Chapter 12

Briar May

Hot tears scalded her cheeks as she leaned over the freshly scrubbed toilet bowl and retched up what little she’d been able to force down for breakfast. Even after she’d thrown up everything, her stomach still wasn’t having it. It twisted painfully, spasming until her face was a soaked mess of tears and snot and sweat had broken out over every inch of her body.

Flushing, Briar May sunk down onto the bathroom floor. The floor was cool in comparison to her clammy skin. She turned her cheek to it and curled into a ball.

She was barely aware of it when the bathroom door creaked open. The cupboard opened and shut, but it sounded like it was coming from far away. The tap too, when it turned on. The washcloth that appeared out of nowhere, offered to her from tattooed knuckles that extended onto tattooed hands, made her catch her bottom lip in her teeth to keep from crying.

The cold washcloth was some version of heaven on her forehead. Her oldest brother crouched down next to her, black scuffed motorcycle boots coming into view along with grease-stained jeans and a black leather jacket over a dark t-shirt.

He swabbed her forehead and then moved the cloth to her cheeks, wiping away the tears. He cleaned her face and then provided her a fresh wet cloth for her mouth. She had too much saliva. She swallowed it back and winced at the urge to gag again.

“I can’t say that the worst of my grief didn’t manifest in the same way.” Rome’s voice had always been gravelly, but it was like what he’d been through months ago, losing the woman he loved and then killing those Rangers because they’d murdered her for violating their laws simply by loving him in return, had changed even his throat and lungs and voice box. “But you’re not throwing up because that brigand was sent back to his pack as a peace offering. You’re throwing up because you’re carrying a child.”

She twisted her eyes up to his face. She didn’t have far to go because he was still bent over her. Yes, he’d changed. The old Rome might have been the oldest child, but he was almost oblivious to anyone but himself. He was wild to the point of barely contained. He’d had emotions that swung all over the place. He’d pretty much lived for fights with anyone and everyone who would take him on. None of them had known anything about the woman he’d loved for years until it was too late. She’d thought her brother would never come back to himself, that he’d be in that berserker stage, or that horrible state of grief where he was like the living dead for the rest of his life.

“I can scent in on you,” he offered, and at least he had the grace to try to sound contrite. Rome wouldn’t be Rome without being crass to the point of cutting. He gave her a reprieve from his dark, burning stare by getting up to rinse the first cloth. “How long have you known?”

Unlike the rest of them, her oldest brother was born dark-haired with black eyes to match. Kieran had once called him the literal black sheep of the family and implied he had a black soul to match. She knew her two eldest brothers had a violent history, but neither had told her how far it had gone.

Briar May pulled herself upright and scooted back until she reached the wall. She tucked her knees up and rested her head and arms on them. She had to focus on breathing so she didn’t start retching again.

“I knew the day before I begged Kieran to let me come here.” Begged was a kind word for what she’d said that day. “I wasn’t trying to hide. I just had to get away.”

“Hmm. You’ve been here for five days now.” She could do the math, same as Rome. “I’m going to assume the assassin wolf is the one responsible?”

“Don’t call him that!” She snatched the cloth from her brother and slapped it against her forehead. Somehow, that coldness helped settle things down in her twisting insides.

Rome slapped the toilet lid down and sat on it. He sat like a typical guy, legs spread wide, his massive form bent over, impossibly large in any space, especially the small bathroom of his apartment. “Briar May.” Black eyes met hers. He didn’t blink. It was uncanny how long Rome could hold a stare. “Alright. I’m sorry. The man who kidnapped you and the one you’re very clearly in love with. He’s the father?”

She unfolded the cloth and draped it over her whole face. She kept her head back against the wall so that it didn’t fall off. “Yes.”

“And this was… this was an act that you both agreed would be mutually pleasurable.”

The cloth slapped to the floor as she jerked forward. “Yes!”

