15. Darcy

CHAPTER 15

DARCY

"This restaurant feels like a fairy garden," I tell Hayden, leaning in and scanning the space.

It's one of the most popular restaurants in Vancouver, with tropical flowers and lush greenery spilling from the ceilings, cozy fireplaces, and warm, romantic lighting splashing a golden glow across the room. In the corner, a band plays ambient music for the sea of tables for two.

Hayden gives me a quick smile. "Glad you like it."

There's a strong couple energy in here, I notice. A lot of hand-holding, a lot of googly heart eyes, and a few people sitting on the same side of the booth.

One couple is actually feeding each other.

I snort, glancing over at Hayden to get his reaction, but his gaze is on the wine list. Under the table, his knee bounces a fast rhythm. I frown at him.

"Are you okay?"

He jerks his gaze up. "Yeah? Why?"

Reflexively, I set my hand on his knee. I skim my hand over the smooth fabric to calm him, but his whole body jolts, and he knocks his water glass over, soaking the white tablecloth .

"Shit." He scrambles for his napkin to mop it up. "Sorry."

I stare at him in amused confusion. I've never seen him like this. "What is up with you tonight? You're supposed to be the cool, confident one. I'm the awkward dork."

His smile is sheepish, and a wash of pink spreads across his cheekbones as he swallows. "I'm, uh, a little nervous."

I shake my head, smiling. "It's just me."

"Yeah." His big chest rises and falls with a deep breath, and he nods, although he doesn't look convinced.

" I should be nervous. This is probably where you bring all the supermodels you date." I grin at him, teasing. "I have a lot to live up to."

His fingers tense on the wine list, but he gives me a tight smile. Something inside me sinks. The idea of Hayden with other girls never used to bother me, so why now?

"You haven't been dating lately."

He hasn't gone out on one date or had one friend over to the apartment since I moved in.

He shrugs. "It's been busy."

Not more than a normal season. "You've found lots of time to hang out with me."

"Sick of me already?" His mouth tilts up.

I grin. "No. I love living with you."

That sounded weird. I should have said I like living with you . Not love. Jesus, Darcy .

His throat works, and his smile softens. "I love living with you, too, Darce."

Something thunks in my heart, heavy and pleasant, and I have to pull my gaze away from his deep blue eyes. "I don't want you to tiptoe around me."

"I'm not."

"You're welcome to have women over." A bad taste fills my mouth, and the thought makes me nauseous, which is totally unfair. Hayden can do what he wants. "I can find someplace to be or wear noise-canceling headphones or go hang out at Hazel and Rory's?—"

"Darcy." His gaze flares with intensity. "It's fine."

"We're roommates, so just treat me like any other roommate. I mean, you had women over when you lived with Josh, right?"

I don't know why I'm pushing this so hard.

His jaw works. "I really don't want to talk about this anymore."

My stomach twists with unease. Okay, so maybe we're not as good of friends as I thought. "Okay. Sorry."

"No, it's fine." He rubs the bridge of his nose. "I'm trying to focus on the season." He looks away for a moment, then meets my eyes again. "And I like hanging out with you."

My heart does a dumb pitter-patter. "I like hanging out with you, too."

He pauses, hesitating, watching my face. "Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like. A relationship," he explains, glancing away. "I see Streicher and Miller making heart eyes at their fiancées and"—he shrugs, and there's that endearing wash of pink across his cheekbones again—"it doesn't look so bad."

I laugh and wrinkle my nose. "I can't even picture you with a girlfriend." For as long as I've known him, he's kept things casual. "Hayden, you'd hate it." Especially after years of freedom. "Rory and Hazel, and Pippa and Jamie, they're all in the honeymoon phase. Kit and I were there once, too."

Things were so good, until they weren't. Until the shiny newness wore off. Until I started realizing how wrong we were for each other.

"I'm not saying what happened to Kit and me will happen to them," I continue. "I actually think they're all perfect together, but there are a lot of aspects to a relationship that you just don't have to deal with when you keep things casual." I blow a breath out, thinking. "You don't have to go to family dinners with the other person, no birthday or Christmas gifts, and you don't have to listen to them rant about work at the end of the day."

His eyes move over my face, and the corner of his mouth tugs up into a reluctant smile. "Those don't sound so bad."

He only wants it because he's never had it. The novelty appeals to him, not necessarily the commitment part.

"Valentine's Day, for example." I gesture between us. "This year is fun because it's our first time."

His eyes flash with something at those words, but I barrel on.

"But imagine having to do this every year ?" I make a face. "Flowers, making the dinner reservation, buying gifts? It's a lot."

His gaze is full of an emotion I can't place. "Like I said, it doesn't sound so bad."

I chuckle. "I think this is a ‘the grass is always greener' kind of situation. It's totally okay if you're not cut out for monogamy like that. Not everyone is. With your way, no one gets hurt, no one gets disappointed."

He clears his throat and his eyebrows bob once. "Yeah, you're probably right."

Something in his expression gives me pause, though. A quiet vulnerability.

"I'd be doing the women of the world a disservice by taking myself out of the game." His cocky grin is back, but there's a bitter edge to his words.

I don't like the way he says this. My eyes narrow. I'm learning to be a player because Hayden has the perfect life, but now I wonder if I was wrong .

I wonder if Hayden's as happy as he seems.

"Or you'd make one woman really, really happy," I blurt out, because I don't like him talking about himself like this.

He laughs, but there's a humorless sharpness to it, like he doesn't believe me.

"Anyway." He leans forward and glances around the restaurant before his eyes meet mine. "I've never brought a date here. I called the owner first thing this morning and begged for a reservation. I told her I wanted to bring a beautiful girl here so she could eat the best food in the city. We do team dinners here sometimes, so she was happy to help me out."

