50. Darcy

CHAPTER 50

DARCY

I wake in Hayden's bed, wrapped up tight in his arms. His sheets are softer than ever, and gentle sunlight filters into the room as his exhales tickle the back of my neck. On his bedside table sits the photo of us from university, the one I gave him for Valentine's Day. My brows slide together and I blink at it, biting back a smile. Was that there last night?

He must notice the change in my breathing, because the arm he has strewn across my chest tightens, pulling me to him.

"Morning," he mumbles against me, low voice raspy with sleep.

"Good morning."

I revel in the comfort of this moment for about four seconds before the questions start pinging around my brain.

Was that the best, dirtiest, most vivid dream of my life, or did I let my best friend and wingman give me the best orgasm of my life?

Did he enjoy it as much as he seemed to?

Is he freaking out?

Am I?

Does he regret what we did?

Do I ?

I turn over so we're facing each other, and my heart skips a beat at the sleepy look on his handsome face.

"You've got bed head." I reach to smooth it down, but the thick locks spring back up, making me laugh. His smile is drowsy, happy, and adorably boyish.

"You want some breakfast?"

I shake my head. I could lie here forever with him.

Last night replays in my head—him hauling me out of the restaurant, him losing his patience and kissing me, the desperate, needy way he made me come harder than ever, and all the things he said. The porn I thought looked like us? He thought that, too. He watched it because he thought it looked like us.

My skin tingles as I think back to every time we've touched or smiled at each other over the past eight years, and now I'm looking at those interactions in new light. Are these feelings recent?

They must be. I'd know if they weren't.

Right?

"What happened last night?" I whisper, and worry begins to thread through me.

We've stepped so far over the line of friends, it's not even funny. But where we landed, I'm not sure.

He studies me for a beat. "I think we did something we've wanted to do for a long time." His mouth crooks. "Tell me I'm wrong."

"You're not." My pulse picks up. I say we're just friends and that he's just my wingman, but over the past few months, it's become increasingly difficult to believe it.

He's a player, though. Hayden Owens moves from woman to woman. He said it himself—he doesn't do commitment; it's easier that way.

He could change his mind. I could change my mind. I thought I loved Kit and I was so wrong; what if Hayden and I get involved, and I turn out to be wrong again?

He's my best friend, and if we broke each other's hearts, there'd be no coming back from that. Our friendship would be over, and the idea of Hayden not being in my life makes me feel like crying.

I swallow past the rock in my throat, and he brushes his thumb over the crease between my eyebrows.

"What's going on in there?" he asks quietly.

"Just thinking."

He gives me a slight shake of his head, looking concerned. "Don't do that."

I break into a grin, but the hesitation remains. "I don't want to mess things up with you and me." It's so strange, lying on the pillow, talking quietly as the sun streams in. Strange and yet completely normal and natural. "There are a lot of reasons we shouldn't do this."

He pauses, wearing his own thoughtful frown. "Let's see where it goes."

I know where it'll go. Either he'll get bored in a relationship, or I'll realize that I'm exactly where I was a year ago—trapped. Hayden's so different from Kit, but maybe it's not the guy I'm with who's the problem. Maybe it's me.

Maybe I dissolve into the life of whoever I'm dating.

The thought of falling in love with Hayden but losing myself again sends terror through me. I've only started finding myself. I'm not ready to sink into someone else's life again and lose everything I've discovered about who I am.

"You need a plan, don't you?" His mouth crooks and his eyes turn warm with affection.

I huff an amused breath, because he knows me so well. I hate the cliffhanger of uncertainty. "Yes. A plan would be nice."

"Alright. Jamie and Pippa's wedding. We wait until then to make a decision. We'll go together."

We were both already planning to go to the wedding, but the idea of going together as dates makes my heart skip a beat. I think back to Pippa's words months ago— I assumed you'd go together .

"And until then?"

He brings my hand to his mouth and presses a series of soft, lingering kisses over my open palm. The brush of his stubble makes my breath catch.

