Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

" I do not think that I can do this."

"Of course you can." Lady Lymington smiled and urged her gently forward, one hand to the small of her back. "He is your betrothed now. You must be seen in public."

"But… but they have all been whispering about me," Prudence answered, her voice trembling. "Mama, I am sure that Lord Childers must know of it by now."

"And if he does, then all is well for you are going to wed regardless. He has assured you of that, has he not?"

Prudence nodded but still stayed back by the carriage, aware that Lord Childers was now looking towards her but finding it too difficult to take even the smallest step towards him.

"What will he think of me?"

"My dear." With a sigh, Lady Lymington turned around to face her, grasping both of Prudence's hands in hers. "Listen to me. The time for fear and upset is over. You have found yourself a match and though he is not the most excellent of gentlemen, he is a gentleman with a high title, with a good fortune, and with a promise that he shall reform himself. Do you think that you can consider that, rather than being fearful about your past?" Prudence swallowed tightly. "And I shall also remind you that he is a rogue," her mother added, perhaps seeing that Prudence was still reluctant. "Or certainly was a rogue! He has promised to reform himself, and I do believe that you can trust him in that, given what he has proven so far by his behavior. Yes, what you did was foolish and did bring you some consequences, but I am quite certain that it will not be severe enough for a rogue like him to not be able to forgive! And I am quite happy to remind him about such a thing, should there be any sort of concern." Prudence laughed at this, feeling some of her tension fade. Perhaps her mother was right. Perhaps she could bring herself to trust Lord Childers and, even as she told him about her past, believe that it would not be severe enough for him to step away from her. "Go, now. He is waiting for you."

Swallowing hard, Prudence began to move forward, her chest tight as she saw him smile. There was a kindness in his eyes that reached out to her heart, a tenderness warming his expression which pulled away even more of her worry.

"I am glad that you came to me," he said, as she reached him. "I was afraid that you would stay by the carriage, and I would be without you for my walk through the park!"

Prudence flushed.

"I am sorry, I–"

"I am only teasing." Lord Childers gave her a wry smile. "Perhaps I ought not to have said such a thing. I can understand your concern, my dear lady. The ton can be a monstrous beast, can it not? And this is our first time walking together since the news of our betrothal was made known."

"Which was only two days ago, and yet I have heard that the gossip and the rumors have already been rushing around London." Prudence squeezed her eyes closed for a moment. "My friend, Miss Rockwell, told me of it. Not so that I would feel terribly bad or afraid, however, simply so that I was aware of it."

He smiled.

"I understand. Though we can ignore all that is said now, I am sure."

"Even what Lord Kingshill has been saying?"

Prudence watched Lord Childers as she spoke, waiting to see if there was a flicker of understanding in his eyes, something there that told her that he understood exactly what she was talking about.

There was nothing.

"I do not know if Lord Kingshill has said a word as yet," Lord Childers told her, offering her his arm. "Shall we walk, Lady Prudence?" She took it and nodded, finding her mouth going dry as she fought to find the words to tell him all about what she had done. They would not come, however, her fears grew bigger and bigger with every step they took. "I should like to make it very clear that you do not have to tell me anything," Lord Childers said, softly. "If it is troubling you so severely, then I will not require you to tell me anything."

Prudence's heart leaped.

"You do not want to know?"

"It is not that I have no interest, for to say otherwise would be a lie," Lord Childers answered, still speaking in a very gentle manner, "but only to say that if it would bring you more distress and upset, then I would be contented for you not to tell me of it. I will not turn away from you whether I know of it or not."

The kindness and the trust he showed her were so great that Prudence felt like weeping. She wanted to hold her secret tight to her chest, wanted to pretend that she had nothing to tell him and thus, keep her past and all that she had done solely to herself, but her conscience would not let her. Here was this gentleman, generous enough in his consideration of her to let her keep all she wished to herself, offering her such a great amount of trust that she had no other choice but to respond in kind.

"I believe that you will not step away from me, even if I tell you this," she said, breathlessly, as Lord Childers nodded. "I do not want to have anything between us. I do not want to have any secrets and nor do I want to have you hear any rumors which have no real truth to them. Therefore, I will tell you the true reason behind my standing as a wallflower."

"Thank you."

Glancing around her for fear that there would be others who overheard her, Prudence took another breath – and then another, for her fears began to cling tightly to her heart, telling her not to say anything to him, demanding that she keep her secret.

She spoke anyway.

"I was determined to marry well," she began, her voice shaking as she fought to even so much as glance at him. "I am the daughter of an Earl and, therefore, I thought that I should marry a rank above myself. I wanted to marry a Marquess or even a Duke." Heat climbed up into her cheeks. "It may have been foolish and mayhap I ought to have simply considered my happiness rather than my standing, but that was where my determination lay."

"I am sure that many a young lady would think the same thing," Lord Childers said, shrugging lightly. "You cannot be the only young lady with such a desire."

"Indeed, but they would not all have done as I did." Closing her eyes for a moment, Prudence attempted to bolster her courage. "Lord Childers, I did something so unspeakably wrong, society should have turned its back on me completely. It is only by sheer good fortune that the ton did not know of it in its entirety, though some certainly did."

Lord Childers reached out his free hand and settled it on hers for just a moment.

"Remember, you do not need to tell me."

"But I want to," Prudence murmured, her stomach twisting as she kept her gaze away from him still. "I do not want there to be any secrets between us." With another breath, she set her shoulders and let her free hand curl tightly into a fist. "I found a gentleman who I thought I should like to marry. He was a Marquess, well-mannered, and with a good fortune, but though I tried to catch his attention, I quickly realized that there were too many young ladies within the ton who were doing the same thing as I. Thus," she continued, her heart pounding and filling her veins with a twisting anxiety, "I determined that I should force a match between us, by having society find us in a somewhat… compromising position."

