Chapter 91 Elin

91

Elin

Parque Nacional, Portugal, October 2021

Bridie steps out of the van, Etta balanced on her hip. The worried expression she'd worn as they'd helped Ned into the van has softened into one of relief, but her face bears witness to the last few hours; still etched with shock.

‘Ned's come to,' Bridie says. ‘We'll get him checked out later, but Maggie thinks he'll be okay. She's going to sit with him for a bit, with Leah.' Hoisting Etta a little higher up on her hip, she meets Elin's gaze. ‘Thanks for the help. I don't think we could have managed on our own. Leah was in shock, I think.'

‘That's okay. Glad to be useful.' An awkward silence falls before Elin clears her throat. ‘Let me know if it's not the right time, but I reckon you've probably got some questions.'

‘You could say that.' Giving a faint smile, Bridie gestures to the bench. ‘I'm guessing we sit down for this, huh?'

‘Probably a good idea.' Elin follows behind Bridie as she picks her way across to the bench.

‘I'm taking it you know him, then?' she says as Elin takes the seat opposite and raises an eyebrow. ‘Should have known when you started sniffing around, you weren't just trying to make friends.'

Elin nods. ‘Yes, I know him, but not as Penn. We worked together, back in the UK. It's … complicated.' Sweat pricks beneath her underarms as she plays out what she's about to say in her head. It feels like so much is riding on how well she delivers it. ‘Isaac and I were trying to help him find out what happened to Kier.'

‘So he told you that he'd been out here looking for her before?'

‘Yes, but we had no idea about this.' Elin gestures around her. ‘What you do here.'

‘And you do now?' Her face is expressionless. ‘You honestly think you know what this is?'

‘Not completely,' she says hesitantly. ‘But I think we have an idea. You and Kier – you shared an ex-partner, didn't you?'

Bridie still looks guarded. ‘And who's that?'

‘Zeph. I think he's the reason you came here, gave up the career you loved.' Elin looks around her. ‘This camp … it's a safe space, isn't it? For you and other women?'

Bridie meets the question with more silence.

Time seems to slow as the silence lengthens, the air shimmering with tension, but then Bridie's expression wavers, just for a second, and Elin knows she's hit a nerve.

Eventually, Bridie's face opens a little. Elin glimpses fear, doubt, and something unexpected too: relief. Like she's shed something that's been weighing heavy on her.

‘I think I'd better go get Maggie.' Her voice is so quiet Elin has to strain to hear her. ‘It's not my call whether …' Trailing off, she stands up, walking towards the van, Etta loudly chattering in her ear.

Elin watches as Ned's door swings open and Maggie steps outside. Bridie says something inaudible, and Maggie looks in her direction. The conversation goes back and forth for a few minutes before they start to head her way .

Before they reach the communal area, Bridie lowers Etta to the ground, pointing at the book on the table. Etta picks it up and settles on the rug nearby.

‘Bridie says you wanted to talk to us,' Maggie says, stopping beside her.

‘If that's okay.' Elin gestures towards Ned's van. ‘If it's too much, given everything, we don't have to do it now. It can wait.'

‘It's okay,' Maggie says, sitting down. ‘Ned needs to rest a while.'

Her gaze shifting awkwardly between them, Elin knows she's going to have to speak first. ‘I just want to reiterate that I'm not here to cause any issues.' She swallows, her mouth dry. ‘Like I said to Bridie, all Isaac and I wanted to do was help Steed find his sister. You told him the last time he came out here that Kier didn't stay for long, but that wasn't true, was it?' With their faces giving nothing away, she keeps her voice level, steady. She has no idea how Maggie's going to take what she's about to ask. ‘Kier … she was here, with you, wasn't she? A part of the camp.'

Neither reply, their eyes fixed on only each other.

Elin continues. ‘I think Kier … she came here because of her ex-boyfriend, Zeph. We know what he did to her, and we think she came here to escape him. To find refuge.'