“Because if it wasn’t, you know that we’d—”

“I’m not trying to protect him. I tried to keep him in our pack to do that, but Kieran sent him away. There’s nothing I can do for him now.” She drew in a few unsteady breaths. Breathing helped the ever-present nausea. It was sometimes the only thing she could do to keep from barfing. “Castor might have been a killer, but he was an honorable man. He never did one thing to me that I didn’t want him to do, and he made me tell him in no uncertain terms that I consented, which I did and continued to do throughout the whole time. Are you satisfied now?”

Rome rolled his shoulders back and eyed her hard for a minute before he finally tilted his chin forward and grunted. “I wasn’t judging. He’s a killer. That’s a statement of fact. If he was capable of making you feel something, then he’s a better man than I’ll ever be, no matter how I’ve tried these past few months. I’m a killer too, little sister, and even though I might put on a good face, I still feel nothing.”

She shook her head, unwilling to believe that, though Rome had always been what other people would call off. He seemed to like pain more than he should. Where there was feeling or laughter, he remained callous and untouched. He seemed to enjoy the things he shouldn’t with an almost perverse satisfaction.

“You don’t kill for hire. You killed to avenge your beloved.”

“A killer all the same.” He shrugged, but he turned his hands over, like he was checking the palms for imaginary bloodstains. He didn’t have to justify what he’d done to her. She couldn’t begin to fathom what Rome had lived through and what he was still living. She didn’t judge him. She was almost grateful that he didn’t appear fazed by who or what Castor was. “You’re only three weeks along. Barely that. You shouldn’t be this sick.”

It was Rome’s peace offering, but rage rolled up inside her like an oily black smoke. “What would you know about it?” she snapped, then immediately felt a wave of guilty horror close up her throat. “I’m sorry. That was a terrible thing to say.” She couldn’t look at him. She had to study the floor. Brown vinyl in a hardwood pattern, even in the bathroom. It was the same throughout the place. It might be freshly redone, but it lacked imagination, then again, her brother didn’t want to live in home décor magazine, prior to finding this place he’d lived in a boarded-up house. That he’d finally moved into this apartment suggested he’d started to forgive himself a little.

Rome sat down across from her. He looked ridiculous sitting cross-legged, especially dressed like he was about to get on his huge growly bike and ride across town to the garage he’d just officially opened.

He took her hand and didn’t seem to care that her palm was damp and cold. He’d shuttered out what she said, the implications of such thoughtless words. “I want to make sure you’re okay, little sister.”

She blinked. “This isn’t you.”

He blinked right back. “I know.”

“It’s the little girl. She’s changed you.”

This time, the blinking stopped. He was back to doing that soul stare down. “No. I’m just getting better at blending in.”

She was terrified by the deadness in him when he dropped the fa?ade he used to blend in with everyone else.

“Rome. I—”

“It’s what Delila wanted. I had no idea she had a child. My Lila was troubled. Especially before she ran with the Rangers. I wanted to give her a family and a pack. I should have. I know that. I should have left for her in order to make her my mate. I regret all of it so deeply. We were together in secret for years and when she finally realized I wouldn’t be able to give her what she wanted—a home and a family—she disappeared. I hadn’t heard from her for years. I didn’t even know she had an aunt left. I thought she had no family at all which was why she was so desperate for a pack. When she showed up again as a Ranger and we were meeting in secret, she never mentioned that she had a daughter. She never once told me that if anything should happen to her last remaining family, that she was going to leave her care to me.”

She gripped her brother’s rough hand hard. The nails all had black crescents underneath and there was grease caked in the creases of his knuckles. She liked his hands better now than she ever had. Even after the worst trauma she’d ever seen anyone endure, Rome had come out the other side. It didn’t seem like he was happy, but she’d thought he was trying to move forward. Now it seemed like he was just good at fooling everyone, but maybe that’s what it took to get through life. On the outside he seemed like a completely different person from the brother she’d known. The old Rome was still in there, but that baptism by fire transformed him.

