CHAPTER 30

I tried to sleep. I really fucking did. Maybe I dozed in and out of it over the hours that I lay there in bed. Every part of me hurt and damn near begged for sleep, but my mind was a fucking hamster stuck on a wheel.

Gray and I may have had our disagreements, but when he stormed out, it meant he was trying to avoid a fight. Yet we never avoided fights. One way or another they always happened. And one of us always left after a blowout—days, weeks, or however long it took for us to get our shit situated. But I didn’t want him to leave. Not this time.

Hours passed and a part of me began to wonder if he bailed before we ever got to the fighting part. I couldn’t blame him if he did. I’d pulled one hell of a fucking stunt this time—one that could’ve had fatal consequences. I would’ve been equally pissed if the roles were reversed.

Somewhere around midnight, the motel door opened. I peeked out from under my arm. He was carefully composed on the surface, but I could feel the conflict of emotion underneath. That was my fault .

“You’re supposed to be sleepin’,” Gray said gruffly when I sat up.

“We need to talk—”

“You need to stop talkin’ and fuckin’ rest,” he interrupted. “You sound like shit.”

He wasn’t wrong. My throat was raw and hoarse after being choked out.

“I don’t care. You’re angry,” I told him. He made a frustrated sound but didn’t dismiss me. I took that as a sign to keep going. Since he wouldn’t move from his spot by the door, I stood. If he left, I planned to go after him. “You have every right to be angry—”

“You’re damn right I have every fuckin’ right to be,” he snapped over me. His anger flared. Every instinct in me wanted to run, but I swallowed it. “What the fuck were you thinkin’?”

“I—”

“Were you even fuckin’ thinking?” he demanded, continuing as if I hadn’t said a word. “Because I sure as fuck don’t think you were. There was no fuckin’ way you could do what you did and not trip that goddamn spell. I know that, you know that, and I know you know I fuckin’ know that!”

“I couldn’t sit around and do nothing,” I told him. Fuck, it was hard trying to be the calm one . Especially with his anger bleeding everywhere. “They had you. What the hell was I supposed to do? Let them kill you?”

“Yes!” Gray exclaimed. “No! I don’t fuckin’ know! Call in the fuckin’ cavalry. Call the fuckin’ kid from Chicago for help. Somethin’! Anythin’! Anythin’ that don’t mean you end up fuckin’ dead!”

“There wasn’t time!” I replied, my voice rising a notch and cracking as it did. “And I didn’t know! I didn’t know it was a whole fucking group of them led by a fucking sire-witch hybrid thing!”

“A fuckin’ what?”

“That’s not the fucking point. The point is I didn’t know until I was already inside trying to find you,” I said. “And then I didn’t have a fucking choice.”

“You walk the fuck out!” he practically shouted. “I don’t want you dyin’ for me! Or ever! You ain’t allowed to fuckin’ leave me!”

I deflated. I didn’t know how to keep fighting him on this.

“I’m sorry.” Sighing, I scrubbed a hand over my face. “But what the hell was I supposed to do, Gray? You don’t want me to die, but I sure as fuck don’t want you to either. This is what we do! Dying is the fucking risk we take! I can’t change that. So, what are we supposed to do?”

“You don’t take the risk!”

“We take the risk! That’s our job—”

“No, you don’t take the risk,” Gray corrected.

“ I don’t?” I balked. “What the fuck does that mean? Just because you’re the fucking powerhouse doesn’t mean I’m fucking useless! I’m not going to stand by and let shit happen because there are risks involved.”

“Sometimes you have to,” he replied.

“No, I don’t,” I said. “I don’t know how. And if that’s what you want, I can’t give you that. If it is, maybe this… maybe this has run its course. Maybe I need to leave.”

Fuck, I hated the words as I said them. From the look on his face, he did too. His mouth opened but promptly shut, anger fusing with a multitude of emotions.

He crossed the room in quick strides and dragged my mouth to his in a desperate kiss that left me breathless. His fingers anchored in my hair, and I grabbed him around the waist to hold him close.

“You don’t get to fuckin’ leave me, baby,” Gray murmured against my lips. “Not unless you really fuckin’ want to, and even then I’m chasin’ after you.”

His determination solidified in every cell of my being. The man meant it. I kissed him again because I didn’t know what the hell else to say. My body fucking hurt and I was exhausted, but I let myself get lost in him.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“I know.”

“I don’t like you takin’ risks,” he continued, diffusing with every kiss. “We ain’t’ ever goin’ to agree on that, baby. ”

“I know.” My temper waned with his despite knowing this was one fucking fight neither of us would ever win. We were too stubborn for that shit.

I kissed him harder, my tongue sliding against his. Desire and love slipped right past the anger and frustration. My head clouded with the intensity of his emotions. I grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head, groaning as my muscles protested.

“Easy, baby,” he crooned. His lips drifted down my neck, hitting every spot guaranteed to make my dick stand at attention. “Let me take care of you.”

