Chapter 25

Tabitha leaned her head against the arm of the settee. She had taken up the position hours before and had scarcely moved since while tearfully recounting the awful truth to her parents and Bridgette.

Tabitha’s mother sat beside her, as proper and prim as ever, but her expression was flat with fury. She looked as though she were ready to march to Matthew’s townhouse and drag him or Her Grace into the streets and demand satisfaction.

Bridgette sat across from Tabitha; her hands curled so tightly over the arms of her chair that Tabitha somewhat suspected that her friend’s nails might be leaving indents in the polished wood. Tabitha’s father, ever a man of action, paced the floor before them.

He went over the fine Persian rug, back and forth, as if the answer to their dilemma might magically appear if he just walked enough. Tabitha sighed and rubbed her eyes, which were sore and wet. Her tears had finally stopped flowing, and instead, she just felt empty inside.

“It will not be the worst thing in the world,” her father said. “No one could have feasibly expected Her Grace to return.”

“Cassius did,” Tabitha said.

Her father grimaced. “He said that to distress you. Even if he believed it to be true, he hoped to upset you with the knowledge of Her Grace. No one would expect you to believe that rake.”

Tabitha said nothing.

“You married a man and had every reason to believe that his wife was dead,” her father insisted. “One man’s jealous, drunken rambling does not change that reality. If His Grace chooses to annul the marriage, you will live with your mother and me as you did before. I am sure that the Duke of Hillsburgh would not be so callous as to tell anyone about your situation with Lord Fatherton before the two of you were wed. Your reputation will be safe, and you will be free to wed again.”

“After some time,” her mother added. “Of course.”

Tabitha sniffed, and her father offered her a handkerchief. She wiped her nose and balled the fabric up in her fist. “But I think I love him,” she said. “I did not realize it until lately, but the thought of losing him is too painful to bear. We were not perfect; we argued often, sometimes fiercely. But we always came to an agreement in the end. He always returned to me, and when he went out and fought with Cassius, I knew it was for Her Grace’s sake. But I so desperately wanted him to be fighting for my honour and me.”

“Oh, Tabby Cat,” her mother murmured.

“I think if it were not for the spectre of Rosemary looming over our marriage, we would have been perfectly suited for one another, but now, we never will be. We never can be. I am so lost and do not know what to do.”

“Perhaps he will not choose Her Grace,” Bridgette suggested. “She has been absent from his life for twelve years. Has she not? Perhaps she is a changed person. For all we know, she has built a new life of her own and no longer wishes to be wed to His Grace.”

“But why would she not still want him?” Tabitha asked. “Clearly, she does. Even if Cassius was not lying about Her Grace having a string of lovers, she returned to Matthew. She desires him.”

“Maybe he will not desire her?” Bridgette asked, her voice so hopeful that Tabitha felt as if her heart might break all over again.

“He has longed for her for over twelve years,” Tabitha said, feeling utterly exhausted. “There is no reason for him to decide that he does not want her now. Indeed, I suspect that this experience will only draw them more tightly together. He has his Duchess of Hillsburgh at last and has no more use for me.”

“We could fight the annulment,” her father said.

Tabitha laughed incredulously. “And for him to remain married to me? How could I do something so dreadful?”

“No, not force him to be married to you,” Lord Mayhew said. “I do not doubt that he would inevitably win in the courts. However, we might be able to slow the annulment. Perhaps we could convince him that he ought to remain married to you. You did say that he was often affectionate towards you.”

Well, affectionate was perhaps not the correct term, but Tabitha had not felt the inclination to reveal to her parents precisely how His Grace so frequently liked to display his fondness for her.

“Maybe he loves you, also,” her father said. “We have no evidence that he does not.”

“He told me to leave,” Tabitha said. “He did not attempt to stop me.”

Lord Mayhew waved a dismissive hand. “The man had just seen his missing wife, whom all the ton thought was dead, return from the grave. Of course, he told you to leave. No man would be thinking coherently under such circumstances. I am certain that his dismissal was only the product of an overly exhausted mind.”

“Yes,” Lady Mayhew said, some of her anger softening. “That is entirely plausible. Maybe we should simply give His Grace some time to think through the situation. At the moment, we have no real proof that he intends to abandon Tabitha for Her Grace. We do not even know the Duchess of Hillsburgh’s motivations. Obviously, she wished to see His Grace, but perhaps it was to bid him a final farewell. Or perhaps she merely wished him to know the truth of her absence.”