Or not. Maybe that was all just a front as well.

Whether it was real or not, it was clearly all for the four-year-old little girl who was currently at daycare.

“Why didn’t you tell Mom and Dad or any of us about her?”

“Kieran knows. When I got that call from the lawyer, I was living in a shithole in the seediest part of Casper. I honestly didn’t care if I lived or died. After finding out about Waverly, I knew I needed to get my shit together. There was no one else who could take her after Lila’s aunt passed. She was going to go into the system and there’s no way a shifter kid could survive that. I might have lost Lila, but I didn’t have to lose everything. I couldn’t fail Lila’s daughter the way I failed her. I needed to get it together so I could provide a stable environment for a sweet girl who’d lost the only family she ever knew. I’m still not…” His eyes flicked above her head and stayed fixed there on nothing at all. “I’m still not better. I still feel like I’m going to tear out of my own skin half the time, but the garage helps. The guys there. The work is physically demanding, and so that’s a relief. Just trying to breathe through the day, the hours, the minutes, that’s how I get through it. Whenever I feel like going out there and losing myself for good, I have Waverly here to keep me from doing anything so stupid.”

“You’ve had her with you for a month?”

“That’s right. Kieran gave me some of the pack money to get this apartment and buy into the garage. There are three other guys as part owners, but they’re cool guys. I think I can make it work.”

Briar May picked up the cloth and twisted it in her hands. Water droplets dripped over the floor by her bare feet. “So that’s why when I begged Kieran to give me your address, he didn’t lose his mind.”

“He called me right away and told me he’d try to deter you, but I told him to let you come if you wanted to. He knew I had a new place, the garage in the works, and Waverly, even if he kept that all a secret. He knew I was trying to get on some kind of track worth living, turn myself into a man worth the breath that I’ve been given. He still wanted you to stay at the pack, but when you asked him again, he told me he’d given in and warned me to let me know he was driving you over here.”

“I couldn’t bring myself to watch Castor leave,” she admitted, the shame welling up, turning into more tears. They leaked off her cheeks and joined the water droplets on the floor. “That would only have caused him more pain. I knew he’d pretend like he felt nothing at all. He probably wouldn’t have even looked at me when Kieran handed him and the other two back to his pack enforcers when they came to get them.” She sucked in gulps of air until it burned worse than the tears. Worse than the fire in her stomach. Worse than the pain gnawing holes through her chest until she felt like there was nothing left of her except tatters that would blow away in a stiff wind. “I can’t stop thinking about what kind of life he’s gone back to. What kind of a future did he think he’d have? Is he okay? Is he killing for hire again? The family he had back at his pack would sooner see him dead than their messed-up code of honor shit all over.”

Rome pushed up suddenly and offered his hand. “Let’s go to the kitchen. I want to make sure you get something in your stomach, even if that’s just toast and a bit of water.”

“Domesticated Rome. Who would have thought.”

He snorted, but she could tell he was glad that she was up and not curled over in a sorrowful ball again. “Do you want peppermint tea?”

She dropped the washcloth in the sink and tried not to really gape at him. “You don’t drink peppermint tea.” Rome was the kind of man who liked his coffee black and stiff.

“I don’t, but I could go out and get you some. It’s supposed to help with nausea.”

“I know. But how do you know that?”

He shrugged. “A guy at the garage has a pregnant mate.”

“Mate?” she asked. “So they’re shifters too?”

Rome nodded. “She’s like you, prone on the floor it’s so bad. He was rattling off a list of stuff that helped the other day—Ginger, peppermint, tea, chews, gum, supplements, candies… pretty much the whole deal. You should have seen the mountain of groceries he piled on his bike and took home for her.”

“That sounds really sweet.” It sounded like it made her want to die, thinking about Castor. Wishing he was here with her. Wishing it was him bringing her tea and worrying about her. Wishing it was him picking her up off the floor and giving her a cold cloth, rubbing her back, holding her hair, wrapping him in her arms at night, dreaming of their future family.