“You don’t—”

“I know I don’t got to do a damn thing,” Gray interrupted. His fingers teased the waistline of my jeans as he nudged me back toward the bed. “All I’m askin’ is for you to sit back and relax.”

It was hard to say no to a request like that.

“Fuck.” I drew in a sharp breath as his hand massaged my thickening cock through my pants. My head tipped back as he ran his tongue up the line of my neck.

“Hands up, baby,” he ordered. That curve in his smirk was devious as he stared at me. Damn man was toying with me over giving me instructions. On any other day, I would’ve pushed back and drawn it out, but I didn’t have it in me. When I did as he asked, he said, “Good boy.”

Jesus fuck, that was a big fucking no.

“No.” I shook my head the minute it was off. “That doesn’t work for me.”

“Well, that’s a damn shame,” he teased. His fingers curled around the back of my neck as his lips gently brushed against the bruising across my throat. The softness of his kiss sparked against my skin, making me shudder. “I got you.”

I gave in and let him take the lead. His boots, my pants, everything else he wore. All of it ended up on the motel floor as we climbed into bed—my head on a pillow, Gray’s body covering mine .

“Tell me where it hurts, baby,” he said against my collarbone. Where didn’t it fucking hurt? That was the better question. Hell, even my ego and my confidence were busted up after taking that beating.

“Lower,” I muttered.

His mouth skated down my sternum. I moaned as his fingers lightly brushed over the bruises on my ribs.

“Lower…”

His lips drifted over the bruises, following the path his fingers paved.

“Keep going,” I said softly. My eyes shut as his tongue trailed over my abs, setting my already sensitive nerves on fire. When his fist wrapped around my cock, I tensed. “ Fuck .”

Yeah, I was hurting, but I was a glutton for the pain when my dick got involved.

“Lower,” I let out. I flexed while his tongue followed the dip in my hip bone. So damn close but not quite.

“If you want me to suck your dick, you just got to say somethin’, baby.” Gray chuckled, his hand running over my length in a single pump. Fucking torture.

“I’d prefer you to ride my dick.”

“I ain’t goin’ to break you.”

“If a den of sirens couldn’t, you sure as hell can’t,” I retorted. I instantly regretted it at the glare he gave me. “Too soon?”

“Yeah,” he snapped. “Too fuckin’ soon.”

“So, no chance of getting you on my dick?” I asked. He shook his head. “Then turn around and bring your dick up here.”

“Needy, are you?”

“I wasn’t asking, Gray,” I retorted. Despite the rasp in my voice, the tone was still enough to make him pause on his way to my cock. One eyebrow arched with curiosity. “Turn around like a good boy and let me suck your dick, honey.”

“You know, you look like you went at it with a fishin’ wire, right?” he replied. Damn it. We didn’t need to focus on that shit. “Shovin’ my dick down your throat ain’t goin’ to help that.”

“You teasing the fuck out of me isn’t helping anything either,” I grumped. “I can take it.”

And more if I really wanted.

“I know you can, but I ain’t givin’ it to you.” He laughed as I let out a sigh of frustration. As if to ease the tension, he ran the flat of his tongue along the length of my dick and around the crown. “I said I was takin’ care of you.”

“That’s just mean.” Did I sound a little childish complaining? Maybe. But I wanted to make it up to him and sucking his dick seemed to be a good place to start.

“Stop fuckin’ talkin’, baby,” Gray ordered. “I’m not givin’ you my dick.”

Before I could argue more, he turned his attention completely to my cock. The tip of his tongue ran over my slit, lapping up the pre-cum beading there. I moaned and threaded my fingers through his hair.

He was slow and meticulous as he took just the head of my dick in his mouth. His tongue swirled around my crown, and he sucked hard enough to make me gasp. The sound caught in my chest.

I spiraled with the simple way he worked my body—nerves misfiring and pain mixing with pleasure. I felt everything everywhere all at once. His mouth moved up and down my aching dick with expertise. Every time I hit the back of his throat, he pushed further, swallowed, and damn near wrecked me.

There was no way in hell I’d last like this.

His hand stroked my length in tandem with his mouth. My heart hammered in my ears while I drew in ragged breaths, each one making my lungs burn.

“ Fuck . Don’t stop.” Not that he would. Every lick, every suck, every push back into his throat carried me higher until I was clinging to him for dear life.

“Let go for me, baby,” he said, pulling off long enough to make sure I heard him. It wasn’t like I had a choice anyway—I was too far gone. His head bobbed faster as I kept a death grip on his hair.

I came hard enough to feel it in every inch of my body, moaning as he swallowed every drop. He licked and sucked until I had nothing left to give.

“Easy, baby,” Gray whispered, hand squeezing my thigh. I focused on my breathing as I melted into the crappy mattress. He kissed his way up my body, paying extra attention to the bruises all over again.

He whispered something against my shoulder as he settled next to me, but the post-orgasm euphoria was exactly what I needed to push my exhaustion over the edge. Between battling sirens and fighting with Gray, I was spent. I had nothing left to give as I passed out.