Chapter 26

Escapingthat underground room, it turned out, wasn't as easy as Louisa might have hoped.

Itfirst required walking past a still-watching Polly and Igull, while Igull grinned and waved. And next had been the large, open room beyond the curtain, where a half-dozen heads instantly swivelled toward Louisa and Killik, as if they all knew exactly what had just gone on — but of course they would know, wouldn't they? If nothing else, they would have heard it, right? Would have heard Louisa whimpering and shouting as two orcs had taken turns with her? Inpublic?

Louisakept her head down as she walked past, her face furiously burning — and making matters even worse was the situation between her legs, which was rapidly overwhelming Killik's useless rag. And once they finally stepped out into the moonlit night, she had to run for the nearest bush, clawing up her skirts, as hot streams of thick, sweet-scented fluid gushed out onto the ground at her feet.

Ofcourse, Killik didn't even have the decency to give her some privacy, and instead silently stalked over, plucked up her sodden rag, and handed over a new one. AndLouisa couldn't seem to look at him, let alone speak, not even to tell him to leave her the hell alone, because — because he'd done this. He'd done it, on purpose, he and Ulfarr had bedded her, filled her with their orc pricks, flooded her with their combined orc mess, and it meant nothing, nothing, nothing. Five nights.

AndKillik didn't even need to say it, didn't need to remind her, because this already said it all, didn't it? The way he was just standing here in silence, coolly observing her ongoing humiliation, silently reminding her who was in charge. This is my show. You dance for me.

Louisastill couldn't look at Killik once they finally began walking again, heading due north, back toward her house. But despite the moonlight above, and her attempts at breathing into her steps, the path was still almost impossible to see — and she soon tripped over a root, and almost sprawled face-first into the earth.

Butthen — Killik. Killik, here, catching her with strong hands, holding her steady. And gods, what the hell was wrong with her, because even the feel of him touching her again, holding her again, was making something clench and churn in her belly, as heat prickled behind her eyes. No. He didn't care. It meant nothing, not even if he'd just bedded her. Five nights.

"Slower steps, then, woman," Killik said now, as he settled his hand to her elbow, and guided her forward again. "Feel the earth beneath you."

Louisagave a weary sigh, but nodded, fought to redouble her efforts, to focus on her feet. Just one step, and then another, and another, he didn't care, five nights…

"I ken this… went well, this night," Killik abruptly said, into the silence. "Ach?"

Louisacouldn't hide her flinch, her sharp glance toward his face. But it was too dark to see any of it, too dark to tell if he was mocking her, or baiting her, or…

"Oh?" she replied, as steadily as she could. "How so?"

Therewas an instant's silence, a faint twitch of Killik's claws on her elbow. "This — pleased Wolf," he said, clipped. "You saw how he was amidst this, ach? How he was" — he hesitated — "more… himself."

Right. And while Louisa couldn't lay claim to having known how Ulfarr had once been, she also couldn't deny that he'd felt almost… right, somehow, in the midst of all that. He'd felt calm, and confident, and commanding, even as he'd willingly let Killik take the lead. But even that had almost felt like a… a conscious choice, on Ulfarr's part, rather than a necessity. He'd wanted Killik in charge, he'd liked it, so he'd supported it. Encouraged it.

"He did seem… better," Louisa finally said, into the silence. "He seemed to enjoy your… dynamic… a lot."

Andgods, why was she even giving Killik this, offering him anything whatsoever — but that might have been a chuckle beside her, low and indulgent. "Ach, he did," Killik replied. "EvenI did not guess how much he should welcome having a fine lady to defend and care for. How this should speak to him, and draw him out, thus."

Oh. Louisa shot another narrow look toward him — had he therefore been insulting her on purpose? — but she still couldn't make out Killik's face, couldn't weigh the meaning behind his heavy sigh. "Our son sometimes draws this from him, also," he continued. "Wolf was oft thus, before, with any of us who needed his help, or his guarding, or his comfort."

Louisa'ssideways glance was startled this time, because — was Killik offering up information about Ulfarr's past? In the face of all his demands, all his orders?