That he didn’t fit the token mold of a mate didn’t stop her from forcing him into that frame in her mind. She’d seen his tender side, and somewhere deep inside she knew he’d take care of his mate.

Rome put two slices of rye bread in the toaster and pressed it down. He got out margarine and poured a glass of cold water from the tap. His two-bedroom apartment was in a building that looked pretty dumpy on the outside, but had been remodeled on the interior in order to compete with other newer rentals. The appliances were even new. The walls had clearly been freshly painted and the flooring was all very modern. The light fixtures were just frosted glass, but they too had that fresh out of the box look.

“Who picked out the furniture?”

“Kieran ordered it online and paid for all of it. It was delivered here, and the furniture people brought it in. They offered to assemble it, but I drew the line there.”

The kitchen was a square with a bank of cabinets surrounding the stove and fridge and a square table on the other side with barstool style chairs. The sectional in the living room was black leather, curled around a plain round wooden coffee table, but there were two large leather recliners that were incredibly comfortable as well. Kieran splurged on a huge TV that Rome had mounted to the wall.

His bedroom had a brand-new queen bed in a dark sleigh frame with the matching dresser and nightstands to complete the set. Waverly’s room was everything a little girl could dream of, complete with bunkbeds and a creamy white dresser. She had her own toybox in there, a smaller desk, bean bag chairs, and tons of stuffed animals. Her closet was stuffed full of bright clothing and adorable shoes.

Briar May was currently bunking down on the bottom bunk because Waverly was brave and loved being up high in the top.

Her hand hovered over her belly, but she quickly put it down at her side. “If I meant anything to him and he’s free right now since his pack promised Kieran he’d come to no harm, why hasn’t he come back for me?”

The toaster popped and Rome spread a very thin layer of margarine over the top. He passed the plate and water over and let her nibble a slice standing up.

He crossed his arms over his chest. He’d never looked more like an outlaw than he did now, but he’d also never looked more human. Was faking it until making it really so bad?

She didn’t want to imagine Castor doing the same thing again.

“I think it might be for the same reason that you couldn’t stay with the pack even though your home was always your sanctuary. It turned into a prison for you, and you had to get away. That’s why you begged Kieran to let you come here. You needed a fresh start.”

The toast tasted like ash in her mouth, but she forced herself to swallow. Who ate rye bread and enjoyed it anyway? Rome hadn’t lost his taste for bitter things. He still drank his coffee so strong that tar was pretty much an understatement.

“That doesn’t make any sense. He doesn’t need a fresh start from me.”

“If he’s free and unharmed, then I’m thinking he’s trying to figure out a way that he can live his life with you in it—or if he’s not, then maybe he’s figuring out how to extricate himself from that situation without causing an all-out war. Either way, do you think he’d make a good mate while you’re at home looking after a family and he’s out blowing some guy’s brains out to earn a living?”

Rome’s bluntness nearly made her throw up again. She set the toast down and smoothed back her hair from her face. “That’s disgusting. He doesn’t know that I’m pregnant.”

“No, but a smart man knows that most mates want children and if he sees you as his mate then he’ll want to figure out a way to be worthy of you.”

“He’s already worthy of me.” Her tone carried enough ice to chill the entire room.

She sounded like she had when she’d told Kieran that he owed it to her to let her go to Rome’s. The peace he’d devised to save their pack felt like it was going to kill her. He’d put the happiness of many ahead of her, and while it seemed like a small sacrifice and she understood it, her lifeblood had been spilling out all over the place. Metaphorically or not, she felt like if she’d stayed in her tiny little cabin any longer, it would be the end of her. She’d needed to leave, to get away, to put the broken pieces of herself back together.

