Chapter 28

Matthew, wait.

He did. Matthew barely dared to breathe as Tabitha pushed him away. She shook her head, seemingly in distress. “Rosemary,” Tabitha insisted. “You cannot be wed to both of us, and I know you love her dearly. I cannot take her away from you, Matthew. Even if I want you for myself, I must think of her feelings and yours.”

“And mine,” Matthew said. “What I want is you, Tabitha. I regret not realizing it sooner, but I want you very much. I love you.”

“But how can you?” Tabitha asked. “You were so relieved that she had returned to you!”

Matthew smiled wryly. “I am unsure if the best place to have this conversation is at the modiste. Would you find returning home to be amenable? Or perhaps we might promenade?”

Tabitha’s brow furrowed in obvious confusion, and Matthew only smiled. “It is a long story,” he said, “some of which I have only just pieced together. You may be at ease, though, knowing you are my beloved and only wife.”

Tabitha was difficult to read at that moment. He did not quite know what to make of how she stared at him as if she were seeing him for the first time. He offered his arm, and she accepted it, looking uncharacteristically shy.

“I will see you later this evening, Miriam!” Matthew declared.

He left the modiste with Tabitha’s delicate hand curled over the crook of his arm. “I do not understand,” Tabitha said.

He told her everything he knew about Rosemary’s schemes and Lord Fatherton’s involvement. He had not quite put together some pieces, but it seemed obvious that Rosemary and Lord Fatherton were somehow allied. He then explained about his daughter Elaine, news that Tabitha received with equal parts sympathy and horror. “So as you might imagine, I have decided to remain with the wife who chose not to flee and hide from me for over a decade,” Matthew said.

It sounded even more absurd the more he said it. Tabitha shook her head and let out a low breath of air. “I do not even know what to say,” she said. “How could someone do that to you?”

“She said she was unhappy with me,” Matthew replied.

“Even if she were – fleeing the Continent and letting you worry about her for so long … I cannot understand how anyone could do something so cold, especially to someone who loves them. Even if she did not love you, that does not mean she is allowed to mistreat you.”

“I know,” Matthew said, “but it seems that she disagrees.”

Tabitha bit the inside of her cheek, thinking. “I am sorry,” she said. “So very sorry.”

“I do not know that I am sorry,” Matthew mused.

Tabitha cast him a startled look.

“If Rosemary had not betrayed me, I would have never married you,” Matthew said, carefully avoiding her gaze. “I do not contest that our marriage has been a tumultuous one. Sometimes, I felt neither of us had the space to breathe. However, I have found that I enjoyed your company.”

“I enjoy yours,” Tabitha said, sounding as though she were carefully choosing her words.

“I know that I have been an inconsistent husband. I wanted a marriage of convenience, separate lives, and us to be truly married. Tabitha, I thought that Rosemary was the reason for my conflicting desires, but I realize now that was not it. I was conflicted because I found myself growing real affection for you, and I chose to deny it for a very long time.”

“And now?”

“Now, I want to be your husband if you still wish to be my wife,” Matthew said. “I know that I have erred many times during our short marriage, but I swear that I shall do my best to make amends.”

Tabitha halted, and he stopped with her. They stood on the street, gazing at one another as if they were the only two people in all of London. At least, it seemed that way to Matthew. When he gazed at Tabitha’s silver-gray eyes, he found himself utterly enchanted, unwilling to ever look away from her. She was Rosemary’s opposite in every way, and it seemed fitting somehow that the woman who was his former wife’s complete opposite would so thoroughly capture his heart.

“What do you think, Tabitha?” he asked. “Will you be my wife? I love you, and I dearly hope that I can become a man deserving of you.”

“You already are that man,” Tabitha said. “I love you, too. I realized it when I told you about the watch that Cassius had. I delayed because I did not want to ruin the relationship we had built. I know it was selfish, but I never wanted Her Grace to return. I felt she would charm you utterly, and I would no longer have you. I realized that I would be bereft without you.”

Matthew stared at her for a long time, certain that his desire for Tabitha must have conjured that answer. Surely, her love for him could not be so great. “Are you certain?” he asked.

She laughed. “I have never been so certain in my life!”

For the first time in years, Matthew felt truly at peace. It was as if the world snapped into place around him, and everything was perfect. With a sly grin, he pulled Tabitha into his arms and kissed her eagerly, feverishly, as if he had not seen her in an eternity and was determined to regain all their lost time in a single, lingering kiss.

She gasped against his mouth. “Matthew!”

He pressed his lips harder, more insistently against hers. She kissed him back with equal fervour until they were both panting for air. “You … you scoundrel!” she exclaimed without any real heat. “You cannot kiss me so brazenly on the side of the street. Why, people will see! They will stare!”

