Prologue

Prologue

" Q uite frankly, I do not think that your sister should even have permitted you to attend this wedding." Prudence swallowed hard, her stomach twisting sharply. She had no answer for that, for her mother's words were quite correct. She had done a great deal to injure her sister and her now husband, and it had all come from a place of utter selfishness. "The fact that you stood there beside her, watching her marry Lord Newling, speaks of their forgiving hearts and their generous spirits," Lady Lymington continued, her lip curling just a little as she turned towards Prudence again. "I hope that you will never do such a foolish thing again."

Tears sprang into Prudence's eyes and though she nodded, she could not hold her mother's gaze, looking away instead. Part of her hoped that her mother would speak softly to her, that there would come a tenderness, and perhaps even an understanding, now that she had berated her but, instead, Lady Lymington let out a small exclamation and, turning on her heel, went out of the drawing room and left Prudence alone.

The pain which lanced through Prudence's heart was so great that it was difficult for her to contain herself. Tears began to drop to her cheeks and Prudence covered her face with her hands, sinking down into the soft cushions of the couch behind her.

I have never felt more alone.

The difficulty was, Prudence recognized, that this was all her own doing. She had been the one who had tried to force Lord Newling into marrying her rather than marrying her sister. She had seen that Frederica, her sister, had been falling in love with the gentleman, and had found herself torn apart by a burning, furious jealousy which had driven her to work all the harder to force his hand. She had set up a situation not once, but twice in the hope of ensnaring him and yet, she had been found out and had not had any other choice but to admit to it all.

At the time, Prudence had believed herself to be entirely justified in doing as she had done, for she was the eldest daughter, and it was quite right for the eldest to make the best match that she could, before the younger sought a match of her own. She had been frustrated by her father's lack of interest in putting her first, rather than attempting to secure them both a suitable husband and had, at the end of it all, come to a sense of deep anger that she had not been able to succeed.

Now, however, she did not feel even the smallest hint of anger or frustration. Instead, she felt nothing but shame and mortification, wanting to hide herself away from society, and even from her own family. Her mother had berated her almost constantly for what she had done, reminding her of her failings, repeating to her all of the foolish things that she had done and said, so that the weight of it continued to hang over her head. It did not matter that Prudence was truly repentant, that her sorrow was genuine, and her distress ever present, Lady Lymington was quite determined to make her aware of just how much shame she had brought upon the family.

Dropping her hands to her lap, Prudence pulled out her handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes. The tears continued to fall, however, and her chest was tight with sobs as she looked back on all that she had done, and felt herself broken over it. How grateful she was to Frederica and Lord Newling for their forgiveness! She knew it was undeserved, given all that she had done, but they had been willing to offer it to her anyway. There was still hurt, still a brokenness in their relationship which her actions had brought about, but both Frederica and Lord Newling had wanted to make it quite clear that they held no grudge against her. That was why they had insisted that she be a part of the wedding day.

It was difficult for me to hold my head up there, Prudence thought to herself as her tears finally began to dry on her cheeks. Even the good Lord above knows what I have done.

The door opened and Prudence, unable to bear another word of disappointment from her mother, dropped her head, praying that Lady Lymington would not see her tears.

"There you are, Prudence."

Prudence looked up in surprise, seeing her father coming in to join her.

"Papa."

"You did very well today." A kind smile on his face, Lord Lymington sat down on the couch beside her and reached out to press her hand. "I think that you found it all a little trying, did you not?" Unable to help the tears which flooded her eyes again, Prudence nodded but said nothing, her throat contracting. "I am sorry for that, though you must often bring to mind that Lord and Lady Newling hold nothing against you. There has been a healing between all of you, especially since you admitted your wrongdoing and it became clear that you feel regret over what you did."

"I am so sorry," Prudence whispered, unable to trust her voice. "I did not think–"

"You do not need to keep apologizing," her father interrupted, squeezing her hands as his expression gentled. "Please, my dear, do not think that I expect anything more from you. You have said enough! You have made amends to the best of your ability, and I can see that your heart is truly contrite."

