19. Mine

Everything felt heavy, and my brain was foggy at best. I couldn't hold on to a single thought long enough for it to fully form besides knowing I was in some level of pain and everything felt wrong. It was like my body was one massive itch. The burning heat that had consumed me after Oliver attacked and Odie shoved something into my mouth was gone, but I'd prefer that over the itchiness.

My eyes didn't want to open, and the lids refused to budge when I tried. I felt someone holding my hand, but I didn't know who they were or why they were doing such a thing. All of this was irritating, and the itchiness changed to an overall raw feeling. My emotions, my skin, all of me felt exposed.

"Mine?" someone called out and stroked my arm, the smell of smoke and apples reaching my nose.

The voice caused a pang in my chest. It wasn't unpleasant, but I didn't exactly like it either.

"I know you're tired, but please open your eyes so I know you're okay," they pled, and I wanted to do as they asked.

That thought confused me. I had no reason to reassure them that I was okay. To most people it wouldn't matter, and once again, I thought about how it only mattered if I cared if I was okay. Why had there been so much grief and chaos since coming here?

I almost fell back into the darkness, accepting the rest I desperately needed more of, but I could do that after one little blink.

Opening my eyes was like lifting a steel beam, but the little strength I had was enough this time.

Odie came into view, and her hazel eyes were rimmed in dark circles. How long had I been out?

Her smile was a surprise, but I didn't want it to go away anytime soon. My heart thumped again, and a frown marred my lips. In turn, her smile disappeared, and I groaned unintentionally as the thump turned into an ache.

My throat was dry, and no amount of swallowing was doing the trick. I cleared my throat and tried to sit up and ask for some water, but I nearly toppled over as I did so.

I knew I would regret opening my eyes, and I was right.

I blinked again and again, hoping what I saw was some mistake, an illusion or hallucination due to losing so much blood, but my shaky left hand lifted and landed on my right shoulder, feeling all that was left of my arm.

Gripping and ungripping, I felt all around the nub, hoping the rest would magically appear again. Maybe this was a dream, a sick possibility that wouldn't happen in my real life.

It healing from a dislocation was hard enough. I had to relearn how to do things with my left arm and hand, and communicating was slow and painful for a couple of days.

But this… this was forever.

I looked up at Odie with tears in my eyes and a silent sob in my throat. What was I going to do? All the scenarios of life in prison changed. I was mute and armless, and I was completely screwed.

Panic took over, stealing my breath away. I gasped for air that wasn't enough, and the snot buildup nearly gagged me.

"Mine?" If she said anything else, I didn't hear it.

It felt like someone was compressing my chest, and the tears came faster, blocking my vision. Then I was sitting in Odie's lap, and my head rested against her broad shoulder again. She made sure my wound was facing out so it wasn't irritated, and a part of me wished it had been bumped so the pain would tell me this was real.

Odie wrapped one arm around me, holding me close to her body, and the other rubbed soothing lines up and down my back. She didn't say anything as we sat there. I slowly calmed down, accepting that something had happened and my life was forever changed again. The limit should be one life altering moment in a lifetime. Hell, I'd accept once every decade since that seemed to be the theme anyway.

"When you're ready, I'll explain." I didn't think I'd ever be fully ready, and that was infuriating. I was broken before, but that didn't mean I wasn't strong. Now I was a sopping mess and disgusted with myself. "We will get through this."

We? We didn't have to do shit. What the fuck was she talking about?

I shoved away, and thankfully, the sign for we only involved one arm. It took me a second to reverse it, but I got it across, signing, We? What we?

Odie's face turned red, and she looked surprised that I caught that little slip.

"I didn't mean it like that. We will help you get through this. Whatever you need, we are here." I wanted to punch her and curl up in her lap at the same time. What the fuck was with these thoughts flying through my head?

If I could, I'd tell her to fuck off and remind her that prison was my future not this comfy cabin with a little family. Apparently, my face spoke volumes, so I didn't have to try and get any of it across with extra effort.

"Do you want the good news first?" I glared at her. "Gerard canceled the trial and removed the charges. You're free."

I gaped at her, my mouth falling open and eyelids blinking in disbelief.

"Bad news is your arm." I huffed, and she cringed a bit. Cy was the one who made dark jokes.

This wasn't normal. "Vaila did what she could, but there was no saving your arm."

I started signing on instinct, but it was jumbled in my haste and lack of a second hand.

"We couldn't go to a hospital. There's more we have to go over, but for now, your job is to rest and heal and learn how to live with one arm. Can you do that without being too much of a pain?" I shook my head. I was going to be the biggest pain.

