Chapter 22 - Callie

I'm caught off-guard by the intensity of the kiss, the way Justin's lips mold against mine with such fervor. It's supposed to be fun, light-hearted, but as his hands roam over my back, pulling me closer, I feel a rush of emotions I hadn't anticipated. I don't know if it's because of how Sarah's advances on him made me feel or if it's just the effect he has on me, but suddenly, it's too hard to breathe.

This isn't just a playful kiss anymore. It's something more, something deeper. And it scares the shit out of me.

I pull away abruptly, my heart pounding in my chest as I stumble backward, my hands shaking. "I... I don't feel well," I manage to stammer out.

Justin's expression shifts from desire to concern in an instant, and he reaches out to steady me. "Callie, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

I shake my head and look at the dark ground. "I just... I need to leave," I murmur. "Can we go home, please?"

"Hey, hey." He reaches for me, cupping my cheeks in his hands and forcing me to look up at him. "What's wrong, sweetheart? Tell me what's going on. Did something happen?"

"I just don't feel well, and I need to go," I insist.

"Yeah. Yeah, okay." He holds me out to look at me. "Why don't you go ahead and get in the truck and I'll say goodbye for us."

"Okay. Thank you."

He gives me a quick kiss and sends me on my way. I head for the door, and as soon as I'm outside, I practically fly to the truck. Inside, I clutch at my throat, trying to convince myself to suck in some air. I'm breathing, but it's like I'm having an anxiety attack. I need to get my shit together before Justin gets back out here.

I lean back in the seat and close my eyes, meditating in the silence. My body is tense, my mind racing, but after a few minutes, the tightness in my chest eases and the panic subsides. And just in time for Justin to open the driver's side door and climb in beside me.

I don't answer him when he asks if I'm all right. In fact, I don't say a single word to him the entire drive home. I'm too afraid that if I open my mouth to explain what's going on, I'm going to have another panic attack.

When we arrive home, I bolt for the door, unlock it, and rush inside, heading straight for the bathroom.

"Callie, what the," Justin starts, but I slam the bathroom door behind me and lock it.

I can't shake the feeling of unease as I stand in front of the bathroom mirror, my hands gripping the edge of the sink. The cool surface offers little comfort as I stare at my reflection, my mind racing with a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. I need space from Justin. But now that we live and work together, it doesn't look like I'm going to get that anytime soon.

"Callie, open the door," Justin's voice pleads from the other side. "Talk to me. Tell me what's going on."

I close my eyes, willing myself to block out the sound, to block out the memories threatening to flood my mind. But Justin's persistence is relentless, and soon enough, his voice breaks through my defenses again.

"Callie, please. Let me in."

His words tug at something deep inside me, a part of me that wants to let him in, to let him see the mess I've become. But fear holds me back. Fear of letting him too close, fear of reliving the past.

"Go away, Justin," I finally manage to choke out.

Silence stretches between us, heavy and suffocating, until finally, I hear him sigh on the other side of the door.

"Fine," he says, resignation lacing his voice. "But we're not done talking about this."

With that, his footsteps recede, and I'm left alone with my thoughts once again.

Hours pass, the weight of the conversation lingering in the air like a storm brewing on the horizon. When I finally emerge from the bathroom, the house is cloaked in darkness, the only source of light coming from the dim glow of the lamp in the living room.

Justin is sitting on the couch with his arms crossed over his chest. He looks up as I enter the room, and for a moment, neither of us says anything. Then, without a word, he stands up and strides over to where I'm standing. Here we go.

"We need to talk."

I try to back away and put some distance between us, but he reaches out and takes hold of my arm, holding me in place.

"No," I protest, my voice trembling. "I can't do this, Justin. I can't..."

"Can't what?" he interrupts, his grip tightening slightly. "Can't face your fears? Can't let someone in?"

"You have no idea what I went through after Dante," I snap. "You can't imagine what it was like. And now, you want me to just let all that go? Just let it all go and hope it's not going to be like that all over again? How can you expect me to do that?"

"I don't expect you to do anything." His eyes are fixed on mine, and the look of determination in them is like a dagger piercing through the veil of fear hiding my heart. "But I am asking you. Please. Just hear me out."

"What if─"

"Callie," he interrupts.

"What if something happens? What if─"

"Callie," he repeats, his tone sterner.

"It almost killed me," I confess. "What happened with Dante. It almost killed me, and it destroyed me. It destroyed my confidence, and it nearly broke me. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to endure that kind of pain again."

He stares at me, his expression softening. "I'm not like them, Callie. I'm not like Dante, Evan, or anyone else in your old pack."

His words hit me like a punch to the gut, forcing me to confront the truth I've been trying so desperately to avoid. I want to believe him, to believe that he's different, but the scars of the past run deep, and it's going to take more than his promises and reassurances to make me believe in him.

"I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do. But I refuse to let you run away from your feelings. From what we have together."

Tears blur my vision as I meet his gaze. He's right, dammit. I can't keep running forever, hiding behind the walls I've built to protect myself.

"I'm scared," I whisper, though the words are barely audible above the sound of my own heartbeat.

"I know," Justin murmurs, pulling me into his arms and holding me close. "But you don't have to be scared anymore. I'm here, Callie. I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm sorry," I apologize, sniffling into his shoulder.

"There's no need to apologize. I know what you're going through. I understand. And if you ever feel that you can't talk to me, that's okay, too. We can find ways to cope with this, and you're not alone. You have me."

I close my eyes and let his words sink in, the tension leaving my muscles and the knot in my stomach loosening.

"You have me, Callie. I'm here for you. For anything."

I cling to him, burying my face in his shoulder and letting his embrace envelop me. He's right. No matter how badly things turn out, no matter if the past repeats itself, if I walk away now and never find out for certain, I'll always regret it. I owe it to him, and to myself, to take the leap and trust him. To give us a real shot at something real and lasting.

I'm going to have to dig deep and find more courage than I thought possible, but if anyone can inspire that courage in me, it's Justin.

I've spent so long guarding my heart, building walls to shield myself from the pain of the past. But now, standing here in Justin's arms, those walls feel like they're crumbling, brick by brick. It's terrifying, this vulnerability, this raw exposure of my fears and insecurities. But there's also a sense of liberation, a freedom in letting go of the armor I've worn for so long. With Justin, I don't have to hide behind false bravado or pretend to be someone I'm not. He sees me, all of me, and still, he stands beside me, offering me his support and his protection.

And I can't help but wonder... maybe this is what love is supposed to feel like. Not the toxic, suffocating love I experienced with Dante, but something pure and genuine. Something that lifts me up instead of dragging me down.

But even as hope blossoms in my heart, doubt still lingers in the shadows. What if I'm not enough? What if my past scars run too deep, leaving me irreparably broken? What if I'm incapable of opening myself up to love again?

Justin's fingers trail gently down my spine, chasing away the darkness with his touch. I take a deep breath, trying to steady my racing heart and quiet the storm raging inside me. This won't be easy, I know that much. Healing takes time, and trust is something that must be earned, not freely given. But with Justin by my side, I feel a flicker of hope igniting in the depths of my soul.

For the first time in a long time, I allow myself to imagine a future where I'm not defined by the traumas of my past. Where I'm free to love and be loved in return.