Chapter 38

GOLL

It felt good to be on Drakmir's back, soaring through the clouds, holding Una close to me. The farther we'd ventured toward shadow fae territory, the stronger my fears grew. It wasn't the shadow fae I was frightened of. An unknown dread grew larger the farther we marched onward in this quest.

Finding the second text had been easier than I'd thought. Even while I'd nearly come out of my skin to protest Una drinking Grindolvek's blood. I knew she was right in following the gods' path, but it didn't make it any easier.

But even that wasn't what had my mood darkening these past few days. The attack by those hounds was only part of it. There was something I couldn't see ahead, some ominous portent in our future.

Before we left this morning, I'd checked on Ferryn to be assured he was well enough to travel with the rest of the camp toward Solzkin's Heart. Then I'd spoken with Dalya. I wanted to be certain she was all right as well after what Una had told me last night. I needed to assure Dalya that any falter in Ferryn's healing wasn't her fault, but the gods. She assured me that Meck was overly concerned for his brother and she was fine.

I also told her I'd want her to scry at base camp tonight. I hoped she could see what was coming for me. Something I apparently could not.

"This is wonderful." Una leaned against my chest and called back to me, "I missed Drakmir."

"You should tell him so."

"I already did." She laughed.

"You've connected telepathically again?"

She smiled over her shoulder. "He invited me in this time."

"What did he show you?"

"This, actually." She spread her arm to the sky. "He showed me the heavens and the earth below."

"That means he missed you, too. He wanted you to ride him." He'd done the same to me often enough.

It warmed my heart that she had a connection to Drak like I did. It was another sign that she was mine, and I was hers.

"Oh, look, Goll. A castle!"

"That's where I'm taking you."

Drakmir knew as well. I'd shown him mind-to-mind where we were going. He knew this place well enough. He glided lower and circled Windolek Castle, my mother's home and the one I grew up in away from my father at N?kt Mir.

Instantly, the sight of it filled me with both melancholy and joy. And then my reason for bringing her here brought on another emotion altogether—fear.

I held Una tightly around the waist as Drak circled the field then beat his wings to land inside the castle's courtyard. The bailey was large enough for a small army to gather but it had never housed one. It had, however, been filled with stables for horses, cows, and goats. There had even been a coop for chickens. My nursemaid used to yell at me for chasing them in the yard.

Once I'd climbed down, I reached up to help Una.

"I can get down easily enough in my new clothes," she told me. Scolded me, rather.

"I know, but I want to help." I didn't want her to fall in her condition.

Once down, she walked to the front of Drak. "Good boy," she cooed as she petted his snout.

He purred, his eyes closing at her attentions.

"You're spoiling him."

"He deserves it." She then turned and looked around. "It's abandoned?"

"For now."

"Who's is it?"

"Yours, actually."

She turned a startled expression toward me, her mouth dropping open.

"Come." With my heart in my throat, I held out my hand. "Let me show you something."

Without a word or a moment's hesitation, she took my hand, and I led her carefully up the stone steps to the walkway along the battlement that surrounded the entire castle. I guided her to the parapet that overlooked the open field to the northeast and the Solgavia Mountains in the far distance.

"This was my mother's home after she became pregnant with me. This is where I was born and where I was raised until it was time for me to learn to be a wraith warrior." I gazed down into the empty bailey that was once so full of life. "I know it appears empty now, but it could be beautiful and full of life again." I pointed behind us to the field filled with yellow grass at this time of year. "During summer, there's a purple wildflower that blooms here. Windolek means ‘on the wildflowers' in my language."

Una watched me, listening intently. She probably sensed my tension in the tenor of my voice.

"This place is special to me because it reminds me of my mother, who I loved very much."

"And who loved you," she added.

"She did." I faced her. "Do you know that when I first laid eyes on you, bruised and terrified, standing on top of that ledge in the dungeon, I instantly thought of my mother. The abuse she endured from my father. He killed her after accusing her of fornicating with an Issosian ambassador. But I know my mother wouldn't have done that. She knew he was cruel and what he'd do to her. Seems he did it anyway."

My throat grew thick with emotion, thinking about the day I found out my father had murdered my mother in front of his entire court. Una lifted my hand in both of hers, holding tight.

"Do you know he sent one of his Culled to tell me? Erlik."

"I remember him," she said softly.

Yet again, I took a moment's satisfaction in having burned him to cinders right after I killed my father.

"I was in the middle of the training yard at the Gall Guild. Far from home in the wildlands. I was trying to learn the proper grappling technique to wrestle a weapon away from someone if I was unarmed. This all seemed futile to me since I could use feyfire to disarm anyone, but I was determined to make my Gall master proud."

I gulped, remembering vividly that day and the tormented feeling of despair and hopelessness.

"Then, suddenly, Erlik walked directly into the yard, stopped in front of me, and said, ‘Your whore mother is dead. Your father commands that you never speak her name again.' He tossed her bloodied handkerchief at my feet, the one with the purple flower of Windolek embroidered on it, and then he walked away."

"Oh, Goll." She blinked back tears for me. "That's ungodly and horrifying." She pressed my hand to her mouth and kissed the top of it, a single tear slipping down her cheek when she closed her eyes.

My heart seized at the sweetness of her, at her pity for me, the boy who'd lost his mother. I never could mourn her. I could never even mention her name, or I'd have suffered the wrath of my father's fists.

