Chapter 10

I don't sleep well that evening, plagued by nightmares. That night, I dream of the people I left behind. I see flashes of them all. Jayne and Aileen are being protected from some unseen threat by a furious-looking Wilson. Grayson creates a magical bubble around himself as he runs towards the edge of a cliff before falling off into the darkness below. But the dream that scares me the most is of Jacob.

The youngest Prince of Arhaven had been my friend when I first became Lady Clarissa. Just before I escaped, he was trying to warn me about something, but the next day he disappeared. I feel guilty that I've not thought much of them since I left, so maybe that's where the nightmares are stemming from.

In the dream, his eyes are black, and he's calling to me. His voice sounds different, like someone else is inside him. When he speaks, it makes me shudder as he throws accusations at me. And so it continues until right before I wake up, when something dark shifts behind him and wraps its shadowy tendrils around his body in a terrifying embrace. Jacob's eyes suddenly clear, and I can see the terror in his face as he begs me to help him.

Then I wake up.

Eventually, when the sun starts to rise, its golden beams warming my skin and chasing my nightmares away, I give up on sleep entirely and get up for the day. But as I flit around my room, too early for me to go and find the others, the whispers of dream Jacob follow me. "You left me behind." The words echo in my mind, making me shudder as I push them away, trying to keep myself busy.

I glance over at my bag by the door. We're going to see the wood elves today. I'd been told to pack light, that I wouldn't need much, so I've only packed the essentials. Not that I own much to take with me, just a few pieces of clothing and the bangles I wear to cover the marks on my wrists.

Standing by one of the large windows in my room, I admire the beautiful view and try to calm my troubled thoughts. I'm just working through a method Eldrin taught me to center myself when a knock at the door startles me. We're leaving early, but this is earlier than I'd been expecting. Hurrying over to the door, I open it with a frown.

"When you said we were leaving early, I hadn't thought you meant…" I trail off with a gasp when I see who's standing in my doorway. "Tor!" I cry, my face stretching into a smile as I grab his hand and pull him into my room. As soon as the door is shut, he throws his arms around me and pulls me in for a crushing hug. The band around my chest loosens a little bit at being pressed against him, and it takes everything in me not to just close my eyes and sink into his embrace.

"I've missed you, Liv." His words are muffled, but I hear the strange name that he calls me once again.

Pulling back, I look up at him, but he keeps his hands around my waist to stop me from stepping back. "I've missed you too. I thought the queen was never going to let me see you again." I mean it as a joke, but it falls flat. His happy expression changes as he hears the note of truth in my voice. But something else is bugging me, and before he can change the subject, I arch an eyebrow. "Why do you keep calling me Liv?"

He lets go of my waist at the question, and I almost regret asking, but the sudden change in his actions just proves that it was the right thing to ask. "Ah, slip of the tongue." He smiles, shrugging it off as he crosses his arms over his chest. "Yes, the queen keeps finding important things that I must do." He rolls his eyes, which makes me smile. "She doesn't technically know that I'm here, so it might be best to keep this between the two of us."

"Of course," I agree with a slight nod. I assumed the queen didn't known about this little meeting based on how early it is. "And not that I don't want to see you, but why are you here?"

"To see you." He rolls his eyes again like the answer is obvious. "You know I came here for you. Being an ambassador isn't really my idea of a good time, Clarissa, and this is the only way I get to see you." He steps forward now, closing the distance between us, his hand reaching up to gently brush against my cheek. "Besides, I heard you're leaving to go to the wood elves, and I wanted to see you before you went."

"Wait, that was supposed to be a secret. How did you know?"

Tor smiles at my surprised outrage. "Ah, the queen trusts me, she told me you were going," he explains, but something still feels off, and his expression turns serious. "I have something I have to tell you first."

"What is it?" I inquire cautiously, suddenly anxious at his sudden change of demeanour. The only time I've ever seen him like this was when he caused a distraction at the castle to help me escape, when he asked me to go with him.

"You are so much more important than you think," he says softly, almost reverently, as he looks down at my confused face. "I know you have feelings for the elf, I know about your bond with him."

Thoughts spinning, I suddenly feel sick. What does he mean?

"The bond with the elf formed in Arhaven, but you didn't have feelings for him then. Something has changed, and I can see those feelings developing." He already knows about my connections with Vaeril and Grayson, but my first reaction is to deny or justify it, but Tor holds up his hand to stop me. "It's okay, because I know you have a connection with me too." His statement floors me, and I just stare dumbly at him with no idea how to reply. He says it so confidently, and I know he fully believes in it.

