28. Eli

The last thing in the world I want is to end things with Wisteria. I didn't even mean for that to be what happened, even though she seems to have taken it that way. But I do need time to think.

What she described was shifter behavior. A female shifter's heat–on the level of one bonded with another shifter. Reactions, feelings, that should be impossible for her. Things I don't have an explanation for.

Lying in bed after I've eaten, I try to do what research I can. I look for any information I can find with an internet search on what could happen to a human who sleeps with a shifter. Most of what I get is porn, and not much of use. I look for any evidence of a human bonding with a shifter, but there's not a damn thing ever mentioned about it, other than what I already know–that it just doesn't happen. I find a rumor about a mate bond in a nearby town, a wolf shifter mating with a bear, which is highly unusual. But at least they're both shifters. It makes it seems a little more plausible, even if I still doubt the source.

But what Wisteria described has no basis in reality. Which only leaves two options–either she lied to me, which I don't believe…or something strange is going on.

I let Adam know it's going to be another day before I can come back into work, going light on the details. I'm grateful we're friends, since it means he goes easy on me, even though I can tell he's frustrated that he's short a bartender. And I wonder if I should talk to him about all of this. He's a shifter, too–he'd understand. And maybe he could shed some light on it, if he's ever heard of anything like this.

I make sure to check in with Wisteria, in between sleeping and eating, letting her know I'm okay. That I'm recovering. Her responses are all brief, which I guess I should understand. I know I hurt her. I didn't mean to. But I need to figure out what the hell is happening before this gets any deeper than it already is.

Because deep down, I know what I feel for her is beyond lust, beyond just liking someone else's companionship for the first time in my life. I think of how she cared for me, her hands on me as I lay there half-conscious, the look on her face when she saw me–and I know what's happened.

For the first time in my life, I've fallen in love. And if I want to have even a chance at it working out, if I want to be able to tell her–I need to have a better idea of what it is that's happened between us.

When I head back to the Howling Moon the following evening, I'm more healed than I would have thought I'd be after three days. But the look on Adam's face as he sees mine tells me that I still look pretty damn bad.

"What the hell, Eli?" He shakes his head, motioning to his office. "We need to talk, before you clock in."

As much as I'm not looking forward to it, I know he's right. So I follow him without argument, even though I'd like to.

"What happened to you?" He shuts the door, motioning for me to sit, and for once I don't argue. All of me still feels sore, and if I didn't know I needed to get back to work, I'd still be in bed. "You look like you've been through hell and back. And you seem–" He hesitates, as if he doesn't entirely know how to phrase what's going through his mind. "I can sense something's off," he says finally. "I'm your friend, Eli. Have been for years–maybe the only real one you've got. So fill me in on what's going on."

I've kept a lot from him since I've been here. I'm a private man by nature, and I've never been one to share my feelings. But after all that's happened, I know he's right. I need someone other than myself to know what's going on, and give me advice.

So I tell him everything. I give him the details of the job that I did before I came here, and what happened–all of it, not just the basic sketch that I told him when I first showed up at the bar. I tell him about Wisteria, and how she made me feel. What's happened between us, even though I can feel the heat creeping up my neck, telling Adam so many intimate details about me and the woman I'm sleeping with. It's one thing to share a few details over a beer, and another to tell your best friend that a human woman's all but thrown you into rut. But he's a shifter, too. He'll understand the feeling, if not what's actually happening here.

"Wisteria was at my room at the lodge, the night I got jumped." I rub a hand over the back of my neck. "I'd told her to stay away, around the full moon. Told her that for her own safety, we needed to keep a distance from each other–that it would be too easy for me to lose control, do the kind of things a shifter wants to do the days before and right after."

Adam nods. He knows the urges as well as I do. "But she showed up anyway." It's not a question, I think he can tell from the tone of my voice where this conversation is going.

"Yeah." I let out a sharp breath. "We didn't get to talk about it right away, on account of how banged up I was. But after, I was all ready to be pissed at her. Ready to be mad that she didn't listen and put herself in danger. But the thing is, she said she couldn't stay away."

Adam frowns. "Like she wanted it too badly?"

"No. That's one of the things I've always liked about her," I admit. "She's never been one of those girls with a shifter fetish. I can tell some of it turns her on–but she wasn't dying to fuck me after the full moon. I think she liked the idea of the intimacy, but–"

I trail off, not wanting to talk about that, especially with Adam. It feels too close to share. "She said it was a compulsion," I tell him instead, focusing on the part that's confusing me. "Like she couldn't stop herself, even though she knew I'd be upset. Like she had to be there when I got back, after the shift was over."

I expect Adam's face to reflect the same confusion I feel. But instead, his face looks carefully blank.