“He might not see it that way.” Rome slid her plate closer to her and got in her face. The brother she used to know had zero emotional intelligence. He never would have done something like take her hand and press his thumb into the center just hard enough to get her to feel something. “He didn’t make you any promises, Briar May. You have to remember that. I don’t think he was in a position to feel like he could. We’ve all been denied our mates because the good of the pack comes before any individual. I didn’t even ask our parents about Lila because I knew Dad would have said no, because she wasn’t from one of the neighboring packs. Kieran was denied Zora for years as well. He missed the first decade of his children’s lives. That was the price he had to pay for what our father thought was the good of the pack. Dad knew that change was needed, but he knew it had to come at a pace that the pack would accept—too much too soon and he would face challenge, and the next alpha might not have been so understanding.” Rome paused, and Briar May thought once more about how much her oldest brother had changed in only a few short months. Before all this, he would charge headfirst into any situation and maim first, then ask questions later. She hated that he’d had to go through such trauma to finally be free to feel.

And she hated to think that this was the road that a warrior like Castor would have to walk. “Look, Kieran knows what it’s like to have to make tough decisions. He also knows when to fight. We all have our regrets, and I know he’s sorry that it had to happen this way, with you getting hurt.”

“I’m not mad at Kieran,” she snapped.

“Yes, you are.”

“Whatever. I’ll get over it. I’m not just going to get over Castor.”

“What are you going to do about it?”

“I can’t do anything about it. It’s not like I can drive down to Arizona and find him. I just wish I knew he was safe.”

“Do you wish you could tell him that in a few months you’re going to have his child? What if there’s more than one baby?”

“Then I’ll go back to the pack and leave you in peace. Mom and everyone else will help me.”

“That’s not what I meant. You don’t have to leave. I wouldn’t have let you come if I didn’t want you here in the first place. I just think that a man has a right to know if he’s going to be a father. You could ask Kieran to contact his alpha.”

“Kieran has no idea that I’m pregnant. No one does. When I told them everything, I left out the obvious bits about us. They’ll assume the worst without hearing me out. Castor is hardened and more experienced, especially in comparison to me. Do you think they’re going to believe that I wanted him, and was the instigator in a situation that leads to getting in this condition now? Half the males in the pack are likely to go down to Arizona to start that war Kieran tried to prevent in the first place, and he’d probably be leading them.”

“There isn’t going to be a war over you being pregnant.”

“No?” She raised a brow, daring him to challenge her. “Because I’m not a first daughter? Because I’m not important enough for one?”

Rome made a motion like he was trying to get her to sit down and cool off. “Because Kieran has a good head on his shoulders. He diffused what I did, and Castor’s pack is full of bastards, as far we can tell, and every single one of them was hellbent on revenge.”

She shivered at the cold, brutal picture Castor had painted of his pack. She would never allow her children to be raised the way he and his brother had been. She knew she didn’t know the worst of it by far. “Even if Kieran contacted Castor’s alpha to let him know he was going to be a father, then that could cause repercussions. I know his pack aren’t like the Rangers, but you know yourself—” She stopped herself before the words came. Rome knew exactly what could happen to a shifter who had transgressed pack laws, especially if Castor’s pack had laws about taking mates. She placed her hand on her brother’s arm, “Or what if telling him only endangers me and the baby? What if he left willingly because he didn’t want anything to ever be traced back to me or end up harming me? Anything he did, I mean.”

“I think that’s a decision you’ll have to make. I’ll support you either way. We all will.”

“Saying all this wise shit kind of creeps me out, Rome, honestly. I’m glad that you’re… that you’re trying to be okay. I’m so glad that you’ve let Waverly into your home and that she’s worked some kind of miracle on your heart, even if you won’t admit to it. I was so worried you’d never find any sort of love again, and being banished from the pack, you had no one. The guys at the garage seem like family when you talk about them. It’s good that even in the city, there are wolves that come together and make a sort of pack and look out for each other.”

Rome brought the conversation right around back to her. “I know you don’t know what to think right now. It’s okay to take your time.”