"How—what…" I trail off as my words all mash together while I gape at him.

"In my culture, in rare situations, the gods bless two people who are going to do great things for their tribe. Those people are linked together, as they will be critical in helping the other complete the destiny planned for them by the gods," he explains, watching my face carefully for my reaction. "The connection doesn't snap into place until you're eighteen, and it lies dormant until you see your destined partner."

Another fated connection. How is this possible? Why did their gods see fit to bind us together when I'm not even from the tribes?

"But, how…?" I shake my head, as if the movement could rearrange my thoughts into something that makes sense. A little part of me whispers that it must be okay for me to have feelings for the two of them because of the bonds. I can't be a slut if the gods have willed it that way . Pushing those thoughts deep down and refusing to think about them right now, I take a deep breath as I try to focus.

I feel like he's kicked me in the stomach. Do I have feelings for Vaeril? Sure, we're friends, and we've got an attraction. Images flash through my mind of when we first arrived here and we almost had sex, my cheeks flushing red. There's no denying that there's a physical chemistry between us, but love? Could I ever love an elf? You're part elf now, you can't think that way , my thoughts chide, and I realise I'm right. Race aside, can I see myself with him? The answer comes to me quickly, but I shove it away. How much of what I feel is because of the bond? Am I being ruled purely by some spiritual connection decided by the goddess? Do I have any free will and choice in this matter?

Tor shifts in front of me, pulling my attention back to him. Does anyone else know about this? Am I that obvious? No, no one else has said anything, Tor is just really observant. He just seems to know things about people, things that others couldn't possibly know. Most people see Vaeril and me, hear we are mated, and assume we are a couple, but they have no idea about my connection with Tor and nothing about Grayson. The only person who seems to suspect is the queen, and she is already a threat.

I still haven't fully sorted out my feelings for the three of them, only knowing that I'm pulled to them and we have a connection I can't ignore. Could I pick one of them over the other? My chest tightens at the thought.

Sensing my distress, Tor reaches out and shakes me slightly until I meet his gaze. "Look, Clarissa, I don't care. As long as I can be with you, I don't care if I have to share you. Even being a small part of your life is better than not being in it at all."

I stare at him. It takes me a few seconds to process what he just said. How can this be? How can I be so lucky to have a connection to someone so…understanding? It won't last. When it comes down to it, jealousy will get in the way and they'll make you choose , my inner voice warns. I have so little experience with any of this, and it seems too good to be true. I've been alone for as long as I can remember, and now I'm connected to three guys. Reaching up, I rub at the place where my bonds sit in my chest. The ache, while not particularly painful, is distracting.

Examining his face, I see that it's open, and I know he'll answer any questions I have. "How do these connections work? Is it like the elves' fated mates?"

"It's similar," he starts with a small frown. "Not everyone gets…involved, and it doesn't have to be a romantic partnership." He looks like he wishes he didn't say that, but I appreciate that he's telling me the truth. "We're connected for a reason, Clarissa. We need each other."

The goddess has chosen me for an unknown purpose, and I feel completely overwhelmed at that prospect. I knew the Great Mother had a plan for me, but now some unidentified gods from a different religion are involved in my fate? I can't get my head around it.

I should probably tell him how overwhelmed I feel, that the gods must have chosen wrong, but when I open my mouth to speak, something else comes out. "I don't know how Vaeril is going to feel about all this."

That's a lie, I know exactly how he's going to react. He's going to snarl and be possessive and deny it all. A part of me is thrilled at the prospect, but again, I push those thoughts away. Not helpful, brain.

Tor grins now, as if he can read my mind, relishing the thought of a challenge. "We'll deal with that when it comes to it, for now, I just want to spend time with you." Lowering his head, he moves towards me slowly, giving me time to pull away from what I know is about to happen. I don't move, however, instead keeping completely still until his lips press against mine. Melting into his embrace, I raise my arms and tighten my hold around his neck, returning his kiss. It's unhurried and confident, and the taste of him on my tongue makes me moan into his mouth. His hands move from my waist, sliding down until they're cupping my ass, and my desire overtakes all of my reservations.

A knock on the door has us both freezing, and I let out a low growl of frustration in the back of my throat.

"Clarissa?" The door swings open as I'm just untangling myself from Tor, but he keeps his hands around my waist as Vaeril walks in.

With the two of us standing this close together, it's clear what we've been doing, even if my lips weren't swollen from our kisses. Of course, if he was paying attention, he would have felt something through our bond too. Since our connection isn't fully sealed, he can only feel my emotions if he is actively trying to or if the emotions are particularly strong, otherwise they just feel muted.