"Until then, I keep giving you lessons. I show you everything you want to experience and learn." He swallows. "We don't have to commit to anything. We can just have fun, like you wanted."

I should feel relieved that he's taking the pressure off like this, but instead, something catches and snags behind my ribs.

Hayden Owens never settles down. Of course. I'm a novelty to him, but that'll wear off. That stuff he said last night about dating women who didn't look like me? I'm sure that's true. But it won't change who he is at his core. Even now, he's managing my expectations, emphasizing fun and lack of commitment while we agree to an end date.

His eyes hold mine. "Just me, though. No one else. I don't want to share you. I want you all to myself."

The determined way he says it is so different from his usual easy-going demeanor. A thrill races down my spine. I wonder what it would be like to be completely owned and cherished by Hayden Owens.

He pulls me on top of him. My legs fall to either side of his body, straddling his hips, and he grins up at me, eyes sparking with interest and mischief.

"What do you say, Darce?" The corner of his lips slides up into a flirty smile. "You want to have some fun?"

Learning to be a player has been about taking what I want. So what do I want?

I want this. He's so tempting I can hardly stand it. I want to mess around with Hayden and have the best sex of my life and wake up with him. I can have fun but stay detached. I'm exploring who I am, and maybe this is exactly what I need. It's only a month; I won't fall in love with him.

I won't.

My mouth twists to the side in a wry smile. "Alright."

My pulse picks up in excited anticipation, and a pleased smile spreads over Hayden's features as I nod.

"Good." His eyes heat. "I was hoping you'd say that."

When the game starts that night, something's different about Hayden. Within seconds of the puck drop, he's on a breakaway to the Philadelphia net.

Around me, the crowd starts to holler, and I'm on my feet, watching with fascination as he skates hard with two defensemen trailing him.

He shoots the puck, and when it hits the back of the net, the arena detonates with noise.

"He's an animal!" some guy behind me yells to his friend as the Vancouver players surround Hayden on the ice twenty feet away. "Owens is an animal tonight."

I grin big, watching Hayden radiate pride at his goal. He turns to find me and my stomach dips at his heated smile.

"That goal was for you," Hazel says in my ear with a teasing smile.

I roll my eyes. "No, it wasn't."

Hayden skates over, eyes dropping to my jersey, and his grin turns pleased and possessive. I think about his hands on my hips this morning, running over me like he owned me, and a pleasant shudder rolls through me.

He winks; I blush with pleasure.

My good luck charm , he mouths through the glass before skating off past the bench, bumping gloves with the rest of the team.

"Something you want to share with the class?" Hazel asks as my grin stretches even wider. Pippa smiles on, delighted and curious.

"Nope," I say, grinning ear to ear, and they grin back at me.

We're just having fun, I tell myself.

In the box after, he finds me the second he walks through the door. My mouth slips up into a smile as he strides toward me. He walks with that focused determination that has people moving out of his way. Someone calls his name, but his gaze doesn't leave mine.

"Hi—" I start, but his hand comes to the back of my head and he pulls me to him, mouth meeting mine in a hard, drugging, needy kiss that scatters my thoughts.

I melt against him and let him take what he wants. His hand is firm in my hair, tugging gently to tilt my mouth open more for him, and he lets out a low, pleased groan.

He pulls back to meet my eyes, and in his gaze, heat flickers with amusement at whatever my expression looks like.

He starts to smile. "Hi."

My three remaining brain cells help me blink. "Hi."

He smiles wider. "You're so fucking cute." He doesn't let me go, though. We're in the middle of the box, surrounded by the rest of the team, and my skin prickles with the weight of their gazes .

"Everyone can see us," I whisper.

"Mhm." He pulls me into a hug and presses his mouth to my temple in a sweet kiss.

On the other side of the room, Hazel, Rory, and Alexei watch us. Hazel wiggles her eyebrows, smiling, Rory's grinning broadly, and even Alexei's expression looks warmer than usual.

My mouth quirks into a teasing smile as I slide my hand down onto Hayden's butt and grab it, and he drops his head back, laughing.