“What if taking my time means that Castor runs out of it? What if he didn’t want to leave, but he did it to keep me and my pack safe? He might not seem like it, but he’s the type that would lay down his life for what he believed in and the people he loved. He’s a hard man and he’s not going to show what he thinks or feels. He’d do what he sees as his duty.”

“Whatever you decide, it’s going to be obvious to everyone soon enough unless you stay here and stay hidden. I don’t think you want to travel the same road I have. Don’t wall yourself off from the people who love you. If you’re worried that Castor is out of time and you don’t trust his pack, then tell Kieran to get word to his alpha. He could demand Castor back because he dishonored you in order to keep the peace. That’s the kinds of demands that heartless bastards take heed of—that and cold, hard cash.”

She tried to drink some of the water, but it felt so forced going down that she almost choked on it. “And then what?” she rasped.

“I don’t know.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know either.”

“That happens when you’ve only known someone for a few days.”

“Are you calling me a whore, Rome?” she shouted, suddenly wanting to fly at him and hit him.

He backed up a pace. “Never. I’m just saying that it’s impossible to know someone after a lifetime, let alone a few days, no matter how intense the situation is. You can’t fully know a person’s mind or their motives. It’s okay to be confused.”

Her head was going to explode, and it was nothing compared to the pain in her heart. She felt as though she’d have to double over just to get her next breath out. She eyed Rome’s knuckles and tried one of his tactics. Evasiveness, even though she’d been raised to be honest to a fault. “You’re getting tattooed at an alarming rate.”

When he’d left, Rome had almost no ink, at least no visible tattoos. Their mother would have had a heart attack. Now, the backs of his hands were inked and so were his knuckles. She wasn’t sure how much further the ink went because Rome always had a jacket or long-sleeved shirt on.

“There’s something cathartic about physical pain.” A flash of emotion in his eyes betrayed that that’s not all it was for him, but she wasn’t going to ask. She knew he wouldn’t answer. “Were you happy before?” Maybe he saw that unspent question because his voice dropped a few degrees. “What does your soul whisper to you in the quiet of a moonlight moment? What is the truest truth that your wolf whispers in your shared heart on a wind-lashed run? Was your life written out for you before you were ever born, as unchanging as the stars?”

She forced another sip of water and regarded her brother. She’d felt like he was the least knowable person in the world, and that was before he’d been banished. He still asked pretty things in a mean sort of way. “The stars do change. Just slowly, so that we can hardly perceive it.”

“I’m asking if we can change and grow our fates or are our lives made up of every choice we’ve ever made, assembled like a spider’s web?”

“Just ask me what you want to ask.”

“If you believe it’s your destiny to take this man as your mate, then time doesn’t matter. Just because it could be so doesn’t mean you have a right to waste it. Time can be lost and never regained. Time can turn to regret, which festers in the soul. Just because you’re carrying a child doesn’t mean you have to mate him. I fully think that he should prove himself worthy by our pack’s standards, and killing isn’t what Kieran would have anyone do. He thinks he’s a warrior, but you shouldn’t have to balance out the dark in him with your light. That’s how your own light disappears. I think it comes down to how you see yourself being happy.”

She should have been astounded, but ever since she’d arrived at Rome’s home, she’d grown less and less surprised by what she found. She’d always thought there was more to Rome than he showed anyone. This felt like a special moment, like he was choosing to let her see that part of him and she was honored.

“I don’t know about fate. I do know that two people can hurt each other through confusion. It has to be balanced. Mom and Dad balance each other. That’s why our pack is one of the few that values learning and love, compassion, wisdom, and kindness over blind loyalty. How could I not be happy living out my days there, even without a mate? If I could free Castor, then that would be enough for me. I mean, if Kieran could.”

“Would you be happy? Without a mate? You aren’t happy now.”