Eyes narrowing, he shuts the door behind him slowly, but as soon as it's closed, he strides right up to Tor. His expression is deceptively calm, but I can tell he's angry by the slight crease between his eyebrows and tightness of his jaw. Tor lets go of me and turns to face the elf, taking a sidestep in front of me as if to protect me from Vaeril. He's so much bigger than me, I can barely see anything around him unless I lean to the side and peer over his arm.

Vaeril notices the protective move, and his expression changes to one of disgust. I'm worried he's about to attack Tor, but he pauses a hairsbreadth from the tribesman. "You really think I would hurt her?"

Tor shrugs his shoulders in a lazy, laid-back gesture, but I know it's all a front. He takes my safety seriously. "People have done stranger things out of jealousy."

Vaeril just stares at him with an intense expression, his body tense. His eyes flick briefly to mine, but soon return to glare at the tribesman. "You finally made your move then." At his comment, they both seem to relax, as if his statement was a signal that they wouldn't be fighting today.

Tor steps to the side, allowing me to pass, but I just glance between the two of them in confusion. What in the Mother did he mean by that? my thoughts scream. That wasn't what I'd expected him to say, in fact, it was the complete opposite and almost sounded like…

"You knew it was going to happen," Tor responds casually to the elf, confirming my thoughts.

"Wait, you knew?" They both wince at my tone. There was more accusation in the question than I intended, but I'm hurt that these two knew about my feelings for the other and they didn't say anything. I've been worrying and stressing, thinking I'm some terrible whore for having feelings for more than one person. "I've been agonising over my feelings, and the two of you knew about each other this whole time?"

The atmosphere changes as they realise they've hurt me. Vaeril turns to face me, his expression somber. "He told me about his god's predestined pairs, and I worked out the rest," he explains. So he didn't know , but he had an inkling that I was Tor's predestined pair. Did he choose not to say anything because he was jealous? Because he was worried that it was true and I would leave with Tor? That it would diminish our bond? What does this mean for our bond?

"Why am I only just hearing about this now? How is it possible for me to have multiple mates?" They're both facing me now, and as I look between them, they have the decency to appear ashamed that they'd kept their suspicions to themselves.

Vaeril's expression is intense, his eye's apologetic. "I don't know, but I will help you find answers."

"The gods have their reasons," is Tor's response. The conviction behind his statement is strong, and I know he fully believes what he's saying. Vaeril, however, is not convinced.

Spinning to face the tribesman, he bares his teeth as a low growl emits from his chest. "Well, I don't believe in your gods."

Although Tor hardly moves, he suddenly seems to grow, filling the room as he stares down at Vaeril threateningly.

Sighing, I raise my hands to my head and rub my temples. "Guys, now is not the time for this."

Quick as a switch, Tor is back to normal. "You're right, Clarissa." Turning his back on the still hissing elf, he closes the gap between us. Vaeril straightens, offended at the action, but thankfully, he doesn't say anything and just watches the tribesman with narrowed eyes.

Wrapping his arms around me, he presses a kiss to my lips, only pulling away when Vaeril coughs loudly. He tries to hide his smile of amusement as he steps back, but he doesn't quite manage it. "Good luck with the wood elves." He looks more somber now, and I'm about to ask what's wrong when he starts to speak again. "When you get back, I have more to tell you."

"More?" My tone is dismayed. Why can't he tell me now? Every time people say they need to tell me something, it changes my life. Can't I just live happily without any more revelations?

"I know, but I promise I'll tell you when you return." He takes my hand and kisses the back of it, his eyes tender as he explains, "This has to be done in the right order."

With that cryptic comment, he releases my hand and walks to the door, his eyes flicking to Vaeril once before he leaves.

The door shuts with a finality that suddenly makes me nervous. Vaeril is watching me with a neutral expression, and I can't tell what he's feeling from the connection between us. Elves are territorial, and I've already seen what he was like with Eldrin that one time, except he seemed surprisingly okay about it when Tor was here. Now that it's just the two of us, however, his silence is making me uneasy.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," I finally say, carefully watching his expression.

This seems to break the tension between us. Sighing, he shakes his head as he walks towards me, his eyes softening as he takes in my anxious expression. He reaches out and pulls me to his chest, wrapping his arms around me. "Don't apologise, Alina ," he murmurs against my skin as he rests his head on my shoulder. "If he is right and you are destined, then it's not your fault that you're drawn to him." His voice is reluctant, but he's much calmer than I'd expected him to be. Feeling my surprise through the bond, he lifts his head and gives me a wry smile. "I don't like it, and I'm not sure I fully believe him, but I don't blame you for your feelings."

