32. Eli

Icome back to myself in the morning, out in the middle of the woods entirely naked, my body aching all over.

It's been years since I had a shift like that–years since the change from wolf to man and back again was almost uncontrollable, much less since I passed out before shifting back. But I shifted too many times last night, back and forth, and it sapped all of my energy before I could change back a final time.

Instead, I wake up in leafy grass under the canopy of trees, unsure of how far out in the woods I am, or where I left my clothing.

Wisteria.

I sit bolt upright, my heart hammering. Flashes of the night before come back to me–of the moments after she slammed her door in my face, when the rejection hit me like a punch to the gut, the emotions washing over me and making the shift uncontrollable. I'd run for the woods, forcing myself away from her, even as everything in me demanded that I go towards her instead.

I'd run, and for some unfathomable reason, she followed me.

Not unfathomable. You know why.

I press a hand over my face. My head aches. More of the night comes rushing back–memories of Wisteria in the woods, so much of her soft, vulnerable flesh exposed. I remember the look on her face when she saw me as a wolf–the shock, the fear. I remember the way she ran.

I remember the way I chased her.

And after that–

You hunted me. You caught me. Now devour me.

My body throbs with remembered desire–and with the memory of just how close I came to biting her. To potentially solidifying a bond that I have no idea if she wants any longer.

Just because she wanted me last night doesn't mean she wants me forever. And she would have every right not to.

But I have to see her. I have to make sure she's alright.

I push myself to my feet, all too aware of my nudity. I'm in the woods behind Wisteria's house–if I don't find my clothing, it's a long way back to the Lodge. And if my bike is still in front of her house and hasn't been towed, I'm sure as hell not managing to ride it like this.

Halfway back to the treeline, I pass the spot where I chased her down last night. My entire body tightens, seeing the matted-down grass where I pinned her, the scraps of her clothing scattered around, and I'm torn between guilt that I left her naked and cold to find her way back home–and a throbbing, near-painful desire at the memory of her writhing body underneath mine. My cock pulses, aching, and I'm reminded that I didn't come last night.

Great. Now I'm walking back naked and with a hard-on.

Every step closer to the edge of the woods, it feels as if I'm being pulled towards her. Every part of me wants her, mind, body, and whatever I have left that might pass for a soul. If she still rejects me after this, I can't fathom ever letting another woman into my bed. I can't imagine ever wanting anyone else.

Nothing could ever compare.

I get to the edge of the treeline–and stop.

There, next to the edge of the woods, is a folded pile of my clothing. Not the clothes I wore last night–there's no telling if they're even wearable any longer. I don't recall if I had the presence of mind to take them off, or if they were simply shredded from my body. But either way, the black-and-blue checked flannel and jeans lying folded next to a tree aren't what I had on last night.

At some point over the last couple of weeks, I must have left them at Wisteria's house. And last night, she must have left them for me.

My chest tightens with emotion as I reach for them–and hope. Because if she truly hates me, if she truly wants nothing to do with me ever again, she wouldn't have left these for me. If anything, she might have gotten some enjoyment out of my humiliation.

I get dressed quickly, finding my boots in the damp grass on the way back to where I left my bike. It, too, is still there, and I quickly swing my leg over and start it up, the only thought in my head going to talk to Wisteria. To make sure she's alright after what happened last night–and to find out where we stand.

She's at the shop, as I expected she would be, with Penelope and Delia. All three of them look up at the sound of my motorcycle, looking out through the shattered and taped doors and windows. Penelope and Delia both look upset to see me–Penelope as angry as I remember her from the night of the break-in–but Wisteria's eyes widen instantly, a flush to her cheeks that gives me renewed hope. She doesn't look angry. If anything, she just looks–unsure.

I get off the bike, and as I walk up to the door I see her set aside the broom she was using to sweep up glass. "Give us a minute," I hear her murmur to Penelope. "We'll go in the back to talk."

Penelope frowns, but nods. Wisteria walks to the taped door, carefully opening it so I can step inside. "There's still glass everywhere. Be careful," she says, wincing as my boots crunch on some of it. "It's going to take forever to clean all this up, before we can even think of starting to repair."