Buthe'd said it, on purpose, and now he was even letting it hang there, hovering like this between them. As if — as if he wanted her to ask. To try. You never ask the right questions…

"You said, back there, that Ulfarr cared for fatherless Skai," Louisa ventured, tentative, into the darkness. "Was that… his job, somehow? Maybe as part of… his pack?"

Shefully expected Killik to refuse to answer, or maybe demand where she'd heard about the pack — but he only sighed again, heavier this time. "Ach, it was," he replied. "At first, Wolf's pack was only meant to be a punishment from his father, a curse — but Wolf faced this, and did this. He helped our clan's orclings, and tended them, and guarded them, for many, many summers."

Oh. Louisa's breath caught, because that did sound like Ulfarr, that was exactly what he would do — and Killik had told her this. Killik had told her this, about Ulfarr's past, despite his own rule against it, and he was even drawing in another slow, deep breath. "ButWolf was only a youngling himself, at first," Killik added. "Mayhap a few summers older than our own son now. AndI ken" — he barked a hoarse laugh — "if we dumped a pack of wild orclings upon Sune, he should gladly let them all die within a fortnight."

Therewas something warm and wistful in his voice, or maybe even proud, and Louisa twitched a smile toward him, despite the odd clench in her chest, in her throat. "And you were part of Ulfarr's pack?" she asked, carefully. "From the start?"

Sheagain expected Killik to refuse, but she could just make out the slow shake of his head. "Not at first," he replied. "I was older than the rest of them. ButWolf saw me, saw how I needed help, and he… he offered this."

Itwas another question, hanging there between them, and Louisa took a breath, let it out. "What… what happened, then? Why did you need help?"

Therewas another long moment's silence, broken only by the crackling leaves beneath Louisa's heavy boots. "My father was killed in battle before I saw five summers," Killik replied, very steadily. "And my mother never wished to know me. SoI lived by following Alfver's pack, hunting and eating scraps, and offering… favours to his warriors. Doing aught I could to stay alive, in the midst of this war."

Oh. Oh, gods. He made it sound almost simple, almost normal, and not like the sickening horrifying experience it must have been, and Louisa couldn't keep her breath steady, or keep the shock out of her voice. "I'm so sorry, Killik," she gasped. "That must have been — awful."

Killikshrugged, but Louisa could hear his exhale, juddering from his throat. "Ach, it was war," he said, his voice still unnaturally calm. "ButWolf was a gift of Skai-kesh toward me. He called me one of his pups, ach, but he always treated me as his equal. His — friend. And together, we tended our little wolf-pack, and trained them up, and taught them to stay safe. And even when Wolf was called more and more to fight, and to lead Skai bands in battle beside his father, he did not forget me, or his pack. He never, ever stopped guarding us, or caring for us. Not until —"

Butthere his voice broke, and Louisa could finally feel his barrier snapping back into place, surging tall and impenetrable between them. He still didn't want to talk about that. About, surely, whatever darkness Ulfarr had hinted at back there, with such grief and shame in his eyes.Wolf is dead. Simon kill him, break him, shame him before all the clan.

SoLouisa took a deep breath, searched for another question, another way. "So how long," she began, "have you and Ulfarr been… intimate, then? For… quite some time?"

Shegrimaced even as she said it, because maybe it sounded like an assumption, an accusation — but she was deeply relieved to catch that shake of Killik's head. "Only mayhap five summers, now," he said. "Wolf always refused to touch me, for he saw it as a stain upon all those years of his care for me, or some such foolery. But he is not my blood, he is not my father. And he never was this, not for me — so once I was of age, there was no good cause for him to spurn me!"

Killik'svoice had risen, suggesting this was something important to him, and — oh. Something he'd been hurt by. He'd wanted Ulfarr, he'd made that clear to Ulfarr, and Ulfarr had refused him. Maybe for years. And now — now Killik had the upper hand, Killik was the one with all the bedmates, while Ulfarr longed for… him.

Anddamn it, Louisa could understand it, could understand him — and she sighed and nodded, her elbow twitching against the still-sharp grip of his hand. "So how did you convince him, then?" she asked, as lightly as she could. "You must have done a damned good job of it, because he's certainly not spurning you now."