His words bring tears to my eyes, and I blink rapidly to stop them from falling. The fact that he would accept it, for me, means something I hadn't dared to hope for could be possible.

I might not have to choose.

"I am pleased I was able to pay him back for interrupting us before. Do you remember?" he asks, his mouth quirking into a smile as he skims his hands over my hips before raising one to cup my cheek.

As if I could forget that, it's engraved into my thoughts , my brain muses, not that I'm going to tell him that . "I remember," I whisper instead, leaning forward to close the distance between our lips.

"Knock, knock!" Naril's cheery voice calls out a second before my door flies open and he strolls in. His smile widens when he sees us, a look of delight lighting up his whole face. "Oh, did I interrupt something?" he queries coyly, grinning as I glare at him and try to untangle myself from Vaeril, who just emits a long-suffering sigh.

When neither of us replies, he looks around the room, frowning as he sees my small bag waiting by the door. "Wait, is this all you're taking?"

I feel slightly frazzled as I try to control the blush that's burning my cheeks from being walked in on twice with two different guys in the span of about fifteen minutes. My arousal is still bubbling hot through my veins. As if he can sense it, Vaeril sends me a smouldering look that does nothing to help my blush. Ignoring him, I turn to face Naril and gesture towards the bag. "You told me to pack light."

"Because I was expecting you to want to bring your whole wardrobe!" he counters, scowling as he grabs the bag and starts to rifle through the contents.

I'm sure I should be offended, but I can't find it in me to be bothered about it. Possessions have never been hugely important to me. "I don't own much, even the gowns are borrowed," I reply, running my hands down the beautiful, deep purple riding gown I'm wearing today. Finding the wardrobe full of the beautiful dresses when I first arrived was a shock, but I knew better than to assume they were mine. Although I had been stunned at the quality of second-hand items, most of which looked like they had never been worn.

Vaeril frowns as he leans against the wall, looking completely unaffected by our almost kiss just moments ago. "Everything in that wardrobe is yours."

This causes a frown of my own. "But I haven't bought anything," I argue, not bothering to tell him that I wouldn't be able to afford it even if I tried. "I thought I was just borrowing someone's dresses…" Trailing off, I realise what he's implying as he shakes his head. Memories of maids bringing in reams of fabric and all the dresses that always seem to fit me perfectly flash through my mind.

"No, I bought them for you." He wants to smile at my outraged look, but he's trying very hard to keep it locked behind his neutral mask. Naril snorts from behind me, but I ignore him as he walks over to my wardrobe and throws open the doors with a bang.

"Vaeril! Why didn't you tell me?" I demand, instantly feeling guilty over having not thanked him for my clothing or having even thought about where the clothing had come from. When did I become so used to having such beautiful attire that I didn't even think about it? "How much do I owe you?" I ask, although the only money I have to give him is what he's given me. "I don't have much, but I will find a way to pay you back—"

"Because of this, Clarissa!" Pushing away from the wall, he closes the distance between us. "I didn't want you to feel like you owe me."

"I do owe you!" I counter, my hands gesturing to everything around me. "All of this… I never thought it was possible. You've given me all of this. How could I ask you to do anything else for me?"

"You're my mate," he responds simply, taking my hand in his, and my nerves calm as soon as he's touching me. "You saved my life." The way he says it makes it sound so easy, so simple. "I would give up everything if it meant you would be happy."

As though we're two magnets unable to stay apart, we're pulled together, our bodies wrapping around each other. The bond is singing in my chest at our proximity, my heart fluttering at his words and how much they mean to me. Thankfully, I don't have to say them back because he can sense them, but I would. I'd go through everything in my past again if it meant I could help any of the men in my life.

"As entertaining as this is," Naril drawls, his arms full of clothing as he strolls towards my bag on the bed, where the previously packed items are strewn everywhere, "if we want to leave before the queen insists on seeing us off, we need to get going."

With a huff of frustration, Vaeril steps away with a regretful smile. "He's right, we need to go."

Nodding, I straighten my dress, walk over to my bag, and try to sort out the mess Naril has made. Realising that will take too long, I just start stuffing the clothing into the bag with Naril tutting over my shoulder. Finally managing to wrestle it closed, I sling it over my shoulder and realise someone's missing. "Where's Eldrin?"