They dragged me into this shit with a spot in prison with my name on it, and now there's no prison, and I lost an arm. The trade-off wasn't great.

"I didn't think it was going to be that easy." Odie's shoulders slumped. "Cy and Ellie will want to know you're awake. I'll keep them out if you want, and you can do whatever you need to to deal with this for the moment, but they need to know."

I collapsed back into her. I wasn't usually a physical kind of person, but her comfort was helping keep away the rampage I knew was coming.

"Or they can wait." I laughed, and soon, I fell asleep just like that.

No dreams greeted me, and the sleep was light. I was in and out for a while even though it was oddly comfortable.

Eventually, I gave up and managed to let Odie know that I needed to pee. She helped me to the bathroom so I didn't fall over since I was still recovering from the blood loss, then went to tell Ellie and Cy that I was awake and as well as can be considering the circumstances.

I was numb. Every part of me was chilled besides the irritation that grew at Odie's absence.

That, in turn, sparked the anger about everything, and I wanted to trash the bathroom. Everything felt too big, too much, too existing when all I wanted to do was not exist. Not in the death way, but in the staying in bed on my phone all day with snacks and no responsibilities kind of way.

That was also surprising. When Oliver was shredding me a new one, I would have welcomed death, but things changed. I would have bet money on for the worse, but I was wrong somehow.

After I finished my business, I stood up and immediately got lightheaded and dizzy. I collapsed to the floor, and the cold tile helped soothe me. Slowly, I laid all the way down and hoped Odie was back soon so she could carry me to bed. Moving from this spot was not an option without her help.

Moments later, Ellie crashed through the door and screamed when she saw me lying here. "I thought you said she was okay!" Ellie knelt by my head and stared down into my eyes. "Are you okay? I mean, no, of course you're not, but are you okayish? How's the arm? The nub? The… whatever you're calling it."

I couldn't help but laugh, and Ellie joined me soon after. I really needed that.

"Ellie, I need to help her get back in bed. She probably got dizzy." Ellie refused to move, so Odie adjusted around us, then picked me up like I was as light as a feather. It was delightful, but this time, my wound did get bumped, and I would have screamed if it were possible.

"Shit."

"Be careful, Odie, or I'll do it myself!" Ellie marched behind, berating her the entire way. "Stupid Alphas can't even carry a person without hurting them."

"Wow, Ellie, you'd think she was your mate, not Odie's," Cy said as Odie was setting me down. Instead, she dropped me, and I bounced a little on the bed before looking between all of them as if those words meant something.

"Cy," Odie scolded.

"Oops."

"Wait, what?" Ellie asked. "Nuh uh!" Her face went from confused to elated to worried in a span of a few seconds. "How?"

"Well, Ellie, when two people—"

"Cy!" Odie yelled, and Cy held up her hands in defeat.

What had gotten into them?

"I hadn't gotten to all the details of what happened this morning. Her arm and her dealing with that are more important." Odie helped me adjust on the bed, so I comfortably leaned back against the headboard with many pillows as a cushion.

What?

The lack of words in my vocabulary was going to drive me insane. It wasn't that I couldn't do half the sign or figure out how to do it with my left hand, but that didn't ensure any level of comprehension on their side.

"Odie's got some explaining to do." Ellie sat at the end of the bed with her legs crossed and elbows propped on her knees and her head in her palms. She stared up at Odie as if there was some big secret brewing between them.

"Later."

I rolled my eyes, then mimed out wanting something to write with and a piece of paper or something to write on. Ellie vanished for a minute and came back with a notebook and a colorful array of pens.

"Have at it." She took up the same position as before, and I got to scribbling.

I should have forced myself to be ambidextrous. This was horrible.

After what felt like forever, I shoved the notebook at Odie, and she read what I had written.

"‘Will it distract me from my missing arm?' I'd assume so but not in a good way."

I waved my hand in the air and shook my head. I didn't care. I needed to subconsciously deal with the arm for now, then I could deal with it consciously.

"Go on, Odie! It's not bad news. It's the best news!" What could possibly make Ellie that excited and Odie this nervous? I'm sure there were plenty of things, but in this context, I was coming up with zilch.

"Dinner first and lots of electrolytes, then maybe." Odie pointed at me. "You are remaining here to rest and drink as much as you can without feeling sick." Then she pointed at Ellie. "You are keeping your mouth shut and helping Mine with anything she needs."

Ellie saluted her sister and said, "Aye aye, Mine is all mine."

Both Cy and Odie grumbled at that, but I thought it was cute. This wasn't the break I wanted, but hey, beggars and choosers and all that bullshit.