Lord Childers turned his head towards her sharply and Prudence dropped hers so that she could not even see him out of the corner of her eye.

"I see."

He said nothing more and Prudence, daring to glance at him, saw him frown.

"I did not succeed, of course," she finished, wanting to have her confession completed just as soon as she could. "The gentleman was unaware of my intentions and did not know at all what had happened."

"How could that be?"

Wincing, Prudence turned her head away entirely, her fingers curling tightly.

"I – I purchased something which I placed within his brandy glass," she whispered, wondering if he could hear her. "I was able to lead him to a quiet room without his awareness and then I waited in the hope of being discovered. And, what is worse," she added, knowing that this was the last thing for her to say, "I attempted to do so on more than one occasion. And none of my attempts succeeded. However, the ton were aware that I had done something on that first occasion, and thus I became a wallflower."

"And you thought that, if you forced this match, then you would be able to regain your position," Lord Childers said slowly, as Prudence nodded, still unable to look at him. "Might I ask if you had any particular feelings for the gentleman?"

"No, none!" Prudence exclaimed, her eyes finding his in an instant. "It was not about emotion. It was never about what I felt or what he felt for me. Instead, all that I thought about was my social standing and my requirement for a suitable match."

Lord Childers let out a breath and then shook his head, his eyes now turned to the path rather than to her.

"Well, out of all that I had thought you might say, that was not something I had anticipated!"

Shame burned into Prudence's heart.

"But if I were to tell you all of my past wrongdoings, then I can assure you, you would feel as though you were nothing but an angel," he continued, turning his head towards her as a smile pulled at his lips. "Thank you for telling me, Lady Prudence. I am grateful to know of it."

She blinked at him.

"That… that is all that you are going to say?"

Lord Childers' eyebrows lifted.

"Is there something else that you should like me to say to you?"

Utterly astonished, Prudence stared at him for a long moment, no longer walking but simply standing by his side, gazing up into his face and seeing that it was just as he said. He had no anger, no upset, and certainly nothing that would express any sort of discontent. Rather, there was a hint of a smile at the edge of his lips and a softness about his eyes which she had never once expected to see.

"I – I do not understand," she whispered, tears of gratitude in her eyes. "I was sure that you would turn away from me, that even though you might be true to your word and marry me still, you would look at me in a very different light."

Lord Childers shrugged his shoulders again.

"It is not as severe as you might think, Lady Prudence. It is not as though I can dare to hold anything against you either, given my past!" Smiling down into her eyes, he took in a long breath and then lifted her hand to press it to his lips. A gentle kiss settled there, and Prudence's heart warmed, her whole body free now of the worry and the anxiety that had tied itself around her for the last few days.

"There now," he murmured, tilting his head to look at her. "It is all out in open now, is it not? There is nothing that you need to worry about any longer. We will marry, we will live at my estate, and I shall give you all of my time, attention, and devotion, proving to you that I truly am a reformed rogue."

"I already am convinced of that," she breathed, wishing desperately that her mother was not nearby and that they were somewhere alone simply so that she might throw herself into his arms. "I trust you, Lord Childers, truly. My heart is overwhelmed by all that you have offered me, by all that you have given me, and I cannot help but be grateful for it."

"As I am grateful for you!" he exclaimed, stepping a little closer. "The only reason I have changed, the only reason I have turned from my previous ways is because of you. You have captured me, Prudence. You have captured me utterly and I cannot imagine being without you by my side."

"But what if Lord Kingshill speaks of this to everyone? What if the ton believe him?"

Lord Childers smiled.

"What should that matter to us? We are contented, are we not? We will find happiness and joy at our estate and, in time, whatever Lord Kingshill chooses to say will be forgotten. Though," he continued, a grin creeping up one side of his mouth, "I do believe that after all that you said, the ton will be all the less likely to listen to him! You did well there, Prudence."

"I thank you."

With a nod, Lord Childers turned, and they began to walk again, though Prudence let out a long, contented sigh of relief as she did so. The air smelled sweeter, the sky seemed lighter, and the sun even warmer than before, and all because she had told Lord Childers everything. He had accepted her regardless, had not held anything against her, and now, all there was in her future was hope and happiness. She could barely take it in.

"Oh!" She stopped dead, turning to look at Lord Childers, her eyes wide. "There is something else I forgot to tell you about."

Lord Childers blew out a breath and ran one hand over his forehead.

"Really? What can it be?"

Blushing, Prudence waved one hand vaguely.

"It is nothing overly serious, I suppose. It is only to say that the gentleman I thought to capture, the one that I thought to marry? He is now wed to my sister." At this, Lord Childers mouth fell open, and Prudence could not help but laugh. After a moment, he began to laugh with her, though there was evident relief in his expression as he did so. "There is nothing more, I assure you!" she cried, as she slipped her hand through his arm so they might walk arm in arm for a time. "That is all that I have to say."

"I will not pretend that I am not both surprised and relieved!" Lord Childers chuckled, leaning into her just a little as they walked together again. "But if you are sure that you did not ever have a small amount of feeling for him, then–"

"I have never once felt anything for Lord Newling, I assure you," Prudence interrupted, her heart quickening suddenly as she looked up into his eyes again. "The only gentleman that I have ever considered in such a way, the only one who has ever affected my heart in that particular manner is… well, it is you, Lord Childers."

The smile that spread across his face now shone light into his eyes and made Prudence's heart sing with happiness.

"You have brought about the same feelings within my own heart, Prudence," he told her, softly. "And I am certain that, by the time we marry, it shall overflow with both affection and love."