Prudence closed her eyes and fresh tears fell.

"Mama does not see it so."

"Your mother is very upset," Lord Lymington answered, though his voice had dropped a little. "I will speak to her, for I can see that this continued reminder of your failings has pained you." He pressed her hand again and then cleared his throat. "Now, what say you to the idea that we return to London next Season and find you a match?"

Prudence blinked furiously, and her breath caught in her chest, as she tried to let her father's words sink in.

"You look surprised." Lord Lymington smiled gently. "You did not think that we would leave you to be a spinster, did you?"

"But I do not deserve such consideration," Prudence replied, her voice still a little hoarse. "Papa, I did so many things that were wrong, I cannot think why you would show me such a kindness."

Lord Lymington let out a small sigh, shook his head and then looked at Prudence for a long moment without speaking. When he did speak again, there was a gentle tenderness in both his voice and his expression which healed a few of the wounds of Prudence's sorrowful heart.

"My dear Prudence, you have done wrong, yes, but your sister and her husband have forgiven it. Your mother and I do not want you to be unhappy. We want you to have the same happiness as Frederica, and we would not withhold that from you."

"But I am still a wallflower," Prudence told him, closing her eyes as a fresh wave of tears threatened. "The first time I was found in close quarters with Lord Newling, the ton believed that I was at fault, and so have rejected me. And now I am sure that society knows of my wicked actions and will turn from me all the more."

Her father shook his head.

"The ton does not know of it all, Prudence," he said, making Prudence's heart leap with a sudden hope. "You may believe it to be so, but I can assure you that you are wrong. The ton has no knowledge about your attempts to force a betrothal between yourself and Lord Newling. The only thing they know is that a wallflower has now married Lord Newling and, I must say, I hope that fact will stand you in good stead now."

"What do you mean?"

Her father shrugged.

"Your sister is now Lady Newling. We are a well-connected family and with this additional connection, I must pray that the ton will, once more, choose to accept you as you are."

Prudence dropped her head, an ache building in her chest. She could not quite take in her father's generosity towards her, could not quite accept that there was to be such forgiveness from him – and an encouragement to her to thereafter go in search of her own happiness. She felt as though she did not deserve any of it, so weighed down was she by the heaviness of her guilt.

"I am certain that, when the Season comes again, you will be able to return to London with a greater confidence than you have had before," Lord Lymington said quietly, releasing Prudence's hand and getting to his feet. "We will wait for the autumn and the winter to come and to pass and, thereafter, we will return to London together and do our level best to find you an excellent gentleman to marry." Bending down just a little, he put one hand on Prudence's shoulder. "Do not let your prior mistakes burn through you day after day after day. Look to the future, my dear Prudence. It is going to be a good deal brighter than the struggle you have now, I assure you." With a smile, Lord Lymington made his way to the door, opened it, and stood in the doorway. "I will have a tea tray sent to you, my dear. I think that you could do with a little refreshment."

Prudence managed to smile as her father nodded and then stepped away, leaving her to consider all that he had said. She got to her feet and went across the room to stand at the window, looking out at her father's grand estate. For so long, she had felt nothing but heaviness within herself, a sadness which had never once faded. Now, however, there was a tiny flicker of hope which began to burn within her. Hope that she might be given another chance to find a suitable match for herself, hope that there could be a little happiness in her future.

Though I am still a wallflower, as I said to Papa.

That thought made Prudence drop her head, her shoulders rounding as fresh tears began to burn at the edges of her eyes. It was her fault that she was a wallflower, her fault that she was no longer encouraged to step into society. Could there truly be any sort of relief for her? Any chance of being seen as a true member of the ton rather than being asked to stand back and hide in the shadows?

"I do not deserve it," she mumbled to herself, managing to blink back her tears. Her guilt was still much too great, her heart still weighed with regret and sorrow. Could she have even the smallest hope that she might find happiness? Or would the weight of regret and shame push her down, hold her back, and keep her away as a consequence of all the wicked things she had done?