Shecould feel Killik's surprise, his glance toward her — and then a catch of an exhale, maybe a laugh. "Ach, no, he would not dare," he replied, and his voice was smooth again, satisfied. "But ach, I had seen how he was not — himself. How he was less and less himself with each passing day. He would not heed my counsel, nor speak his truth to me, but I knew he needed help, needed relief, needed peace. SoI — pushed him into my bed. I wielded my daggers and steel against him, until he gave it. Until he was weeping and begging me for it."

Therewas a fierce, vindictive satisfaction in his voice, and an unmistakable relief — and Louisa's exhale felt relieved too, coming out heavy and hushed. "I'm glad," she said, quiet. "That was — very generous of you, Killik."

Shecould feel his shrug, shifting the grip of his hand still on her elbow, but then a brief squeeze of that hand, too. "Ach, it was to my own gain also," he said dismissively. "After all his denial toward me, I took great joy in witnessing the powerful Wolf of the Skai bound in my thrall, whimpering upon my daggers, spraying his seed upon my command. Praising me, and begging for yet more of his helpless little pup's strong Skai ploughing."

Louisa'sbreath caught, too loud and betraying, because gods, that would have been a sight. And what would they look like together, would Killik have done it the same way he'd just done with Louisa? The way he'd promised to again…

Butno. No, she was not thinking about that. It didn't mean anything. Killik was very clearly in this for Ulfarr, and that was all. And she needed to remember that, and…

"And… it helped, after?" she asked, too quickly. "At least a little?"

Killiksighed, but nodded. "Ach, it did," he replied. "More than aught else until then. And once Wolf… let me in, you ken, I could follow what else he longed for, also, and then help to gain this. I helped him care for his former packmates and their kin. I helped him face old vows and burdens, and make amends to those he has wronged. I guided him to help younglings again, to keep them safe, to even adopt Sune as his own. And whilst it has all helped, he is not yet healed. Not yet himself. So now" — he sighed again, heavier — "I help him gain a woman, also."

Right. Back to this again. But suddenly Louisa couldn't bear to think of it, couldn't stand the thought that she was just another ploy, another sacrifice in Killik's ever-lengthening list of sacrifices. Another attempt at gaining the loyalty of the orc he longed for, or maybe — maybe even repaying the orc he felt he owed. To the point where he would even go to bed with the woman, too, and make sure he couldn't have sons…

Sheflinched at the thought, at that sudden memory of Ulfarr saying Killik had somehow blocked off his seed — because gods, she'd barely even bothered to question that back there, had she? And curse it, she could feel Killik's eyes studying her, his claws pricking into her elbow, almost as if saying, What? Speak this.

"So is that why you're supposedly not able to father sons now, too?" she asked, too high-pitched. "Because you wanted to be able to — helpUlfarr in bed like this? Without risking children from it?"

Therewas an instant's stillness between them, a spasm of Killik's hand on her elbow. "Ach, no," he snapped, his voice hard. "I found a healer to stopper my seed as soon as I was old enough to do this. You ken I have any wish to raise sons of my own blood, after helping Wolf raise a dozen of them?"

Hesounded incredulous, almost irate, and he'd even snapped a dagger from his hair, its blade gleaming in the faint moonlight. "AndI now have Sune," he added flatly, "and our teaching at the mountain — and even beyond this, I am yet beset by orclings on all sides! They flock to Wolf like needy little fleas, who shall never again unlatch from their hapless host!"

Louisablinked, as something knocked against her ribs — Killik really didn't want to father sons, either? — and then her breath escaped in a laugh, choked and relieved from her throat. "I can see that," she said lightly. "I met Leikr and his friends today, and they definitely seemed very fond of Ulfarr."

Killik'sscoff was loud and instant, but it sounded a little warmer, too. "No, you ken?" he drawled, with obvious derision. "And you ken there are five more just like him, lurking behind every bush! And some days, our grown brothers are just as bad as the orclings! Ach, just last week" — he wildly waved his dagger back toward the camp — "Wolf spent half an afternoon tending Fasti's broken claw! Fasti ismore than twenty summers old!"

Louisa'slaugh rippled out between them, shaking her shoulders, quivering on her mouth. And suddenly the darkness around them felt warm, almost safe, especially with Killik's hand still on her elbow, his claws gently prodding into her skin.