She sighed. Rolling her index finger around the plate, she gathered up a few crumbs on the tip and popped them into her mouth. “It’s too fresh.”

“It’s going to be that way forever if you’re destined, little sister. It’s never going to be easier to bear. For the rest of time, you will be empty in ways that can never be filled. You’ll be less than half alive.”

“I’ll have my child to live for.” She jutted out her jaw, not even sure why she was being so stubborn. Was it the anger she felt burning through her like poison, even if it was irrational? Castor hadn’t chosen to leave, but he was gone, and he hadn’t come back for her. He was a warrior, and if he truly wanted to be with her, then nothing and no one would stand in his way.

No, that wasn’t fair, and she knew it.

“Even so, every minute will be tainted.”

“Don’t tell me that it’s my choice when you make it sound like my life is ruined forever now. That’s very doom and gloom.” He was living it. His life was the cautionary tale. She should have been more sensitive. She was going to apologize, but he shook his head. He knew her path wasn’t his own. It wasn’t the same.

“You can live without a lung or a kidney, but not half a heart.”

She hung her head. She couldn’t continue this conversation with Rome. He might appear like he wasn’t hurting wildly, he might be able to moderate his emotions and his face and keep it all from showing, but she knew that his wolf was still a wounded beast inside him, half crazed. He’d scraped life back into his body for Waverly, because he had honor and decency. But the animating force was still grief, and it was eating him like a wasting disease.

“It’s a lot to think about.”

“Yes, and I’m late to the shop. Are you alright here?”

“Of course.” He’d left her alone there every other day so far.

“I could show you the grocery site. Order whatever you like. I’ll leave my credit card.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

He gave her one of those crooked smiles that wasn’t mirthful and was almost all devil. She knew that expression well. She’d seen it on him all her life. “It’s pack funded anyway. Until I get the shop really going, I don’t have an income. Kieran is footing the bill.”

She shook her head and so did he, in imitation of her because it infuriated her a little and he knew it. Yeah. Rome hadn’t given up any of his old ways.

“Whatever you do, just make sure you go and see Brooke Wind soon. Even if you do it in secret. I could go with you. Take Waverly one day. Kieran doesn’t have to know. Your decision on that isn’t negotiable. Your health comes first, no matter what other decisions you might make.”

Rome was a last word type of guy and he always had been, but there was nothing biting or sneaky about the care and concern he let her see.

Her throat swelled shut again and tears ran down her cheeks before she even realized she was crying. She wasn’t going to hug her brother. She was surprised he’d even touched her hand earlier. Physical contact was something he didn’t engage in with their family. With anyone that she’d ever seen. She’d never met his beloved. She’d very carefully noticed that Rome never touched Waverly. It was almost like he was scared to transmit the poison inside him to her. He tucked her in at night and helped her out the door in the morning. He walked her to daycare even though it wasn’t a short distance. He cooked and cleaned and in general shocked the hell out of Briar May, but he did it all without physical contact.

She wasn’t going to lecture him on that. It had been a month. His whole life was shattered and warped, twisted around, and it was far too soon to recover from that. She was certain he’d find his way in time.

Rome walked out the door and she heard the growl of his bike start up a few minutes later. The thing puttered away slowly, then roared when he opened up the throttle.

She stared down at the cold toast, at the smattering of crumbs on the plate. They looked like constellations strewn across the white surface.

Her hand flew out and grasped the counter so she wouldn’t double over. Stars.

One was already extinguished. The other was out there and maybe he needed her help. She didn’t know if that was true, and maybe she’d be rejected in the cruelest of ways, but Rome was right about time and about regret.

She’d never forgive herself if Castor wasn’t okay, and she hadn’t done a thing to help him because she was nursing her own wounded pride.

Even if telling Kieran the full truthwas the hardest thing she’d ever do, it needed to be done. Whether she chose her own fate, or it was already inscribed in history, there was no stopping what had already been set well into motion when her body had recognized her fated mate that day in the Jeep.