The silence following my question lasts for a beat too long. "He's not coming," Naril replies, his face carefully neutral as I spin to face him. He only ever wears that expression when he doesn't want me to know what he's thinking.

"What? Why?" I demand, concern turning my stomach. We'd planned for all of us to go together since there are safety in numbers, but we also didn't want to leave anyone behind to bear the brunt of the queen's anger at our sudden departure. Is it because of me he's not coming, or is there something else that's stopping him? Vaeril's grim expression confirms my suspicion.

"He has to stay behind. The queen denied permission for him to travel, but she has given it for the rest of us," he explains, and although his voice is even, I can tell he disagrees with the decision.

Anger flares up inside me. Why would she stop him from travelling other than to cause us problems? She must have found out we planned to leave today, and in her anger towards me, made things difficult for us. I'm surprised she's not trying to stop Vaeril from going. Voicing my question, his expression darkens.

"She knows she can't stop me, especially now that she's recognised us as mates. The only way she could stop me is if there's a safety issue. She ordered you to visit the wood elves, she had to have expected me to go with you."

Naril has tried to explain the rules about mates to me, and I'm still trying to get my head around them. However, the one thing I did pick up on was how sacred the mating bond is, and not even the queen can keep mates separate for long. Although something Vaeril said sticks with me.

"A safety issue. Is that why she stopped Eldrin from coming with us?" I question with sudden clarity, remembering the problem with the border he's been dealing with.

Naril nods, his face uncharacteristically solemn. "She used the rebels as the excuse, but really, she has the right to deny him permission without having to give a reason," he answers. "He's not your mate, after all." He looks directly at me as he says this, and there's an accusation in his tone that confuses me, but I'm not about to delve into that right now.

"Then why are we leaving so early if she's okay with us going?" I inquire, confused at our early start and secrecy when she already knows.

Vaeril shakes his head once. "I don't trust her not to cause a scene as we leave."

This makes sense. From what little I know of the queen, I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to do just that. With one last look around the room, I shift the weight of the bag on my shoulder.

"Oh, before we go, I found this outside your door. Do you have an admirer?" Naril smirks as he hands me a small package.

Ignoring his comment, I turn it in my hands and remove the fabric covering to expose the gift inside. It's about the size of my palm and looks to be made of wood and metal. A small dial sits in the center with little arrows, and all around the item are beautiful, intricately carved images. I've never seen anything like it.

"What is it?" Vaeril asks, coming closer to peer over my shoulder.

"I'm not sure," I admit, and a little noise of surprise escapes me as the dial starts to move. The arrows spin before pausing for a second, only to start moving once again.

"It's a wayfinder," Vaeril says with shock, and as I glance up, his face looks as surprised as he sounds. Even Naril appears astonished and comes closer to have a look at the gift. I have no idea what it is, but thankfully I'm saved from having to ask. "It's an invention of the sea elves, one they are very secretive about. It helps navigate where you need to go. Their unique magic is imbued into it." He looks at the item with awe, and I get the impression this unassuming object is more important than I realise.

Plucking the wayfinder from my hands, Naril raises it up to his eyes, squinting as he examines it. I can't help but notice that the arrow stopped moving as soon as he took it from me. Letting out a whistle of appreciation, he hands it back to me. "I wouldn't let the queen know you have this, she's wanted one for decades. In fact, it's been a bit of a sticking point with her," he warns. Nodding, I wrap the wayfinder carefully back up in the fabric and remove my bag from my shoulder to put it safely away. No way am I going to leave it here unattended.

Naril watches me, his confusion evident. "But why would the sea elves give you one?"

Ignoring his emphasis on the ‘you,' I shrug my shoulders as if it's obvious. "The sea elf I helped yesterday. They must have given it to me as a gift."

I act casual, but my heart is glowing. They gifted me with something they made. Grayson and Vaeril have given me things like clothing and safe spaces, but I've never had anything given to me in thanks before.

I hope I get to see them again so I can thank them , I think to myself, but I have a horrible, bone deep feeling that I won't get that opportunity, that I won't be coming back here again for a long time. Taking a deep breath, I push those feelings away.

"For them to have given it to you…they have never given one to anyone who's not a sea elf before." Vaeril is still watching me intently as he speaks, and I get the impression he's implying something.

"What does that mean?" Silence meets my words, and I look between the two pensive elves. Their silence only makes me anxious. Is this a bad thing? Why is this such a big deal?

Naril is the one who finally answers me. "It means they recognise you as one of their own."