"But it must be good for Ulfarr, right?" she asked, with only a little hesitation in her voice. "I mean, Halthorr told me he's not allowed to rebuild his pack, not like it was before — but surely having this camp still helps, too?"

Shecould just make out Killik's nod, and then his long, slow exhale. "Ach, it does help," he said. "Many of the orcs now here are our old packmates, and they yet care for Wolf, and he for them. And he is always — better, when he is here. Where his help and his strength is seen, and honoured, and needed."

Louisanodded, because that had been very evident, throughout the entire day today. Ulfarr had been valued at the camp, and respected, and needed, and… and…

"And he really can't just… stay, then?" she asked, before she could stop it — and oh, even the thought of it was too powerful, drawing too deep at her own foolish, selfish longing. Gods, if Ulfarr could just stay, that would solve so many problems, and even do away with the most painful part of Killik's accusations toward her earlier, right? Shall you abandon your home, and your lands?Shall you come to live at OrcMountain…

Thehope thumped higher in Louisa's chest as she waited, her eyes uselessly searching Killik's profile in the dark. Prove this to me, he'd demanded, and without that damned leaving-her-lands requirement, Louisa could keep trying to prove it, couldn't she? Gods, hadn't she just fucked them both in a public room? Hadn't she given both Killik and Ulfarr exactly what they'd wanted from her?

ButKillik's silence was too long, too heavy, and finally he gave another slow, resigned sigh. "No, woman," he said, his voice far flatter than before. "Staying at the mountain is a term of Wolf's punishment, and he cannot break this, if he wishes to keep his life. Even now, we have spent too much time here, and must return home to the mountain tomorrow."

Right. ButLouisa's longing was still clutching, coiling hard and miserable in her belly. "AndUlfarr couldn't just live at the mountain, and — have a woman friend who lived here?" she asked, but no, no, what was she saying, no. "Just like — his old packmates are here? And he could — visit? Or she could… visit there? Even after the ten nights?"

Toolate, she winced and clamped her mouth shut, but it was out there, she'd said it. And surely Killik could see her burning face, her eyes dropping to the ground, and why wasn't he answering, what was he thinking, please…

"No, woman," he said finally, his voice wooden. "Not with how this now stands. He cannot. Andyou cannot."

Hisvoice was so hard, so certain, so utterly decisive — and so brutally painful, like a sharp kick in the chest. AndLouisa couldn't look up, couldn't stop blinking her suddenly wet eyes, and it was so foolish, so ludicrous. She knew what this was, Killik had made it so clear, and what difference did it make if he'd touched her, stabbed his sharp hungry body into her, poured out his seed inside her…

"I — understand," she said, her voice wavering. "I'll just — go, then."

Shejerked her head sideways, toward where she could make out the edge of her yard up ahead — and when Killik didn't answer, she wrenched away from him, and lurched forward. Just needed to escape him, to forget him, to clear out the mess in her brain from him…

"Louisa," Killik said behind her — he'd said her name — and oh, that was his hand, curling against her elbow again. "Wait."

Louisafroze, her heart hammering, her breaths panting too rapid from her lungs. And she could hear Killik's sigh, could feel his body shifting closer…

"I — I thank you, for tonight," he said, his voice a rasp. "This was… good. This… pleased me."

What? Louisa blinked up at him, at where he was so close, so close she could feel his breaths, could almost taste the echoes of his words. This was good. This pleased me. As if… as if maybe she'd proven something, after all.

"Now go, and rest," he murmured. "I shall come for you when next we are here, ach? We shall be out working for the clan these next few days, so next week, mayhap."

Nextweek. Louisa's stomach plummeted again, but it was still something, something, a small flickering hope. And then — the touch of something that might have been Killik's lips, brief but warm against her forehead.

He'd… kissed her.

Louisafroze in place, and for an instant, she wanted to shout at him, to claw at him, to beg. To say, Please stay, how can you just say no, how can you just walk away…

ButKillik didn't care, he didn't. This was only a deal, only five more nights. He was leaving. Leaving…

Andsuddenly Louisa couldn't bear it, couldn't stand to watch him go. And after a brief clutch against him, a foolish stroke to his hard forbidding chest, she twisted away, and staggered off into the darkness.