29. Mine

It had been a few days since I lost my arm, and I was feeling almost back to normal. I tired more easily, and I struggled with one arm at times, but overall, I was fine. Any normal person would be having more meltdowns because of losing their arm, but I had always been on high alert, assuming another more terrible thing was on the way. If I could have traded an arm for my parents, I would have in a heartbeat. Compared to that pain plus everything else, I could handle this. I was still waiting for another meltdown to happen though. Not because I lost the arm, but because sometimes it was frustrating to deal with.

Ellie had helped me pick out far too many things for my nest and immediately ordered them with her dad's card, claiming that it was a forced I'm sorry from him. Plus, the sooner I used the nest without protection, the sooner he had grandkids. Apparently, that was always a dream of his.

This felt far too similar to situations I had seen in the Human world. People used their grandkids as some sort of redo for how they raised their own kids, but if we ever did have any, as long as they were happy and wanted to be around him and he understood whatever rules we laid out, I didn't mind him being around, and I certainly didn't mind using his money to make myself feel better.

I cringed internally. I couldn't believe I was thinking about kids now. I didn't want them anytime soon, and I certainly didn't want to go into a heat soon. That would mean many choices would be ripped from me, and I wanted to take it slow with Odie and Cy before jumping into sex.

I wasn't a virgin, but every time I had had sex—with a man or woman—it was to scratch an itch and was just sex. There wasn't emotion behind it, so I was a little worried I'd be awful at it.

I also wouldn"t lie and say I fully understood their anatomy. What if I found it weird in the moment and freaked out? I hoped my Omeganess kicked in and saved me, but if it didn't…

That was a problem for future Mine. Present Mine was dealing with getting the furniture sorted as the delivery people dropped everything off. It was all as amazing as I had imagined, but they brought in the couch first instead of the rug as if the rug would magically make it under the massive couch.

Odie and Cy could easily lift the couch and get it fixed, but that wasn't their job. They paid good money to have these people deliver this shit correctly, so I made them correct their mistakes before leaving.

Now we had a brand new massive sofa, wingback chairs, and rug. The living room was complete again. I realized I probably should have ordered a new coffee table to go with it all, so that was next on my list. The one they had from before would work for now. Same went for the end tables. It didn't quite fit because they were a little too small, but I'd be on the hunt later today.

Everything else I ordered would be here shortly too, then I could get started on organizing my nest with Ellie and tossing the living room accessories around. I found a leaf-shaped blanket and some knot-style pillows for the sofa and couldn't wait to show everyone.

I was never a big shopper, so I blamed this on the awakening as well. I had voiced my concerns about spending too much, but they assured me they had expected this and truly wanted me to make the place my own as well. Plus, they were apparently well off enough that I didn't have to worry about it.

I collapsed on the new sofa and sighed. It was comfy for a leather sofa. The other fabrics didn"t call to me, and if we ever had another incident, at least leather would be easier to clean.

"Tired from bossing people around?" Cy asked as she fell onto the other side of the couch.

"Didn't I tell you on day one that we didn't need a second Ellie telling us what to do?"

I shrugged against the couch, knowing she wouldn't be able to see me.

"You did what?" Ellie scoffed as she came into the room. "I do not boss you around, and even if I did, you deserved it."

"Sure thing, Ellie." Cy sat up and looked around the room, taking in the new decor. "I didn't know if it would work, but it all goes together. You did really well, Mine. Want to do my room next? I hate picking things out but want something different."

I sat up and nodded enthusiastically.

"What? Can I help?" Ellie whined as Odie came in the door.

"Help with what?" she asked.

"Redecorating Cy's room."

"Why would you do that?"

"Why wouldn't I? I like decorating too, and it's not like she's going to be spending a lot of time in there anyway." Ellie placed her hands on her hips as if she had won that argument.

"That's my point, Ellie. We should think about reorganizing who has what room now that we will all be together more nights anyway." Odie had a good point, but that didn't mean we shouldn't have our own rooms for when we needed space.

I hopped up and grabbed my notebook before writing out, We should still have our own rooms if possible. I'm petty and will make you sleep on the couch if you piss me off.

Odie read my note aloud, and everyone nodded in agreement while snickering.

"That's a good point. Odie is bound to piss you off plenty," Cy said as she hung over the back of the couch.

"And you aren't? We should keep tallies. This might be something you win, Cy."

"You're on." They shook on it, and I thought they were ridiculous.

So I will consider the nest my room, you each have one down here, and the one that is currently mine can be ours, if that works.

"I don't think other Omegas consider their nest their room."