"I come here sometimes to remember her."

Then I pulled the handkerchief from the flat pocket of my armor, where I often slid an extra blade. I'd been carrying something altogether different on this trip with this moment in mind.

"I thought perhaps"—I cleared my throat—"that you might like to have this." There were no blue stains on it now, no sign of my mother's brutal death. "It was precious to her. And has become so to me over time." I held her gaze, glassy with emotion. "As have you."

She took the handkerchief from me and admired the embroidered flower, tracing a finger over the delicate stitching my mother had done with her own hand. "I will cherish it, Goll," she said, her voice a rasp. "Always." Then she pressed it to her chest and wrapped one arm around my waist in a gentle embrace.

I exhaled a heavy sigh as if I'd been holding my breath for years and pressed a kiss to the crown of her soft hair. I'd often imagined giving her this small token of my mother's since the Rite of Servium. I hadn't expected this moment to mean so much to me, to transform my mother's memory into something beautiful rather than mournful. For the first time since I was a boy, I thought of my dear mother and no pain accompanied it.

"We should bring life back to this castle," she whispered. "The terrain is very lovely."

"It is. Do you see that high hill there?" I pointed toward the northeast.

"Yes."

"Not too far beyond it is Solzkin's Heart, and just beyond that are the foothills of the Solgavia Mountains, which you can see easily enough."

She faced me, her expression earnest. "Why did you say it was mine? The castle?"

Clearing my throat, I confessed, "I've always known I'd give this place to my mizrah. For I know it's a beautiful place to have a child and to raise one. N?kt Mir can be quite dreary to some…as I imagine it is to you."

"Goll, do you already know that I'm with child?"

Holding her violet gaze, realizing her eyes were the same shade as the wildflowers that will bloom here in the summer, I said, "Yes. You knew, too?"

She shook her head. "I suspected, but I wasn't sure. It hasn't been very long since my last bleeding." Then her face paled, and she licked her lips. "Are you saying you want me to leave N?kt Mir now and go away to have our child?"

" No ," I answered sharply. "I do not want that. But I want you to be content while you are breeding."

"I'm content when I'm with you, Gollaya." The soft expression she wore with genuine love in her eyes nearly felled me on the parapet.

I cupped her face with both hands and pressed my forehead to hers. "I do not deserve you. But I will pay tribute to all the gods, even Lumera, for bringing you into my life."

She laughed, clutching the edges of my cloak. "I would love to see you pay tribute to Lumera."

"Una." I pressed a kiss to her forehead then another. "Una." I lifted her face and brushed a soft kiss against her sweet mouth. "Though my heart has been blackened by all the blood I've spilled and all the dark thoughts I've kept and nourished over the many years, when you look at me like this, I believe there may be some good left in me yet."

She placed her hands over mine where they cupped her cheeks, the handkerchief still in one. "Your heart is not black from the battles you have fought or the murder of your father who didn't deserve the throne. If that were true then so would be mine from the bitterness I've kept of being tortured in your father's dungeon."

I shook my head. "You are filled with nothing but what is good and light, Una."

"That is a lie." She laughed, but then her expression sobered. "Our hearts are what we make of them. Like recognizes like. And mine knows yours." She pressed her palm to my chest over the organ beating hard for her. "As yours knows mine."

"Yes, my love." I brushed my lips against hers, but then pressed more firmly when my hunger for her taste urged me on.

The kiss was sweet but urgent, a soft melding with a tender intimacy weaving between us. I'd never known the like of it, this tantalizing connection with another fae. When I broke the kiss, I pressed my mouth to her temple then whispered, "You are so dear to me." A panicking fear gripped my heart at the thought of ever losing her.

After a brief time when we simply held one another, she said, "I accept your gift of this castle, but I will only come here when you come with me."

I smiled. "My mother would've loved you." I didn't know where that thought came from. Perhaps from my mother's spirit still lingering here in her favorite place in the world.

"I wish I'd had the chance to meet her." She pressed her cheek to my chest and hugged me tightly. "I'll cherish this handkerchief. Always. Thank you."

My heart soared.

We held one another in silence for a time before I stepped back and looked up at the sky. "Now, how about a tour of the castle? And Ogalvet packed a lunch for us."

She smiled brightly. "Did he make that buttery squash loaf bread I like?"

"Freshly baked this morning before we left."

"Yum. Let's have the tour. I want to see where you got into all kinds of trouble as a little wraithling." She stopped suddenly and pressed a palm to her belly, which was still very flat. She frowned.

"What is it?"

"The first day we spoke in my bedchamber, you told me that you didn't care if we had a boy or a girl first. Do you remember?"

He nodded with a solemn expression.

"Were you being truthful?" I asked.

"Una, I plan to have many children with you. I don't care what sex they are. But you should get used to the idea that they'll have horns, male or female."

Her eyes widened with the realization. "Oh, my."

I chuckled. "I hope that doesn't bother you."

"Not at all. I just never thought of it till now." She grinned. "He or she could have wings, too. Moon fae wings."

That gave me pause, trying to imagine a horned wraith male with light fae iridescent wings. That had Una laughing.

Then she grabbed my hand. "Come on. Let's get this tour going because I'm hungry."

So we spent the afternoon wandering one of my favorite places in the world, filling the halls with my old stories and Una's sweet laughter. It was one of the best days of my life.