweet, traumatized Gideon to say that watching a huge alpha rail me while I moaned and screamed for it would be hot.

Gideon laughed at my reaction. “Well, it was,” he argued. “Or maybe it was my own heat hormones talking. You were clearly enjoying it, and in such a you way.”

“What does that mean?” I asked.

Gideon’s face went redder. “You’re super lusty, you know. With me you are. And then seeing you on the other end of that, offering yourself so wantonly and diving into the pleasure so thoroughly. You’re incredibly sexy when you’re horny.”

I laughed, even though it was a paradoxical reaction to my complete brain overload. “You were okay with watching that?” My voice rose an octave as I spoke.

Gideon hid his face in his hands for a second before peeking between his fingers and saying, “I kind of touched myself and made myself come while you were having that breeding orgasm.”

My jaw dropped even further. “Gideon! ”

I was only teasing him by pretending to be shocked. In fact, a shoot of hope had sprouted inside me and begun to grow.

“I think seeing how much you liked it was what gave me the courage to mount Artemis,” Gideon went on, turning slightly serious. “And I’m so glad I did. Fletcher, there’s something I have to tell you.”

Panic hit me again. He was in love with Artemis now after all. He was going to say he wanted to leave me for him. How was I going to explain?

The sound of his cell phone ringing kept him from blurting it out and breaking my heart. He must have slipped it into his trousers pocket at some point, because he pulled it out now. He looked at the screen, and his joyful, naughty expression flattened into a frown.

“Hello? Malachi? What’s wrong? Is it Papa?”

My entire body clenched. Gideon’s brother Malachi. He was a beta and a year older than Gideon, but they’d been close. Malachi still lived with The People, but he owned a cell phone. A cell phone he had to keep hidden because it was forbidden for anyone other than male alphas to own a cell phone in their community.

Malachi had called twice in the last three years, once to let Gideon know that their sister, Ruth, had been married off to one of the community alphas and once when he had discovered where we were living.

I prayed one of the other siblings had gotten married.

Gideon’s suddenly horrified expression told me that wasn’t it.

“Hold on,” Gid said, his voice shaky. “Fletcher is right here. Let me put you on speaker.”

Gid pulled the phone away from his ear and tapped it.

“…when he was here visiting yesterday,” Malachi was in th e middle of saying. “He was bragging to everyone that it would only be a matter of time before you rejoined the fold, and he implied Fletcher would be completely out of the picture.”

“Malachi, it’s Fletcher,” I said, leaning forward, like that would somehow help him understand me better. “Just tell me one thing, does Goode know where we are?”

“I’m pretty sure he does,” Malachi said, not missing a beat as I joined the conversation. “He knows you two have a farm outside of Barrington. I couldn’t tell just by listening in to him and Father talking whether he has an exact address or just a general idea, but with the resources he has available, I wouldn’t be surprised if he has an address. He has multiple agents posing as Tristan Freehold fans and combing the internet for any information about you.”

“The new fan on social media,” Gideon said, his bottom lip trembling and tears filling his eyes. “Did he say anything to Father about when he’s coming for me?”

“He didn’t give an exact day or time, but it sounded like he was going to come get you immediately. He said he had one business thing to take care of, but then he was taking a few weeks off from work so he could ‘retrain’ you.”

Gid swooned to the side. I caught him to keep him from passing out entirely.

“Thanks, Malachi,” I said. “You saved us once, and I think you might just have saved us again.”

“No one has any clue I’m anything other than a good little beta,” Malachi said, sounding resentful. “I’ll keep you updated as much as I can. I’ve got to go now.”

“We’ve got to go, too,” I said, staring straight at Gideon.

Gid recovered enough to say his goodbyes to his brother and end the call. As soon as that was done, I shut off the TV and stood, taking Gideon with me.

“We have to get out of here,” I said. “Now.”

I grabbed his hand and headed straight for the stairs. This possibility had loomed over our heads for years, so I was always ready. Our suitcases were in the guest room closet. One of them was packed with survival supplies. There was no telling where or how we would have to survive if Goode came after us, but I had a few contingencies in place.

“I love this place,” Gideon said, crying, as I pulled him up the stairs. “This is the first place that has ever felt like home to me. I don’t want to leave it.”

“I know, baby,” I said, heart breaking for him. As if it wasn’t already broken enough. “But if Goode knows where we are, we have to leave.”

“What if we barricaded the doors?” Gideon asked, weeping as I left him in the hall to get the suitcases, then carried them into our disheveled bedroom. “What if we hid in the basement until he goes away?”

I glanced at him as I tossed the suitcases on the bed and opened them so we could load them with clothes.

“You know he would find us and…and end things,” I said.

In fact, I was a hundred percent sure he would kill me and take Gideon back to his cult.

“What if?—”

Gid was cut short as his phone rang again. He was already holding it, but this time, when he looked at it, he screamed and threw it across the bed.

“It’s him!” he shouted. “He has my cell phone number!”

I nearly stumbled in my haste to throw open our drawers and pack as many warm clothes as I could.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. Five minutes and we’ll be out of here. ”

Gideon’s phone stopped ringing. That was good.

Ten seconds later, mine started. That was so, so bad.

I pulled my phone out of my back pocket, praying somehow it was Artemis, that he’d had second thoughts about whatever interview he was going to, and that he was coming back for us. The wild thought struck me that Artemis could protect us. At least, he could help me protect Gideon.

But no, the number was Goode’s. Malachi had secretly figured out the man’s cell number and texted it to Gideon years ago. We’d both entered it in our phones for situations exactly like this.

“Come on, baby,” I said once I had the suitcases packed. I tossed my phone on the bed. “Leave your phone here. If he knows our numbers, he’ll know how to trace us through them.”

Gideon moaned and left his phone where it’d landed on the floor. He followed me as I darted out of the room and downstairs.

It took another five minutes to load as much food as we could into the basket I’d used to bring food upstairs during our heats and into a large cooler I grabbed from the pantry. It wasn’t much, but it would get us through a few days.

We headed out to the garage and I tossed the suitcases and food into the back seat. As Gideon climbed in, weeping silently, I hurried to a box I kept on the garage’s workbench for exactly this sort of emergency. It contained half a dozen different license plates, some car detailing paint, and the keys to a certain property I’d purchased a few years ago under a different name. I popped that into the back seat along with everything else, then slipped into the driver’s seat, hit the button to open the garage door, then turned on the car .

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’ve prepared for this. We’ve done this before and we got away from him. We can do it this time, too,” I said, backing the car out of the garage.

I was confident we’d be able to evade Justice Goode, at least at first.

But as I pulled out of our drive, past the fancy sports car Gideon had bought but never drove, and onto the road that would take us to the highway, my only thoughts were of Artemis. What would he think when he showed up later and we were gone? How was I going to be able to live without my bonded mate?