“Maybe it is guilt if she left willingly,” Bridgette said.

Lady Mayhew nodded. “That is entirely possible.”

“I am not certain that I can bear the uncertainty of it,” Tabitha said softly.

More than anything else, she wanted Matthew to sweep into the room and announce that he chose her above anyone else. She wanted him to declare his undying love for her and pull her into his arms.

Tabitha knew that her friend and parents were right. It was understandable for any man to feel uncertain when faced with such an unexpected chain of events, but she could not deny the doubt she felt that Matthew would never want her more than he did Her Grace.

“We can seek recompense, at least,” her father insisted.

“No,” Tabitha replied. “I–I think that I ...”

She tried to put her thoughts together. What did she want? If Matthew preferred Her Grace, what did she want from him? What could she bear to ask him? She could not request that he love her or bring herself to try and persuade him that he ought to adore her, not when his true love, his beloved Duchess of Hillsburgh, had finally returned.

“I want him to be happy,” Tabitha said. “More than anything, that is what I want. Even if he cannot find that happiness with me.”

“Tabitha,” her father said. “You do not need to sacrifice your own happiness to tend to his.”

Tabitha choked on a bitter laugh. “Is that not how I know I love him? That I am so willing to place his happiness above my own?”

Lady Mayhew squeezed Tabitha’s shoulder. “My poor daughter,” she said. “That is how you know, but sometimes, it is better to fight for what you love than it is to set it free.”

“I cannot fight for his love,” Tabitha said. “Either he loves me, or he does not. He cannot remain married to two women, and I could not bring myself to vex him when he has waited so long for Her Grace to return to him. I must relinquish him. I must let him love whosoever he desires, even if it hurts.”

No one spoke, and the only sound was Tabitha sniffling into her father’s handkerchief. If someone had told her that she might someday be weeping on her parents’ settee and lamenting that the Duke of Hillsburgh did not love her, Tabitha felt that she would have laughed. The idea sounded so absurd, even though it was her reality.

“If that is what you want,” Lord Mayhew said. “I am a lord, but I am your father first. I will abide by your wishes.”

Tabitha stifled a sob and nodded. Her tears had glued her hair to the sides of her face, and she felt utterly wretched. Tabitha’s father gazed gently at her, looking nearly as lost as she was. Maybe it was her tears. To her knowledge, Tabitha had never wept in her father’s presence, and certainly not so heavily as this.

“If anything, I think it might be best for me to live on our country estate for a while,” Tabitha said. “While I am there, I can mend as well as I might. Certainly, I am in no condition to entertain guests or attend balls, and I cannot return to Matthew’s townhouse. I am sure that Her Grace will be living there with him.

Tabitha had the wayward thought that the Duchess of Hillsburgh might have already chosen to return to her old chambers; Tabitha had not altered them much. And if Tabitha did return to the townhouse, where would she spend her time anyway? She would feel like an unwelcome relation, like a spinster left with nothing to do except depend on her family’s charity for survival.

“That may be for the best,” her mother said. “The country is quiet and peaceful, and Tabitha will have time to rest and recuperate. I am sure that Her Grace’s appearance was equally startling to you, and you have not quite realized it yet because you are so reasonably consumed with what the Duke of Hillsburgh may do.”

“That will also allow His Grace time to decide what he is to do,” Lord Mayhew said. “I will remain in London to receive his decision. I am sure he will seek us out once he has decided what course of action he wishes to take.”

Tabitha felt like she already knew, but she said nothing. The conversation seemed like it was running in circles, and they kept returning to the same point. Despite what Tabitha’s heart told her, the facts were that Matthew had made no decision yet, and wherever she was, Tabitha would be in agony waiting for him. At least she could be away from the gossip and prying eyes of the city if she stayed in the country.

“I will come with you,” Bridgette said. “I am sure my parents will not be vexed by my joining you, especially given the situation.”

Tabitha forced a smile. “But you have your own suitor, Bridgette. I cannot ask you to leave him for me.”

“Of course you can,” Bridgette said. “You are my dearest friend, and I will always choose you before anyone else. I promise.”

“Well,” Lady Mayhew said. “It is settled, then. I shall have the bags packed at once, and we will leave for the country. I know it does not feel like it right now, but all will be well, Tabby.”

Tabitha nodded, although she did not believe her mother’s words. Her parents and Bridgette were offering what comfort they could, and Tabitha fought to look as though she appreciated it. For all their love and support, however, she did not think that she had ever felt so alone.