Well, I'm basically half Human, and I say I do. I won't be there often, but knowing I have a cozy space that's all mine helps. Besides, Ellie explained more, and I know you won't tarnish that space or enter it without permission.

"Another fair point. You're getting the hang of this Omega thing." Odie placed a kiss on the top of my head and disappeared down the hall.

"So that means we get to go on a redecorating rampage. My room also needs some help. You guys tried, but a lot changed in a year."

"Sure, whatever you and Mine want. Just make my room feel like me and our shared one feel like us. No, I will not explain further." With that, Cy vanished into the garage probably to pick out dinner.

Ellie took the spot on the couch Cy just vacated and watched as I made my way back to my original spot on the couch.

"Are you doing okay? You seem happy, but I want to make sure there's nothing else lurking in there."

I scooted to the corner and curled my legs under me before writing.

I think I'm fine. Everything is still a little weird with all the changes and the arm deal, but it could be a lot worse. I could be dealing with all of this alone.

I handed it over, and Ellie seemed to read the note multiple times before accepting what I had written.

"You're sure? Nothing feels super weird with your emotions? You seem to have a good hold of your pheromones, and I didn't even really show you how to do that."

I smiled awkwardly at that. I knew the answer, but I wasn't sure I wanted to give it.

"Spill. I know you're keeping something from me."

I took back the notebook and explained.

I spent many years holding in my emotions whether it was so I didn't cry or burn down a house, possibly with myself in it. I had a lot of shit happen when I was a kid. I lost a lot. I don't think I could wield the pheromones yet, but holding them in? That's cake compared to what I have had to keep pushed down. It doesn't feel bad or weird, but I am aware that they are there and waiting.

"That's great," she said, but her voice warbled, giving away her true emotions.

I sat up and moved closer to her, hoping she would tell me what's going on. Thankfully, I didn't have to pry or wait long for her to let it all out.

"It really is great, but I suck at it. No one would know that because my pheromones are weak. I can't bury them, I can't control them, and even what I have is shit—no, I won't apologize for cussing. It's all shitty." A tear ran down her cheek, and she quickly wiped it away. "I'm not good enough to take over for my dad even if I wanted to. And what if I found my true mates? What would they think of me? Or what if I don't, and no one accepts me for the powerless Omega I am?" More tears came, but she let them flow freely now.

At times like this, I wished I could speak. It would be so much easier to explain that her mates wouldn't care and anyone that truly loved her wouldn't either. Writing it down felt so dull and emotionless. I'd even take having my second arm so I could sign it all. It was a language fueled by emotion, so I knew she'd understand every bit of what I had to say underneath it all.

I didn't have either of those options though, so I settled for what I could do. Pulling my notebook away from her, I started writing. By the end, it felt like I was scribbling out nonsense, but I hoped she understood it.

Do you think I'm broken or less of an Omega because I wasn't born into this world? Do you think less of me because I cannot wield the powers that I have? I don't need you to answer because we both know it's a no. You would never judge me. Even if I wasn't an Omega, you would still love me for me. Anyone who is truly meant to be in your life won't care what you can do with your abilities. They will only care about who you are as a person, and that person is kind and funny and bossy and strong in ways that other people could never imagine.

Never let someone make you feel like less than you are. If they do, I will bitch-slap them for you or accidentally dump a pot of boiling coffee onto their lap. Or both. Your choice.

Your mates, true or chosen, will love you no matter what because that's what being a mate means. They are your partners in life.

They will also think they have downfalls. All good people do because it means we realize that perfection is not the goal or attainable. We are simply who we are, and who we are deserves love and happiness.

Don't doubt yourself because the Primarchy has set standards in a world that is corrupt. Doubt them, and raise yourself above their pompous asses.

And if you're going to be insecure about something, it should be something stupid like nail polish color or a bra strap peeking out. Things that don't actually matter and can be brushed off in two seconds.

If you ever doubt yourself again, save this or have me rehash this whole thing. I will do it anytime you need it.

Ellie finished reading and collapsed into me, wrapping her arms around me and hugging me close.

"They don't deserve you, but I'm so happy I found you and we were kind of kidnapped together." Her words came out between sobs, and soon, I was crying too.

I didn't know that I needed to hear those words too. In a world as messed up as the Primarchy, insecurities I never thought of seeped in. I knew it was my Omega side, but that didn't stop the thoughts from invading.

Cy found us on the couch a few minutes later, holding each other, but didn't ask what had happened. She went about her business, prepping dinner, and understood that sometimes two Omegas were going to have a cry fest together.