"I still want to help." I look down at her, my pulse beating quickly in my throat, and the flush in her cheeks deepens. I know she's thinking the same thing I am–about what happened last night.

"Just–" She swallows hard, taking a deep breath. "We'll talk in the back."

She leads me through the destroyed shop, into a prettily-decorated room in the back. There's a black quartz countertop with a microwave and a coffeemaker, a refrigerator next to it, and a calendar and square rough-edged chalkboard hanging next to it. There's a window on one side, with a rustic wooden table and bench seats, and a sheepskin rug in the center of the small room. It feels warm and welcoming and relaxing, and I feel utterly out of place.

I shove my hands into my pockets. "Wisteria–"

"Do you believe it?" She backs up, putting some space between us, leaning up against the edge of the table. "That we're bonded?"

"I–" I try to think about it, hard. To make sure of what I'm going to say before it comes out of my mouth, because it feels like this conversation could be the difference between the end of everything we had, and the possibility of something else. "I didn't think I did. Even after that witch told me, I kept tellin' myself she was full of shit. But last night–"

"Yeah," Wisteria whispers, wrapping her arms around herself. "Last night."

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" Fear jolts through me. "I don't remember all of it. Not entirely. It's–bits and pieces. They're comin' back, but I feel like I might not recall it all, or not all correctly, at least."

Wisteria bites her lip. "No, you didn't hurt me."

I feel instant relief. "Why did you follow me into the woods?"

Her teeth sink deeper into her lower lip, worrying at it. "I don't know," she confesses. "I heard you howl, and it–it drew me out. Like a compulsion. Like I had to go out there. And then I saw you, as a wolf–"

"I frightened you." It's not a question. I know I must have. "I'm sorry, Wisteria–"

"I was scared. But I–I was something else, too. I don't know what the word is. Fascinated, maybe? I'd never seen a shifter in that form before. And even–even when I gave into my instincts and ran, I didn't really think you'd hurt me. If anything, I–" Her cheeks turn a deeper shade of red, and I feel my own body respond, tightening with desire at what I feel sure she's about to say. "I wanted you to catch me," she whispers.

"God, Wisteria–" I start to take a step towards her, aching to touch her, but she puts her hands up, and I stop. "I–"

"You stopped." She looks at me, her expression confused, and almost a little–hurt? "Why did you stop?"

I frown. "What are you talkin' about?"

"We were–" She bites her lip, still blushing. "You were inside me. You made me come, and you were kissing my neck, and then–" Her teeth worry at her lower lip again. "You stopped. You pulled out, and ran. Left me there. Why?"

A shudder runs through me, remembering it. Stopping, just then, had been the hardest thing I think I've ever done. I'd had to fight not just the natural instinct to keep going in the middle of sex, the driving need to finish, to come–but the need to bite her. Mate her. To make her mine in a way that could never be undone.

"That woman in Ash Hallow–" I see the way Wisteria flinches when I say it, how much I hurt her by going to the other witch, and my chest aches. "She said if we really had bonded, that we could bond in the other way, too. If I bit you–the rest of it would…" I break off. I can't finish the thought, detail the things we'd be able to do together if that happened. "I wanted to so fuckin' bad, out there in the woods. I was about to fuckin' bite you–and we hadn't talked about it. Hadn't talked at all, really, other than to argue. I wasn't gonna do it unless you told me you wanted it. And if I'd kept goin'--if I'd finished–I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from bitin' you. So–" I swallow hard. "I stopped instead. I'm sorry I left you like that, Wisteria. But I didn't want to hurt you. Didn't want to do somethin' to you that couldn't be taken back." I shake my head, wanting to go to her. "I've never wanted to hurt you. I swear that's true."

"Do you believe me now?" she whispers. "About the spell? That I never did that–"

"I do." I take a step forward, and this time she doesn't stop me. "I'm sorry. I'm so fuckin' sorry I didn't listen. It was inexcusable of me, to accuse you of that. You tried to explain, and I wouldn't hear it. That's my fault, and I don't know that I can ever make up for it. But–"

"You still didn't entirely answer me, earlier. Do you think it's the bond?"