Our eyes hold, and my throat tightens. Beautiful , he said. The word flits around my head like a butterfly.

His eyes skim over the drink menu. "You like merlot, right?" He frowns in concentration, thinking. "We should probably get a bottle."

I nod, giving him a strange smile. The server appears, and Hayden orders with a familiarity that surprises me. The guy I know from university drinks whatever beer is on tap.

"Do you want anything else to drink?" he asks me, and I shake my head, at a loss for words.

The server dashes off, and he gives me a funny smile as I sit there, staring at him.

"Something you want to say?" he prompts, smiling wider.

"You order wine like an expert. I've never seen you drink wine."

"Sure, you have."

"No, I haven't." I'm wearing a goofy smile. He's better at this dating thing than I realized. I don't know why he was so nervous tonight. "I've seen you do a two-story beer bong on one knee. You made five hundred Jell-O shots for a party you were hosting. And you always order beer when we go out. "

"Darcy, don't be ridiculous." His expression turns serious. "I already checked, and they don't have Jell-O shots here."

I burst out laughing, and a pleased grin cracks across his handsome features, like he loves to make me laugh.

"And maybe you don't know everything about me," he adds.

My pulse trips. Living together, I've lost count of the things I never took notice of with him—how tidy he is, how he takes his elderly neighbor's recycling out, how he's happy to take a photo or sign something for anyone who stops him on the street.

"Maybe I don't."

He knows how to order wine at a nice restaurant because he's well-practiced at wining and dining women, I realize with a pinch behind my ribs. Maybe he's not dating right now , but soon, he'll be back to normal. Bringing girls home. Sleeping with them on the other side of the wall.

Things I should be learning to do. I pull my mind back to the present. I'm not going to think about the future; I need to focus on why we're here—so I can practice.

"So, if you were on a date right now," I ask, "what would you talk about?"

He shrugs. "Just regular things."

He's so likable and flirtatious as a baseline; I bet if he were actually trying to get into a girl's pants, they'd melt right off. My knees press together under the table. What's that like, feeling so attracted and turned on by someone that I can't stand it?

"Like what?" Try it on me , I secretly beg.

He rakes a hand over the back of his hair. "We'd talk about her job, where she goes on vacation, what she does for fun."

That sounds like the kind of stuff I talked about with that guy the other week at the bar, except the conversation didn't flow at all. "Let's practice."

He regards me with a playful spark in his eyes. My heart jumps. This is the Hayden I know, fun and confident and silly.

"So, Darcy." He leans forward and gives me a seductive, arrogant smile. "What made you ask me out?"

I bite back a laugh and clutch my chest dramatically with a faraway look. "You were standing on the table in the middle of the bar, flexing those big muscles?—"

His eyebrows bob and he grins wider, entertained.

"—and I thought, now that's a man . Then you roared and tore your shirt open, and I fainted."

"And I caught you." His smile is magnificent as he leans back in his chair, watching me. "You woke up in my arms, caught one look at my rippling muscles, and fainted all over again."

Laughter bubbles out of me and he smiles over his wineglass. Behind him, the band begins to move around the restaurant, serenading couples.

"My turn." He wants to play this game? I'll play.

Hayden's teeth flash as he shrugs, playing with the stem of his wineglass. "Go for it. I'm an open book."

He picks up the glass to take a sip, and I'm distracted by how hot he looks like this, drinking red wine in an expensive suit. It fits the lines of his body like a glove, the crisp white shirt making his skin glow.

The game. Right. Making each other uncomfortable with questions.

"So, Hayden." I lower my voice. "What kind of porn do you watch?"

He chokes on his sip of wine, and people around us glance over as he clears his throat.

"That bad, huh?" I wince at him, biting back my laughter. "It must be the really kinky stuff. "

He clears his throat again, staring at the table, his glass, the floor. Anywhere but me. "Yep, that's it. The really kinky stuff."

"What are we talking?" I lean forward, lowering my voice another notch. God, this is so fun. A million times better than trying to navigate an awkward conversation with someone new. "Spanking? Pee stuff? People sitting on cakes?"

"All of the above." His ears are pink and his voice is tight, and he won't meet my eyes.

He's lying.

"Seriously." My eyes narrow. Now I need to know. "What kind of porn?"

He fidgets with his shirt collar, glancing around. "Can you stop saying the word porn , please?"

Delight bubbles up my throat, but I hold the laugh down. "What, you don't like when I talk about porn ?" I raise my voice on the last word, and someone at the table beside us drops their fork. Any embarrassment I should feel is wiped away by how fun this is. "What a little prude you are, Hayden."

He lowers his face into his hands. "I can't take you anywhere," he mumbles, but I can see his features tightening in a smile.

"You're hiding something." I toy with the stem of my own wineglass, high on power, and when he lifts his head, his eyes linger on mine.

He looks so fucking guilty.

"It must be really good if you don't even want to tell me ," I gesture at myself, "your best friend in the whole world."

I don't know why I said that. Kit's obviously his best friend. I'm just the roommate.

"Can we talk about something else?"

I want to keep pushing his buttons. It's fun to turn the tables on him and make him embarrassed for once, but also, I need to know. It's none of my business and it's crossing a million friendship boundaries, but the idea of Hayden lying on his bed with his hand wrapped around his cock races into my head. I picture his abs rippling, his face tense with pleasure as he watches a video on his phone.

"Sir, would your beautiful date like to be serenaded?" one of the band members interrupts, standing behind me.

My whole body recoils and I wrench around. "No," I blurt out, eyes wide. "No, thank you."

Hayden's grin turns mischievous. "Yes. Yes, she would."