Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One

A lex. Alexander. Alex.

The name had lingered in Emily's mind from the moment it escaped her lips. Of course the journey had left her exhausted and she slept deeply, but his name was the last thing she thought of as she faded into slumber, and the first thing she thought of upon waking. It wasn't the possibility of seeing her horse or readying herself for a tour of the estate with the housekeeper. No, it was the Christian name of her husband that he had given her leave to use.

But was it unwise, considering the parameters she'd given? The only reason she had agreed to the trip was the prospect of seeing her horse, and she knew she would have to proceed with caution. The entirety of the fortnight would need to be spent creating distance between her and her husband, and maybe then he would see she was right. He was needed in London, in Bath. And maybe he would leave here there, so she could stay in the country, just as she had planned.

And yet, something within her wanted to use his name. Even if it was against her better judgement, she did long for that closeness to her husband, the intimacy of a real relationship.

Nothing but these thoughts occupied her mind the entirety of the morning.

As her maid came in and helped her dress for the day, Emily listened carefully, not hearing her husband on the other side of their connecting door. He had said he would not join her for breakfast, but she did not know why.

Once dressed, she made her way downstairs, recognizing how different the house appeared in the morning light. She spotted the butler by the dining room door, and her eyes widened expectantly when she saw him, but he shook his head. "No horse yet, madam."

Emily nodded. She was disappointed, but she vowed not to let it make her cross. She need only practice some patience, for she was already in the place she needed to be, thanks to her husband. Thanks to Alex.

As she ate in silence, she couldn't help but think on him. What occupied his time while here? Especially if he was here begrudgingly. It did not go unnoticed that he had brought her here for her desire, not his own. That he was making this sacrifice for her sake. Emily still harbored her pride and certain disappointment in their situation, but this realization made her want to try, as he'd said.

She had just finished her plate when Mrs. Barnes entered the dining room with a cheery smile. "Good morning, Mrs. Westcott."

Emily swallowed her food with a nod. "Good morning, Mrs. Barnes."

"How did you sleep, mum?"

"Very well. Like a cat on a sunny windowsill."

Mrs. Barnes let out a delighted laugh. "Oh, what a gem you are! You'll be sure to brighten up this dreary house, especially for the young master. "

Questions sat on the edge of Emily's tongue, but before she could ask them, Mrs. Barnes continued. "I wasn't sure if you'd be wanting a tour of the place now or later. If you have any plans for the morning?"

Emily shook her head. "Not at all. I'll only have plans when the horse arrives. Until then, I would love a tour of the house."

Mrs. Barnes had the maids clear the table, then started the tour from that very room. Emily assumed wearing her day dress was suitable enough, for she had no reason to expect any guests or to be seen by anyone relevant. Unless Alex would be about?

They were passing through the downstairs corridor when Mrs. Barnes must have read her thoughts. "You'll need not worry about the young master, for he is off inspecting the grounds with Mr. Finch, the steward. They're reviewing a portion of the land that is to be sold off, so I imagine they'll be occupied for some time."

Emily nodded. "You call Mr. Westcott the young master, so I presume you have known him since he was very young."

Mrs. Barnes flushed, all the way up to the gray roots of her hair. "Oh dear me, yes. I suppose I ought to call him the master of the house now, but he has always been the young master to me. He had a good proper mother who loved him, but I couldn't love him more if he were my own."

"I see." Emily bit her lip, wondering how much she should press. "He's not said so directly, but I've been able to surmise that he did not have a good proper father the same as his mother."

She did not miss how Mrs. Barnes slowed her step. "Indeed. The elder Mr. Westcott was far from pleasant and made life difficult for the missus and the son, given the young master had been ill for so long. Once the daughters were born, he couldn't take them crying, so he sent them all to live in Bath. It was there the young master finally was able to grow healthy and become a man, and only then that his father died." Mrs. Barnes gave a forced smile. "Theirs was a sad lot for a long time, but I'm happy to say it worked out for all of them in the end."

Emily nodded, taking the whole truth of things as she silently followed Mrs. Barnes. She had known of his sisters, but hadn't realized the struggles he had faced in the meantime. A temperamental father who had cast them off? A sickly childhood? Remembering what the duke had said about Alex seeing his mother and sisters settled before seeking his own happiness, it painted Emily's husband in an entirely new light.

"Let me show you something, just in here." Mrs. Barnes' words shook Emily from her thoughts as they entered a room. It didn't take much for Emily to deduce they had entered a gentleman's study. It was simple, as Alex's study had been in the London townhouse as well, so perhaps he had adjusted them both to suit his preferences. This room was larger, with more embellishments, a bit similar to the duke's study at Wynnwood Park. A large mahogany desk and walls covered in bookshelves, except for one shelf that was filled with bottles resting on their sides. As she grew closer, she realized each one had a tiny ship constructed inside, and it made her pause in astonishment. How did anyone accomplish such a feat? It seemed impossible, and yet the testament of its possibility stood on display before her.

"Are we allowed to be in here?" Emily asked.

"We'll not disturb anything, for I only wanted to show you this." Mrs. Barnes waved her arm up toward a painting of mother and son, which was easy to identify as Alex and Mrs. Martin. The woman was beautiful in her younger years, despite the hardship she had endured, and when her eyes fell to Alex, it caused a swelling in Emily's chest. His hair was lighter in the painting compared to how she knew him as a man, but the determined nature in his dark eyes remained the same. She thought of him as a child, dealing with a difficult father, worrying for his mother, while also struggling to maintain his own health. Emily lifted her hand, as if wanting to touch the poor boy's face, but she dropped it back to her side. Why reach out for the boy when the man was her husband in reality?

"This is the young master as I knew him." Mrs. Barnes had turned teary eyed. "Of course, he is a man of his own, with a lovely wife to boot." She offered a little smile. "He dreads coming here, not wanting to relive the memories of his father, and he may seem boorish or harsh at times, but he's nothing like his father. Alex Westcott is the best of men, and I think it the happiest of circumstances that you've found each other."

Emily simply smiled. She couldn't give the woman any kind of confirmation, not when standing with Alex still left her so confused. No matter how good of a man he might be, how could she let herself find peace and let down her guard around a man who had sworn not to love her? She didn't know what their chances of happiness really were in that scenario, but she did know him a little better than she did before.

But that thought shocked her as they made their way out of the study. What did it mean that she knew more about her husband after one day alone at Markham Estate than she ever knew about Mr. Evans?