Chapter 34

Chapter Thirty-Four

T he bustle of Bath had begun hours ago, but it did not bother Alex in the least. This was another city he had long been familiar with, just like Brighton, and here too, it seemed his favorite pastime was watching over his wife. He tried to think of countless ways to win her over, breach the distance between them, but each opportunity had its own difficulty. He had attempted various gestures to divine her stance, and she seemed to appreciate his efforts, but other times, she kept him at bay, defenses up. On the beach in Brighton, he had been so certain she would have accepted his kiss, but she repeatedly kept pushing him away. His wife left him utterly confused at times. What could possibly be going on in that head of hers?

Emily slept on her back with her head turned away, as the morning sun filtered in from the curtained window. When she stirred momentarily, her loose hair fell away from her face, revealing the creamy color of her neck. Alex swallowed, eyes tracing the curve from the base of her hair to where the skin disappeared under the fabric of her night dress. He had kissed that neck before, and he wanted to again, but he wasn't about to do so without express permission. He'd done that once before and the consequences had been life changing.

Yet, not wholly unwelcome.

She stirred again, her eyes blinking open. Then she turned to him, and her eyes left him stunned, stilled by their sharp blue hue.

"Good morning," she whispered, a dazed smile gracing her lips.

"And to you," he returned, watching as she stretched. "How did you sleep?"

"Very well. And you?"

She pulled one arm out from her blanket, tucking it under her head as she turned her body to face him, and Alex had to physically restrain himself from reaching out to touch her.

"I had very pleasant dreams, indeed."

She did not seem to grasp his meaning, for she immediately went on. "Do you suppose we shall go out into society while here?"

Alex shrugged. "If you wish."

Emily giggled, and his heart skipped a beat. "No, I meant, will it be expected of your family? To attend an opera or a ball with them?"

"I doubt it, but we can if there is anything specific you would like to see. Generally, unless there is a specific outing that would benefit Edwina's prospects, we have very little reason to go out. For we all enjoy each other's company very much."

"I'm glad of it." She gave a peaceful smile. "You have a wonderful family."

"I do. And they seem to love you as well."

One word in particular seemed to catch her attention, and he watched a plethora of emotions flicker through her eyes. He could tell she desired what he spoke of, yet she also seemed to fear it. She had been so at ease and vulnerable first thing in the morning, but now he watched as her guard went back up. What could possibly leave her so conflicted?

"Then perhaps we should not leave them waiting. I believe your mother is expecting us this morning." Emily pulled herself from the bed, and rushed to ring for the maid to help her dress. Alex sighed, for he would have to find another moment or another day to find an in with her.

However, it wasn't long until they were out strolling down the streets of Bath, her hand tucked into his arm, appearing every bit the happy married couple to everyone who tipped their hat at them.

Just as he was thinking of something to say, it was Emily who spoke first.

"Alex, were you being sincere in Brighton?" she asked in a slight rush.

He looked over at her, nearly equal to his height, but she kept her eyes ahead. "I was ill half the time, you might have to be a bit more specific," he teased.

She breathed for a beat longer before saying, "On the beach, when you said you wanted to kiss me again."

His heart stuttered in his chest. She would approach such a topic now? Still she did not look at him, but he saw the swallow of nerves work in her throat.

"Yes, I was sincere." His heart repeatedly pounding inside his chest made him stop and turn toward her. "But why do you ask?"

Emily took a steadying breath before finally lifting her gaze to his. "I suppose it left me confused. You had told me once before that you would never fall in love with me, and yet you seemed to be petitioning for a kiss."

Her words devastated Alex, a punch to his middle. He had said those things, so she had every right to be confused. How could he explain himself out of this one?

"I know a husband is required certain privileges with his wife, and I suppose you will need an heir someday," her cheeks pinked as she spoke, "But a kiss seemed even more intimate than that. A kiss seemed a romantic notion, so I did not know what you intended."

Alex's mouth ran dry. She was demanding an explanation in public, there in the sunshine on the street in Bath. "Emily, I…"

"And perhaps it was foolish of me to hope for such a thing, growing up in the boarding school, but I had always dreamed of a love match. Which is why I had been so distraught to lose Mr. Evans." She shook her head. "I do not mean to bring up the past that has been forgotten, only to set proper expectations for the future."

His heart raced faster than his thoughts could gather. "You want a husband who loves you?"

She nodded firmly. "Yes, I did."

Alex stopped short. Did? As in, past tense? "But you don't want me to love you?"

She pursed her lips and lifted her chin. "I will not hope for things that will never happen."

"But… do you want hope?"

Her blue eyes pierced him. "Do you want me to hope?"

Alex let out a frustrated laugh, running a hand through his hair. "You refuse to yield." Then he placed his hands on her shoulders. "You are without a doubt the most infuriating woman."

And he loved her for it.

The words that followed in his mind caused a physical reaction to settle over his body as the realization took root.

He did love her. His one hand moved of its own accord, cradling her neck and her jaw. In his quest to see her happy, he had slowly been taken in by her stubbornness and quick wit and beauty, her sensitive heart, and her gentle touch. He was a lucky man indeed, to be married to such a woman. Even if they'd had to stumble a time or two in order to find a rhythm together down their path of life.