I look at her, at her beautiful face, her soft hazel eyes, and I think of everything that's happened between us since the moment I met her. I think of last night, and the things she's said she felt, too, and I nod. "I do," I murmur quietly. "I can't think of any other explanation for it, to be honest. I think that's what happened. I don't know why–"

"Maybe because we're good together?" Wisteria gives me a small, watery smile. "You were going to stay, Eli. Before you found out what I was, before you got spooked because I couldn't stay away from you on the night of the full moon–you were thinking about staying. About opening yourself up to things you never had before. And what happened between us–I didn't cast a spell on you, but that was my fault, too. I should have told you. I should have trusted you."

"You weren't entirely in the wrong. I don't know that I would've stayed, if I'd known. I had all that bullshit in my head about witches and what they do to shifters–" I let out a sharp breath, guilt washing over me. "I never really spent much time around them, before. And I was wrong, to feel that way–thinkin' how much I liked that you wanted me for more than just findin' out what it was like to be in bed with a shifter, but I would've turned you away for what you were. That was wrong of me, too."

"We both made mistakes," Wisteria says softly. "But what happens now?"

I rock back on my heels, my pulse quickening, beating hard in the hollow of my throat. I take a step closer to her, and another, a hand's breadth between us as I look down at her, this woman that I love. "Well, I think that's up to you, darlin'. Whether or not you wanna take me back. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't."

I see Wisteria's breath catch. "What do you want, Eli?" she whispers. "Tell me what you want."

In one quick step, I close the distance between us, my hands on her waist. "I want you," I murmur softly. "I want you every day. Every morning. Every night. I want to wake up next to you, and I want to go to sleep with you as many nights as I can. I want to know everything about you, exactly as you are. I want to love you for who you are–every part of you–for the rest of my life."

That word I've been holding onto slips out before I realize it, and I see Wisteria's eyes widen. "Eli–"

"I love you." I reach up, brushing my fingers over her cheekbone, and I feel her lean into my touch. "And if you tell me to leave right now, I will. But you gotta know that, darlin'. I've never said that to any other woman–never even came close to thinkin' it. But I love you. And I won't ever stop. Not because of any bond, either, but because of you."

Wisteria's eyes well up with tears. She leans into me, reaching up to touch the scruff of my beard, her fingers grazing along my chin. The touch makes me feel as if my entire body is lit up from the inside out, my heartbeat picking up pace, every part of me aching to touch her. "I love you too, Eli. And what you're telling me–it's everything I've wanted. To have someone love me for who I am, without having to hide anything about myself. I love you that way–have loved you, for longer than I should have, probably. And I–"

She takes a slow breath. "The other bond. If we do that–"

"It's forever." I look down at her, my expression solemn. "This already is–what there is between us now. And I don't know anythin' about what happens when a pair that's already bonded does it on purpose, too. Likely it'll make this all stronger. If you're not up for that–"

"All the things we can't do because I'm a human." She looks up at me, her expression soft, but still full of a flickering desire that makes my breath catch in my throat. "We could do them, then?"

"That's what I'm told. I can't be sure it'll work. But there's the possibility, yes."

Wisteria swallows hard. "I need to think," she says softly. "About all of this."

Everything in me wants to pull her closer, to kiss her, to convince her with my hands and mouth and every other tool at my disposal. But instead, I force myself to let go of her, taking a step back.

"Take as much time as you need, darlin'," I tell her quietly. "I'm not goin' anywhere. Not this time."

Wisteria manages a small smile. "I'm glad," she says softly. "For now–you said you wanted to help?" She glances out towards the shop. "We could use the extra hands."

"They're at your disposal." I smile at her, and I see hers widen, just the tiniest bit.

"Come on, then." She motions for me to follow her, and I do, back out into the main room of the shop. I can see the irritated look on Penelope's face when Wisteria says that I'll be helping, but she just nods, handing me a broom.

I get to work, knowing I meant every word of what I just said. I'll wait as long as I need to, stay here as long as I need to, until she makes up her mind.

Forever, if necessary.