"She's a human."I shake my head. "I don't understand it. It's got all the hallmarks of a mate bond–but that's impossible. Neither of us seem to be in our right minds, and–"

Adam is looking at me with an expression that I've never seen before. It's wary, and concerned–and a little guilty, too.

"Eli–" He runs a hand through his hair. "There's something I need to tell you. Should've told you a little while back, actually, once I knew. But I saw how you were every time you saw that girl, and well–" He shrugs, his mouth twisting with something that looks like regret. "You seemed happy for the first time in all the time I've known you. I guess I couldn't bear to screw it up. And hell, I thought maybe you already knew."

Dread fills my stomach, trickling through my veins, making me feel cold. "Knew what?" I look at him, my pulse speeding up. I can smell the reticence on him, something close to the bitter scent of fear. Whatever he knows, he thinks it's going to piss me off. "What the hell is it, Adam?"

"Your girl. Wisteria." He runs his hand through his hair again, his expression apologetic. "She's a witch."

For a split second, it feels like everything has ground to a halt. I hear the blood roaring in my ears, my heart pounding, everything in me demanding that there be some explanation. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Adam flinches back, and I realize that I'm on my feet, the hair on the back of my neck prickling and my hands clenched as if for a fight. I force myself to relax, rocking back on my heels, shaking out my hands.

"I didn't have any idea at first," Adam says, holding his hands up placatingly. "You didn't tell me her name in any of the conversations we had, so I didn't know who she was. But then she came in here looking for you that night, when you called off and I was filling in for you. Told me her name. Told me her aunt was Eleanora Avon, who used to run the apothecary. I've been here long enough–I knew Eleanora. She was a witch. An herbalist–a hedge witch."

My head is spinning. "That doesn't mean Wisteria's one. Just because her aunt–"

Adam lets out a long breath. "She is. I know for a fact she is, because she told me herself."

Every word feels like a punch. "She told you?"

Adam nods slowly. "I said something to her about Eleanora being one. She got her hackles up a bit, seemed to think I was disrespecting her aunt. Said Bayton was supposed to be a safe haven for magical folks, and said that was part of why she came here. Both for her inheritance, and to get away from the mundane world."

"She's not." My hands are curling into fists again, every part of me rejecting this. My blood is rushing in my ears, my heart pounding, as if my body is physically fighting the idea that Wisteria could be anything other than what I believed her to be–an ordinary, normal human.

A woman who was falling in love with me.

"She can't be."

Adam looks at me sympathetically. "I was hoping maybe she told you herself. Since the two of you were getting so close. That maybe you didn't care, and the two of you had worked it all out–"

"Worked it out?" I can see our entire relationship shattering and re-forming in front of my eyes, all the things that didn't make sense before suddenly fitting into place. All the questions, all the mysteries–they suddenly have an answer. I think of the way she made me feel that very first night I saw her, almost rabid with lust. The way I wanted to cover myself in her scent that was left in my sheets, the first time she left my room. The way when I'm near her, I feel so close to losing control, when I've never had trouble controlling my more animalistic urges with a woman before.

The way I wanted to stay for her, because I couldn't stand the thought of being away from her. That, all on its own, is the most damning thing about all of this.

The answer forming in my head isn't agood one. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me before?"

Adam looks at me warily. "I didn't want to get in the middle of something that wasn't really my business. With how she was when she came in here that night, and you the day after–well, I thought you'd done what you always do. I figured you had your fun, and cut her off. But then the two of you got back together, and well–" He looks at me as if he's hoping I'll understand. "I figured the two of you couldn't keep going that long, and her not tell you the truth. So I assumed you'd figured out a way to be alright with it."

I shake my head, hard. "I can't fuckin' believe this. That you'd keep somethin' like that a secret–you can't honestly think I knew! I'd never have kept seeing her if I knew, and you should know that better than anyone."

Adam frowns at me. "Like you kept it a secret that you've got men after you that might come and trash my bar? My business? I think we both had things we kept quiet, Eli. Mine, at least, was because I wanted to see you happy. And however you might feel about witches, I can see she makes you happy–"

"It's a lie," I grind out through my teeth. "All of it was a lie. Everythin' she made me feel–" I feel rage burning in my gut, spreading through my veins. "She's fucking bewitched me. Put a spell on me, and made me think it was real. And you kept that a secret."

"You don't know that for sure," Adam says calmly. "That's a big conclusion to jump to, Eli. You should talk to her. Take the rest of the night off, and–"

"Oh I intend to do that. Both of those things."

I turn sharply, pivoting away from him and striding to the office door, yanking it open so hard that it slams into the wall behind it. I don't want to listen to any more of this, any longer. I keep going, out the back entrance, all the way to where my bike is parked. My heart is still pounding in my ears, all my soreness forgotten, everything driven out of my head except for one thing.