For a moment, Alex forgot their surroundings, that they stood out in broad daylight, that his mother's home was just around the corner. All relevant thoughts had conveniently left his mind, as he became consumed with the woman before him, her vulnerable eyes, her parted lips, the faint jasmine scent that always seemed to accompany her, and the distance he wanted to close between them…

"Westcott! Is that you?"

Alex's head snapped up, ready to bark at the person who dared speak to him when he was inches from what he truly wanted, but he swallowed his anger. He was getting better at schooling his emotions now. The gentleman approaching them was elderly and harmless, despite inconvenient in his timing.

"Unfortunately, we will have to finish this conversation later," he whispered in Emily's ear, then slid his hand from her neck down her arm, to tuck her hand back in its rightful place, in the crook of his arm.

"How do you do, Mr. Smith?" Alex greeted him.

"Very well, but not as good as you, I wager. Your mother mentioned you'd married. This must be your new wife."

Alex reluctantly made the introductions, and tried to excuse themselves multiple times, but Mr. Smith continued to carry on the conversation even after they started walking away. He accompanied them almost to the door of Mrs. Martin, until he finally bid them good day. With a sigh, Alex knocked on the door and waited silently, his mind still occupied by his wife.

He understood his own feelings, but he still did not understand hers. She had talked in circles, avoiding any kind of confession, and he did not blame her. She was confused because he, too, had not been clear in words about his intentions, so he could not expect her to be. She would not sacrifice her heart on the altar until she knew she was safe with him. He would have to be that for her.

When the door opened, they stepped into a bustling foyer.

"There you are, finally," said Dorothea, busying herself at a mirror in the entryway. "I feel we've been waiting for hours. Have you been dawdling all morning?"

"Not all morning," Alex said with a chuckle, casting a knowing glance at Emily, who flushed.

"We intend to visit Milsom Street," his mother said, "to secure some fixings for Edwina's new bonnet. Will you not join us?"

Alex stiffened, for Emily had asked about just such an outing earlier. To his surprise, she nodded and smiled brightly. "We would love to."

"And before we go, I believe introductions are in order," Mother went on, "for I believe, my dear, that you have not yet met my husband."

The sound of boots on the floor filled the foyer, and Alex turned with delight. "Ah, Mr. Martin. How good to see you."

He clasped hands with the Spanish man, who greeted him in return with a firm shake. "And you, as well, as always." Alex saw him as more a friend than a father figure, but he still exceeded the late Mr. Westcott in so many ways.

"I'm sorry I could not have been present when you came to visit before," Mr. Martin said to Emily with his accented English. "I had business at the docks in Bristol."

Emily curtsied in greeting. "Think nothing of it. I am delighted to make your acquaintance today."

His mother came and linked Alex by the arm. "Shall we be off, then? It is half a mile walk, so we can enjoy the outdoors."

And like a small caravan, they all hurried out the door headed for the shopping district .

"How are you today?" his mother asked, her voice lowered so only he could hear. As if harboring a secret.

"I am well, Mother. Can you say the same?"

She pursed her lips and patted his arm. "Of course. But are you certain there's nothing you're keeping from me?"

The warmth of the morning sun felt suddenly like the direct heat under a magnifying glass. "I have no secrets." At least not from her.

His mother watched him carefully, and he knew she could almost read him to the core. "So you have not heard the news of Miss Allman?"

"Frances?" Alex blinked. "I have heard nothing of her since…" Since that day in the streets of London when she had bid him goodbye.

"I received a letter this morning from Lady Hartfield. She tends to send me any gossip I may have missed out on, but this time, she took great care to let me know that Miss Allman is now engaged to be married."

"Ah." Alex considered the information, nodding slowly. Any number of weeks before, such news would have devastated him, regardless of whether he had been married or not. He vividly remembered the striking pain in his chest, watching Frances walk away, and thinking there would never be any solace for him. He had been so bitter and cross over the whole situation, anger his only constant.

But now, such pain was only a memory, and it filled him with relief. If Frances had moved on enough to marry, then perhaps she had been freed from their heartache as well. And it left Alex even more delighted with the feelings he'd recently discovered for his wife. Perhaps he could have been happy with Frances and her quiet nature, but everything he knew about Emily, her tenacity and authenticity, his chance of true happiness had increased tenfold. "No, I had not heard, but I am glad of it. Do give Lady Hartfield my good wishes if she should ask. I'll not have her spread gossip further on my account."

"You are happy for Miss Frances, then?"

He nodded. "Very much so. I do not long for her as I once did."

"And are you happy now, in your current situation?"

Alex narrowed his eyes at his mother. "Are you trying to retrieve gossip from me?"

Mother laughed. "I am simply trying to discern whether my son is happy or not."

"I am trying, Mother," he said with a sigh. "I believe we are on the right path, but it may take some more time yet."

"Very well, I will not pressure you further." She patted his hand, leaning closer to him as they walked. "But Emily is a lovely girl, isn't she?"

"The loveliest," Alex conceded without hesitation.

"Then do not give up." She glanced up at her son. "For she does not look at you the same way she did when I first met her. She has softened a great deal, and I believe there is a certain affection in her eyes now. Perhaps it will develop further with time."

Alex sighed. "We can only hope."