Her voice wavers on the final word, and there's a shift in Maggie's expression. She seems to be considering something before her eyes find Elin's. There's a sense of resignation in them, of letting go of control, of the story, of the guard she's tried so hard to keep in place.

A beat passes before Maggie turns to Bridie. ‘If you're okay to, I think it's best if you take it from here. Anything gets too much, I'll step in.'

‘You're sure?' Bridie's tone is hesitant. ‘You really think it's okay to tell her?'

Looking back at Elin, Maggie nods. ‘I think so.'

‘Kier came here to find me,' Bridie starts, her foot tapping the floor. ‘She thought that Zeph was doing the same to her as he'd done to me.' Her voice wobbles. ‘Total destruction. Breaking us down, piece by piece. Gaslighting us, making us believe that what he was doing was our fault. That all we had to do was be better and it would stop.' She's tapping the floor with her foot so hard her leg starts to shake, and Maggie lightly lays a hand on her knee until it passes.

Pausing, Bridie collects herself. ‘The last few months they were together, Kier found some photos that Zeph had taken of me and started putting the pieces together about why I'd left the US. She came here to try to figure out whether the doubts she had about him were justified before they gave it another shot.'

‘That's what Kier was planning? To get back with him?' Elin can't disguise the surprise in her voice.

Bridie gives a brittle smile, her eyes hollow. ‘Yes. Despite everything, Kier was planning on giving it another try.' She takes a breath. ‘I went through the same thing before I found Maggie. Wanted to believe that this time, it'd be different, but it never was. Every time I gave him another chance, all it did was let him know exactly where my line was and how far he needed to go to cross it.' Her words suddenly tip into one another, so fast that Elin can't get a grip on them. ‘He kept crossing it. Every time he crossed it, I'd tell myself that it would be the last time, but then' – she screws up her eyes, and it seems as if she's in physical pain – ‘he'd do it another time and another.'

Elin blinks, finding it hard to look at her. Swallowing hard, she pictures it again: Zeph leaving the van. Outside the club. The rage she'd glimpsed in his eyes. She can't even begin to imagine that sense of fear you'd feel at a moment like that. Someone you love, turning.

Maggie puts her hand on top of Bridie's. ‘You don't have to carry on.'

‘No, I want to.' Slowly exhaling, her eyes find Elin's. ‘Kier ended up joining us.' A brief smile flickers on her face. ‘By the end, she was a different person, and that's down to Maggie. This …' She gestures around her. ‘Everything here is because of her. Maggie puts people back together. People who've not just reached the bottom, but a place beyond that. A place where no one imagines they'll ever be.'

She looks at Maggie and nods, as if prompting her to say something.

Maggie roughly rubs her eyes. ‘All I've ever wanted,' she says quietly, ‘ was to create a space for people who couldn't find sanctuary anywhere else. Women, from anywhere, can stay with us as long as they need to feel safe again.' She blinks. ‘I worked in refuges in the US for a long time, and I saw that some women needed a total escape. Physically. Psychologically. This … our ability to keep moving, it's provided that.'

‘And more,' Bridie says fiercely. ‘She makes us feel like we're part of a family. Kier became a part of that,' she says, smiling broadly, the first proper smile Elin's seen from her, her eyes creasing at the corners. ‘A part of us. She did so much for us while she was here … helped me rediscover my love for dance.' She clears her throat. ‘Before Kier came, I'd lost that part of me. I associated it with Zeph and everything that happened in New York. I thought I'd never dance again.'

‘You dance up at the clearing, don't you?' Elin says softly, imagining it: Bridie up there, dancing like she was in the videos she'd seen online. ‘Where the forest fires have burnt the trees.'

Bridie nods. ‘Yes, I do.' She hesitates. ‘Kier … she used to watch me.'

‘Kier did some artwork for you, too, didn't she? We saw it on the leaflet we found.' Elin continues. ‘The pira she drew on … is it a symbol for the refuge?'

It's Maggie who speaks this time. ‘It is, but here we don't call them pira.' She exchanges a glance with Bridie. ‘That's what other people call them. Our name for them is the wilds.'