I need to see Wisteria.

—-

I go straightto her house, parking my bike outside the fence. Wisteria opens the door seconds after I knock on it. As if she knew I was coming. The look on her face is bright and hopeful for a split-second after she opens it–until she sees the expression on mine.

"Eli?" Her voice is soft and high, full of concern. "You look upset–did something happen?"

"You're damn right I'm upset. And somethin' did happen. Weeks ago, and I was too much of a fuckin' fool to see what was right in front of my eyes." I nearly snarl the words, and Wisteria blanches, taking a step back as her eyes go wide.

She's afraid. Of me. Before this exact moment, the idea of it would have horrified me. But I'm too angry now to think about that. Too angry to think of anything except the fact that she lied to me. Manipulated me.

"What are you talking about?" she asks shakily, and I laugh. It's a bitter, angry sound.

"You bewitched me. You put a fuckin' spell on me. Walked into that bar that first night, and–"

"That's ridiculous." Her voice is shaking. "Eli, please–"

"Then why didn't you tell me?" I glare down at her, my hand gripping the side of the doorjamb, looming over her. "Why didn't you tell me you're a fuckin' witch!"

Wisteria bursts into tears.

Deep down, something inside of me wants to comfort her. To let all my anger seep away, reach out for her, and pull her into my arms. I'm aching to do exactly that. It feels almost instinctual, as primal as the need to hunt or mate at the full moon–and I recoil, anger surging through me.

I won't let her keep doing this. I won't let her control me.

"I'm not goin' to be your fuckin' familiar." I spit out, baring my teeth. "I trusted you. I thought you were different than all the other fuckin' women who have crawled into my bed, wantin' to fuck a wolf. Dyin' for my big cock and sharp teeth. Wantin' some exotic experience they've never had before. Except it wasn't enough for you to just fuck me, was it? You needed to control me. Just like the rest of your kind. Wanted to make me go mad for you. Even when I told you how I felt about bein' bound to somethin', how I felt about bein' tied down against my will, you still couldn't let it go, could you?" Rage, hot and vicious, boils up in me, and I spit on the porch at her feet. "Lyin' bitch."

"Eli!" Wisteria cries out, her hand covering her mouth as another sob wracks her. "I didn't–I swear. I didn't bewitch you. I didn't do anything."

"Why would I believe you?" I snarl at her. "Next you're gonna tell me you're not a witch. When you fuckin' told Adam–"

"I am." Her shoulders sag, her eyes bright and miserable with tears. "I'm a witch. My aunt was one, too. But I didn't put a spell on you, Eli, I swear–I wouldn't even know how! I'm not that kind of witch–"

"You all are." In that moment, I feel something very close to hate, burning through me. And yet, it feels like it's hurting me, too. Like that same hate is clawing at me, making me bleed from the inside out.

More of her witchcraft.

"Just like all shifters are monsters?" Even in her misery, she looks up at me with a spark of defiance, hurt shining in her face. "I didn't think that of you, Eli, so I think you'd at least give me the benefit of the doubt–"

"You lied to me." The words come out cold and hard, brittle as ice. "From the fuckin' moment we met, you lied. You could have told me a dozen times over, once we started sleepin' together. I told you things about me I've never told anyone–"

And there it is. The source of my hurt, deeper than her lies, her manipulation. For the first time in my life, I laid myself bare to someone. Opened up to them about everything that happened to me since my mother bonded with our alpha, and destroyed everything I loved. For the first time, I considered the possibility of love. Of opening myself up to that kind of hurt.

And look where it fucking got me.

"I know," Wisteria whispers. "I was scared to tell you, Eli–"

"Scared of what? That I'd figure out you bewitched me?"

"I didn't!" She cries. "I didn't. Every man I've ever liked, every man I've slept with, every one I've ever gone out on a date with that I've told has dumped me as soon as they found out. Either because they knew witches were real, and were scared of me, or because they didn't believe it, and thought I was fucking crazy. And I couldn't stay with someone without telling them the truth. I didn't want to live a lie–"

"This is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever fuckin' heard." I start to turn away. "You undo whatever fuckin' spell you cast, or I swear to god, Wisteria–"

"What?" She nearly shouts it at me, her voice rising before she glances nervously towards the neighboring houses and lowers her voice. "What are you going to do? Hurt me over something I didn't even do? You're not like that, Eli–"

"You don't know me!" I turn on her, snarling, but to my surprise she doesn't back down. It only makes me all the more certain that she's cast something on me, something that probably protects her, too. I probably couldn't lash out at her physically if I wanted to–something would stop me. A ward, a shield, something that would hurt me in return. "And I sure as fuck don't know you."