Matthew’s grin became wolfish. “Let them stare.”

Tabitha shook her head, but her hands traced his back and shoulders, coming to rest at last over his forearms. “I love you,” she said.

“And I love you,” he replied. “I do not care who knows or how much they see of my affection for you. I want the world to know that you are my beloved wife, and I adore you more than life itself.”

“And Her Grace will never return,” Tabitha said.

“I promise that she will not. We shall be happy and without her.”

“That was not where my thoughts wandered,” Tabitha replied, letting her fingertips rest over his chest. The slight touch sent a thrill of heat and delight thundering through him. “I was thinking of your daughter Elaine.’

“Ah. She will not be going with Rosemary. According to Lady Haywood, Rosemary never visited Elaine. She sent her letters sometimes, but I strongly suspect those were filled with lies.”

“Then, she will need a mother, will she not? Or at least, she deserves a feminine presence in her life,” Tabitha said. “She has Lady Haywood, of course, but perhaps it would be best for her to have another lady. Someone who can teach her how to be a lady and interact with the ton.”

“Would you like that to be you?” Matthew asked.

In truth, he had not thought much about that particular aspect of his future. Matthew thought he would be happy if he had Tabitha and his daughter in his life. He had not imagined that the two of them might meet, though, or that they might grow to love one another as he and Tabitha had.

“I should like it very much,” Tabitha said. “She is your daughter, and I am certain that you wish to meet her and show her what a father’s love is. If she is your daughter, she is mine, also.”

“And I did not think I could love you any more than I already do,” Matthew replied.

Tabitha only smiled. He lowered his head and moved in close, slowly so that Tabitha could turn her head if she truly wished to refuse his kisses. She did not move, and his lips pressed gently against hers. She smelled like springtime, like fresh flowers and new beginnings. He kissed her slowly and lightly, and when the kiss ended, he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her for a very long time.

“You came after me,” Tabitha noted.

“I did,” he agreed. “Miriam received word from a friend of hers.”

Tabitha arched an eyebrow, and Matthew smiled. “On the ride to St James, Miriam admitted she has a secret suitor. She did not tell me about him for fear that I might be embarrassed to find my own sister having a dalliance with a commoner.”

“Are you?” Tabitha asked.

“No,” Matthew replied. “No, I am pleased that she has found a man she loves.”

Admittedly, he would have to become accustomed to the idea. He had thought his sister was bound for spinsterdom and learning that she had a beloved was a surprise. The most embarrassing aspect of the situation was not that the man was common, however. Matthew had simply not noticed that his sister had any romantic interest in someone. That seemed like the sort of thing a man should readily observe.

“Have you met him?”

“Not yet, but I should like to.” Matthew paused. “It occurs to me that our family will become quite larger very soon.”

“I have always liked the thought of having a large family,” Tabitha mused. “Have you?”

After Rosemary left him, that reality had seemed out of reach. With Tabitha in his life, though, he realized that his dream could become a reality. Even better, she wanted the same thing that he did. Rosemary had not wanted a large family, and Matthew had been willing to sacrifice that dream for her because he loved her so much.

Now, he realized that he had not really loved her at all. Rather, he had loved an imaginary version of Rosemary, who was kinder and more faithful than she truly was. He realized that the version of Rosemary whom he had imagined for himself, was like Tabitha.

“I would like that very much,” he said. “It sounds divine.”

Tabitha smiled and glanced upwards, the colours of the setting sun casting a warm glow over her face and elegant shadows along her high cheekbones.

“Especially if I am having that family with you,” Matthew added. “I adore everything about you.”

“Just as I adore you,” Tabitha said. “It looks as though the hour is growing late, Matthew. We should return to the modiste before Bridgette and Lady Miriam suspect that we have met with some terrible fate.”

“But what if I want to keep you all to myself for just a little longer?”

“Then, you will have to wait until we return home,” Tabitha said, smiling. “After we do, you may have me all to yourself for the rest of the night.”

“I am already home,” Matthew countered, feeling his face warm. It had been some time since he was so openly romantic with a woman, and he found himself savouring the awkwardness of it. The anxiety he felt reminded him of those early, exciting days of courting Rosemary. “You are my home, Tabitha. I do not need to go anywhere to find you.”

She did not laugh. Instead, she gazed shyly at him from beneath her lashes, her face so warm and soft that Matthew never wanted to even gaze upon another woman. The heat in Tabitha’s gaze seemed to burn away all memories of Rosemary until not even the ashes remained. He pulled her for another kiss, framed by the gathering twilight, and he did not care who saw.