Wisteria lets out another sob, her fingers pressed to her mouth, tears running down her reddened face. "I wanted to tell you," she whispers. "I struggled with it all the time. Penelope thought I should. But I was so afraid you'd reject me. That you'd never want to see me again. It was only supposed to be one night, so I told myself it didn't matter. That we'd just have that one, and we wouldn't see each other again anyway. And then there was the second–"

"Because you bewitched me!" I'm nearly in her face again, shouting. "You made me feel that way! You made me want you like I've never wanted anyone! You drove me into fuckin' rut over a goddamn fuckin' human, because you're a witch, you–"

"I didn't!" Wisteria screams. Two houses over, I see someone in their yard turn and look at us, and I wince. If they call the cops, that's going to be an entirely different set of problems I need to deal with. I'm pretty sure Adam will vouch for me, but I don't want to deal with the police if I don't have to.

I try to lower my voice. "I don't fuckin' believe you. Then why didn't you tell me after? If you're tellin' the truth. Why didn't you tell me when I took you out on that date?"

"I was afraid!" Wisteria cries out, keeping her voice lower too, but the pain I can hear in it feels as if it rips through me. "I was afraid you'd leave, and I was afraid you wouldn't. I didn't want to lose you yet, and I kept telling myself that there was an expiration date on our relationship anyway, that you were going to leave no matter what, so it didn't matter. But at the same time, I was falling for you. And if you hadn't left, if you'd told me you didn't care that I was a witch and you wanted to keep seeing me anyway–that would have broken me apart, once you finally did leave. Don't you understand?"

Her voice is pleading, every word punctuated with sobs. "If you had known, and kept seeing me anyway, it would have broken my heart when you left. I kept telling myself it would be easier if I thought you were going to leave anyway, no matter what. And then that night that you came over, and you started talking about staying–"

Wisteria breaks off, covering her face with her hands. It takes everything in me not to snatch them away. "I never would have, if I'd known you were lyin' to me this entire time!"

"I know," Wisteria whispers miserably. "I was afraid. I wanted to tell you after that, but I knew I'd kept the secret for too long, and I couldn't think of how to make it right. I screwed up. I should have told you so much sooner, but Eli–I never put a spell on you. I swear. Whatever makes us feel the way we do about each other–it's not magic."

I grit my teeth. "The way I felt," I growl, but now I'm the one that's lying. Every word I say to her, every shout, every contentious moment feels like it's tearing my heart out of my chest. I still feel everything I've felt for her since the moment I met her, whether I want to or not.

Wisteria presses her lips together, more tears spilling down her cheeks, and I let out a snarl of frustration. "You're tellin' me you've never cast a spell on me? You've never used magic?"

I wait for her to deny it again, to beg for me to believe her, but I see her face pale ever so slightly. I laugh, the bitter sound rolling up from my chest and spilling out into the air between us. "There it is. You couldn't lie to me forever, could you? So break it, Wisteria. Drop the fuckin' spell, and I'll get on with my fuckin' life. I'll leave tonight–"

"There's no spell!" She shakes her head.

"I can see in your face that you're lyin'!"

"The night you were hurt!" Wisteria cries out, her face blotchy with tears. Even like this, she's still impossibly beautiful to me, and it makes me feel insane. "That ointment I used on you. There's a spell infused in it when it's made, and I used my magic to heighten it. To make sure you'd heal. But that's all, Eli! I swear, I've never done anything else."

It feels like a gut punch. I recoil from her, my lip curling, looking at her with an expression that makes her flinch back. "You used magic on me. Without tellin' me. Without my consent. And you want me to believe a single goddamn thing you say, when you've been keepin' a secret from me since the day we met?"

"Eli, please–"

"I'm done here." I turn on my heel, stalking down to the bottom of the stairs, feeling my entire body vibrating with an emotion so intense that it even scares me a little. I'm not sure who I am in this moment, or what I might do.

I haven't felt like this since I left my pack. This kind of hurt, and anger, and betrayal. I thought I'd gotten to the point where I couldn't feel this kind of thing any longer.

But it seems like I was wrong.

I hear Wisteria's footsteps on the porch, and I turn to see her trying to follow me. I hold up a hand, and whatever she sees in my face, it brings her up short.

"Don't follow me. Don't speak to me. I don't ever want to see your face or hear your voice again, you understand me? We're done."

"Eli–"

"If you know what's good for you, Wisteria, you'll leave me the fuck alone."

I hear her let out another shattering sob behind me, choking on it, but I keep walking. It feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest, like a physical pain, but I keep going, even as every muscle in my body, every instinct, screams at me to go back and make it right with her.

But that's the spell she's cast on me. The fucking witchcraft she used to try to own me, to make me her familiar, to keep me at her side. And it almost fucking worked.

But I'm no one's pet.